Broken Toys

by Jackson Lear

  “We’re still in counselling,” said Anthony.

  “How’s that going?”

  “Not too bad. But mostly I have to think about the kids.”

  “Of course.”

  “And if Gemma finds out that Josh is, you know ...”

  “Distracted by someone else?” Amanda offered.

  “Yeah. She’s very territorial about who is a good person and who is not. She likes him but she thinks he’s being disrespectful whenever he flirts around.”

  “I can see her point,” said Amanda.

  “Yeah, but understand that Josh’s idea of flirting and Gemma’s are very different. He’ll walk into the supermarket, the check-out girl will say, ‘Oh, you’re back already,’ and he’ll say, ‘Well, I missed you,’ with a smile. Not really flirting, just being friendly. Gemma sees that as disrespecting Hannah.”

  Amanda shifted in her seat. “Is that why I get the cold shoulder from Gemma? Because she thinks I’m flirting with you?”

  “I think so,” said Anthony. “I tell her she’s crazy which somehow never goes well with her. But it’s true.”

  Amanda nodded as a quiet implosion rattled inside her chest. “Uh huh.”

  “So, really, I’m in the middle of a minefield. Half the people she knows are divorced. The other half are posting baby pictures like crazy. Sometimes she asks me when Josh is ever going to ask Hannah to marry him. She doesn’t like it when I remind her that Josh is never going to do that. Once again, he’s being disrespectful and stringing Hannah along, nevermind that he frequently says that he’s never getting married.”

  Amanda smirked at the sound of that.

  “What?”

  “I remember him when he was nineteen, announcing to everyone that by the time he was twenty three if he wasn’t married then he would go to London and find himself a wife.”

  Anthony rolled his eyes. “You bring that up every time you’re up here, you know.”

  “I know. But that’s what he said.”

  “And you said the opposite,” said Anthony.

  “Because I wasn’t as lonely as he was,” Amanda said.

  Anthony paused as though he must have just missed something. “Come again?”

  “Scott was the same when he was nineteen, or whatever age he actually was. He just assumed that everyone got married, had kids, and that was the most straight forward way to be happy. Jump forward to us finally dating and he said he figured it out, that back then he was really lonely but didn’t realise it.”

  “Josh was hardly lonely back then,” said Anthony.

  “No? I was and no one noticed.”

  “So how are you now?”

  “In something of a terrifying headspace. Of course, I didn’t expect to be thirty four and single while house sitting for my mum. I’m by no means done and dusted, I just need some time to rethink a few priorities in life.”

  The waiter came to take their order. They both opted for a salad. Amanda went for the Caesar while Anthony liked the sound of the Cajun Chicken.

  “Can I ask you something completely left field?” Anthony asked.

  Amanda’s instincts fluttered for a moment, hinging on the possibility that Anthony was about to come clean about himself and Gemma. “Sure.”

  “The other day Josh was looking over a book he and I wrote when we were fourteen. It was kind of a non-fiction set of detective notes about Luxford. Though in reality it was more of a scrapbook than an actual book book, you know?”

  Amanda eyes widened as though she was back in university trying to following the random steps her lecturer took her along. “Well, I’m confident that this is the first time you’ve talked about this book book scrapbook thing out loud.”

  “No kidding. We were trying to find that girl who disappeared.”

  “Catherine Shievers?”

  “Yeah, her. We even got Patrick involved.”

  She smiled at the name. “See? You do remember him.”

  “Only just. And when he got caught being outside at night his parents pretty much kept him under lock and key.”

  “Ah, see, mine sent me off to boarding school,” said Amanda. “What’s he up to now?”

  “No idea,” said Anthony. “He went to Lampeter and we never heard from him again. So anyway, Josh and I wandered around the streets doing exactly what our parents told us not to do. They wanted us locked up at home so that no one would kidnap us and still we prowled the night like we were Batman. We made detailed notes on every house and who lived where, actively trying to find the murderer, which these days sounds like the stupidest thing we could’ve done. But this all started last week when this weird guy walked into the back of the bar while Josh and I were talking. He was tall, super skinny, looked half wasted and not at all coherent. I took one look at him and remembered him from twenty years ago. He was that creepy kid with the toads.”

