Murder and Mayhem

by Hamilton, B L

  “They grow up so quickly don’t they? One minute they’re babies and before you know it they’re out of diapers and heading for college,” she said.

  Chartreuse nodded. “Hain’t dat du truth, Hon.”

  “And next thing you know they’re pregnant and having babies of their own,” I added nostalgically. I’m still waiting for my first grandchild to appear, but Little Sweetie’s biological clock was ticking close to midnight, with no sign of a bump.

  We all nodded our heads lost in our own thoughts when suddenly Louanna interrupted our nostalgic reverie.

  “Bee you didn’t notice our nails.” The poor woman sounded hurt.

  “Sorry, Louanna, I had my mind on other things–you know, babies and all. Let me have a look?”

  When Louanna held out her hands I saw flashing lights and figured I must have been having another one of those ‘flashing light’ migraines I’m sometimes prone to. But then I realized each nail had a colored gemstone, larger than the diamond in my ring, glued to gold background, and the overhead light was glinting off them.

  “They sure do look good, Louanna,” I said, and then added, “that Korean girl sure knows what she’s doing.”

  Rosie curled her fingers through the belt-loop on my jeans, and gave a sharp tug.

  Chartreuse smiled. “I think you is right, Bee,” she said. “I think that little-bitty girl is Ko-re-han.”

  “Yeah, Bee, You sure is one smart cookie,” Louanna said, smiling.

  Well, well, who would have thought!

  I looked across the room to where Mr. Takamura was standing on the chair fiddling with the dials on the television. When he turned around and saw me I thought I noticed a cheeky twinkle in his eyes–but I could have been mistaken. It may have just been a reflection from the overhead fluorescent lights, or glittering gemstones creating a kaleidoscope of colors on the walls–but with those Coke-bottle lenses, it’s kinda hard to tell.

  Louanna reached into her jumbo-size bag and pulled out a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

  “Hep yourself to a doughnut, Bee?” she said and flipped open the lid to reveal a gourmet display of sweet-tooth heaven. I reached in and picked out the one covered in blue icing with whipped cream that oozed from the middle–and felt no guilt whatsoever.

  *****

  Her naked body lay carelessly draped across Danny’s in the warm afterglow of their lovemaking. The night sky was black velvet studded with stars where a small sickle moon was ascending. A light breeze ruffled through the leaves of the trees surrounding the hotel car park where a car pulled into a space below their second-story window. When the doors opened, they heard people talking, a woman laugh.

  Nicola ran her fingers along Danny’s nose and felt the barely discernable bump just below the bridge.

  “Surfboard accident,” he offered.

  “Does it hurt?”

  “No. It happened a long time ago.” He felt the gentle flutter of her hand as it moved over his cheek and down his throat.

  “So, tell me what was it like growing up in a small town?” she asked, her arms resting on his broad chest, his heart beating beneath her palm like the steady tick of a clock.

  Nicola sensed Danny wanted to talk so she lay quietly allowing him to choose his own time. She felt his chest rise as he took a deep breath and let it out with a barely audible sigh.

  “I never knew my father,” Danny began, “and I doubt my mother did either. We lived in a trailer park outside the town of Sinclair in south western New South Wales. It had a small rural community that grew cherries and peaches and plums where transient workers would come for the picking season. The town had a cannery where most of the locals worked, including my mother, when she was sober.

  “Katy, my sister, was five years older than me and for her life was pretty tough. When she was sixteen she got herself pregnant to one of the local boys and ran off and I haven’t seen or heard from her since the day she left.”

  “Oh Danny, I’m so sorry.”

  “So am I, but there’s nothing I can do about it, now. Too many years have passed. Too much water has flowed under those sorry bridges.

  “My mother used to drink and when she was drunk she would beat us with whatever was handy. So I don’t blame Katy for leaving, I just wish she had taken me with her,” he added with a touch of regret that still stayed with him, even after all these years.

