Homebound

by Kata Čuić

  Jesse wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. He licks his windburnt lips. “Ya don’t have to be alone no more. I’m here. And if ya tell me right now ya wanna head back to the city, then we’ll pick up and go. I’m never leavin’ your side again, no matter what it takes.”

  I glance around. Mountain folk are hardy, and the changing seasons are simply a part of life. They go on about their business as necessary. With the holidays fast approaching, town is busier than ever. “Are you still that embarrassed to be seen in public with me that you want to leave so soon after returning just to stay by my side?”

  He gives me the look. “If anythin’, I’ve finally accepted I ain’t never gonna be worthy enough to have ya on my arm.”

  “You were always worthy, Jess. You just couldn’t see it.”

  “That’s ‘cause ya were all I could ever see,” he whispers. “Ya still are. Forgive me for all the times I wasn’t there.”

  I fight back tears for fear they’ll freeze to my cheeks. “You’ll have to forgive me for all the times you weren’t there first.”

  He squints at me in confusion for just the briefest moment before crashing his lips to mine right in the middle of the street.

  It’s like every romantic scene I’ve ever read all rolled into one—snow falling softly on our shoulders, dampening our hair that reflects the twinkling Christmas lights hung in the shop windows. He holds me so close, the heat of his body wards away the winter cold. His lips taste like the most delectable feast after going mad with hunger. I throw my arms around his neck and latch onto this perfect piece of time like it might ever truly make up for all the wrongs of the past.

  “I could stand here and kiss ya all night,” he mumbles against my lips. “I don’t reckon I’d be a very good provider if ya freeze to death though. Let’s make a couple more stops then head home.”

  “I want to go into the candle shop if you don’t mind. Mama was eyeing some new scents the last time we came to town.”

  Jesse nods, strangely seeming to think about my suggestion more than warranted. “Candles would be nice. Yeah. I could still salvage this.”

  He drags me into the shop, suddenly—and strangely—excited about home décor. As the owner shows me her newest holiday products, Jesse interrupts every few minutes.

  “Do ya like this one?” He shoves a fifth candle beneath my nose.

  I shake my head. He furrows his brow and dashes off to exchange one for yet another.

  “Mrs. Sils, I have to apologize for my…” I have no idea what to call him. In all the time I’ve loved Jesse this situation has never come up. Just because he kissed me in the middle of town doesn’t mean he wants me to refer to him as…what, exactly? Boyfriend sounds so juvenile and doesn’t nearly convey our complicated relationship.

  “Your?”

  I spin around to find Jesse leaning on the counter right behind me. He gestures for me to go on, a wide smile on his face.

  After a few moments of awkward silence in the shop, he takes another step closer with each offered suggestion. “Handsomest man ya ever laid eyes on? Wisest wizard who solves all your problems? Love of your life?”

  I blow out a nervous breath. “While none of those are untrue, they don’t roll off the tongue so easily.”

  “Try this one.” He holds out a deep green colored candle for me to sniff.

  “Jess.” I inhale again in wonder. “It smells like home.”

  He nods. “Like rushin’ creek water and fall leaves. Bonfires and the wood of the treehouse after a hard rain.”

  Mrs. Sils beams. “That’s one of my most popular scents.”

  “I can see why.” There’s a sparkle in Jesse’s eyes as he places the candle by the register. “We’ll take it. And everythin’ else ya got laid out here.”

  “Oh, no you don’t,” I object. “Those are for my mama.”

  “I know.” He nods like I’m slow. “For Christmas. Ya done told me.”

  “I’ll buy them.”

  He pushes some stray hairs off my forehead and tucks them behind my ear. “We’ll buy ‘em.”

  “Well, my word,” Mrs. Sils declares, her face flushing. “It ain’t fittin’ for a principal to be havin’ an open affair.”

  I hang my head in disgrace. My, how the tables have turned. Jesse was so ashamed of his mama’s behavior, he kept us hidden from everyone in town for fear of bringing down my reputation. Now the single, unmarried mother is the one tarnishing a fine, upstanding man like him in the public eye. Anne has the excuse of youth on her side, but I have nothing to hide behind.

  Jesse raises my chin with a gentle hand. He keeps his gaze focused on me even as he addresses her, “Mrs. Sils, I would never dream of doin’ somethin’ in the dark I didn’t want brought into the light. I been courtin’ this woman for so many years there ain’t no respectable reason to consider it an affair.”

  “Well. Ya could do better is all I’m sayin’,” she mutters.

  “Ya know what?” Jesse threads my arm through the crook in his elbow. “I don’t reckon we want none of this after all. Us high-falutin’, scandalous city types like to do all our shoppin’ on the internet anyway.”

  No matter how much I drag my feet or try to escape his hold, he keeps me tucked firmly against his side as he leads us out of the shop.

  “Jess,” I protest. “You wanted that candle. You should get it.”

  He gives me the look. “I wanted to set up a nice romantic evenin’ for ya. I don’t need a candle that smells like all the best parts of home when I get to live it in real life. We’ll buy your mama a Christmas gift online.”

