Sweet Anger

by Sandra Brown

  “Count on what?”

  “On straightening it out. Have a nice lunch.” She flung the sack of sandwiches at him. He fumbled the catch but managed to keep the sack of corned beef from splattering open on the floor.

  Turning, Kari made for the exit, but he was only two long strides behind her. He caught her arm and jerked her to a halt.

  “You’re not about to storm out of here, jumping to the wrong conclusions and thinking the worst.”

  She pulled on her arm, but he wouldn’t release it. “Was this your way of paying me back?”

  “Paying you back? What the hell are you talking about? Paying you back for what?”

  “For all the negative news stories I did on you?”

  He cursed elaborately. “I don’t play petty games of revenge like you do.”

  “No? Didn’t you decide it would be a great joke to trick me into sleeping with a married man?”

  “I wasn’t married!” he shouted.

  The words echoed down the empty corridors. He pulled her into his inner office and slammed the door. “I wasn’t married,” he repeated in a more reasonable voice. “Now are you going to go off half-cocked, or are you going to behave like an adult and let me explain?”

  She finally succeeded in tugging her arm free. Because she knew she couldn’t get past him if he didn’t want her to, she went to the window and sightlessly stared out at the noon traffic. She pressed her forehead on the cool panes of glass. A headache was coming on and it was going to be a dilly. How could things have gone from so good to so bad in so short a time?

  “Pam and I haven’t lived together for three years,” Hunter began.

  “You said she’d been your wife until a few weeks ago.”

  “We’ve been legally separated. The marriage was over, but I stubbornly refused to admit it.”

  “Why? Did you still love her?”

  “No, Kari,” he said with a long-suffering sigh. “I hated to admit defeat.”

  She glanced at him over her shoulder. “That I can believe. Go on.”

  “The fact that I was still married didn’t become important until that night I went to your house and kissed you. I knew then that I wanted you and that it was serious. I came home, called Pam immediately, and told her I would finally consent to a divorce. She didn’t even ask the reason, because she had wanted the marriage ended years ago. I told her to make it as expeditious as possible.”

  Her soft laugh was derisive. “Fool that I am, I thought you had patiently waited for me to get over Thomas before making your move. Actually you’d only been holding out until your divorce became final, protecting yourself in case of any ‘difficulty.’ ”

  He spun her around, his hands gripping her shoulders. “I was waiting for you to get over Thomas. You had to come to terms with yourself before you came to me.”

  “Then, why didn’t you tell me about Pam?”

  He sighed heavily. Good question. Unfortunately he didn’t have a good answer. He had made an error in judgment and it was going to cost him.

  “We had enough to deal with, Kari. It wasn’t important. Listen to me,” he said firmly when she began to squirm away from him. “I never would have taken you to bed if my divorce hadn’t been final, at least not without telling you first. It became final the week before I heard you were in Breckenridge. Pam wasn’t an issue between us. She’d had no place in my life for years. Any mention of my marriage would have only further complicated the situation. It was as simple as that.”

  He trapped her face between his hands, drew it up close to his and forced her to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. But that’s all I have to be sorry for. I don’t love Pam. I haven’t for many years.”

  “Why was she here today?”

  “She had sensed my urgency about the divorce and came to deliver the papers. They had mistakenly been mailed to her.”

  “Are you sure she’s over you?”

  “Absolutely. She was giving me a good-bye kiss on the cheek, which I neither asked for nor returned. That’s all you saw when you walked in. I’m not even sentimental over our breakup. It happened so long ago. You’re the woman I love, Kari. You.”

  His voice had taken on a desperate edge and his hands pressed harder against her cheeks. “Why are we arguing about this? Don’t you know by now how much I love you?”

  Then his mouth came down on hers possessively. He wanted to impress his sincerity on her. He moved his head to one side, slanting his mouth over hers and parting her lips for the ardent penetration of his tongue.

