Picnics in Hyde Park

by Nikki Moore

  His green eyes fixed like lasers on her confused face. He went whiter still and swayed, dropping to sit on the gravel like his legs could no longer hold him.

  ‘Matt!’ Zoe crouched down. What was going on here? ‘You’re scaring me.’ Putting a hand on the back of his neck to check his temperature she saw it was warm to the touch, but not boiling. ‘Are you ill? You don’t feel that hot.’ She sat down next to him, rearranging her skirt so the stones wouldn’t cut into her legs.

  ‘No.’ Raising his head, he gazed at her. ‘Please don’t ever get into my car with my children when you’re angry, Zoe,’ he begged. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I won’t block you in again.’

  ‘Angry? What?’ Whatever was going on here she needed to know. For all their sakes. He looked haunted. This was not possessiveness over his car or about proving a point about whose driveway it was. Her eyes were unwavering as they met his. ‘I was annoyed, but I wasn’t angry. I just wanted to fulfil my promise to the kids, but you’re acting as if I’m committing some crime.’ He flinched at her words, skin becoming paler if possible, and she felt another twisting pang of unwanted concern. ‘Why did you react like that?’ She squeezed his neck, knowing she should let go, stop touching him, but it was like a magnetic force was joining them together. She thought over the last few minutes. The kids, the car, his comments. ‘Is this about what happened to Helen?’ she queried calmly. ‘Was she upset with you before she got in the car? Before the accident? I am so, so sorry if the situation reminded you of that, but I swear I would never drive in a temper, or hurt the kids. Whatever happened back then—’

  ‘Please don’t start telling me you understand how I feel,’ Matt interjected, eyes bleak. ‘You don’t know a thing.’

  ‘What you feel?’ She lost her cool a little at that. Forgetting the barriers between them as employee and employer, too cross to care. ‘Do you actually feel anything? You’re so closed off sometimes. No wonder Aimee is so reserved.’

  The statement fell into the silence between them like a dead weight, an albatross hanging around their necks.

  ‘Excuse me?’ his voice was hoarse, as if she’d caused him real injury.

  ‘You know what I’m talking about,’ she whispered. ‘She’s closed off Matt, just like you are.’

  ‘Aimee’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with her,’ he uttered, but his eyes were shadowed.

  He had his head stuck in the sand if he believed what he was saying. She finally lifted her hand from his neck, craving the warmth of his skin straight away. ‘There’s being introverted and quiet, Matt, but that’s not what this is. She’s getting there, but it’s still like she’s afraid to show emotions sometimes. I’m not saying this to be horrible, I’m just trying to help.’ She gazed at the eggshell blue sky, because it was easier than looking at his gorgeous but hurt face. ‘Kids learn behaviours from the role models around them. They’re sensitive creatures.’ Turning back to him. ‘Can’t you see how much they need you? How much they want to be shown love? You need to show them that it’s okay to feel, to have emotions. I’m not just saying this with my nanny hat on, I have personal experience.’

  ‘I love my children, Zoe,’ he answered, the passion in his voice clear, ‘and I want the best for them. I would do anything for them, including leaving my comfort zone. So if you say I need to try harder then I will, but I have been trying, honestly. It’s just not bloody easy, is it?’ Frustration came through his husky voice. He cupped a hand around her jaw, his thumb stroking her cheek, and shuffled closer. ‘And if I’m unfeeling, then why do I want to do this?’

  Before she had time to answer he lowered his head and kissed her. It was tender with a hint of restrained need that drove her wild. Everything she’d imagined it would be and more. His lips shaped hers, tongue slipping into her mouth and sliding sexily against hers. She sighed, sinking into him and kissing him back, murmuring at how good and right it felt. Tingles flowed up and down her spine, boobs swelling and straining towards him, waiting for his touch. Her hands went to his broad shoulders, wanting to push him away, knowing in a dim corner of her mind it was the sensible thing to do and that it should feel weird kissing anyone but Greg. Instead, her fingers clung to his muscular neck and she edged closer to his tall, hot body.