  “My mother always had a lot of men friends coming around and they’d get drunk and start fighting. When that happened I’d go and stay with Mrs. Leibmann, an elderly lady who lived on the other side of the trailer park.” Danny reached down and brushed a lock of hair from Nicola’s face and kissed her on the top of her head, taking comfort from the familiar fragrance of her hair.

  “Mum never cared where I was when she had one of her boyfriends hanging around. But sometimes, when she was passed out drunk, the men would go after Katy. I’d hear her sobbing, begging them to stop and I’d get so scared I’d race over to Mrs. Leibmann’s trailer, and hide.”

  “Oh, Danny, that’s awful!”

  Danny looked away not wanting her to see the guilt in his eyes. He took a deep breath and gathered the threads of his young life together…

  “Every morning I’d get up early and go over to where Mrs. Leibmann lived and collect the bike I kept hidden under her trailer, and do my paper route. At that hour my mother would still be asleep, usually in a drunken stupor, but often Katy would be lying awake watching me get dressed. One day she said, ‘Good on you Danny. You do whatever you have to do to get away from this hell-hole.’”

  Danny sat on the edge of the bed, the painful memories going round and round in his head. Nicola wrapped her arms around him and pressed her body into his.

  “Oh, Danny I’m so sorry,” she said.

  Danny reached out and touched her head. “its okay, Nic. Just give me a minute,” then added, “Would you like something to drink?”

  Nicola nodded.

  He opened the door of the small bar fridge, took out a half-bottle of white wine and held it up. Nicola shook her head. When he swapped it for apple juice, Nicola nodded. Danny grabbed a can of Coke for himself, popped the ring pull and dropped the tab in the trash bin. He unscrewed the cap and handed the juice to Nicola.

  When he took a mouthful of Coke, Danny felt the bubbles spike the inside of his mouth and hit the back of his palette. He coughed and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth and climbed onto the bed. He put the can on the bedside table, gathered Nicola to him and took up the story where he’d left off.

  “I’d stolen the bike from one of the local kids when they were playing down by the river. They’d left their bikes hidden behind some bushes so I just grabbed one and took off. I was a loner with no friends, so I didn’t care. I figured if they left their bikes lying around where anyone could steal them that was their problem–not mine. I never gave it another thought. That was just the way it was back then. There were always transients passing through the town so I figured they’d think one of them had taken it.

  “I used to keep the bike hidden under an old piece of canvas under Mrs. Leibmann’s trailer–along with the money I’d earned from delivering newspapers, stuffed in an old coffee container because I knew if my mother found them she’d sell the bike and spend the money on booze. So I took great care to make sure she knew nothing about them. I knew Mrs. Leibmann would never say anything. My mother’s reputation was well known throughout the town.”

  *****

  “That is so sad,” Rosie said.

  “The paths we tread are often filled with emotional obstacles, kiddo.”

  “Oh, that is so profound, Bee.”

  I grinned. “There’s plenty more where that came from.”

  We heard the front door slam and looked at each other. Ross and Cody were in Cody’s room playing computer games so we knew it couldn’t be them.

  Drew wandered into the room with a smile on his face. “Hey, girls, how’s everyone doing?”

 
Rosie sat up, and smiled. “Drew, you’re back.”

  “Well, kind of. I’m just passing through for a brief overnight stay. I’ve got to fly to South Carolina in the morning but I couldn’t miss the opportunity to see my two favorite girls so I caught an earlier flight out of Chicago.” He gave my sister a loving smile then turned to me.

  “How’s everything going with you, Bee?”

  “Oh, the same as usual… all murder and mayhem.”

  He grinned. “Glad to hear you haven’t lost that killer touch.” He looked around, and listened. “Where are the terrible two?”

  “Creating their own murder and mayhem. They’re in Cody’s room battling the forces of evil that are threatening to invade our galaxy and turn us all into mincemeat.” Suddenly the sound of laughter erupted from the other end of the house.

  Drew laughed. “Sounds like those guys sure are kicking some alien asses.”

  I grinned and shut down the laptop. “Sounds like it. Can I get you something to eat, Drew?”

  “No, that’s okay. I ate on the plane.”