  Her craving for him hadn’t abated. She melted against him, aligning her curves to his hard frame as his arms closed around her. She moaned against his lips. He was already full and hard and she wanted him. But, dragging her mouth free, she pressed her forehead to the middle of his chest. “Hunter, no, no.”

  He lifted his mouth from hers, his breath uneven. His hands rubbed her back. “Thanks for stopping me,” he whispered into her hair. “My career can’t stand a scandal right now and that’s what we’d have on our hands if my secretary came back from lunch and found us, uh, inappropriately engaged.”

  She could feel his smile against her temple. He hadn’t completely understood her. “When I said ‘no,’ I meant no to more than just that, Hunter.”

  She slipped out of his arms and went to stand at the corner of his desk. Her finger traced the wood grain in its polished surface.

  “What else did you mean no to, Kari?” There was a slight hint of irritation in his voice. That brought her around to face him squarely.

  “I meant that we can’t go on this way.”

  He didn’t even pretend to misunderstand. He jumped right into what he sensed was going to be a debate. “Why not?”

  “It’s happening too fast.”

  “Not for me.”

  “Then, for me.” She drew a deep breath that made the cloth across her breasts flutter.

  He wished he hadn’t noticed. “What’s bothering you?”

  “Up there in Breckenridge, it was easy to lose our heads. We were alone. We had no one to account to but ourselves. Down here, you have your life, I have mine.”

  “Why can’t they be one and the same life?”

  “You know why! You have a high public profile. So do I.”

  “I must be dense. What’s your point?”

  “I don’t want to sneak around and have a secret affair.”

  “I hadn’t counted on sneaking anywhere or keeping our love affair a secret.”

  “You’d flaunt it?”

  “I’d shout it from the rooftops.”

  “Then, you don’t know me at all. I won’t live with you, Hunter. And I can’t believe you would even consider it.”

  “I didn’t. I want to marry you.”

  That effectively silenced the next point she was going to make. Her jaw hung slack as she stared at him speechlessly. “Marry me? We barely know each other.”

  His eyebrows went up. “Taking last week into consideration, don’t you think that statement is ludicrously inaccurate?”

  “I’m not talking about sexually.” Her tone was sharper than she had intended.

  He responded in kind. “Neither was I!”

  Now wasn’t the time to lose his temper. He drew a few deep breaths and spoke calmly. “I know what kind of woman you are. You couldn’t possibly have been so free in bed if you didn’t love me first.”

  She spread her hands wide. “I do love you, but don’t you see, Hunter? I was on an emotional high. You wooed me. I admit it. It was romantic and wonderful and just what I needed. But we can’t base a relationship solely on sexual attraction.”

  “Goddammit!” His temper won over good intentions. He raked impatient fingers through his hair. “Yes, I’m sexually attracted to you. I was from the first day you walked into this office. I could barely keep my eyes off your legs and your breasts. But even then, it was more than that. I started loving you. I loved you for a year without any sex.”

>   “But I didn’t,” she cried softly. “What if I am just a sex and affection-starved widow who responded to the first man who came along?”

  His eyes narrowed as they ran up and down her body. “You’re trying to tell me that you would have done everything we did with just any man?” Her face turned scarlet and that was his answer. “Try again, Kari. I ain’t buying it.”

  She avoided the hot, knowing look in his eyes. “No, I’m not saying that. It’s just that you’ve had a year to adjust to the idea that you love me. I’ve only had a few days to get used to it. I need time.”

  He put his hands on his hips. “Do you know what all this is?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “This is all just so much crap. You’re punishing me for not telling you about Pam.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “No! I’m tired of petty games, too.” She rubbed her forehead, which had begun to throb. “Hunter, I need time, time to assimilate all this. Pinkie’s given me a new project to work on. That’s what I was coming to tell you.”

  “Oh, I see.” He had a sensitive spot where work was concerned. Career conflicts had destroyed his first marriage. “When you were down and out, not so sure about your job, you could love me. Now that everything is looking up, you don’t need me anymore.”

