Picnics in Hyde Park

by Nikki Moore

  ‘Not like her older sister, you mean? Your bar is hardly high seeing as you’ve lied to me for coming up to two months about who you are.’

  Her jaw clenched, fury started taking over from the hurt she’d caused him with her lies. ‘Oh, don’t give me that. You didn’t know Mel was my sister but you know my name, my background, the way I’ve behaved with your kids, the hard work I’ve put in to bring them out of their shell and calm Jasper down. You know what I’ve done to build you a better relationship with them. It’s no good being all self-righteous when you’re the one who turfed a defenceless twenty-two year out on her arse without giving her a chance to understand why.’

  ‘I had to,’ he came towards her, face twisted. ‘What did you expect me to do? He’s my brother.’

  She gazed at him, fingers clenching. It all made sense now. How out of character Matt’s actions had seemed in relation to the person he actually was. ‘You really believed him,’ she said in amazement. ‘So in your eyes, you were protecting him.’

  ‘Of course I was. I couldn’t let her do that to him. So I called her bluff and threw her out. I didn’t even mention the money, I just told her to go and never come back. I figured that if I played the hard line, like it wasn’t even worth discussing, she’d know there was no point in pursuing it. That we wouldn’t give in to blackmail.’

  A wave of relief crashed over Zoe. It was all a big mistake. Melody hadn’t done anything wrong. Stephen was a liar and however misguided his actions had been, the only reason for Matt’s actions was protecting his brother from something he perceived as a threat.

  All along it had been about an older sibling driven to look out for a younger one. It was exactly what she’d done, so how the hell could she judge him for it? God, what a mess. ‘But that also means you never asked her if it was true,’ she pointed out, struggling to understand the way events had unfolded. ‘You didn’t give her a chance.’ It didn’t stack up. Why would Stephen make up such disgusting lies about Melody, who by all accounts he had genuinely cared for and changed for?

  ‘It had to be done quickly,’ Matt ground his back teeth, lip scar burning white. ‘I was so furious I just wanted her gone and so did Stephen. We both felt betrayed and he was hurting, big time. I could have called the police you know. Blackmail is a criminal offence.’

  She put a hand to her temple, massaging away the dull ache. ‘But you didn’t, even though you believed him,’ she murmured as the fuzzy picture, the pieces that hadn’t made sense started to slot together and come into focus. ‘Why?’

  He sighed, looking troubled. ‘She was a nice girl until then and you were right a minute ago, we got on well. She was good to my kids. For some reason I couldn’t just put that aside.’

  ‘You didn’t want to see her hauled through an investigation or face prison so you cut her loose as quickly as possible?’

  ‘Perhaps. But more importantly if she left and didn’t follow through on the threat of blackmail there would be no court case, no media circus and it wouldn’t hurt my brother any more than it already had.’

  In his own way Matt had tried to be fair, Zoe recognised. He had picked the least damaging option for Melody despite what he thought she’d done. An idea occurred to her. ‘Or was it that there was a part of you that believed it might not be true?’ she tilted her head, studying him thoughtfully. ‘Don’t tell me you never questioned whether Stephen might be lying?’

  ‘No, I didn’t.’ He held his hands up. ‘Wait. Just hang on a minute. Stephen’s not perfect. He can be cocky, fickle and yeah, doesn’t have the work ethic that I do or a history of stable relationships. And God knows he made a mess of it with those drug offences, but he was a screwed up kid at the time. At the end of the day he’s my brother and wouldn’t have any reason to lie.’

  ‘Neither does Melody,’ she put her hands on her hips. ‘She has no clue about any of this; would be mortified and shocked at even a hint of it.’ Her eyes flashed with heat and she stepped forward, jabbing him in the chest with one finger to emphasise her next point. ‘She loves him and is as heartbroken as you claim he is. When I flew into Heathrow and found her at Jemima’s she was in absolute bits. I had to take her home to our aunt’s to recover. She’s lost weight. Looks haunted.’