  With a rough sound he yanked her onto his lap, pulling his head back enough so that his teeth could nibble her bottom lip. The warm tingles turned into a full on fire, and she wiggled on his thighs, aware of his hardness against her. Lust throbbed between her thighs and if he’d suggested in that moment they go upstairs and get naked, she’d have agreed in a heartbeat.

  This was Matt. It was wrong, and God knew she had reason to dislike him, but there was something about him that kept drawing her back, sucking her in, and he was so outrageously sexy her hormones took over. She tipped her head back and his hands curled around her narrow waist, hauling her nearer.

  Her hands climbed from his shoulders to the back of his head and into his hair, grasping handfuls of it to hold him tight. She kissed him back with everything she had, completely absorbed in him. She could smell fresh, spicy male scent rising from his stubble coated neck, could feel the thick silkiness of his hair beneath her palms, the rasp of his tongue against hers.

  It was incredibly hot, searing and absorbing. The best kiss she’d ever experienced.

  And just as abruptly as it had started, it ended.

  Matt suddenly tore his mouth from hers. ‘Shit!’ he said dazedly. ‘We’re in broad daylight. If we got photographed now, necking like a pair of teenagers…’ he shook his head. Depositing her carefully on the gravel, he scrambled to his feet, hauling her up with one hand. He put his hands on his hips, chest rising and falling rapidly. His eyes flickered over her generous breasts, clearly peaked beneath the thin cotton of her top. She blushed, struggling to come back to reality, praying her knees would hold her up.

  Dark colour ran along his cheekbones. ‘I’m sorry, Zoe. I shouldn’t have done that. Look, take the Prius, and have a great day with the kids.’ He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘I need to get back to work.’

  ‘Matt—’ she stepped towards him.

  ‘I’ll send the kids out to you.’ Turning on his heel, he took the concrete stairs two at a time, leaving her standing in the middle of the driveway. Wondering what had just happened between them and what it meant.

  10

  Zoe cupped her hands around her mouth. ‘Aimee! Jasper! You’ve had your extra ten minutes,’ on top of the twenty they’d begged for previously, so reluctant to leave the fun behind and head back to London, ‘it’s time to go home now! They’re closing for the night. If you’re not careful you’ll get locked in with the spiders and snakes!’

  Smiling, she watched Aimee grab her brother’s arm and start towing him to the entrance of the kids Adventure Castle area where Zoe waited on a bench, basking in the balmy evening sunshine. Jasper looked longingly over his shoulder then gave in, trudging as slowly as humanly possible back to his nanny.

  Getting her phone out, she texted Matt a quick message.

  Hi. Stayed longer

  than planned.

  Just leaving.

  Back around 8

  if traffic’s good.

  Z.

  She didn’t necessarily expect an answer. The previous two texts she’d sent had received no reply. The first had been to let him know they’d reached their destination safely, and the second at lunchtime was to ask how he was and say the kids were having a great time. Tempted to put a P.S. we need to talk at the end of the last one, she was glad she hadn’t bothered when he’d not acknowledged either message. Besides, some conversations definitely needed to be face to face.

  ‘Okay?’ she asked Jasper and Aimee as they walked up to her. ‘Do either of you need the toilet, or are you ready to rock and roll?’

  Jasper looked confused, but Aimee got it. ‘I’m fine. Do you need a wee, Jasper, or can we leave?’

  ‘Oh. No, I’m okay. We can go.’
Looking over his shoulder again regretfully.

  ‘Come on, then.’ She set off for the car through the main courtyard with various closed food stalls, making sure the children followed. ‘Maybe we can come again, another time?’

  ‘Yay!’ Double yells of glee greeted her question, and she grinned.

  They’d had an amazing day at Longleat but it had also been tiring packing so much in, especially with the beating sun so high in the cloudless sky, sweat dripping down their backs and prickly heat making their arms and legs itch. Despite wearing excessive amounts of sun cream and hats, Aimee’s nose was looking distinctly pink and Zoe felt a little frazzled. It was gone six and she was looking forward to getting the drive home over and done with, and tucking the kids into bed. As it was they’d stayed longer than planned and were going to have to stop off for a fast food dinner on the M3 motorway services somewhere.