  She recoiled as though he’d slapped her. Tears came to her eyes. “I guess that’s how it looks to you, but that’s not the way it is. I do love you. And I do need you.”

  He was beside her within a heartbeat, holding her close. “Kari, why are you so damn stubborn? Why can’t you take anything at face value? This is crazy. We love each other. Why examine the whys and wherefores? Say you’ll marry me.”

  “I can’t just now. Please understand and be patient.” She lifted her head to look up at him. Her fingers yielded to the impulse to brush back wayward strands of hair lying across his forehead.

  “Pinkie said something this morning that hit the nail on the head. He said I never tread lightly, and I don’t. I loved my father with all my heart. When he was gone, I soon fell blindly in love with Thomas. I depended on him far too much for my own happiness. His death devastated me. I suffered more than grief. A piece of me had died, too.”

  He wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb, but he didn’t interrupt her.

  “You know how I throw myself into things, exactly the way I dedicated myself to hating you. I gave it all my energy. Now I love you, Hunter. But this is one time I must tread softly. When I saw you holding another woman, I thought I’d die.”

  “You know the reason for that.”

  “Yes, but it proves my point. I’m falling into that same pattern. I’m depending on you and your love too much and too quickly. If anything should go wrong, I couldn’t bear the disappointment.”

  “My darling, nothing’s going to go wrong.”

  The gentle earnestness in his eyes almost dissuaded her. But she remained resolute. “Then, a respite won’t hurt us.”

  “A respite?”

  “From being lovers.” Her throat closed around the words, but she squeezed them out.

  “You mean start as friends who date occasionally?”

  “Something like that,” she said softly.

  His arms fell to his sides and he moved away from her, going to the window and staring out as she had done minutes before. When he turned back to her, his expression was bleak.

  “No, Kari. In my own way I’m stubborn, too. I can’t be your pal. I don’t need another buddy. I need a fulfilling relationship with a woman. A lover and wife. If I see you at all, I’ll pester you until you’re in my bed again. You’d come to dread seeing me and …” He lifted his arms in a helpless gesture. “It would be a helluva lot of pressure on both of us. I don’t want that, do you?”

  She rubbed the tears off her cheeks. “It’s all or nothing, then?”

  His shoulders heaved with his sigh. “Yeah. I guess that’s what I’m saying. I love you.”

  “I know that.”

  “But I’ve come to you for the last time. The next time, if there is one, you’ll have to come to me.”

  “I know that, too.”

  At the door she glanced at him over her shoulder. She called herself a fool and wanted to run back to him, wrap her arms around him, and beg him to hold her for the rest of her life. But she couldn’t entrust her life into his care. She had to learn to stand alone before she leaned on anyone else.

  She left the office and walked down the deserted hall.

  She was already lonely.

  The news staff of WBTV welcomed her back, as did the viewing audience. After her first week on the air, letters came pouring in. The viewers were glad to see her again. She was flattered. Usually a television audience’s memory was short, their allegiance fickle.

  Pinkie’s comments on her first three stories were reserved, but she knew he was pleased. She produced a story on a family of aerial artists who, despite the fact that several of them had died from falls, continued to perform in the circus. While Pinkie was watching it, his cigarette burned down without his even knowing it. If she could hold his jaded attention, she could surely capture the viewers’.

  Her nights were spent quietly at home. She lost count of the number of times she reached for the telephone to call Hunter. If she called and he came over, she knew what would happen. They would go to bed. And they would be right back where they had started. He would want her commitment to marriage and she would be unwilling to give it.

  Or what if she called him and he wasn’t at home? She would go crazy wondering where he was and whom he was with. So it was better not to call at all.

