Homebound

by Kata Čuić

  “Come on, get your shoes on. We’re goin’ out.”

  That gets my attention right quick. Jesse ain’t never suggested nothing like this before.

  “Where?” I study his face for any tells, but he’s holding his secrets close.

  “I’ll show ya. Now come on, up and at ‘em!” He pounds the mattress with his hands, bouncing me around right along with him.

  I ain’t real keen on doing what he asks. It’s probably just a trick. Jesse ain’t never wanted to take me nowhere before, and I don’t reckon now’s any different. He probably just wants me to come up into the treehouse to see something stupid.

  “Ya better get on outta here before Daddy catches ya. Ain’t ya the one always sayin’ it ain’t fittin’ for ya to be in my room and in my bed?”

  He leans his elbow in front of me just outta spite. “You’re in an awful sour mood even for you. It your womanly time or somethin’?”

  “No!” I kick at him, but he just moves outta the way and laughs. “Best friend or not, that ain’t none of your concern anyhow!”

  He wraps a rough hand around my ankle to stop me from thrashing. “Well, seein’ as how I am your best friend, I always know when it’s your time. Ya get all weepy and thinky and sullen.”

  The blood drains from my face. Mama told me a lady has to keep that time private. “Ya do not know.”

  “I sure do. I can smell the blood when we’re sleepin’ in the treehouse. Now, I’m gonna give ya one more chance to get your shoes, then I’m gonna take matters into my own hands.”

  Bile rises in my throat as the weight of his admission settles in my stomach. I ain’t never sleeping in that tree house or letting Jesse in my window again. He can go on and freeze for all I care.

  “All right. I gave ya a fair warnin’.” He hops off of the bed then throws me over his shoulder in the blink of an eye.

  I pound at his back with my fists and kick my legs to get free, but it ain’t no use. He might be skinny as a rail, but he’s always been stronger than me. “Jesse Yates! Ya put me down this instant! This really ain’t fittin’, and my daddy’s gonna tan your hide for this!”

  He strides down the hallway, laughing the whole time. He only pauses when we reach the sitting room where Mama and Daddy are reading. “I’m kidnappin’ your daughter as requested. She’s bein’ right willful and wouldn’t agree to come peacefully.”

  “Mind the washboards like I done showed ya, ya hear?” Daddy tells him, with no seeming care in the world that Jesse’s got me thrown over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

  Jesse’s response is immediate. “Yessir.”

  I stop struggling when the realization hits me. “Y’all done set me up?”

  Mama’s face appears below mine with a right wicked smile. “I been tryin’ to get ya outta your bedroom and this foul mood for the past two weeks. Ya wouldn’t listen to reason, so I called in reinforcements.”

  She pats the top of my head. “Have a nice time and be a good angel, now, will ya?” Her face disappears. “Thank ya kindly, Jesse.”

  “Anytime, Mrs. Wheeler.” The vision of my parents smiling at Jesse’s antics bobs upside down in front of my eyes as he carries me toward the front door.

  “Bring her home at a decent hour, son,” Daddy calls after us, laughing.

  Well, ain’t this just stranger than a snowstorm in July.

  It ain’t until we’re outside on the driveway that Jesse rights me in his arms, smiling like the Cheshire cat. He don’t put me down, just gestures with his chin for me to look in front of us.

  There—parked behind Daddy’s truck—is a rusty, old pickup I ain’t never laid eyes on before. Suddenly all the time Jesse’s spent working makes sense. I know Daddy’s been teaching him how to drive since he turned sixteen, and I remember they traveled over to Beckley, so Jesse could take his driving test. He was right excited when they came back, and he showed me his little card that said he could drive a car.

  “Someone done broke down their banged up ole heap in front of our house!” I smile up at him.

  He shakes me a bit in his arms, holding me like a mother cradles a child. “Ooh, girl. You’re gonna get it if ya don’t tone down that spiteful mouth of yours tonight.”

  I bounce in his arms as he walks to the passenger side of the truck, opens the door, then sets me in it. It smells funny in here—like old damp socks. The leather seats are faded and ripped, and the carpet’s so dirty it’s impossible to tell what color it’s supposed to be. I turn back to him with building excitement. “Where we goin’? I ain’t got my shoes!”

