by Nikki Moore
‘Morning, Zoe,’ Aimee skipped into the kitchen fully dressed, hair combed into a neat ponytail. ‘Morning, Daddy.’ Putting a book down on the breakfast bar, she walked around the counter and put her arms around his waist.
‘Morning. Did you sleep okay?’ Returning the hug, he looked down into her face as she pulled away.
‘Yes, thanks.’
‘What are you reading?’
‘The first Harry Potter book. I really enjoyed the studio tour but realised I’ve only seen the films, so wanted to read the books too.’
‘That’s a great idea,’ Zoe said, slipping past the two of them and heading for the door, ridiculously pleased to see the new ease of affection between father and child. ‘Let me know how you get on. I’m off out for the day. Have a good one.’
‘Were you saying something, Zoe?’ Matt asked as Aimee clambered onto a stool.
‘Nothing important. It doesn’t matter.’ There was no way she was having this conversation in front of Aimee, it would have to wait until another opportunity to speak with him alone came up.
‘Doing anything nice today?’
‘I’m going to a few galleries and lunch with—’ she almost said my sister, but held back at the last moment. It would create questions she wasn’t prepared to answer in front of his daughter. She paused, wanting to be honest with him about at least one thing. ‘With someone I haven’t spent quality time with in a while,’ she finished, smiling sadly. ‘You know there are those people you drift away from sometimes that if you spend a few hours with it’ll be like you were never apart? Today I’m seeing one of those people.’
‘I’ve never really experienced that. I’ve never had enough people in my life to drift away from.’
‘That’s sad, Daddy,’ Aimee said seriously, in the act of picking up her book. ‘You need more friends.’
Matt’s face relaxed and he laughed. Zoe couldn’t help but join in.
‘Yep, I probably do,’ he agreed, leaning across the breakfast bar to run a hand over her silky auburn hair. ‘But as well as Noel and Stephen, I’ve got Zoe now too, right?’
‘Yes,’ Aimee beamed.
Zoe bit the inside of her cheeks. What’d happened to the boss-employee relationship? Since when had she become his friend? The problem was, she couldn’t deny it. The last thing he felt like was her employer. ‘I’ve gotta go,’ she muttered, stepping backwards. ‘Tell Jasper I said good morning when he gets out of bed.’
‘Will do.’ Matt picked up his coffee, the action stretching his top across his toned chest.
God, the man was so hot he was virtually on fire.
‘Will you be home for dinner?’ he asked as she turned to leave.
‘I don’t know. I may stay out late. Don’t wait for me. In fact,’ maybe time away from him would be a good idea and Ruth might be willing to put her up for one night now they were on better terms, ‘I might not be back until the morning.’
‘Right,’ a nerve pulsed in his jaw, eyes narrowing. ‘Well, you’re an adult. It’s your decision.’
Zoe pulled a puzzled face. Why was he being so weird about it? It was her day off tomorrow too.
He cleared his throat as Aimee gave him a look that echoed her nanny’s. ‘Never mind,’ he said. ‘Will you uh, be back in time to come to Hyde Park for a picnic with us tomorrow?’
‘You want to do that? Even with…?’ she gestured to the newspaper by his elbow.
Aimee cast an anxious look between them, ‘Yes, Zoe, you’ve got to come. Pleeeeeease? Jasper will want you too as well.’
‘I’m not going to let them stop me living my life,’ Matt answered. ‘The kids enjoy it, so that’s the only thing I need to know. We’ll just have to get better at disguises.’
‘Disguises?’ Aimee wrinkled her nose.
‘I’ll tell you about it later,’ he squeezed his daughter’s shoulder.
‘Okay, if I stop out, I’ll be back in time for the picnic,’ Zoe agreed, not sure if it was the best idea. ‘See you later.’
As she ran to her room to pack an overnight bag, the newspaper article weighed heavily on her mind. She thought about the softness in Matt’s face as he gazed down at her in the main photo, and the other picture of them together with the kids, playing happy families. She thought about her reasons for coming here and the way she’d grown to care about Matt and his children. Then she thought about the fact she wasn’t being honest with him and how the concept of leaving them caused her real, visceral pain and a sense of loss so acute it made her want to double over.