  ‘Well, Stephen’s gone AWOL somewhere in the Med,’ Matt threw back, pushing her hand away, ‘and I haven’t heard from him in weeks. In fact I’ve put feelers out for him, have contacted a few of his friends and am starting to get seriously worried. But he’s done this before when he’s been in a bad place, so I’m hoping that he just doesn’t want to be found at the moment. I’m afraid your sister hasn’t got the monopoly on hiding away and hurting, Zoe.’

  ‘No, I guess she hasn’t, after all you’ve been doing it for three years right here in this house,’ she lashed out unthinkingly, stung by the suggestion that her sister was somehow dramatising the situation, or not entitled to her heartache.

  ‘Well at least I didn’t run away to the other side of the Atlantic like a selfish child,’ he retorted.

  ‘What?’ She couldn’t believe it, the biggest regret of her life ripped open and used against her. ‘You bastard. Well, if I’m so selfish you may as well watch me do it again,’ she yelled, hardly knowing what she was saying, face flushed and chest tight with rolling anger. Racing over to her wardrobe she wrenched the doors open, yanked a case out of the bottom, unzipped it and began jerking clothes from hangers and flinging them into a haphazard pile.

  ‘Fine by me. I wouldn’t want you here after the way you’ve lied to me anyway.’ Marching across the room, he slammed out of the door like it had personally injured him in some way. Just like she had.

  Matt bolted down both spiral staircases and stormed into the garden, rage blazing through him. Sitting down on the wooden deck stairs, he leaned forward, elbows on thighs, head in hands. How could he not have seen it, not known that there was more to Zoe than met the eye? He’d suspected she was keeping something from him, but not this. He’d been convinced she was talking to her ex again but had hoped she wasn’t, given how well the two of them had been getting on lately. Given the feelings he had tried to push aside but had failed to contain.

  He thought back to the last accusation he’d thrown at her. She’d lied to him. He’d been fooled by another woman. Helen had been sneaking around behind his back for months and he’d been blind to it. Now Zoe had done the same. Well, not the same. But both situations had been betrayals. How could she do that to him, to them? Act like she was just there to do a job, when all the while she was trying to trip him up and catch him out?

  Sighing, he rubbed the back of his neck, wishing he hadn’t had so much to drink last night. His head was pounding and he felt sick. He supposed that could be as much to do with the emotional turmoil as the alcohol leaving his body.

  Maybe he wasn’t being fair to Zoe. He could see her side of the argument; it was reasonable to want to find out the truth. If Melody had genuinely acted like she didn’t understand what’d happened, then of course Zoe would have been furious and puzzled on her sister’s behalf. Also, unless Zoe was a Hollywood actress, the astonishment on her face about the blackmail had been sincere, as was the surprise at hearing about Stephen’s criminal record. For the hundredth time, Matt wished Stephen had been a bit more focused and a bit less stupid and selfish as a teenager. Then again, everyone made mistakes and there were few things in life that you could never atone for, or come back from.

  Screwing his eyes up, he went back over the last six weeks in his mind, scrutinising Zoe’s behaviour, the initial anger subsiding as he picked it over and pulled it apart. He didn’t get it. She’d hardly ever asked about Melody and what had happened. They’d only discussed Stephen a couple of times. She’d always seemed so focused on the job and getting to know the children, nurturing them and trying to help the three of them become a family again. Because they hadn’t been one before she’d arrived. She was right. They had been going through the motions. At least, he had.
He’d kept a roof over his children’s head, food on the table, made sure Melody looked after their basic needs, but he hadn’t given them proper attention or affection. They hadn’t been happy, he could see that now. Aimee had been withdrawn and hesitant, with Jasper bouncing off the walls. Zoe had changed that. He thought about the things she’d said about liking him and caring for the children. Reflected on how hard they’d worked together to make Jasper’s party a success. How welcoming she’d been to his friends and family. How everything she’d done since her arrival appeared to have his family’s best interests at heart.

  From the first time he’d met her she’d challenged him on every level. Emotionally, mentally, even physically, because it had been torture keeping his hands off her and he’d had more cold showers over the summer than hot meals.