  He’s leaning against the door, a smile dancing in his eyes, but he shakes his head as he tsks at me. “I done gave ya plenty of chances to get your shoes, but ya didn’t wanna listen. I reckon it don’t matter anyhow since ya won’t be needin’ shoes to just go drivin’ around with me for a while.”

  He closes the door and rounds the hood of the truck. My spirits fall as I watch him. It’s just as I expected. We ain’t going nowhere we might be seen, but Jesse seems right excited when he hauls himself into the driver’s seat and starts the engine with a loud rumble.

  Mama told me to be a good angel, so I gotta try at least. “I reckon this here’s a mighty fine surprise, Jesse. I’m proud of ya for gettin’ your license and workin’ so hard to save up for this here truck.”

  He gives me the small smile as he backs up out of the drive. “This here’s only part of the surprise. You’ll get the rest when we get to where we’re goin’.”

  He don’t say no more—don’t even turn the radio on—as we drive down the bumpy gravel roads away from town. This here’s his truck, so I let him do as he will while I stare out the window at the passing trees. My imagination runs wild with where we might be going, but as we drive thicker into the deserted mountains, I can’t fathom anywhere we’re heading except for a long drive.

  After about an hour, the sun’s leaning lower into the sky when the trees break enough for me to spy it. My eyelids are getting heavy from the silence. The rocking motion of the drive lulls me into a hazy sort of half-sleep.

  Jesse turns down a barely marked path off the road that looks more like it’s for motorcycles and quads than trucks. He stops suddenly then turns the truck around until we’re facing the same path we just came down.

  “Ya stay here while I get everythin’ ready, then I’ll come and get ya, all right?” He gives me that small smile again then climbs out of the truck, slamming the door closed behind him.

  I turn and watch out the rear windshield while he works. He spreads some of the quilts from the treehouse over the dirty bed of the truck then pulls out a pizza box and a couple cans of soda pop and sets them down in the middle before coming around to open my door.

  “Well, come on then.” He lifts me up and carries me around to set me in the bed of the truck, never quite meeting my searching eyes.

  It ain’t until I turn around to watch him climb up that I notice why he picked this spot. We’re on the top of a rocky outcrop, facing west. The sun’s just beginning its descent to the horizon. The sky is ablaze in shades of red, orange, and yellow, and the fading rays of daylight cast the whole forest below us in a tawny gold. The beauty of the sight before me steals the breath right out of my chest.

  “Jesse…How’d ya find this?”

  He settles himself beside me and pops the tab on a can before handing it over to me. Then he opens the pizza box and holds out a slice before answering. “Your daddy brought me drivin’ all over these back roads when he was teachin’ me how to work the gear shift and clutch and all that. When he brought me here I reckoned ya’d like it, so I figured I’d show ya since they wanted me to get ya outta the house for a while.”

  “That’s mighty kind of ya.” I gesture to the spread in front of us. “What’s all this about then?”

  He shrugs and takes a bite of his pizza, keeping his eyes fixed on the lightshow in front of us. “I reckoned it’d be borin’ to just sit here and watch the sunset, so I
figured we might as well eat supper, too.”

  He don’t say nothing else. I can’t quite explain the painful squeezing in my chest, so I keep quiet, too. We watch the sunset and eat in silence until darkness settles over the valley, and the air gets cool and brisk.

  Sometime after we finish eating and without me really realizing it, Jesse and I snuggle together under the quilt I made him to finish watching the last rays of light drain from the sky. I reckon I’m so used to snuggling with him that even after two weeks of going without, using him as my pillow just feels as natural as breathing to me.

  Jesse breaks the silence between us abruptly. “Ya ain’t never given Kenny an answer about his offer, and it’s been two weeks. What’re ya waitin’ on?”

  “I ain’t waitin’ at all. I was just hopin’ he’d forget since I didn’t give him an answer,” I admit quietly into the darkness.

