Going Too Far

by Catherine Alliott

  Sam reached over and pulled it off for me, but before I had time to take this crushing blow on board he was steering me in the direction of a group of people standing by a camera.

  ‘Now,’ he went on, ‘who d’you know out of this little lot? Josh and Tony, of course, and Tim who was our lighting cameraman in Cornwall, but I don’t think you’ve met the actresses we’re using in the kitchen scene – the non-canine variety, of course! This is Susan Tyler …’

  I smiled and shook hands with a wholesome, motherly type holding a can of dog food.

  ‘Hi.’ She returned my smile.

  ‘And this,’ Sam went on, ‘is our glamorous leading lady, in as much as you can have a leading lady in a dog-food commercial!’

  Out of the shadows emerged an undoubtedly glamorous but also extremely familiar figure. I stepped back and gasped.

  ‘Well, well,’ she drawled. ‘Hello, Polly, fancy seeing you here.’

  ‘Serena!’

  Sam raised his eyebrows and looked from me to Serena. ‘You two know each other?’

  ‘Oh sure,’ purred Serena, ‘we’re old buddies. In fact Polly married one of my cast-offs, didn’t you, Polly?’

  There was an embarrassed silence. Serena stood watching me, looking as devastating as ever. Her slanty green eyes shot off at angles over her high cheekbones and her short blond hair gleamed almost white. She swept it back in a practised manner, a mocking smile playing about her perfect mouth. She fair took your breath away in more ways than one. Eventually I stopped gasping at her audacity and found some wind.

  ‘If I remember rightly,’ I snapped, ‘he cast you off, not vice versa!’

  Serena’s irritating girly laugh tinkled around the studio. ‘Gol-ly, calm down!’ she tittered. ‘I’m only winding you up. I see you’re still as hot-headed as ever. Anyway, I seem to recall there was very little love lost between either party at the end of our relationship. But tell me, how is Nick? Still playing at being a farmer?’

  I clenched my fists. ‘There’s no playing about it; it’s a serious business, as you well know, and he’s extremely well, thank you!’

  ‘Phew!’ Serena fanned her perfectly made-up face and backed away. ‘You don’t half heat up quickly, Polly. Try exercising a little self-control now and again.’

  ‘I’m perfectly in control, thank you very much,’ I snarled between gritted teeth, ‘and I must say I’m a little surprised to see you here, Serena – a dog-food commercial? Slumming it a bit, aren’t you? Hardly Oscar-winning stuff, is it, or has your career been put on the back burner for a while?’

  Serena threw back her pretty blonde head and tinkled merrily into the rafters. ‘You’re showing your ignorance, darling, I should keep quiet if I were you. When one has a chance to work with a director like Sam, one would do anything, simply anything – a video, a commercial, a feature film – just for the experience. It’s all in the direction, you see, but I don’t expect you to understand that.’ She lit a cigarette, narrowed her eyes and blew the smoke into my face. ‘But tell me, what about you? What brings you all the way from the sticks on your little ownsome? Don’t tell me you’re bored with rural life already? Got a bit of time on your hands? Planted all your cabbages? Or is Nick neglecting you, perhaps – no trouble at home, I hope?’

  I was just about to biff her smartly on the nose when Sam cut in hastily. ‘Er, Polly’s come up to watch the commercial being made. We filmed the first day on her farm and she’s very interested in camera technique, so she’s here to see the conclusion.’ He looked totally baffled by the shrapnel that was flying around.

  Serena raised her eyebrows. ‘So you filmed the first day at Trewarren? How amusing!’ She turned to Sam. ‘Nick and I were briefly engaged, you see, but thank God I saw the light and got out, otherwise it might have been me living in that run-down old farmhouse, can you imagine!’

  I was speechless with rage and shock now. She took advantage of this and steamrollered on as I gasped for breath.

  ‘So you’re a film groupie now, are you, Polly? How extraordinary, you really must be bored. Got a bit of a taste for the high life when they were shooting down on the farm, did you? What was it that caught your eye, I wonder, or should I say,’ she winked at Sam, ‘who was it? Camera technique indeed!’ She threw back her head and tinkled again, before leaning forward and confiding, in an incredibly loud whisper, ‘He’s married, you know – happily – and she’s absolutely sweet. I do hope you’re not making a fool of yourself again?’