  It had felt genuine. It had felt real. How long had it been since someone had engaged him, made him feel excited about getting up in the morning and spending time with his children? How long had it been since a woman had made him smile at the thought of coming home every day?

  ‘Hello?’

  Matt lifted his head at Cynthia’s well-spoken tones.

  ‘We tried the doorbell but no-one answered, so we used the side gate,’ she explained, walking forward. ‘Is everything all right? I’m sorry we’re so early but Jasper kept talking about it being Sunday, the day for Hyde Park.’ She looked worried, a frown creasing her forehead into lines.

  ‘Yes,’ the word came out croaky so he tried again, ‘I mean, yes its fine.’

  Jasper sprinted over, wrapping his arms round Matt’s neck and squeezing tight.

  ‘You okay, buddy?’ Matt asked around the lump in his throat.

  Jasper leaned back. ‘Yep, we had fun with Nanny last night, but I wanted to come back. We’re going for a picnic today, right Daddy? I love our picnics.’ He gave his dad a big gappy grin.

  It was Matt’s favourite smile. One he might have been oblivious to if not for Zoe. He pulled Jasper back into the hug, savouring the warmth and sturdiness of his son’s body. It was affection they might not be capable of if it wasn’t for Zoe, coaxing them all along in the right direction.

  ‘I love our picnics too,’ he agreed.

  He and his kids had been happy over the last month and a half. Because of Zoe. No matter that she’d lied to him, betrayed him in her own way, she had done a lot of good for them. She was a good person. No one could fake that so successfully and so intensely when living with a family twenty-four seven.

  And while he couldn’t forgive her right this minute for lying, he could see how it must have looked to an outsider who didn’t know the situation. Her motives for coming here had been the same as his for making Mel leave. Love and loyalty for her family. How could he criticise her for that, or fail to empathise?

  The truth was she’d done no harm other than hurting him and that was something he could get over. She’d told him the truth the first opportunity she’d had after they’d slept together. Plus, she could hardly have planned or wanted to get involved with a guy she thought had treated her sister so unjustly, a guy who must have looked like a cold uncaring bastard without knowing the context of Mel’s behaviour.

  What was less clear was what they could do about the situation when she was so adamant her sister would never do such a thing and he was equally adamant Stephen wouldn’t fabricate a blackmail plot. The reality was that they might never know what had really happened between Melody and Stephen.

  But maybe that’s the way it should or would have to stay. Yeah, it would be difficult and no doubt awkward, but it didn’t necessarily have to end what he and Zoe had started, did it? Whatever that was.

  He wasn’t sure. There was so much to process. All he knew was that there was a weird feeling in his chest at the idea of going to Hyde Park alone with the kids, of waking up tomorrow and Zoe not being part of their home. It made him feel empty. It made him lose his breath.

  Shit.

  He couldn’t let her go.

  ‘Are you going to play with us?’ Jasper wiggled away, eyes cajoling as he unknowingly pulled his father from his inner turmoil. ‘I really like it when you do that.’

  Matt put his best parent face on, smiling slightly and releasing his son. ‘Yes, in a minute. Go and play on the bouncy castle for a few minutes first though, okay? The party equipment isn’t being picked up by the hire company until tomorrow morning, so you may as well make the most of it.’

  ‘Yay!’ Jasper pelted off to the bottom of the garden, taking a running leap and disappearing into the depths of the yellow and red castle, a smiley face forming the entrance.

  ‘What’s the matter, Daddy?’ Aimee traipsed over to him, a thick Harry Potter book in one hand and a pink rucksack on her back. ‘You look upset.’

  ‘I’m fine.’ He stood up and gave her a quick hug. His acting skills must be woeful. ‘Go and play with your brother for a minute, okay?’

  ‘Sure,’ she agreed, sliding the bag off her shoulder and handing it to him with her book.

  Bemused, he looked down at the items as Aimee went to join her little brother, her striped skirt ruffled by the slight breeze that was stirring the leaves on the apple tree.