  It had been worth it though, Zoe thought once they’d loaded the car up and were on their way up the wide, sedate tree-lined road, heading away from the stately elegance of Longleat House. The kids had loved driving around the Safari Park and seeing the animals in the wide grassy spaces and shadowy forests, winding up their windows to ensure they had no unwelcome visitors for the first and last sections. Their favourite was the monkey enclosure with its ‘roof surfing zone’ where the monkeys ran up and leapt onto cars, clambering over them, peering in through the windows and rubbing their rude bits up against the windshields to Jasper’s hysterical delight and Aimee’s wrinkle-nosed disgust. Pulling off aerials and number plates with a self-satisfied air they passed them to one another to play with and hitched rides on car roofs. Thankfully they’d not managed to pull anything valuable off Matt’s car. At the gate a teenage girl with a white stick made sure that park visitors ‘took no extra monkeys home other than the ones they’d arrived with’, a sign that amused Aimee no end.

  They saw enormous rhinos, dun-coloured camels, graceful giraffes and bright pink flamingos. They fed deer through rolled down windows with cups of dusty food, laughing with glee at their tickling rasping tongues and butting heads. They drove through the leafy forest enclosures that housed the lions, tigers and wolves with locked doors and wide eyes at seeing such magnificent animals up close. No activity or enclosure was left unvisited. The gorilla on his solitary island in the middle of the lake with TV for company, seen on the boat trip in Jungle Kingdom, sea lions coming up to the boat and clapping for the fish thrown in by uniformed staff members. Walking through penguins and standing in the enclosure with them, Jasper chortling when one pooed on Aimee’s foot, her face filled with revulsion until Zoe handed her a wipe to clean up. Then there was the winding maze which Zoe solved in a few short minutes, taking the children’s hands and giggling as they raced through high hedge walls. The air in the Butterfly House was heavy and humid, multi-coloured tiny wings flapping gently past them and from there they went into the tarantula and snake handling area that Jasper revelled in, but which made the girls shudder. They wandered around the newly opened exhibit of dinosaur statues complete with sounds, before walking through beautiful gardens packed with flowers and heart-shaped shrubbery.

  The children even enjoyed the grand luxuriant interiors of Longleat House itself, the three of them dressing up in fur-trimmed cloaks and crowns, pretending to be royalty as they swept through the large rooms with rich tapestries and elegant French furniture. The flat manicured lawns and fountains outside were just as pretty and provided a good place to rest and enjoy the ice lollies and fizzy drinks Zoe treated them to, though she knew she was probably going to pay for it when it came to bedtime. She’d just craved a day of innocent, childish fun for them. A special day they might remember when they were older, the way she still remembered and treasured a day trip to a theme park with her parents and sister when she was ten.

  Sitting down with a glass of wine later on was something she was relishing the thought of, Zoe mused as she joined the M3, leaving plenty of space for a lumbering lorry to roar past. It was Friday today so in theory her day off tomorrow. Whether Matt remembered that or not was another matter. So far on weekends, while she curled up on the sofa in her lounge with a series of thrillers she was reading, he’d tended to drift in and out of the house looking sheepish, or arrange for the kids to have play dates with their grandmother or Noel and Holly. Zoe really hoped that Matt wasn’t going to do the same again tomorrow given her conversation with him this morning about the need to show the kids affection.

  As for the incredible kiss they’d shared, it had niggled away at her all day, like a label on a piece of clothing that scratches your neck and drives you half mad until you have no choice but to cut it off.

  One part of her was mortified it’d happened, that it had been so bloody enjoyable, and—this was the worst bit—that she wanted it to happen again. That part told her to forget the plan, pack her bags and get out. That she was edging into dangerous territory like the lion enclosure earlier and should run now before she got torn apart and devoured.

  The other part of her said to stop overreacting, that it had meant nothing, and Matt himself had said it shouldn’t have happened. To stop being so damned wet and just get on with things. The truth was, until she had it out with Matt, she wouldn’t know what the right thing to do was.