  Amanda shook her head blankly. “What toads?”

  “You don’t remember? One day we were all on the street and this kid shows us a dead toad in a shoebox. He kept calling it a frog, but it was definitely a toad. I think you freaked out over it. Then later we found the box on the ground, hidden behind a tree, and it was stuffed full of dead toads.”

  Amanda shook her head again with vacant eyes. “Doesn’t ring a bell.”

  Anthony was sure that she would have sprung on that memory with ease, considering how easily he landed on it. Granted, if it was twenty years ago then Amanda was probably at boarding school. It forced a moment of doubt over him as he wondered just how many of his childhood memories were now distorted and out of order. “Are you sure?”

  “I know, the shit I do remember is bizarre enough.”

  “I swore it was him, though. Twenty years later and it was the first time I ever thought of him since that box of toads. But boom! There he was, behind the bar in the beer garden looking for left over booze. I never had that kind of flashback before but I swear it was him.”

  “What school did he go to?” Amanda asked.

  “I don’t think he went to school. Judging by his appearance now I don’t think he ever did.”

  “I’m sure he did, you just saw him in a bad light.”

  Anthony had to give her a point for that one. “I guess. I mean, it was a weird enough day as it was. Josh had his work thing that he needed to get off his chest, I had some issues with Gemma, and you came along afterwards.”

  Amanda grinned awkwardly. “Did I upset the balance of your peaceful life or something?”

  “Not at all,” said Anthony. “It’s just been a weird month. You know how Claire said that Ian is now at that age? Well, she thinks he’s been out smoking and wants me to have a sit down with her kid so that she doesn’t have to be the bad guy.”

  Amanda shrugged it off. “He’s probably off stealing sweets and trying to be a bad boy.”

  “Trust me, he won’t get anything by me,” said Anthony. “I’ve done it all, said it all, thought it all.”

  “And you know what? Your dad probably did as well.”

  Anthony slumped back and nearly fell out of his chair. “Oh god! Why did you have to say that? The thought of him sneaking behind the bike locker and bumming cigarettes ...”

  “Yeah. And how hardcore did you feel when you were doing it?”

  “Oh, it was great!” said Anthony. “I mean, I couldn’t have smoked to save my life, I was all bum puffing all the way but what did I know?”

  “So what’s Ian going to be up to now? Spin the bottle? Because you know his kind of ‘hook up’ means just kissing a girl. Give it seven years and that definition will completely change.”

  “Seven years, huh?”

  “Shoots by quickly, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah. We’ll be in our forties.”

  “Shit, don’t say that!” Amanda said. She raised her shoulders instinctively and turned away.

  “Why not?”

  “Because by then I’ll probably be a mum,” said Amanda.

  “Hey, congrat
ulations. Do we know who the father will be?”

  “Probably. I haven’t met anyone new in two years so unless a miracle comes along it’s going to be some recent divorcee or commitment-phobe who never got married.”

  “So, someone just like you?”

  “Yeah. You can thank my mum for that. Twice divorced in the same town and she thinks I want to end up like her? Get real.”

  “You mean, sweet and caring?”

  Amanda rolled her eyes. “She hasn’t worked in fifteen years and has spent that time living off her divorce settlement. She didn’t earn any of that money herself, though she claims she did. Apparently sleeping with an older man twice a month is worth a quarter of a million pounds. She didn’t really like what I called her. Considering I was going through my own break up at the time - this was years ago - she decided it was time for us to bond over failed relationships. So I figure the nicest thing I can ever do for a guy is not get married to him.”

  Anthony faked a swoon with a gentle smile. “Stop, you’re being so romantic!”

  “I know, I’m a catch. Who couldn’t resist me?”

  They both sighed in unison and rested their chins on their hands. “Jesus, when did we become so cynical?” Anthony asked.