  For a long while, the symphony of crickets is the only sound in the forest. Just as I’m hoping he’s gonna drop the whole dang thing, he squeezes me in his arms. “I’m bettin’ he’d take ya someplace real nice that first date. You’re always wantin’ to get gussied up and prettify yourself. Now’s your chance.”

  Laughter pours out of me even as Jesse squeezes me tighter. “There ain’t nowhere he could take me in Martins Landing that would require prettifyin’.”

  “Well, maybe not,” Jesse agrees. “But he could take ya to the movies, maybe…He’d hold your hand I’m bettin’ all the time. He’d buy ya popcorn and candy and whatever soda ya wanted. Might be he’d even take ya out for dinner before that. Ya’d look real nice strollin’ through town on his arm.”

  “I don’t want what happens after the movies,” I whisper, tears building in my throat. “I don’t never wanna be fucked again. It hurt too much and for days after.”

  He brushes a rough hand across my cheek. “I done told ya it don’t hurt no more after that first time. Ya don’t believe me?”

  “I know ya know more than I do about it, but ya didn’t know how much it was gonna hurt me. Now I don’t know what to believe. ‘Sides, I’m just a stupid girl who don’t know nothin’ about nothin’. I wouldn’t know what to do or what he’d expect of me after treatin’ me so fancy. I just can’t do it.”

  He sighs then sits up, bringing me with him. “Come on. It’s gettin’ a might cold out here. We should get goin’.”

  It takes a while for the engine to warm up enough for Jesse to turn the heat on. I wasn’t really paying much attention on our drive to the look out, but it seems to me we ain’t takin’ the same way back. It feels like we’re just driving around aimlessly. My confusion only grows when he pulls over onto the side of the road and cuts the engine.

  “Somethin’ the matter with your new truck?”

  “Naw,” he whispers, staring out the windshield. “If…If you’ll let me, I wanna help ya some more.”

  “Help me with what?”

  He turns to meet my gaze head on, but my eyes ain’t adjusted to the total dark yet. I can’t make out the expression on his face. “I wanna show ya what’ll happen after your date. Make ya feel comfortable, help ya know what to do, prove to ya it won’t hurt none.”

  My throat closes up, and my heart kicks around in my chest. “Have ya ever been on a date? How do ya even know what’s supposed to happen?”

  His hand finds mine even in the blackness, his fingers curling round my own and squeezing. “I ain’t never been on a date, no. Probably never will. I am a man, and I know what a man wants. I know what Kenny’ll do, ‘cause I know what I’d do.”

  “I don’t know.” My mind hasn’t quite caught up with the aftermath of the first time he fucked me. Is him helping me really worth risking our friendship?

  “Ya ain’t never been afraid of nothin’ before, Nora. It tears me up somethin’ fierce to see ya so scared now. Especially when it’s keepin’ ya from goin’ after somethin’ I know ya really want.”

  I never done thought about it that way before. Might be Jesse is right. Fear is something that only happens when I don’t know what to expect. Seeing as how the boys all had a gym class about this stuff explains why they’re so gun-ho over it. Us girls been kept in the dark and are at their mercy. Might be Jesse is giving me the easy way out. I’m betting none of them other girls had a friend who’s a boy that was willing to walk ‘em through it before they went on their first dates. They’re only friends with other girls.

  “All right.” My voice don’t sound as sure as my mind’s made up to be.

  Jesse squeezes my hand again. “All right. After the movie or whatever fun thing he takes ya to, he’ll come drivin’ the backroads ‘til he finds a secluded spot like this one. He’ll pull over just like I done. He’s got a might nicer car than this here ole truck, so might be he’ll leave it runnin’ to keep ya warm.”

  “All right.”

  He tugs a little on my hand. “He’ll want ya to come to him next.”

  The fear creeps in as I slide over the bench seat to Jesse. Even though he’s my best friend, it’s still scary.

  Jesse takes a deep breath when I’m shoulder to shoulder with him. “He’ll wanna kiss on ya for a while, and he’ll wanna get ya ready for him.”

