Unforgiven

by Lorhainne Eckhart

  “Am I clear enough? Are you understanding this? We’re Wildes, and we don’t move in on our brothers’ women. Jake, you’ve moved on, you have a woman, a great girl—Chris. Samuel, you should meet her. You two need to work out the fact that there’s now a baby in the picture, about to be in the picture, yet not one of you is willing to talk about the biggest elephant in the room. Neither of you know who the father is—could be you, Samuel, or you, Jake.” He stared over at Logan, who was resting his arm on the door, appearing more than happy to let Ben say what he needed to say.

  “And I have no intention of taking sides in this,” Ben said. “Both of you should realize that I’m done with that. I want to see my brothers, both of you, and I’m not going to start tiptoeing around, picking and choosing who I can see and who I can’t.”

  “Well, you already did, when you didn’t come to my wedding,” Samuel said.

  Ben didn’t shake his head. He just leveled this look at Samuel that wasn’t friendly. He heard Jake swear beside him.

  “You didn’t get married, Samuel,” Logan said without turning around.

  “No, Samuel,” Ben said. “You’re right. I didn’t because I couldn’t. Carrie’s father had a heart attack.”

  There was a pounding on the window. Ben rolled it down, and Joe poked his head in. “What the hell is going on? Why’d you stop?”

  “Had to deal with these idiots,” Ben said.

  “So what are we doing, sitting here all night on the side of the road, or can you drive so we can get somewhere?” Joe was leaning in, talking to Ben and Logan—the three older brothers.

  “Why didn’t you say anything about Carrie’s dad?” Logan said to Ben, and Joe was leaning in, cars passing, bringing up a tail wind that shook the Range Rover. One vehicle honked, maybe because they were parked and Joe was standing a little too close to the road.

  “What’s going on with Carrie’s dad?” Joe asked, leaning in and then purposely looking around to Samuel and Jake.

  “He’s had heart trouble for a while,” Ben said. “And he finally had a heart attack. I got a call from Carrie’s stepmother. He didn’t want to trouble Carrie, but he was having chest pains. Carrie wouldn’t have gone. I had to get her up there to see him. They’ve had a strained relationship that they’re working through, which is why I couldn’t hop on a plane to this numbskull’s wedding—which didn’t happen, by the way.”

  Joe seemed to pull back and tapped the window. “Well, let’s go. I’m not comfortable standing out here while you guys debate whatever it is you’re debating.”

  Joe was already walking away when Ben rolled his window back up and pulled back into traffic. Yeah, of course Samuel felt like crap. He was starting to realize that whatever had happened with his brothers had nothing to do with them picking a side and more to do with the crises going on in their lives. When had they stopped talking, stopped knowing what was going on with one another?

  “So what’s going on with you and Carrie?” Samuel asked. Maybe it was his way of breaking the ice.

  Ben didn’t say anything for a minute as he glanced up in the rearview mirror, still driving. The way Logan was watching Ben seemed curious. He was the only one who seemed to know about all of them, to pull them together, to keep them together.

  “Carrie, well, she keeps me on my toes,” Ben said. “We’re good. She’s hard headed, stubborn, but I like having her there. We’re both at the point of trying to figure out what to do next. Her father and stepmother have a bed and breakfast, so she understands that. When the fishing lodge came up, we snapped it up. It was a great deal. It’s something we can do together. The money I left the oil industry with isn’t going to last forever. It was just a cushion, and it’s drying up. I’m going to ask Carrie to marry me. I haven’t brought it up before now.”

  “Hey, congratulations,” Logan said, “but is marrying Carrie what you want or what you feel you need to do? It sounds to me as if it’s just something on a list.”

  Samuel couldn’t help thinking the same thing.

  “Of course I want to marry her. It’s just—” He stopped, and Samuel could see he was thinking about something. Whatever it was, Samuel hadn’t realized there was more going on with Ben than maybe any of them knew.

  “Just what?” Jake asked. He had been sitting quietly, taking everything in.