  ‘Parents have many uses,’ Cynthia said as she strolled over to him, having waited patiently while he greeted the kids, ‘being a pack mule is one of them.’ Taking Aimee’s things from him she laid them on the nearest sun lounger and placed a slim, lined hand on his arm. ‘What is it, Matthew? What’s going on? You look terrible.’

  He barked out a laugh, and looked at her. ‘Thanks.’ He almost dropped his gaze before remembering what Zoe had told him. There might not be the censure and accusation in her face that he was expecting. As he met Cynthia’s blue eyes, the irises clear and so much like Helen’s, he saw that Zoe was right. There was only curiosity and concern greeting him. No condemnation, no anger. The wave of relief made him feel dizzy. Zoe might be right about the guilt too. Could it be that Helen’s death wasn’t something he needed to torture himself with every day?

  ‘I don’t mean it like that. I just wondered if there’s something I can do to help?’ she asked hesitantly.

  ‘Thank you, but no. It’s very kind of you to offer though. It’s more than I deserve. I’m afraid I’ve probably made a mess of something and I need to figure out how to fix it.’ He craned his neck to glance up at Zoe’s bedroom window, where she was no doubt busily packing. He’d been reeling, but he shouldn’t have made that comment about her running away to America. It had been low and uncalled for. Although she’d been at fault too, with her comment about hiding. The difference was, he acknowledged, she’d been right.

  Cynthia followed his gaze. ‘She’s quite lovely, isn’t she? She also has a thing for you.’

  Matt laughed again, this time in surprise. ‘A thing for me? That doesn’t sound like you.’

  ‘You don’t know me that well,’ she rebuked gently. ‘We never really got to know each other while you were married to Helen. As for what you deserve, it’s as I told Zoe yesterday; you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. I know it might seem odd for me to be at peace with the prospect of you being with another woman given you were married to my daughter, but she’s not coming back. It’s taken me almost three years to accept that. At the end of the day, you never know what might be around the corner. You have to get on with it.’ Squeezing his arm, ‘You have a life to live with my grandchildren, Matthew.’ The corners of her eyes drooped with sadness, but her smile was brave. ‘So I’m sure you’ll sort it out with your nanny, whatever it is you’ve done.’

  He took a deep breath, shame flipping his stomach and making him trip over his own words. ‘C-Cynthia, I’m so sorry if I haven’t made it easy for you to talk to me since Helen died but I just felt so guilty.’

  ‘Let’s not do this today. Another time.’ Lifting her chin, moisture gathered in her lower lashes. ‘It’s kept for the last few years so it will keep for another few days. Just knowing you’re ready to start talki
ng about it is enough for me. The only thing I’ll say in parting is that she was my daughter and I loved her, but she wasn’t always right in the things she did or the way she acted.’ She sniffed. ‘I’d better go. You have more pressing things to sort out.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘I am.’ She dropped her hand from his arm, and straightened her pink satin blouse.

  ‘Okay.’ He started across the lawn with her, tucking his hands in his pockets, hardly able to believe how angry he’d been with Zoe less than ten minutes before and how much lighter he felt from Cynthia’s accepting attitude. ‘Thank you, Cynthia, for everything. For understanding. For having the kids last night too.’

  ‘It was a pleasure,’ she replied, turning to face him as she opened the gate, ‘we’ll have to do it more often so you can have a little more time for yourself. As for the other, I’m just pleased you’ve found someone who seems to understand what you’re going through and who’s so determined to make you all happy. She’s marvellous with the children and they seem a lot more settled and confident. It’s a gift when you find someone who loves you to the degree that your happiness is more important than their own, you know. So please don’t do anything silly and throw it away.’

  ‘Love?’ His fingers gripped the black wrought-iron handle as he prepared to shut the gate behind her. ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘Don’t you?’ she answered, before slipping past him into the narrow, rose-lined alley.

  He stared after her long after she’d gone, his heart pounding in his chest.

  ‘Don’t go.’

  ‘Pardon?’ Zoe fumbled in the act of packing another pair of shoes in the case, her hands still shaking with the emotional upheaval of their argument.

  ‘You heard me.’ Matt clicked the door shut behind him, walking over and sinking down onto the carpet next to her. ‘Don’t go.’