  “Well, I think it’s time I did some ass kicking of my own. I’d better go and see what the juvenile delinquents are up to.” I smiled and kissed the top of my sister’s head. “Good night, Hon.”

  “Night, Bubbie.”

  I gave Drew a hug and kissed him on the cheek. “It’s good to have you home, even if it is only for a short visit.”

  He gave me a squeeze. “It is good to be home. I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Bee–and, thank you.”

  “You’re more than welcome,” I said and pulled the door closed behind me.

  *****

  Danny slipped his feet into a pair of Dockers then sat on the edge of the bed and watched Nicola wriggle into a turquoise-colored skirt and tugged a pale lemon top down over her shoulders. When he looked at her face, he noticed her cheekbones were not quite the kind that models hang their careers on, but they certainly were close.

  Nicola stood in front of the mirror brushing her hair. “It’s all right for you, you don’t have to think about what you’re going to wear like us women do.”

  “Hey, I don’t care what you wear. You look good in anything… and you look particularly good in nothing at all,” he said–and laughed. “I’m pretty boring when it comes to clothes. I always wear blue jeans and white Hanes T-shirts except when I’m working on the bikes or out riding then I wear black jeans and black T-shirt. That way I don’t have to stop and think about what I’m going to wear. It makes life so much easier not getting tied down with all those mundane things, and they’re easy to replace. I can pick up whatever I need anywhere from Macys to Mervyns, or Wal-Mart. Even my underwear is boring, standard regulation white Calvin Klein. I like to be comfortable. There’s nothing worse than sitting astride a Harley wearing uncomfortable underwear that cuts into your cojones.” They laughed.

  “And when you go surfing what do you wear?” Nicola leaned into the mirror and ran lipstick over her lips. She checked it for smudges.

  “A pair of black Speedos under a black wetsuit; and my surfboard is a neutral color with the manufacturers name stamped on the end and my name printed in black on the underside.”

  When Nicola sat down beside him, Danny smelled the citrus tang of her hair. “Mmm... You smell nice.” He stroked her face then leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

  “So do you,” Nicola added dreamily. “How often do you go to the beach?”

  “Oh, I surf every morning pretty much all year round. I only live a short distance from the beach. At night I lie in bed and listen to the waves breaking along the shore. I find it very calming. It lulls me to sleep. What about you, Nic? Do you go to the beach much?” He trailed his fingers along the ridges of her spine and over the bony protuberances of her shoulder blades.

  “No. Its years since I’ve been to the beach. It’s not that I don’t like it it’s just something I never think about any more–not since I moved to Mill Valley. When I was at college we would go to the beach most weekends with our friends. We’d surf all day and at night we’d get take-out beer and Coke, and sit round a bonfire and roast marshmallows; and dance to the music on a transistor radio. It was great fun,” she said with just a hint of nostalgia.

  Danny hugged her to him. “When you come to Australia you’ll fall in love with our beaches. The golden sand is soft and the water’s an incredible color and pretty much the right temperature all year round.”

  “It sounds wonderful.”

  The shrill of the phone pierced the air. Danny reached over and picked it up.

  “Hello,” he said into the mouthpiece but all he got was dead air. “Hello?” He sensed a change in the air current as though someone had removed a hand from the mouthpiece. “Is anyone there?” He heard a click, and the phone disconnected.

  “Who was that?”

  Danny shrugged.

  “It must have been a wrong number.”

  TWENTY-FOUR

  “Hi everybody,” we said as we headed down the room to where Chartreuse and Louanna sat talking. While Chartreuse was dressed in the regulation hospital gown, Louanna was perched on glittering purple stilettos with six inch heels I guessed to be a generous size twelve dressed in a candy-pink see-through top over an orange Day-glo bra. I couldn’t help noticing the massive cleavage that spilled over the top, like quivering chocolate Jell-O, and lime-green Spandex low rider Lycra pants that did nothing to hide the rolls of fat that oozed over the waist-band like undercooked chocolate pudding.

  “Hi Chartreuse, Louanna,” Rosie said making sure she kept a smile on her face.

  I think mine was more a fixed grin. “Hi girls.”