  ‘Bl– Je– Wha–!’ I spluttered incredulously and incoherently, before eventually managing, ‘Don’t be so bloody ridiculous!’ What I really wanted to do was spit in her eye and kick her shins very hard. ‘God, Serena, you’re unreal! You’re absolutely unreal! If you think for one moment I’m –’

  ‘Er, Serena, I think you’re wanted in make-up.’ Sam slid between us, arms outstretched. ‘And, Polly, if you come this way, I’ll show you the monitor. I think you’ll find it interesting.’

  He took me firmly by the arm while the make-up girl quickly appeared to lead Serena in the other direction. I was spitting with fury.

  ‘Bloody hell! She’s a bitch! She’s an absolute bitch!’

  ‘I know, I know,’ soothed Sam, ‘she loves to bait, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Don’t I know it,’ I seethed. ‘We’re old sparring partners. She used to go out with Nick but he turned her down in favour of me.’ I knew it sounded childish but I wanted to set the record straight.

  ‘Ah, I see. Yes, I got the impression you’d come to blows in the past.’

  ‘She’s utterly poisonous. She tried to pretend she was getting married to Nick in order to get rid of me, and she even got an old boyfriend of mine to try to lure me away from him. She’d stop at nothing to get her own way; she’s the sort of person who should have a government health warning stamped on her forehead!’

  Sam scratched his head. ‘Well, I must say, from the little I know of her I’m inclined to agree with you. I thought it was rather a coup to get her for this commercial, because, as you know, she’s done some pretty classy films –’

  ‘Mostly naked,’ I spat venomously.

  ‘Well, yes, I suppose some of them required her to take her clothes off – but she’s very difficult to direct. I wanted to try her out in this with a view to having her in my next film, but to tell you the truth I’m having second thoughts. She’s only got one line but you’d think she was playing Lady Macbeth the way she argues with me about it.’

  ‘I should fire her now,’ I said decisively. ‘Tell her to pack her bags and get out – go on.’

  I’m not normally remotely bitchy but I can really pull the stops out when it comes to Serena. Sam looked taken aback.

  ‘Well, I can’t exactly do that now. She’s signed a contract and it is after all only a commercial.’ He smiled. ‘Anyway, let’s forget about her, shall we? She’s not worth it.’

  The smile was desperately winning. I smiled back in what I hoped was an equally winning fashion.

  ‘No, you’re absolutely right, she’s not worth it.’ I put my head to one side, rested my chin on one finger and tried to look intelligent and creative.

  ‘Sam, I was wondering if I might pick your brains on filters, only I do feel they’re an integral part of photography, don’t you?’

  He threw his head back and laughed. ‘Oh, Polly, I think you’re absolutely right, filters are an integral part and I’d love to stand here all day and gas about them, but unfortunately I’ve got to get on. But listen, do wander around and don’t be afraid to ask the crew questions; they love an enthusiastic amateur. Tony’s particularly patient and amenable.’ He nodded over to Tony, who I recognized from Cornwall. ‘Oh, incidentally, you’re still on for the party at Quaglino’s tomorrow, aren’t you?’

  My heart sank. ‘Tomorrow? I thought it was tonight.’

  ‘No, we couldn’t get a table for tonight so we booked it for tomorrow. Is that a problem?’

  ‘No, it’s just …
well, I promised Nick I’d be back by Saturday morning. He’s away and I’ve got to check a delivery for him. I can’t drive back after dinner, it’ll take forever and I’m bound to be pissed – damn.’ I bit my lip miserably.

  ‘Oh dear, what a shame.’ Sam frowned. ‘Well, hang on, why don’t you leave the car in London and get the sleeper at about midnight? You could come up by train another day and pick the car up then, couldn’t you?’

  I stared at him, joy and incredulity surging within me. My goodness, he really wanted me to come, didn’t he?

  I gulped. ‘Well – well, yes, I suppose I could – yes, why not? I’ll come! And I’ll pop back next week and pick up the car!’ I breezed, as if popping back took a matter of minutes.

  ‘Excellent!’ He beamed. ‘That’s the spirit. And now if you’ll excuse me’ – he looked at his watch – ‘I must get on. I’ve got loads to do and I’ll have to go and placate the sulky star first – see you later, Polly!’