  Ready for him? My mind don’t have no time to ponder his meaning about that because Jesse’s big hand cups my jaw and turns my face to his. In the next breath, his lips are on mine. All that controlled fire he’s learned, practicing over the years, is unleashed on me. His tongue parts my lips, and I open for him, familiar now with this dance as I am with my own name. It ain’t until we’re both out of breath that Jesse pulls away, panting.

  “He’s gonna want ya closer to him, to feel your body against his.” With that, Jesse’s hands clamp around my waist, then he pulls me on top of him to straddle his lap.

  His mouth finds my neck. My head lolls back because it always feels so dang good like this. Jesse knows I like when he kisses on my neck, but will Kenny?

  Them thoughts and fears ain’t got no time to multiply when Jesse wraps one big hand around my hip and the other against my back to pull me tighter against him. I can feel the hardness between his legs. He grinds himself up into me, the way he does when he’s kissing on me in the treehouse. Except now I’m the one on top. This change ain’t so bad. I reckon it feels a might better like this.

  He pulls back and rests his head against the back of the seat. Now that my sight is used to the dark, I can see his face. His eyes are only half-opened, and he looks like he’s hurting. Might be I’m crushing his manhood beneath me.

  “He’s gonna wanna see ya. A man wants to see his woman. All of her.”

  Jesse’s hands grasp the hem of my shirt, and he lifts it up and over my head. The cool air in the cab of the truck washes over my heated skin. Shivers overtake me. My first instinct is to cover myself, but Jesse’s hands find mine and bring them to rest against his chest.

  “Don’t cover yourself none. Let him look his fill. My God, Nora, you’re beautiful.”

  He places an open palm against my chest, dragging it down over one breast, around my stomach and back up to the other side. Mama always said a woman need keep herself covered because it wasn’t fitting for a man to see her nakedness, but Jesse’s touch makes me feel as beautiful as he says I am. My heart pounds, steady and true, inside my chest as he explores it. He reaches both hands around to the clasp of my bra and fumbles with it until I move to help him. It makes sense he wouldn’t know how it works. It’s not like Jesse wears bras.

  His hot breath fans over my ear as he whispers, “Let him undress ya. It’s like gettin’ to open a present on Christmas mornin’. Sometimes the tape and bows get in the way, but we get the present open all the same.”

  That brings a small laugh out of me.

  He leans back against the seat again with his own smile lighting up his face until his eyes start drinking me in and his breath catches. “He’s gonna wanna take his time now. Haste makes waste, so he’ll wanna explore your beautiful body and get to
know it better.”

  I nod my head because that makes sense. I done heard that phrase a million times growing up. What I ain’t sure about is if I’m supposed to talk while he takes his time. Should there be silence while he does his man’s work? Should I try to carry on a conversation? In the end, I figure silence is better. It’ll let him concentrate on what he’s doing.

  Jesse’s hands map every inch of my skin. Slowly at first, but the more he touches me, the firmer his hands, and the more his breathing picks up. He cups my breasts in his hands, and it seems like he’s testing their weight, which only makes me wanna giggle. If I’m honest, I did the same thing when they grew to this size. It helped me decide what kinds of bras to pick out when Mama finally couldn’t put off takin’ me shopping for them no more.

  He squeezes, and that derails my desire to laugh and my happy memories. My eyes slide closed, and my breath catches in my throat. That feels near as good as it does when he’s kissing on my neck. His rough hands scratch at my sensitive skin, but his touch is sure. He must know it feels good to me because he does it again and again until my head falls back, and I’m pushing my chest into his greedy hands like a wanton kitten that’s hungry for affection.

  His mouth finds my neck again and oh Lord, it’s almost too much, but I never want him to stop.

  “Ya like that, Nora?” he whispers against my skin.

  I bite my lip, unsure if that’s part of what Kenny’ll expect. Will he want me to tell him what I do and don’t like? I always reckoned it was the man’s job to take what pleased him, and the woman’s place to be willing to his advances. He squeezes my breasts harder this time, kneading them the way a cat kneads a blanket. That strange feeling between my legs reappears. My back arches, and he grinds himself up into me again.

  “That’s all right, darlin’. Ya don’t have to say nothin’. I know how to read ya.”

  Will Kenny know how to read me?