Homebound

by Kata Čuić

  Daddy rocks in his chair, happiness crinkling the corners of his eyes as he watches his only grandchild playing with innocence. “Ya never gave him a fair shot, Lenore. He mighta surprised ya.”

  Mama scoffs. “This from the man who’s always threatenin’ to get his shotgun.”

  “I wasn’t really gonna do it.”

  I exchange an amused glance with Mama. “It was never about giving him a fair shot. I wasn’t gonna be the reason he didn’t get one.”

  “Ya didn’t drop out when ya got pregnant. Sure, it took ya longer to graduate while ya worked to support her, but he coulda done the same.”

  “He’s the principal of the high school now,” I remind my father. “I make thirty thousand dollars a year. He makes eighty thousand. He absolutely would not be where he is today if I’d told him. Who knows where he’ll be in another five years if I keep my mouth shut? He could go on to be a college professor.”

  That’s a sight to imagine. Jesse would make those cliché leather elbow pads look so good. All the co-eds would be lining up to take his class.

  Daddy shakes his head. “All that glitters ain’t gold, girl. Ya know that. Money don’t buy happiness.” He gestures with a work-worn hand to where Anne spins in circles, humming to herself. “Look what he’s missin’ out on. Ya really think he’d trade a high-payin’ job for this?”

  “I think he shouldn’t have to choose.” Not like I did.

  Daddy leans forward, perching his elbows on his knees. “Ya gotta take the bitter with the sweet. There ain’t nothin’ sweeter than the love of a child. Life—even a hard one—don’t taste nearly so bitter when little arms hug ya tight and love ya like you’re their whole world. Did ya ever stop to think ya didn’t save him so much as rob him of her love?”

  “Leland, that’s enough.” Mama doesn’t often call Daddy by his name. It’s the wifely equivalent of the maternal middle name. “She’s had more than enough bitter. The girls are home now. Let’s concentrate on the sweet.”

  I cradle my head in my hands, my voice muffled. “I know, Daddy. And I know he’ll never forgive me if he ever finds out. I never expected to see him again, let alone be in the same town for the foreseeable future! What am I supposed to do now? Tell him? Let him take her away from me?”

  “Over my dead body!” Daddy rises from his chair quickly, perched and ready for attack as a rustling noise comes up along the side of the house. He only relaxes a fraction when Jesse comes into view.

  He holds up a hand to show he means no harm. “Evenin’. I heard squealin’ all the way across the holler and thought might be she could use a jar for her exploits.” He makes direct eye contact with me. “Is it all right?”

  I nod, too exhausted from the day’s events to fight his will.

  From the porch, the three of us watch in silence as he surprises her with a plain old Mason jar. She acts like it’s made of diamond instead of glass.

  Daddy rises from his chair, his iced tea glass empty. “He climbed as high as ya hoped, Lenore. He ain’t never gonna go back to bein’ the dirty, hungry kid you’re tryin’ to protect. Might be you’re all here out of providence. Don’t spit on a second chance when it’s been gifted to ya so plainly.”

  Mama rises, too, as Daddy retreats inside the house, the screen door banging behind him.

  “Mama?”

  “You’re a grown woman now.” She smiles ruefully, reaching for my hand and giving it a supportive squeeze. “I can’t tell ya what to do no more, not that ya ever listened anyhow. Just know your daddy and I never regretted ya for a second. Not one. Not in our darkest, poorest, most afraid days. She’s your daughter. Ya birthed her alone, nursed her alone, and done the lion’s share of raisin’ her so far. You’re a good mother, Lenore. Ya ain’t never done anythin’ that wasn’t best for her, and I reckon ya ain’t about to start.”

  As I watch Jesse chase Anne around the field, I still don’t know what the best for any of us is.

  Nine Years Ago

  The door to the treehouse pops open, and my blurry eyes make out Jesse’s form climbing in. Just the sight of him starts my crying all over again.

  I’ve been waiting for him to get here for over an hour already. I was starting to worry he wasn’t gonna show up tonight. Ever since he started working at Pete’s Pizza when he turned sixteen, he’s home more often than not at night. He’s so darn tired after school all day, doing his homework, then slaving away in the hot kitchen for a few hours, he says he don’t notice all the other comings and goings in his trailer.

