Murder and Mayhem

by Hamilton, B L

  “If you had lent me yours, I’d have some to wear–but you wouldn’t,” she complained as though reading my mind.

  “I’ll have Ross pick you up a strand next time he’s at the market. Long or short?”

  “Surprise me,” she said.

  “Not much chance of that,” I retorted.

  I pulled into the hospital parking lot and cut the engine.

  “Well, this is it, my love. Last one. Rosie sighed and gave me a weary smile.

  “Cause for celebration,” I added in an effort to lift her spirits.

  “Not quite. Not until I get the all clear.”

  “You’ll be seeing the doctor in a couple of weeks and all indications are everything is clear. Remember, after the surgery, they said the tumors were removed intact with no cells in the margins or nodes. The chemotherapy and radiation were just added insurance.”

  Rosie remembered it all too well. It had been a particularly stressful time.

  “I’m going to miss all our friends at the hospital.”

  “Me too,” I said as I grabbed the basket off the back seat and headed through the car park to the main entrance.

  “Shame Ross couldn’t come with us,” Rosie said as she eyed the basket filled with lamingtons, cupcakes and cookies Ross had been up half the night baking. He’d wanted to come but he’d promised Cody he’d take him to Santa Cruz to spend the weekend with his brother, from there he was heading to Santa Barbara to catch up with a couple of buddies before they headed back east. Sunday night he planned to take Cody and Ben out to dinner before he and Cody headed back up the coast. Drew was in South Carolina–but planned to catch the red-eye home later that night.

  We walked into the room and looked around. Someone had regrouped the chairs and placed a table in a corner, filled with plates of food, bottles of iced tea and soda along with plastic glasses, napkins and paper plates.

  I unpacked the basket and laid the food on the table wondering if others were celebrating the end of their treatment as well.

  “This is nice,” I said as I looked around the room. Several patients we knew had already finished their treatment while others had taken their place. Chartreuse finished her treatment yesterday but we’d been in touch by phone and made plans to catch up at the weekend. I couldn’t see Daphne or Susannah so made a mental note to call them later to make sure the wedding was proceeding as planned.

  When I looked down the room, I saw Mr. Takamura keeping watch over the television. I put a couple of lamingtons on a paper plate, grabbed a couple of napkins and took them down to him. When he saw me, he jumped up and bowed and was about to climb onto the chair when I put my hand on his arm.

  When I said, “Not today, Mr. Takamura,” he looked at me strangely and posed the question, “J. J?” I shook my head. “No. Not today.” When I handed him the plate of lamingtons he eyed them suspiciously.

  “Lamington,” I said. “Australian cake.” He looked from me to the plate, and back again.

  “You eat.” I put my hand up to my mouth and pretended to chew. “Yum,” I said and rubbed my tummy.

  He prodded one of the lamingtons and licked his finger. Then he picked up the lamington and popped it in his mouth.

  “Boy, that man is hard work,” I said as I wandered over to Rosie feeling somewhat deflated that he hadn’t noticed my outfit. “I don’t know how he manages to get through the day.”

  “With a lot of help from people like you,” she said, smiling.

  We wandered down to where Linda and Grace were chatting like old friends.

  “How are you both doing today?”

  “We’re both doing real good, thank you, Bee,” Linda said and made room for us.

  Grace looked at my outfit, and beamed me a smile. “Love the pearls,” she said.

  I slipped them over my head and handed them to her. “Notice how the size and color are uniform. It takes an awful lot of oysters to achieve that kind of symmetry.”

  Grace put them up to her face, stroked them, then handed them to Linda, clearly impressed. “Must have cost a fortune,” she said.