Physical disguises weren’t the only type, she realised. There were emotional ones too; you could hide the truth from yourself as well as other people.
The next week passed in a flurry of activity which included taking the kids to the uniform shop to get ready for school. They were due to start on the Wednesday following Jasper’s party, so she was in danger of running out of time. Matt was busy finishing a project in order to have Saturday off for the party, so Zoe took them alone. Nearly crying with pride when Jasper came out of the changing room looking both incredibly grown up while still just a baby, she sent Matt a photo of him in the grey trousers and red polo top with the emblem of the infant school on the chest. He was so impossibly cute in the outfit with his rounded cheeks and big green eyes.
Just look at how adorable
your son is. Having a
#proudnanny moment
right now. Z :-)
Sorry I couldn’t be
there, but having a
#ProudDad moment
too. Will ask him
about it over dinner.
M :-)
p.s. don’t cook tonight,
will treat us to a take away.
Aimee walked around the shop solemnly, picking out grey tights and gingham red hair bands to go with the white blouse, red jumper and grey skirt Zoe had already set aside with the help of a knowledgeable staff member. Remarking to her nanny that she was looking forward to going back to school to learn more, Aimee added pencils, a maths set and notebooks to the pile with a pleased expression that was utterly adorable.
How was she ever going to leave them? Zoe agonised.
Now it was the day of Jasper’s birthday party and she wasn’t any closer to an answer. There had been no chance to speak to Matt alone either. He’d been getting home excruciatingly late from his city studio, or they’d both been with the kids, or organising the party or he’d been down in the basement.
Stepping from the kitchen out onto the decking, Zoe peered up at the clear sky which was so bright it looked leached of colour, unlike the deep blue of the previous few days. The guests had started arriving half an hour before and the party was going well so far, pop music playing in the background from an iPod and speakers set up on the wooden table between the sun loungers, clusters of children and adults dotted around the emerald lawn laughing and chatting. The day had dawned warm and sunny, and it was beautiful BBQ weather. It was all just about perfect. The complete opposite to the crappy excuses she was making to herself about failing to come clean with Matt. The fact was she should have told him but hadn’t. She didn’t want to, wanted just a little more time. I’ll get them settled at school and then I’ll sit down with Matt and tell him everything, she promised herself.
It was no wonder she wasn’t ready to let it all go yet. The latest picnic in Hyde Park the previous Sunday had been hilarious and they’d had the best fun together. Wearing matching baseball caps like an American family, Zoe and Aimee’s hair tucked up inside theirs as part of their makeshift disguises, Matt had also bought them all silly eighties-style neon framed sunglasses and suggested they wear their most casual, grotty clothes. For Matt that meant a pair of discoloured grey deck shorts and a black t-shirt from college with a logo so faded it was indecipherable and a rip along the armpit seam. Zoe put on her denim shorts and a bright red baggy top that fell off one shoulder. She’d once worn it to paint a room, meaning there were streaks and splashes of ivory paint
all over it. Jasper was in incredibly tight Ben 10 shorts and a t-shirt he’d grown out of the year previously but had insisted on keeping and Aimee had cheated by claiming she had no grotty clothes, wearing a pale pink dress with a belt that tied in a bow at the back.
They looked like the most mismatched group ever and Zoe had been aware of people giving them funny looks the whole afternoon. That hadn’t been helped when Jasper jumped into the Serpentine from the pedalo he’d been on with his dad after deciding he was too hot. It had resulted in a damp, uncomfortable walk for him across to the modern kids’ playground on the southern boundary of the park, which was Japanese in appearance with a climbing frame that looked like it was made from giant green and beige bamboo shoots. Once Jasper had dried out and the children had played, Matt had treated them all to ice-cream cones as they meandered home. Zoe had presumed Matt would be twitchy at the potential for the press to be camped out looking for them, but if he was it didn’t show. On the contrary, he’d seemed to enjoy himself and at one point had slung a companionable arm around her shoulders, until with a sigh of regret and a hot twist in her stomach she’d eased away from the warmth of his body and fresh sexy scent of his aftershave. He’d been so relaxed that day she’d been able to convince him to invite Helen’s mum to her grandson’s birthday celebration after only a few minutes of persuasion.