  “I’m not sure she’s ready. At times, I notice she’s trying to find herself. We thought she was pregnant.” He shook his head, glancing up in the rearview mirror. “She wasn’t, but it was enough of a scare for Carrie that I saw she’s not ready to be a mother—and I want kids. I don’t know. I just need to give her some time.”

  Samuel didn’t know what to make of Ben’s dilemma. With Jill, she’d never once said she was scared of the baby. She was having it, but that was a whole other scenario. “You know, Jill never once has said she doesn’t want this baby. Not once has she said anything about it, whether she’s happy or sad. She hasn’t mentioned buying anything—a crib, furniture, clothes. She only mentioned once about a bigger place.”

  He hadn’t thought much about it until now. Maybe he really didn’t understand how women thought past his own fears of being tied down, but there was something about Jill and the thought of her never being in his life that he couldn’t get past. He felt empty without her. He felt empty without his brothers, and one couldn’t balance out the other.

  No one said anything, but he could feel them watching him. The small space they were sitting in had become tense as he brought up Jill and the reason they were there.

  “I didn’t know that, Samuel. I didn’t know how Jill felt,” Jake said.

  His cell phone rang, and he reached inside his shirt pocket and pulled it out. Erin’s name flashed on the screen. “Erin, where are you?”

  “Jake, I’m here at your place. I buzzed downstairs for half an hour, and there’s no answer. I did manage to get in your front door when someone came out. I’ve knocked and called through the door, but no one is there. No one answered. One of your neighbors saw me, this older guy. Said his name is Brooks. He saw Jill leaving with a suitcase, so I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I think she’s not here.”

  It took him a moment to register the fact that Jill had left with a suitcase. That didn’t make sense. What could she possibly be doing? She’d never said a thing about going away. Maybe she had checked into the hospital, but he shut his eyes for a second to think. “Wait, I don’t understand what you’re saying. Some neighbor of mine said he saw Jill leaving with a suitcase, when?” He couldn’t help feeling crazed, being this far away. He was beginning to feel as if Jill was slipping from his grasp. He’d treated her badly.

  “Samuel, she’s not here. I don’t know what’s going on between you two. Have you tried calling her cell phone? Does she have one?”

  Yeah, he’d tried. He’d called her cell phone right after he called home. She only had it on when she went out, and then sometimes she’d never check the thing for days. “I did. Where the hell is she? Look, thanks for going over. I really appreciate it, Erin.”

  “I hope whatever is going on, Samuel, you work it out. You’re a good lawyer, and I’d hate to see you toss your career down the drain over a woman and home problems. You need to fix whatever is going on with Jill, because the partners never look favorably on home problems. They really like you to have a drama-free life.”

  He knew what she was saying. It really didn’t matter what he’d accomplished up until now, how hard he’d worked. This was business, and personal problems could be a career ender. “Thanks for the heads-up, Erin. I appreciate it.” He pocketed his phone. Logan had slid around and was looking back at him, and he could feel Jake practically breathing down his neck. He shook his head. “Ben, can you drive faster? I don’t know what’s going on, but a colleague of mine went by my place and said someone saw Jill leaving with a suitcase. Shit!” He pounded the back of Logan’s seat with his fist.

  Logan pulled out his cell phone. “Give me Jill
’s cell number.”

  He rattled it off to his brother, who was already dialing.

  “Call her doctor back again,” Logan said. “Find out whether he’s talked to her. Does she have family, a sister, friends? Who would she call?” Logan was going all cop on him at a time when he actually appreciated it. Then he realized he didn’t know who Jill was close to anymore. She had friends, but she also never talked of them. She had a sister in Florida, parents in Texas, but he didn’t think she’d call them. Then again, never in a million years had he believed Jill would walk out.

  “Yeah, okay, I’ll call her sister,” he said. As he dialed, he listened to Logan talking to someone, rattling off Jill’s cell phone number, and it dawned on him that as long as she had her phone on, they’d be able to find her. “Thank you, Logan,” he said.