  “Ross gave them to me for my birthday. I know he paid a lot of money for that single strand because the price tag was still attached–$45.” It sure impressed the heck out of me. I suspect Little Sweetie may have had a hand in that. “Usually Ross buys me something from the local market for $5. Last year it was a pair of imitation leather pants. You can guess how long they lasted. First time I put them on they split all the way up the crotch. When he demanded his money back the girl refused. Said I probably had camel toes–whatever that means–and, ‘You hain’t gonna git no leather pants to fit that!’ Never did figure out what she meant, I have the same toes as everyone else.”

  Grace held up her hand with two fingers splayed apart making a V. “It’s when a woman has large…um…lips.” She looked pointedly at my crotch.

  “Oh, Gross!” I covered myself with my hands. I felt sure everyone was looking at me. I thought it was my sunny disposition and good looks that drew the admiring glances but now I see it as something entirely different–Gross!

  I heard my sister’s voice through my haze of embarrassment. “When do you finish your treatment, Grace?”

  “Oh, I finished a couple of days after you started. I thought you would have noticed I wasn’t wearing a hospital gown?”

  Rosie shrugged. “I figured it was because the treatment you were having didn’t require a gown,”

  Suddenly, I realized what she had said. “But if you have finished your treatment, Grace, why do you keep coming?”

  Grace smiled. “I come for the company. And to hear about the sex.”

  I was so taken aback I was almost struck dumb–but not quite. “The sex!”

  “I’ve never heard anything so….so, exciting before, Bea.” She grabbed the magazine out of Linda’s hand and started fanning her face.

  “What about you, Linda. Do you finish your treatment today?” Rosie asked..

  Linda nodded and handed the pearls back.

  I slipped them over my head and felt their calming coolness against my breast.

  “So, Grace, what are you going to do now? Are you going back to the convent?” I asked my hand resting calmly on the smooth surface of the pearls

  “Good heaven. Why would I go to a convent?”

  “Because you’re a nun?”

  Grace looked at me quizzically. “Whatever gave you that idea?”

  “Just a wild guess, I suppose.” Then realization dawned on me, like a kick in the head. “You’re a teacher in a Catholic Girls school!”

  Grace seemed confused. “A teacher! Good heavens, no. What made you think that?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Just a wild guess. So, what is it you do?”

  Grace grinned. “I thought you would have figured that out by now?”

  “Can you give me a clue?”

  When she said, “I own a chain of high class brothels scattered across the country,” I was flabbergasted–struck dumb, even.

  Grace laughed “Now, don’t tell me you didn’t guess. I thought my interest in the sex would have been a dead giveaway.”

  I shook my head, unable to speak.

  “Makes sense to me,” Rosie said glibly.

  When I found my voice I said, “What about you, Linda. Are you going back to leading a normal life?” Then realized what I had said. How could anyone possibly lead a normal life after what these women have been through?

  “Do you have children?” I asked hoping to cover my faux par.

  “Me? Gosh no. I’m not even married.”

  “So, what type of work do you do?” Rosie asked.

  “I used to work the check-out at Safeway in Burlingame. But now I’m going to work for Grace,” she added with a giggling lilt in her voice.

  Linda, working in a brothel! Whatever next!

  Linda noticed the shocked look on my face. “Oh, no, Bee, it’s not what you think. I’m going to be answering phones and taking the bookings.”
Then she looked at Grace and smiled. “And, Grace is going to help me with my diet.”

  “Why, Linda, that is wonderful news,” Rosie said.

  Grace handed me a gold-embossed card. “Here’s my card, Bee, if you’re ever looking for a job you could make a fortune from phone sex.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” I said and slipped the card in my pocket.

  . . .

  When Rosie finished her treatment, we did a lap of honor, hugging and kissing like a bride and groom leaving on their honeymoon. We wished everyone well and exchanged several phone numbers.

  When we came to Mr. Takamura he looked up at me and said in a strange Humphrey Bogart-like accent, “Miss you, babe,”

  I was quite taken aback. “I’m going to miss you, too, Mr. Takamura. When do you finish your treatment?”