Muttering that she was, ‘impossibly stubborn,’ Matt had rolled his eyes.
‘Guilty!’ Zoe had laughed, dancing away from him, holding Aimee’s hand.
Padding along the decking in her jewel-encrusted sandals and down the stairs onto the grass, Zoe pushed the happy memories away to focus on Jasper’s party. She was pleased at what they’d been able to achieve in just two weeks. Hanging from the apple tree was a bespoke Ben 10 Piñata full of goodies, the children taking turns with a solid plastic stick to batter it until sweets tumbled out at their feet. Frankie’s boyfriend Zack was supervising the action, making sure that none of the kids got stick-happy or overzealous. He was good- looking in a pleasant way, his fair hair brushing his collar at the back and a dimple in one cheek that was higher than the norm adding a mischievousness to his face. He seemed like a sweet guy from what she’d seen so far. Frankie was laughingly supervising him in turn, clad in shorts and a long white button-down shirt, face tilted back as she giggled at something he said.
Zoe had decided that as much as she was worried about her friends letting something slip by accident, she trusted them and needed their support. Having them here would help her feel less outnumbered by Matt’s friends and family, along with the parents and nannies of Jasper’s friends. The only people who were missing were Matt’s parents. He’d told her they were on a cruise and not due back for another few weeks, but she wondered if they’d have come even if they were back from the Caribbean. Apart from the time they’d spoken about his childhood and their past relationships, Matt barely said a word about them.
Strolling down the garden, she fiddled with the Ben 10 plates, napkins and cups that were set up on a table against the garden fence, accompanied by endless rows of bottled fizzy pop and jugs of iced water and orange squash. A variety of sauces and pickles were lined up in jars near heaving bowls of deli-style coleslaw and potato salad, numerous containers of crisps and dips set out alongside them next to plates of ready-cut seedless burger baps and hot dog rolls. Matt’s eyes had nearly popped out of his head at the amount of food they’d bought at the supermarket the previous day. Two trolleys had been needed to get it all back to the Prius, but Zoe had told him it was better to have too much than not enough, offering to go halves with him if he couldn’t afford it. Matt had laughingly told her to shut up and get in the car.
She swept her eyes across the lawn. Set against the back fence was a bouncy castle that children were crawling, roly-polying and jumping in and out of at will, and a small ramp next to it with micro-scooters should any of the children be feeling particularly active or brave. Although it was anchored with ropes, Rayne was keeping a tally on how many kids were using the bouncy castle so that there was no danger of it tipping over. Her black bob and cocktail rings flashed in the sunlight as she counted them in and out with a stopwatch on her mobile phone. In her short Indian print dress, she was like an exotic colourful flower in a bed of plain English daisies, and Adam was hardly able to keep his eyes off her. Standing a few feet away to look after the kids using the ramp, his attention continually returned to his girlfriend. Zoe took in the tattoo on one of his brawny arms peeking out from a short-sleeved top, his short brown hair and the soft stubble covering his jaw. Rayne was right; he did look a bit like the actor Tom Hardy nowadays. Though from the giant hug he’d given Zoe on arrival and the soppy expression on his face now, he didn’t have the hard-edged mob persona of Tom’s most famous roles.
The massive double BBQ was in the far corner, manned by Matt and his best friend Noel, who’d she’d finally met when he’d arrived late morning to help set up. He was around the same height as Matt but with light brown hair, brown eyes and a friendly face. Zoe hadn’t been able to see the grumpiness that Jasper had first talked about, but as she saw him concentrating on methodically turning sausages, his features settled into a fierce frown. Ahh, there it was. Equally she could see that Jasper had been right about Noel’s girlfriend Holly. As the tall blonde walked gracefully towards the BBQ, her boyfriend glanced up. On seeing her he grinned, eyes lighting up. ‘Come here, gorgeous,’ he called.