  A hand reached over and squeezed his shoulder. It was a touch from Jake that he’d never expected to feel again. This time, instead of knocking his hand away, he just sat there while Logan did what he did best: finding lost girls.

  ***

  Chapter 16

  She could hear her phone ringing again. She’d fallen asleep after crawling out of the bathroom. She was shaky and weak, and she thought she had a fever. She was sick. She just needed to rest, to sleep it off.

  The phone stopped ringing. It was across the room, and she thought about getting out of bed and shutting it off so she could go back to sleep. She was tired, and all she wanted to do was sleep after the wave of nausea passed. Her head was fine as long as she was lying down, but every time she got up it was worse.

  There was a pounding again, and she realized it wasn’t her head—it was the door. There was a man’s voice, Samuel’s voice. She’d have recognized the sound of him anywhere. She started to get up, as she heard him calling to her through the door.

  “Jill, open up!” He said something to someone right before she heard the key card in the door and it popped open. She was trying to sit up, squinting as she watched Samuel hurry toward her, and Jake was behind him. Logan, Ben, and Joe also stepped into the room.

  “What the hell are you doing, Jill?” Samuel said. “I’ve been trying to call you and have left messages, and so has your doctor. Why are you in this piece of shit motel and not at home?” he demanded, staring at her as she sat up, holding her arms. Her head ached, and she was warm. She could feel his hand on her forehead, and then someone else was touching her.

  “She’s burning up.”

  “I’m tired. Samuel, I just want to lie down. My head hurts.” She felt herself being lifted and knew the feel of Samuel’s arms around her. She didn’t fight him. She couldn’t fight him. She knew also she was barely decent, her bare legs sticking out from under the T-shirt she’d pulled on to sleep in.

  They were moving outside.

  “Where are we going?” she asked, feeling his arm around her back, holding her.

  “To the hospital, Jill.”

  “What?” It barely registered what he was saying before she was lifted into the back of a black vehicle and buckled in. Samuel was beside her. A blanket was put around her legs, and his brothers were there. “How did you find me?”

  “Your cellphone, Jill. Why did you leave?” Samuel asked.

  She could feel his warm breath on her hair, and she had to tilt her head to look up. “I want you to want me for me, not the baby or an obligation. I want to know you love me as much and as deeply as I love you. I know you made a choice, and I don’t want you to, so I made it easier to leave. Why do I have to go to the hospital, Samuel? I just need to lie down and get some rest. Just take me back to the motel. I was fine there.”

  The car was moving. She heard the tires squeal and Logan talking to Ben. She was sure it was Ben driving, although she’d met him only once. They resembled one another in some ways and in other ways not, but they were all handsome, with strong personalities—some more so than others, she figured.

  “It’s not happening, Jill,” Samuel said. “I don’t know what came up in your tests, but whatever it is, the doctor wants you in the hospital now. That’s another thing, Jill. You’re going to sign whatever it is the doctor needs you to sign so they talk to me about you, about the baby. No more of this needing your consent. I’m deciding, do you hear?”

  The way he was watching her, she was awake enough to realize he was furious and hurt in a way she hadn’t seen before. He cared about her. She wasn’t sure if it was enough, but right now it was enough that she could lean into him, be with him, and let him figure this out.

  “Okay” was all she said the rest of the drive to the hospital.

  She wondered if she fell asleep, as the next moment she was being lifted again, and Samuel was walking into the hospital, bright lights around them and voices. She was lowered onto a bed. She looked up, and the doctor was there. He was wearing just a T-shirt and shining a light into her eyes.

  “Jill, we’ve been looking for you. I need you to look into the light. I know it hurts, but we’re going to get an IV hooked up to you.”

  She could hear Samuel there, and she felt his hand holding hers. She didn’t want to let go.

  “Jill, can you give me your consent to discuss your medical needs with Samuel?”

  “Yes, it’s okay. Talk to Samuel. You can tell him anything.”