  “Oh, I finished weeks ago,” he answered in English without a hint of accent, and grinned at the shocked look on my face. “I just came… for the entertainment. Better than watching a soap-opera on T.V.”

  I was stunned. This certainly was turning into a day full of surprises.

  “Didn’t you notice that a couple of days after you thought they had mixed up the names, they didn’t call me in for any more treatments?” he said with a laugh.

  “No. I didn’t notice that.”

  “Didn’t you notice I started to wear underwear under my gown?”

  I certainly should have noticed that–but didn’t. I wonder how I could have missed it. “No, I didn’t notice that either. How come your command of English has suddenly improved? I can’t detect any trace of an accent.”

  “My English has always been good. I was born in Bakersfield.”

  I was shocked. “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “That first day you just assumed I couldn’t speak English so I decided to play along. Loved the lamingtons by the way. My grandmother used to make them for me when I was a kid.”

  And then came the doorstopper...

  “She was born in Australian. Lived in Moonee Ponds all her life.” He held out his hand. “Well, it’s been a real pleasure, Bee, Hon. You’ve brought a lot of pleasure to a lot of people who were going through some pretty rough times–myself included–and I thank you both for it.”

  “Thank you,” Rosie said shaking his hand warmly. “I wish you all the best for the future, Mr. Takamura.”

  “Butch.”

  “Pardon me?”

  “Butch. My name’s Butch. Nickname’s followed me around all my life”

  I gazed at the Coke-bottle lenses of this weedy sexagenarian who barely came up to my chin and noticed he suddenly had a certain presence about him. Who would have thought he would have been the one to draw first blood. That’s usually my role.

  I wanted to hug him but thought better of it. Even though he was wearing underwear, somehow it seemed different.

  Butch noticed my hesitation. “I suppose I had better go and put some pants on before people get the wrong idea.” He grinned.

  Ah–to hell with it. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “Good Luck.”

  “You too,” he said and as I started to walk away he called after me. “Oh, by the way−you never did say where you hid the body.”

  I turned and laughed. “Which one?”

  “My oh my… you have been a busy girl, Bee. All that slice and dice.”

  “Heavy on the slice–not so much on the dice,” I said grinning.

  He laughed a deep belly laugh that seemed completely incongruous with his stature–although it was growing in my eyes with each passing minute. “Don’t know where you get the energy. Just cutting up steak leaves me weak in the knees these days.”

  “I find that hard to believe,” I said with a touch of admiration.

  “Don’t worry–your secret is safe with me.”

  “And, what secret would that be?”

  “That you not really a serial-killer–just a writer with a killer instinct.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I was kinda hoping for a replay of you in that ‘Grease' outfit. You were one hot mamma.” He started to walk towards the dressing room, stopped midway, turned and pursed his lips in a cheeky kiss–and was gone.

  I touched my cheek as though it had landed there, and felt the heat rise.

  “Well, this certainly has been a day filled with surprises,” I said to Rosie.

  “Just goes to show you never can tell a book by its cover,” she said.

  “No, you certainly cannot, Hon,” I said fanning my face with my hand.

  Rosie looked at me sideways and asked, “Are you okay?”

  “Just waiting for my morning HRT dose to kick in.”

  THIRTY-THREE

  After Rosie had gone to bed, I stayed up late, working well into the night, trying to get the story finished. With Ross away I wouldn’t be disturbed.

  “Now that Danny has gone back to Oz what’s going to happen? Is he coming back?” Rosie asked the following day.

  “After a day filled with surprises I thought you’d like a surprise here too,” I told her.