  “It’s just anticipated happiness. The happiness will come, but first we have to plod a little as we work up the courage to do something insane.” Amanda locked eyes onto Anthony, determined for him to pick up on the signal.

  Instead, Anthony stared into the corner of the café as his mind ran blank. “You seriously never want to be married?”

  Amanda broke eye contact. “I don’t know. I’ve talked myself in and out of it so many times that I really don’t know.”

  “And if the right guy came along?”

  “I’d marry him in a heart beat. But I haven’t met that many right guys in my life.”

  “So you’ve met some?” Anthony asked.

  “I’ve met at least one, yes.” Amanda bit on her lower lip and focussed on Anthony’s eyes for a moment too long. She realised he wasn’t thinking about her, so she looked away. “How’s Gemma doing with the upcoming wedding?”

  “Fine,” said Anthony.

  Amanda rolled her eyes at him.

  “Okay, that ‘fine’ does actually mean ‘fine’. Of course, I have to hear every update the moment I get home, so while she’s fine about the wedding I’m not.” Anthony grumbled and shook his head. He started picking at the drinks menu between them, looking for some kind of distraction.

  “You already ordered a long black.”

  “So I did. And speak of the devil.” Their coffee arrived, they cheersed each other, and both blew into their piping hot drinks.

  “How is it?” asked Amanda.

  “Scolding.”

  “You want some sugar?”

  “Nah, I’ve managed to wean myself off it. Black and bitter. Puts hair on your chest.”

  “And none on your back and shoulders?”

  “Ah! I’ve got to tell you! Gemma takes great pride in waxing my back.”

  Amanda held off on a grin. “It’s that bad, is it?”

  “It’s creeping up towards ‘necessary’, I’m afraid. Feels weird in the shower afterwards.”

  “Moisturiser helps.”

  “So I’ve heard. And I’ll be on my front, feel this massive riiiiip, and in between sobs and groans I hear Gemma saying, ‘Well, those few aren’t growing back.’ I don’t know how you ladies do it to yourselves.”

  Amanda took another sip and waited until Anthony had settled back into his chair. Just as his attention drifted towards the large blackboard menu behind the counter Amanda asked, “Are you happy with her?”

  Anthony glanced back over. “Where the hell did that come from?”

  “I’ve known you for as long as I can remember. You can tell me.”

  Anthony blew out a long and begrudging breath. When he was done he tapped the arm rests with his hands and longed for anything to step in and save him from that moment. Nothing came. “I love my kids.”

  “I know.”

  “And we might get better,” said Anthony.

  Amanda was sure her breathing had just quickened. She was doubly sure that Anthony could see her shaking from more than just a morning’s worth of caffeine. “If there was a way out for you, would you take it?”

  “Depends what it was.”

  Amanda had practiced this conversation a thousand times over, knew every possible answer, side-step, and burst of anger. Even so, she found a mental block in her confidence. Panic screamed at her. She forced her hands into a fist to keep them from shaking as much as they did. “What’s her opinion ... on ... me?”

  Anthony shook his head as though the rattling tumblers would hopefully fall into place, but they didn’t. “Huh?”

  “What if ...” That dreaded panic slapped the first thing she wanted to say out of her mind. She jumped straight to Josh’s hair-brained Plan B and stumbled over almost every word. “What if I went up to her and said I found her incredibly sexy and would she let me sleep with her?” She then realised what she had just said. Her insides imploded together in shame.

  Conversely, Anthony’s eyes bulged out wider than he could have ever imagined. “You want to have sex with my wife?”

  Amanda shrugged it off, but she wasn’t able to lose the awkwardness. “Not especially, but what if I started hitting on her?”

  “She’s straight. And she wouldn’t go and have an affair.”

  “Oh no, it’s not an affair if you know about it. I’d be quick to mention that. And if you came in and said that everything was perfectly okay, that you already gave me permission ... or if that doesn’t work then ... what about a threesome? It’d take the pressure off her, except I’d whisper that I would be focussing on her.”