  “Hi there, Hon. How you doin’?” Chartreuse asked.

  “I’m doing just fine, Chartreuse, how about you?”

  “We’s doin’ jes fine, thanks Hon.”

  My cheeks were beginning to ache so I said, “I see you’ve got yourself a new outfit, Louanna.”

  When Louanna jumped to her feet the rolls of fat around her midriff put me in mind of the Michelin Man.

  “Whachoo think?” She twirled around on the stilettos, like a carnival doll.

  “I think it’s just peachy, Louanna, and the color is so you.” I readjusted my smile.

  “That’s what I thought when my Shaylon bought it for me.”

  “Well, you look lovely,” Rosie said.

  Chartreuse, not to be outdone said, “I told my Isaac he had to buy me one of dose.”

  “I can just see the pair of you walking down the street. It would be quite a sight.”

  Chartreuse’s face lit up. “You think so, Bee?”

  “I particularly like the orange Day-Glo underwear. It finishes the outfit off nicely. And, I think you should get that little Korean girl to paint your nails in matching colors. Now that would really be something to see,” I said with pious sincerity usually associated with Puritans and priests.

  Both women waited in case I had any more helpful suggestions−but on this I had reached my limits.

  “Then I’ll definitely ask my Isaac to get me some of dose. And, you book us in with that little Ko-re-han girl, Louanna. Tell her we want something special,”Chartreuse said to her sister.

  “I think that would look real good, don’t you, Bubbie?” Rosie said.

  I decided to check my T-shirt for any sign of left-over lunch–and as fate would have it found a sticky red blob on my left breast. I dabbed at it with my finger and licked. Just as I thought, raspberry ripple.

  “Is you all right, Hon?” Chartreuse asked.

  Louanna noted the concern in her sister’s voice and looked closely at Rosie. “You is looking a little peeked, Hon. Are you okay, girl?”

  I nudged Louanna, and grinned. “Drew came home for a flying visit last night.”

  Louanna’s face broke into a smile. “Uh-huh, dats mosprobly hit,” she said.

  Rosie blushed.

  “Flew in late last night and flew out again this morning. I’d
call that a booty call would you?” I said with a Cheshire cat grin.

  “It was not a booty call,” Rosie said with an indignant air.

  “Came all the way from Chicago then left early this morning for South Carolina. Everyone knows Chicago is much closer to South Carolina than San Francisco. If that’s not a booty call, I don’t know what is,” I add, smugly.

  “Dat sho’ sounds like a booty call to me,” Chartreuse said.

  “Uh-huh. Dat fo’ sho’ is a booty call,” Louanna added.

  “You girls need to get your mind out of the gutter!” Rosie turned on her heels and flounced off in a huff.

  I grinned.

  “It most definitely was a booty call.”

  *****

  The nights were crisp, the days, warm. Everywhere they looked the landscape was filled with trees heavy with red-gold-and bronze-colored leaves.

  The sky overhead was a washed out mottled gray, the air heavy with damp as they drove down the narrow two-lane road where a scattering of yellow leaves still clung to the skeletal limbs of willows and poplar trees. On a narrow country road they passed an ancient cottage with rough-hewn walls built from lichen-covered rocks that fitted together like pieces of a puzzle, where a woman wearing a large brimmed hat was clearing dead blooms from what was once a colorful display during the summer months. At the back of the house a grove of tall pines were back-lit against a pale sky. In the lot next door, a small orchard filled with apple trees planted in straight rows was surrounded by a weathered split post-and-rail fence that had fallen into disrepair.

  Danny asked as he pulled off the road and buzzed down the window. “That looks like something out of a Grimm’s fairytale. How old do you think that cottage would be?”

  Nicola leaned forward and looked out through the windshield. “Oh. A couple of hundred years at least, I should think. It may even have been here since the time of George Washington.”

  “The history of this country never ceases to amaze me. It looks like a picture on a Hallmark greeting card. I would love to see it in the winter covered in snow with gray plumes of smoke curling out of the chimney. I wonder what it would be like to live in a place like that.”