  “Nora?” I blink, and he’s crouched in front of me, his rough hands holding my face. “What’s wrong? Why ya cryin’? Did someone hurt ya? Ya tell me who right now.”

  He smells like grease and pepperoni mixed with his unique musky scent. The feel of his calloused skin on my face isn’t enough comfort to erase this awful day, but it’s a good start.

  “I ruined Mama and Daddy’s lives.”

  The only sound in the treehouse is my sobbing. Jesse pulls off his boots then wraps himself around me. It’s hot and humid tonight. Sweat’s been trickling down my back for what feels like forever, but I wouldn’t move right now for all the chocolate in the world.

  He nuzzles his face into my hair, shushing me. “Now why would ya go and say a thing like that?”

  It’s hard to talk through the squeezing in my chest. “Bobbi Sue told me all about it today. She said Mama got knocked up with me when she was only sixteen and had to drop out of school. She said Daddy quit, too, and he started workin’ in the mine. Everyone in town knows all about it. Everyone except me.”

  Jesse holds me while I cry. Usually, I’m trying to get him to talk, but tonight his quiet is welcome. There ain’t nothing he can say to make it all better. I just need his arms around me for a bit.

  “That Bobbi Sue Gentry is nothin’ but a troublemaker and a liar. Why would ya go and believe anything that comes outta that girl’s mouth?”

  “I asked Mama about it soon as I came home from school! It’s all true! She done told me so herself!”

  He eases us back to lay down on the pillows and blankets. “Hush now. I know for a fact your mama didn’t tell ya her life was ruined because ya came into this world.”

  “She didn’t have to say it. I know it’s true.”

  “I hear her and your daddy call ya angel all the time. That don’t sound to me like two people who think ya ruined their lives.”

  I twist and turn in his arms to bury my face in his grease-stained shirt. “That’s just what they call me. It don’t mean nothin’.”

  “It means plenty.” He rubs his hand up and down my back. “They ain’t never treated ya like they didn’t want ya. I’ve seen so with my own eyes.”

  “That don’t take away the fact they didn’t get to finish school because of me. Do ya know how hard my poor daddy works in that dang mine to keep a roof over our heads and food in our bellies? What if there’s a cave-in or explosion, and he dies? I worry about it all the time, and I know Mama does, too! He’s so smart, Jesse! He’s just like ya! He coulda been and done anything he wanted if only he got to finish school and weren’t tied down with a family too soon!”

  Jesse squeezes me almost to the point of pain. “Now ya listen up, and ya listen good. Your daddy loves your mama, and they both love ya. He did what he had to do to provide for his family like any good man should. If he didn’t wanna be tied down to ya girls, he could’ve taken off and done whatever he wanted. Plenty of men around town done the same thing, and ya know it. How many kids at school ain’t got daddies at home, huh? And I ain’t talkin’ about mine ‘cause that’s different.”

  “I know Daddy’s a good man. That don’t mean he wanted his life to turn out the way it did. Maybe if he’d never met Mama things would be different for the both of ‘em.”

  “Ya think your daddy don’t want your mama? That what ya think? I see the way he looks at her. He loves your mama with his whole heart. When ya love someone, ya gotta take the bitter with the
sweet and do whatever it takes. Things might not have worked out like he planned, but he did what he had to do for the both of ya.”

  We lie quiet for a little while, the sound of the crickets drowned out by the light rain that’s begun to patter against the roof of the treehouse.

  “Why’d Bobbi Sue up and tell ya all this anyway? Seems a might random thing for her to just walk up and start spoutin’ off stuff she probably don’t know a lick about.” He’s running his fingers through my hair, the callouses catching in the strands.

  Jesse’s soothing motions were lulling me to sleep, but my whole body tenses at his question. I ain’t about to tell him the whole story.

  “Nora?” he prompts with a squeeze. “Why’d she say all that?”

  “I dunno,” I mumble into his chest.

  The truth is, Bobbi Sue had stopped at my locker at the end of the day to warn me. She’d heard from her boyfriend, Billy Joe, that Kenny Lawson was thinking of asking me on a date.