  Anthony strained his head around, trying to put the pieces together to some kind of impossible jigsaw. No matter how he looked at it none of it made sense. “This is your way out?”

  “It’s a way out. It could spice up your life, give you guys a fighting chance and help to rebuild that marriage of yours.” A thousand screams went off inside Amanda and she hoped that no one would ever hear them.

  Anthony leaned back and exhaled slowly. He ran one hand through his hair, trying to remember how the conversation turned to this, knowing full well that he would have to repeat it to Gemma if any of this became an eventuality. “I don’t want to sound like I’m ruining any chance of a threesome, but ... are you serious about this?”

  Amanda’s heart skipped a couple beats. It may have been from an impossibly quick caffeine hit, but she was certain that she was more nervous now than when she bailed on the life she had a month ago. “Do you think she’d go for it?”

  Anthony smiled politely and tried to shake it off as much as possible. “She’d probably be flattered but intimidated that you’re my oldest friend. It’d be like we were rekindling some old flame.”

  “I should ask her,” said Amanda.

  “Not a good idea,” said Anthony, shaking his head.

  “What’s the worst that’ll happen? She’ll think I’m bi and into her?”

  “This whole month could spiral into everyone’s worst nightmare, you know? Well, not everyone’s. Hannah’s worst nightmare, yeah, and maybe Gemma’s. And if I don’t handle this thing well with Gemma then it’ll end up being my worst nightmare.”

  “You’re already not happy with her,” said Amanda. “If you didn’t have kids, would you still be married to her?”

  Anthony looked around the café, hoping like hell no one had heard any of their conversation. He looked back to Amanda and started to balance one finger in the air, as though he needed it to help guide his words. “So, if we have a threesome then you and I will be having sex.”

  She felt the first moment of hope nearly melt her. “Yes.”

  “You and me.”

  “You and I will be two thirds of the people having orgasms, yes.”

  Anthony felt a
jitter in his groin. “You and I will be having orgasms.”

  “Together, yes. You’ll probably be having an orgasm inside of me, and I expect to have an orgasm at around about the same time.”

  Anthony leaned back in his chair as his brain needed a moment to process what he thought he had just heard. “Riiiiiight. And we’d go through all of the ... build up, right?”

  Amanda leaned forward and nodded. “I’ll give you the greatest blowjob you ever had right in front of your wife and show her a thing or two about pleasing a man.”

  Anthony froze, keeping as straight a face as possible while his insides bounced against his abdomen. “Uh huh. Is there anything else on the cards for that evening?”

  “Oral, anal, threesome ... I hope you’re not thinking of filming this.”

  “No, that won’t be necessary. Um ... why are we having a threesome?”

  “Because we’re consenting adults and we can,” said Amanda. “Would this be your first one?”

  “Yes.”

  Amanda shrugged. “They’re fun.”

  “Good to know.”

  “I think you should let me ask your wife,” said Amanda.

  Anthony felt a moment of hysterical insanity take over. “Okay.”

  “Maybe today?”

  “She’s a little busy.”

  “She has two kids, she’s always going to be busy,” said Amanda.

  “Of course. Are you going to tell her about this conversation?”

  “I’ll have to. I’ll tell her that you were a gentleman and that’s why telling her today is important. If you keep this from her and she finds out she’s going to hit the roof.”

  “Yeah, she would.” Anthony glanced around the café, having never felt quite as exposed as we was right now. “I’m starting to feel conflicted about Josh and his situation.”

  “If there’s someone who makes you happy then you should go for it.” Amanda bit onto her lower lip again and willed Anthony to look at her. Instead, he stared into the table, consumed by shock.

  31

  Brooke

  She had spent the last hour of the day swivelling on her chair while everyone commented that she was probably the person most excited about it being Friday already. At five thirty the last of the computers were switched off and the office fell quiet. Two minutes later Josh arrived, winked at Brooke, and asked a silent question to the Magic 8 Ball. He showed her the answer.