  She yearned for him. She missed his keen sense of humor, his intelligent observations. She even missed his temper. If she allowed herself to think about it, her body ached for the feel of his against her. Before loving Hunter, she had been ignorant of the array of sensual experiences one could enjoy. She had never had the small of her back kissed before, or the backs of her knees, or the soles of her feet. She blushed to think of all the erotic pleasures he had acquainted her with, but she burned to experience them all again.

  She was making strides forward. Each day she felt stronger and more sure of herself as an individual. But she hadn’t reached the level of confidence she aspired to. When she did, Hunter McKee would find her on his heels.

  “Is this Kari Stewart?”

  “Yes.”

  “I need to—”

  “I’m sorry, you’ll have to talk louder. I can barely hear you.”

  Was this a breather? It wasn’t unusual for her to get an obscene phone call. When she first started doing on-air work, the calls terrified her. Now she took them more or less in stride. She had received an untold number of illicit propositions and twenty-three proposals of marriage. This caller had the gruff, breathy voice of the perverted type.

  “I can’t talk any louder,” he said. “I have a story for you. Are you interested or not?”

  She was accustomed to this, too. Wackos called to report everything from Russian invaders in the Laundromat to spaceships in the schoolyards.

  “I’m always interested in a story,” she said mechanically. A harried assistant producer rushed into her cubicle and thrust a script at her. “Cut it fifteen seconds,” he mouthed. She nodded and gave him the okay sign. “I’m very busy right now,” she said into the telephone. “Why don’t you give me your name and number? I’ll have our assignments editor call you tomorrow.”

  “No, I can’t do that. It can’t wait.” There was no denying the fear in the voice. Kari’s red pen abruptly ceased its slashing track across the script. “I wanna talk to you or nobody.”

  “About what? Tell me.” She forced herself to sound calm, though her heart had accelerated. Maybe this wasn’t a nut.

  “You know those babies that are being stolen from the hospital?”

  Over a period of fifteen months, three newborns had mysteriously disappeared from one hospital nursery. It was assume
d they had been kidnaped, though since there had been no ransom notes, the FBI hadn’t been called in. The case was still baffling police, who hadn’t been able to find a trace of evidence. “Yes, what about it?” She reached for a pad and pencil and waited, poised to take down any forthcoming information.

  “A friend of mine might know something about it.”

  Not a friend. Him. Or her. She wasn’t sure which. It sounded as though her caller was speaking through a handkerchief placed over the mouthpiece. “Why are you calling me? I’d like to talk to your friend.”

  “I … he can’t talk to you himself. He’s afraid he’ll get in trouble.”

  Adrenaline was pumping through her now. This could be the biggest story of her career. “Would he talk to me if he was assured his identity would be kept a secret?”

  “Can you do that?”

  “Certainly. Could we set up a meeting? A secret meeting.”

  “He doesn’t want to be on TV. That would be as good as getting himself killed. Maybe I’d better go. I’ve changed my mind.”

  “No, wait! Please,” she said anxiously. “If you … I mean your friend … if he knows something about those babies, shouldn’t he tell? Just have him meet me. It won’t do any harm to talk. No one would know.”

  There was a weighty silence on the line, while he pondered his dilemma. “There wouldn’t be no cameras, no tape recorders, or nothing?”

  “No. I swear it.”

  “All right,” he agreed cautiously. “Meet him in the hospital employee parking garage. You know where that is?”

  “I’ll find it.” She didn’t ask which hospital. She already knew. “What time?”

  “Nine o’clock. Second level. Row B. Fourth car from the north end. If you’re not alone, he won’t stop.”

  “Tell him I’ll see him at nine o’clock.”

  Her caller hung up. For several seconds she sat there staring down at the script in front of her. Suddenly it seemed mundane. She had a real story on her hands now.

  Leaping from her chair, she ran to tell Pinkie, then thought better of it. He might not let her go. Maybe he would pass the caller off as a kook or send one of the “hard news” reporters in her stead. That would blow everything, because the informer had said he would talk only to her.