  At first, I was excited. No one ever really pays me much attention except for Jesse, but even that’s only outside of school. In the halls, classrooms, and cafeteria, he still don’t like for us to be seen together. I feel like we have a secret friendship most of the time. It’s kind of exciting, but it makes me sad at the same time. Mostly it just makes me feel like Jesse’s ashamed of being my friend.

  My excitement about Bobbi Sue’s news didn’t last long. She told me she wanted to be nice and let me know the only reason Kenny wanted to date me was so he could sex me up.

  Seems like sex is the only thing people talk about anymore.

  I’m sick of hearing about it. In the hallways, in the locker room, before and after classes start—it’s all everyone’s yapping about. Who had sex with who the night before or over the weekend. The big story last week was how Bobbi Sue and Billy Joe sexed each other up under the bleachers at the football game. That’s just disgusting if you ask me. What if someone had caught ‘em? Bobbi Sue seemed mighty proud of it. I just don’t get it.

  I wasn’t real surprised she wanted to talk about sex to me when she told me about Kenny since sex talk is all that ever seems to come out of her mouth these days. But then that’s when she told me about my mama.

  “Just be careful, Lenore,” she said. “Ya don’t wanna wind up pregnant at sixteen and havin’ to drop outta school like your mama. Her and your daddy had to get special dispensation from the state to get married before they was even eighteen. My mama said it was a real big scandal in the town back in their day.”

  Bobbi Sue walked away with a smile and a flip of her shiny blond hair like she hadn’t just crushed my whole world.

  At first, I was like Jesse and didn’t believe her. So, that’s why soon as I walked in the door from school, I asked Mama about it. I expected her to tell me that Bobbi Sue was just making up stories. She didn’t.

  Everything Bobbi Sue said was true.

  “Nora?” Jesse whispers into my hair. “Ya sleepin’?”

  “No.”

  “Ya feelin’ better?”

  “Not really.”

  “Well, I brought ya a present tonight. Ya hungry? I got an extra pizza from Pete’s before I left.”

  I nuzzle my face into his chest. The last thing I wanna do is make him mad or think I don’t appreciate when he’s nice to me. It’s been happening more and more often. If I’m honest, I’m getting real used to this nice Jesse who wants to help me as much as I help him. “I ain’t really hungry but thank ya kindly. Ya can eat if ya want.”

  His chest heaves on a sigh. “That’s all right. I ate already. Can I ask ya somethin’?”

  “Sure.”

  “I been workin’ so much we ain’t had a lotta time to practice kissin’. I’m thinkin’ I’m startin’ to forget. Ya feel up to helpin’ me out a bit?”

  My laughter is automatic even through my tears. The pizza isn’t to butter me up. I know that right well. He brings me small presents all the time now, but Jesse’s right. Since he started working, I barely see him unless I go to the pizza shop to sit on a chair and yak his ear off while he sweats in front of the big ovens. Mostly, he just listens to me yap on about nothing while he works. He don’t say much in return, and if it gets really busy or crowded, he’ll make me to go home. I don’t think he wants no one to know I’m there to visit with him.

  A sudden thought dries up the giggling in my throat right quick. With all the sex talk going on at school, and everyone pairing up into couples of late, it might be Jesse’s got his eye on a pretty girl to ask on a date and really does need some extra practice before he makes his move. I wonder if he’s only gonna ask her to sex her up, too. He’s the one done told me that a man’s body is always ready for mating. I believe him now more than ever.

  “Nora?” He puts a hand at my jaw and turns my face up to meet his handsome green eyes. “Can I kiss on ya for a while?”

  “Sure,” I whisper. I ain’t really in the mood to help him, but I still gotta be a good angel even when I’m sad. And he did bring me a pizza, even if I don’t wanna eat none of it.

  His thumb brushes across my cheek, swiping at the tears there. I didn’t even realize I was crying again.

  “Hey.” He rubs his lips softly across my sweaty forehead. “No more tears.”

  “Sorry. I can’t help it none. Go on and practice. I’ll be all right.”

  He rolls me onto my side and scoots down on the blankets until we’re face to face. Smoothing my crazy hair out of the way, he stops to rest his big hand on my cheek. “Ya ain’t never ruined anyone’s life, Lenore Wheeler. Least of all your mama and daddy. Don’t pay no attention to Bobbi Sue, ya hear?”