‘Whaddya want?’ she asked playfully.
Pointing a finger at her, he mouthed you.
‘Nah, I’m all right thanks,’ she stuck her tongue out, ‘I have other boys to look after.’ Smiling cheekily she turned and made her way towards a group of children bouncing around on space hoppers, herding them away from the sumptuous white rose beds. Shaking his head as he watched her, Noel turned and made a remark to Matt, who smiled and clapped him on the back.
Matt was looking particularly gorgeous and summery in a pair of shorts and short-sleeved white shirt that showed off his black hair and forest green eyes. Zoe had spent the morning trying to avoid him so that she didn’t do anything stupid. Every time she got near him her fingers twitched to undo his shirt buttons and her palms itched to smooth over his naked, hairy skin.
She’d spent over an hour hanging red, white and blue bunting along the fences to keep out of his way, followed by twisting tiny white fairy lights around the apple tree’s branches and the decking rail in case the party went on into the evening. The overall effect of the garden was lovely, a mixture of British tea-party and sticky, good old fashioned fun for the children. Seeing that everything was under control for the moment and with the burgers, hot dogs and chicken on its way to being served, Zoe grabbed one of the red and white striped deckchairs she’d hired. Sinking down into it with a blissful moan, she smoothed the full skirt of her strapless watermelon coloured sundress over her knees. Getting up at half past five and running around like a mad thing ever since had been a mistake. She was knackered already and there were hours left to go. This might be her only chance to sit down for a while.
Rolling her head to the side, she watched Matt’s tall, lean, dark-haired cousin Nathan for a moment. He was standing by a table full of assorted tumblers, glasses, drinks cartons and wide mouthed bottles. Shaking virgin cocktails and flipping plastic shakers over his shoulder and under his arm rapidly to entertain a group of children—mostly girls—he was mesmerising. They were all gawping in awe at his mixology skills. Among the five year olds sitting cross-legged on the lush lawn was a young petite blonde with rippling gold hair flowing down her back. Dressed in hip-hugging jeans and a red belly top, she looked just as impressed as the younger members of the audience but with an appreciative glint to her eye. Zoe assumed she was Nathan’s girlfriend, Sofia. It was confirmed when he winked at her and she raised an eyebrow suggestively in response.
‘Hi,’ a guy with an open face and shaggy brown hair folded himself down into the deckchair next to Zoe.
&
nbsp; ‘Hello,’ she turned to him, wondering who he was. ‘Sorry, it’s been a bit hectic today, have we met?’
‘Not yet,’ he lifted a hand in easy greeting. ‘I’m Leo.’
Zoe screwed up her face, trawling her memory.
‘I’m Georgiana’s boyfriend.’ He pointed to a girl who was talking to Matt. Her brown hair was swept back in an intricate knot and she was wearing a black eye patch decorated with coloured gems. There was a faint scar down one side of her face from her cheekbone to her pink mouth. It was a shame her skin was marred by it, but she was beautiful anyway.
‘She’s pretty,’ Zoe observed, remembering something Aimee had said, ‘and Matt’s cousin, right?’
‘That’s the one,’ Leo answered, his head tilting to track Georgiana’s movements toward the bouncy castle. She walked with a slight limp, favouring her left leg, but didn’t appear self-conscious about it. ‘Matt and the kids seem happier,’ he said, glancing back to Zoe. ‘Correction, I mean happy. The last time I was here they hardly spent any time in the same room together and were pretty rigid with each other. I’m guessing you’re the one to thank for the change.’
Zoe flushed. ‘He wasn’t doing such a bad job before I arrived. Neither was his last nanny.’
‘It’s nice of you to say that, as well as loyal, but I work with children with special educational needs,’ he explained, ‘so I’m very aware of behaviours and emotions. I told George after our last visit that something needed to change, but I didn’t feel it was my place to say anything to Matt, not when I’ve only been part of the family for six months. They’re not completely at ease with each other yet but they will be. You’re getting them there, right? I’ve seen how you are with the kids, so positive but firm too. You’re the same with Matt.’