  “Can you sign a consent form? Do you think you’re up to that?”

  She was tired and weak, but she thought so. “I can sign. What’s wrong with me?”

  A nurse appeared and was taking her blood pressure. Someone asked Samuel to move, but she didn’t want to let go of his hands.

  “Samuel don’t go,” she said.

  “I’m not going anywhere. Here, Jill, take this pen, open your eyes. I need you to sign here.”

  Jill let Samuel put a pen in her hand, and he pointed to the page for her sign. She didn’t read it. She didn’t want to take the time to read it. She wanted him to take care of this for her.

  “Jill, you have a bacterial infection called Listeriosis,” the doctor said. “You could have had it for a while, and that’s what’s making you feel like you have the flu.”

  “How would I get something like that?” she asked, looking over at Samuel, who appeared grim as he listened to the doctor.

  “By eating food contaminated with the Listeria bacterium. It affects pregnant women, the elderly, children, and those with a weakened immune system, but we’re getting you hooked up to some antibiotics and fluids. I’m going to have a chat with Samuel.”

  She was watching the exchange between Samuel and the doctor as they left the curtained-off area. The nurse who came in covered her with a blanket over the sheet and hooked up an IV in her arm.

  “Just relax,” she said. “We’re going to get you settled in a room.” She reached above the bed and turned off the overhead light.

  Then she left, leaving Jill to wonder as she rested her hand on her baby, whom she hadn’t allowed herself to consider as of late. She realized, as she rubbed her swollen belly, that she’d put up a wall because she didn’t think her heart could take any more hurt.

  ***

  Chapter 17

  “We’re running more tests right now,” the doctor said. “I’ve ordered a full blood panel because Listeria is an infection in the blood. It’s not that serious to the mother unless there’s some underlying condition, and Jill is healthy otherwise.”

  “Well then what’s the problem?” Samuel was outside the emergency area in the hallway. Logan was leaning against the wall in front of him, and Jake and Ben were behind him. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Joe had his hands in his pockets and then pulled them out, crossing his arms. Samuel could see how being in the hospital was making him damn uncomfortable, but then, Joe had his issues, having lost his first wife to cancer.

  The doctor glanced to his brothers. Samuel got his meaning, so he gestured at them. “It’s fine to talk. These are my brothers. You can say what you need to say in front of them.”

  “Great, that makes thi
s easier. Listeria can have grave consequences on a developing baby and can infect the placenta.” He stopped talking. “Look, how straight up to do you want me to be?” the doctor asked.

  Samuel then felt that the ground below him wasn’t as solid as he’d thought it was. He could also feel the moment his brothers flanked him. It wasn’t anything they said or did, but it was a feeling that whatever happened, they were there to move in. For what felt like the first time he could remember, everyone was putting everything aside to have his back. “I want you to be real and not sugarcoat anything,” Samuel said.

  The doctor nodded. “Fine, then here it is. The infection has likely moved into the placenta and the amniotic fluid. If the baby survives, what will happen is that he or she could be born ill or get severely sick soon after birth with problems that can include blood infection, breathing problems, fever, lesions on multiple organs, infections affecting the nervous system, and even meningitis. That’s if the baby isn’t stillborn.”

  “Holy shit, you really don’t hold anything back,” Samuel said. He watched the doctor, wondering now whether there was any hope. “But the baby could be okay?”

  Logan’s expression changed, and Joe flinched. He glanced back at Jake, who was leaning against the wall behind him, rubbing the back of his neck. He knew Ben was squeezing his shoulder again.

  “What happens next?” Logan asked, his arms crossed. Samuel could see he was trying to understand everything.

  “We run an ultrasound. We need to collect amniotic fluid. Jill is on an antibiotic IV, which will take care of the infection, but the baby could be affected now, and you’ll have to be prepared to make some hard decisions.”

  Logan closed his eyes in a long blink. This was horrible. Samuel realized that even though this baby meant something, he’d never allowed himself to become attached—not until now.