  I nod my head and sniffle even as my lip trembles. It’s hard to fight back wanting to cry until I just fall asleep, but I gotta find a way. Jesse ain’t gonna wanna practice kissing if I’m all teary and snotty. That’d be disgusting.

  His lips touch mine, and he whispers against my skin, his breath fanning across my face in hot rushes as he talks real soft. “You’re a bright, shinin’ light in a world full of darkness, Nora. Don’t let anyone put out your fire. I’d miss it sorely if it were extinguished.”

  I pull my head back to look at his face. He looks a might different than I’m used to. He don’t seem like mean Jesse nor smiling Jesse nor any other Jesse I know. “Them’s real fine words. Where’d ya come up with ‘em?”

  His thumb brushes across my lips as his eyes watch the movement. “Read it in a book once. Seemed fittin’ for the way you’re feelin’ just now.”

  “Thank ya kindly.”

  He nods his head just a little then brings his mouth back to mine. He must know I ain’t really fitting for practicing tonight because I fall asleep with the feeling of his lips on mine. He never tries to open my mouth for his tongue.

  An Ounce of Prevention is Worth a Pound of Cure

  “Aww, well, this ain’t even fair!” Kenny yelps, causing all the other restaurant patrons to gawk at our little trio. “Y’all’s double teamin’ me!”

  Jesse leans back in the booth, stretching his arms over the seat top and rolling his eyes at Kenny’s theatrics. “Naw, this is me callin’ in a solid IOU.”

  “Nuh uh.” Kenny wags his finger across the table in Jesse’s direction. “We done squared away years ago. Ya ain’t got nothin’ left to call in.”

  “Kenny, please,” I plead. I’m not about to bring up any IOU’s or past history or present knowledge. It’s safer to bat my emerald gems and play up my feminine wiles. “They’ll only give us clearance if the class is taught by a certified health practitioner. We’re trying to help these kids like no one helped us.”

  He gives me the stink eye like I’m personally insulting him.

  Okay. Fine. I can see how that was the wrong way to go.

  “It’ll help you, too,” I lead in another direction. “Remember in eleventh grade when Jilly Culpepper got pregnant by Donnie Zayne? When she went to the medical center to deliver her baby, her daddy showed up with a shotgun,
waiting to see which boy in town would show for the big day. He terrorized the doctors and nurses for three days while she labored. You don’t want to be staring down the barrel of a thirty-aught-six while you’re trying to work, do you?”

  He doesn’t look any more convinced. “That’s an argument for gun control laws not sexual education classes.”

  “Shut your mouth,” Jesse hisses, suddenly leaning forward across the table. “Are you tryin’ to get us lynched for incitin’ a mutiny?”

  Kenny glances around as his shoulders hitch up. “Fair point.”

  I’m not sure which would cause the bigger uprising—teaching kids about safe sex since they’re having it anyway or trying to take away a mountaineer’s gun. Either way, we’re playing with fire. And we’re just getting started.

  “Come on,” Jesse cajoles. “Ya know an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I can’t put ya on the payroll ‘cause the district won’t sign off on it. So, name your price. I’m willin’ to pay.”

  A sadistic smile stretches Kenny’s mouth. The kind I just know has dire consequences. “Lenore mentioned you’re tryin’ to bring back the high school Homecomin’ festivities. If that’s the case, then I’ll volunteer to chaperone.”

  That doesn’t sound nearly as bad as expected. Why is he still smiling like a deranged clown?

  “Lenore will be my date. I’m finally gonna get my dance.”

  I suck in a breath of air as Jesse reaches across the table to shake on it.

  “I never said anything about paying you! What does any of this have to do with me?”

  Jesse kicks me under the table and shoots me a side glance that says, “Shut up and go with it, or you’ll ruin this for us.”

  I cross my arms over my chest and slump in my seat, pouting. I know when I’m beaten. “Fine. I’ll be your date. I was planning to chaperone anyway.”

  Kenny pops his eyebrows before climbing out of the bench and throwing some cash on the table to cover his meal. “I was plannin’ on sayin’ yes anyway, but a deal’s a deal.”