  He whizzed off. I watched him go in a trance. He was obviously absolutely mad about me. Totally infatuated. Out of his mind with desire for my body. I gulped. I’d have to be very careful, have to play it cool, mustn’t lead him on, mustn’t, under any circumstances, encourage him. I was, after all, a married woman. He suddenly turned, saw me watching him and smiled. I gave him an enormous wink back, quite forgetting how cool I was going to be.

  Pippa dashed by, clutching a clipboard and looking important. I seized her arm.

  ‘Pippa, I’m coming with you!’ I gabbled.

  ‘Where?’

  ‘To Quaglino’s tomorrow! I’ll leave the car in London and get the sleeper.’

  ‘Really? Well, great, that’s great.’ She looked around distractedly. ‘Have you seen Serena? She needs this.’ She held up a dog-food can and peered around.

  ‘Yes, she’s in make-up – oh, and that’s another thing, Pippa, you didn’t tell me she was in this. Why didn’t you warn me?’

  Pippa stared at me for a moment, then it dawned. ‘Oh God, I’m so sorry, Polly, I completely forgot about all that business with her and Nick. I’ve worked with her quite a lot, you see, and all that seems so long ago now.’

  ‘Not to me it doesn’t,’ I said grimly. ‘I can remember her throwing her weight around at Trewarren only too well. Honestly, you might have said something.’

  ‘Well, you’d still have come, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘Well, yes, but – well, I might have been a bit more prepared, made more of an effort clothes-wise so she didn’t think I’d become a country bumpkin.’

  ‘Oh, right.’ Pippa gazed doubtfully at my suit. ‘Yes, I see what you mean, sorry.’

  I gasped. She was supposed to say I looked great. ‘What d’you mean? What’s wrong with this?’ I smoothed down the skirt of my sharp little black suit.

  ‘Oh, nothing, it’s lovely, but it’s a bit sort of eighties really, isn’t it? A bit nipped in and shoulder pads. Anyway, I must get on. I’ve got heaps of things to do – see you later.’

  She wafted off in her long flowing skirt, muslin blouse and bovver boots, leaving me with my mouth open. I shut it thoughtfully. I’d thought she’d looked extraordinary when I’d arrived, but I had to admit the fab look was growing on me; she had a certain groovy charm. I obviously needed a sartorial refresher course and I resolved to buy Vogue on the way home.

  I wandered around happily, looking at the set, chatting to Tony, marvelling at the realistic rustic kitchen made entirely from cardboard, and pausing to pat the little cocker spaniel in his basket, the only dog in this scene. I couldn’t quite believe it was going to take a whole day to shoot ten seconds of commercial. Heaven knows how long it must have taken to shoot Gone With the Wind or something epic. It seemed to me there was an awful lot of standing around and very little action, and when there was any action Serena certainly seemed to do her damnedest to make things as difficult as possible for everybody.

  In the middle of the final take she put her hands on her hips and resolutely refused to do what Sam asked her.

  ‘I’m not kissing that bloody spaniel,’ she stormed, ‘it’ll ruin my credibility!’

  ‘Whatever that means,’ muttered Tony, who was standing beside me.

  ‘Serena, please,’ said Sam, quickly leading her off the set and taking her over to the side, ‘it’s only a very short take and it would look marvellous. Apart from anything else the advertising agency have specifically asked us to do it. Couldn’t you just –’

  ‘No!’ She glared at him. ‘It’s too much of a risk to my career. I didn’t get where I am today by kissing spaniels, you know – why can’t Susan do it?’

  ‘Serena, please be reasonable,’ said Sam quietly. ‘I’m sure Susan would be very happy to do it, but to have a middle-aged woman kissing a dog as the end frame isn’t really sexy advertising, is it? Whereas if you did it we could get a nice close-up on those beautiful lips all puckered and pursed and then freeze-frame on your lovely face for – oooh … a good three seconds while we slip the pack shot in.’ He shrugged and made as if to walk away. ‘But of course if you insist on Susan having the final frame I’ll just go and ask her if she’ll –’

  ‘Oh, all right, I’ll do it!’ snapped Serena quickly. ‘Although why I have to kiss a bloody dog I don’t know. I usually kiss leading men, handsome ones too – although,’ she sniggered in my direction, ‘I suppose I have kissed a dog or two in my time.’ She sneered and flounced past us, leaving me with my mouth gaping yet again.