  She probably needed some distance and time away from him and the kids after the last few weeks of intensity, so she’d arranged to see Ruth the next day and also sent texts to Rayne and Frankie to ask about a girly night out the following evening. Rayne had texted straight back stating that hell yeah, she was up for it and Adam was a big boy who could amuse himself for the night. Frankie had replied a few hours later, confirming she’d had a cancellation for a party she’d been due to take photos at so she would love to come, her boyfriend Zack offering to drop her off and pick her up. They’d agreed on dinner and drinks, and ‘who knew what else’ after that. Zoe was looking forward to having a proper catch up with her two best friends, and a bit of advice about her current living situation might not go amiss.

  After that, she’d finally got hold of Melody on the phone to see if she would come to London for the night, having a job convincing her that a bit of fun would do her good. When Melody had been reluctant, Zoe had resorted to big sister bossiness and told Mel she was planning to visit Ruth the next day so could bring her back and would eject her sister from Ruth’s sofa forcefully if necessary. And, she added, the two of them needed to talk alone and the drive from Southend back into the capital would give them the opportunity. After a lot of sighs, and I’m not sure’s, Melody had agreed.

  It was gone half eight by the time Zoe pulled up in front of Matt’s house, and by then she was seriously dragging and ready to end the day. Looking at the spot on the gravel driveway where she and Matt had sat and kissed, she shivered, flushing all over. Bugger, how was she going to keep it together when she actually faced him? Peering around the front door and listening for her boss as Jasper and Aimee clattered in ahead of her, she was relieved when it was quiet. A few minutes to settle herself would be good. Sloping into the hallway, she slid the Prius keys into the bowl Matt usually kept them in, and set the picnic hamper on the floor.

  The door of Matt’s office flew open and he stuck his head out. Zoe had to hold back a laugh because it reminded her of the inquisitive meerkats they’d seen earlier at Longleat.

  ‘How was your day?’ he asked them all. ‘What did you get up to?’

  She groaned, shaking her head. That was a mistake; the kids would be talking for hours. As their excited chatter and descriptions filled the high ceilinged passage, Jasper doing his habitual hopping on the spot, Zoe picked up the basket again. ‘I’ll just go and empty this out in the kitchen.’

  ‘Hang on kids. Everything okay, Zoe?’ Matt caught her arm as she passed him.

  Fixing her gaze on his left ear and ignoring the tingle where their skin touched, she forced a smile. ‘Yes, fine. They’ve been really well behaved. It’s been a long day, that’s all.�
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  ‘All right. Well, you do that and I’ll take them upstairs to start getting ready for bed.’

  ‘Oh, Matt, that would be great, thanks. I’ll be up in five.’

  ‘No problem. It’s getting late and I don’t expect you to be on duty at this time of night,’ he joked.

  She stared at him. He was so calm and collected, whereas she was a bag of nerves thinking about their kiss. He’d been telling the truth; it really had meant nothing. She should be happy and relieved, but instead she felt flat. Jerking her arm from under his hand, ‘I won’t be long.’

  He looked puzzled. ‘Okay. Right kids,’ he clapped his hands, ‘upstairs.’ He motioned them ahead of him.’ So what was your favourite part of the day?’ she heard him ask as they disappeared up to the first floor together.

  Her shoulders slumped as she emptied the picnic hamper, dividing the contents between the recycling and food waste bins, and the fridge. What on earth was wrong with her, that she should find Matt’s carefree attitude upsetting? The best case scenario was that they forget the kiss ever happened, and she finished what she’d started here.

  Telling herself to grow up and get over it, once she was done she made her way upstairs, amused to find Matt stood in the hallway between the children’s rooms with a lost expression on his face. Trying to convince them to settle down, change into PJ’s and brush their teeth, he turned to her with his hands out, what do I do now?

  ‘Need some help?’ she raised an eyebrow, taking pity on him.

  Yes, please, he mouthed.

  ‘Right, you two,’ pitching her voice higher to get their attention, she held direct eye contact with each of them for a few seconds. ‘We’ve had a brilliant day, but now it’s time for bed. If you want to do something like that again, you need to show us that you’ll behave once back home. Let’s go. Hurry up. Who can win Zoe’s night time challenge?’