  *****

  She clipped her hair onto the top of her head and climbed into the tub, lay back and rested her neck on the smooth porcelain rim and felt the warm water wash over her. Nicola closed her eyes and listened to the gentle patter of rain on the window pane and thought about Danny. She conjured up a picture of him thinking about every curve and contour of his face, his soft gray eyes, smiling–always smiling–and the way his mouth turned up when he laughed. She thought of his powerful body and how the muscles moved sensuously when he moved. And the way he made her feel when he made love to her. Sex between them was hot, erotic and incredibly exciting. It was something she had never experienced before. She never knew making love could be so wonderful. As the memories came flooding back she felt a warm, tingling feeling between her legs. When her hand touched her breasts they felt tender, her nipples hardened, aching for his touch. She smiled. Her periods had always been regular and now she was nearly two weeks late. She hugged her body savoring the thought that she may be carrying Danny’s child.

  She was so excited she had nearly blurted it out at the airport but she wanted to be sure before she told him. Nicola rubbed her hand across her belly–Danny’s baby.

  Suddenly the candle on the window ledge flickered. Nicola’s eyes flew open when she heard the soft footfall of sneakers on the floor.

  “Who’s there? Is that you, Danny?” Her heart pounded as she stared through the open doorway into the hall.

  “Hello, Nicola.”

  “How did you get in?”

  He held up a key. “You really must find somewhere more imaginative than under a rock to hide your spare key.”

  Nicola grabbed a towel and climbed out of the bathtub. “What are you doing here?” she asked her ex-husband. “What do you want?”

  Steven leaned against the frame of the bathroom door, his black jeans and T-shirt creating a shadowy figure backlit by the hall light.

  “I missed you,” he said softly.

  “What are you talking about?”

  Steven laughed. “You didn’t think I was going to let you get away with it, did you?” The cold steel of his eyes was hidden in the shadow of his cap as he came towards her.

  As Nicola backed away she almost fell into the bathtub. She reached behind and grabbed the edge of the tub to steady herself. “How did you find me?”

  “It was only a matter of time. I went to your old employer in L.A. When he told me you’d moved to San Francisco I looked you up on the internet. The Wide World of the Web is a truly amazing thing isn’t it. Oh, but you know that already don’t you?” he said sarcastically.

  Nicola shook her head, clearly confused.

  “Well, you didn’t think you were going to get away with it, did you?” Steven’s words were filled with menace.

  Nicola’s first moments of panic gave way to annoyance as she pushed past him. “What are you talking about, Steven? Why are
you here?”

  He followed her into the bedroom, leaned his tall, muscular body against the doorframe, folded his arms and crossed his legs, making it almost impossible for her to get past. “I wanted to talk to you.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about. We’re finished. We finished a long time ago.”

  Nicola turned her back and discarded the towel, grabbed her clothes off the chair and hastily dressed. She could sense Steven’s eyes roaming over her body.

  “I’m not talking about now. I’m talking about a couple of weeks ago.”

  Nicola was clearly confused. “What do you mean a couple of weeks ago? I wasn’t here a couple of weeks ago.”

  “I mean before you left on your little err… vacation.” Steven’s lips curled up in distain.

  “I came by to talk to you and as I pulled in up the road I saw you get into your car and drive off. So, I followed you. I wondered where you were going. I nearly lost you a couple of time on the freeway and when you pulled into the airport parking lot I wondered what you were up to. By the time I’d parked and followed you inside I was just in time to see you meet up with lover-boy. What a touching scene that was,” he said with a sneer.

  Nicola shook her head. It was like a bad nightmare.

  “Then I followed you back here and hung around for a couple of hours wondering what was going on–him with his luggage and all. Just as I was about to head back to the hotel I saw you and lover-boy come out and drive off. So I followed you but when I realized you were giving him a guided tour of the town, I got bored and left.

  “The next morning I came back and parked up the hill and waited to see what was going to happen.” Steven stopped, enjoying the shocked look on Nicola’s face.

  “I don’t understand. Why would you do that?” Nicola said.

  “I wanted to know what was going on between you and your… friend. I wanted to know if he was just passing through–or going to hang around for a while.”

  Nicola was clearly annoyed. “Who I invite into my home is none of your business.”

  Steven shrugged. “Anyway, a short time later I saw you and your…house guest…”