  ‘Was that a reference to my husband perchance?’ I gasped. ‘She’s got a sodding –’

  ‘Let her go.’ Sam held me back as I went to go after her. ‘She’s not worth bothering about; she’s just a spoiled child.’

  ‘You’re telling me!’ I fumed.

  But he was right, she wasn’t worth the effort. She didn’t strike me as being particularly good at her job either. I watched as she fluffed her only line time after time. She sulked and flounced around, saying the words were stupid, and had to be constantly cajoled by Sam, who eventually got the result he wanted on about take fifteen. Finally she kissed the dog and there were sighs of relief all round as Sam declared a wrap. Serena grabbed her bag and stormed out immediately without saying goodbye to anyone.

  ‘Stuck-up bitch,’ muttered Tony.

  The crew began to pack up and I followed Sam, Josh and Pippa out from the gloom of the studio into even more gloom outside. It was pouring with rain. Sam had an umbrella and we huddled underneath it, looking at the sheets of water which hit the ground and bounced back over our feet.

  ‘We’d better make a run for the car,’ said Pippa, turning up her collar. ‘I’m going back to the office first, so I’ll see you at home, Polly.’

  ‘Oh, OK.’ I was going to get soaked. I was just about to make a dash for the Tube when Sam caught my arm.

  ‘Where are you parked?’

  I gasped. Oh Christ. I had a car, didn’t I? I’d clean forgotten.

  ‘Oh, er … not far away, just down the road a bit.’

  ‘Down which road?’ We seemed to be at something of a crossroads. I looked around wildly and picked one.

  ‘That one.’

  ‘That’s where we are, come on, let’s go.’

  ‘But –’

  ‘Come on!’

  Pippa and I huddled under the brolly and the two men ran on ahead. Two seconds later we were all gathered at Sam’s Range Rover.

  ‘Bye then!’ I warbled, giving a cheery wave and making to trot on. Sam seized my arm.

  ‘Don’t be silly, it’s pissing down. I’ll just let these two in, then I’ll walk you with the umbrella.’

  ‘There’s really no need. It’s not very far, I can easily –’

  ‘I insist, hang on.’ He opened the door for the others, still holding on to my arm.

  ‘Where is your car anyway, Polly?’ asked Pippa, climbing in and looking around.

  ‘Oh, a bit further on.’

  ‘I can’t see it.’ She screwed up her eyes
and peered down the road.

  ‘Well, to tell you the truth, it’s quite a bit further on. I couldn’t park any closer so it’s a few minutes’ walk, but I feel like a walk so I’ll see you later, bye.’

  I wriggled free and made another spirited attempt to escape but was once again intercepted by Sam, who grabbed my other arm.

  ‘For goodness’ sake, it’s bucketing down. Hop in, we’ll drive you to it.’

  ‘No – no, really –’

  ‘Don’t be silly, Polly, you’ll get soaked,’ snapped Pippa. ‘Just get in.’

  My mouth felt dry and my toes began to curl. ‘But I like the rain …’ I bleated in a small voice as the authoritative film director and my best friend – who was rapidly being demoted – bundled me forcibly into the front seat. Sam ran round and jumped up the other side. He snapped his seat belt on, indicated, and pulled out.

  ‘Now, where to?’

  I gulped. He might well ask.

  ‘Um … just a bit further down here … sort of.’

  We went quite a bit further, so far in fact that we came to a junction.

  He looked at me. ‘Which way?’

  ‘Er, it’s … right here.’ My tongue seemed to be stuck to the roof of my mouth. My hands felt clammy. I gazed stupefied at the cars lining the residential street as we purred along at about five miles an hour. Sam looked at me again and raised his eyebrows.

  ‘Further?’

  ‘Um, yes, a bit further,’ I croaked.

  ‘Blimey, you did have a walk.’

  ‘Mmmm …’

  We drove on in agonizing silence.

  ‘And we’re looking for a red BMW, right?’ he asked, peering from side to side.

  I had in fact been looking for that very thing, not mine of course, somebody else’s, to borrow, as it were, but red BMWs seemed to be an endangered species in North London and I had a feeling we’d never find a spare one.

  ‘Er, no, we’re not actually.’

  ‘We’re not?’

  ‘No, you see, it broke down so I borrowed Larry’s.’

  ‘Oh! Oh, OK, so what’s that?’

  ‘Well, I’m not too sure, to tell you the truth, but I’ll recognize it when I see it.’