  I plant my feet until he has no choice but to stop walking. “This isn’t ever going to work. We’re like Romeo and Juliet. Things are never going to magically fall into place for us.”

  “For an English teacher, I’d think ya’d know that story is a tragedy not a romance.”

  “I know. That’s my point.”

  He shakes his head, but a smirk threatens to spread into a full-blown smile as he faces me. “I definitely need to step up my efforts if ya think this here between us is a tragedy.” He leads me across the street. “How about a nice bottle of wine?”

  “You don’t even like wine.” I give up fighting him. It’ll only cause a bigger scene if there’s a struggle between us. “And we don’t have internet at mama and daddy’s house. I have to go to the library if I need to get online outside of school.”

  “I got a hot spot for my laptop since I’m always workin’. We can go to the trailer, so we won’t ruin the surprise.” He tips his head and squints his eyes. “’Course, that ain’t the most romantic settin’, but it’ll do for now.”

  “Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy because they died for their love,” I point out. “Neither of us are dead yet, but it’s a tragedy for you to still be living in that old trailer alone because you’re spending money on things like wine that you aren’t even going to drink.”

  The bell on the door clangs to announce our arrival as Jesse pushes me inside the local wine shop. “It’s a tragedy my mama got caught up in the life she did for lack of education. I ain’t gonna turn my back on her, but I ain’t gonna go another five years without ya just ‘cause I ain’t got a big house yet. That might actually kill me.”

  “Jesse Yates,” I whisper as the shop owner cranes his neck across the counter to stare at us standing in his doorway. “Are you openly admitting you only want to romance me to have your way with me?”

  “All’s I hear in your question is that ya ain’t outright sayin’ no.” He grins. “I’m fixin’ to romance ya so well, you’ll wanna have your way with me again.”

  Five Years Ago

  “Ya feel that, Nora?” Jesse grunts in my ear as his chest splays across my back. “Do ya? There ain’t enough moonshine in the world to keep me from gettin’ hard for ya. I’m gonna fuck ya right into the New Year.”

  Between us, we’d shared a fifth of Daddy’s special holiday homebrew. I’m so wasted I can’t sense my
own limbs. I don’t like the way I feel so out of control. I definitely ain’t looking forward to the way I’m bound to feel tomorrow.

  But it’s New Year’s Eve, and we’re both broke college students who can’t afford a classy bottle of champagne or even a cheap bottle of wine, which I’ve taken a liking to thanks to my sorority sisters.

  Jesse thrusts particularly hard, actually moving me up the blankets. An involuntary groan escapes me. He tightens his grip on my hips and speeds up his movements. “I know ya like it hard and dirty when the mood strikes ya. Ssh. I’ll give ya what ya want, but ya gotta keep it down.”

  I’m chewing my lip all right, but it’s not an effort to stay silent. My mama always used to tell me not to do anything in the dark I wouldn’t want brought into the light. It’s been years, and Jesse still won’t claim me out in the open.

  I love him so much. It hurts.

  “’Course,” he moans as he impales me deeply. “It wouldn’t hurt to hear ya scream my name a few times neither.”

  I’m on the verge of laughing—my irrational fears assuaged with just a few words—when the din of pots and pans being banged rings through the frigid night air. It’s midnight. Bottle rockets and rifles shooting off into the darkness announce the changing of the calendar year.

  Jesse grabs my hair, tugging my head back as he bends over me and plants wet, open-mouthed kisses along my neck. “Happy New Year, darlin’.”

  “Happy New Year, Jesse,” I whisper. It’s tough to keep the tears out of my voice when I have as little control over my emotions as I do my body. I’m never drinking that horrid stuff again.

  He doesn’t let go of his hold on my locks after our exchange, simply pulls harder and ruts more violently into me. He’s going to break the dang treehouse with his force. “Come on, girl. I’ve been holdin’ off for so long. Come for me.”

  The jig’s up. If I fake it, he’ll know.

  “I can’t,” I whine.

  “Pretend,” he coaxes, biting my shoulder and covering my back with his chest. “Pretend we’re in our big warm house that I’m gonna build ya.”

  “I’m too drunk. I can’t pretend.”

  His thrusting slows until he finally pulls out and flips me over onto my back like a ragdoll. Bracing on his elbows on either side of my head, he looks down at me with sparkling eyes and chuckles. “Ya never could handle your homebrew.”

  “How are you not as drunk as I am?”

  He leans into me until his hot breath fans across my face. “I already told ya. There ain’t enough liquor in the world to keep me from wantin’ ya. I’m plenty drunk...makes no matter.”

  “I hate the way ya drink now. I hate your stupid fraternity. I hate how you’re changin’ and leavin’ me behind again.”

  His tongue parts my lips like I never said a word. The kiss is deep, languid, and sensual. “I’ll pretend for ya tonight.”

  He works his way across my cheek, along my jawbone, behind my ear and down my neck. “My sweet Nora…”

  Pushing into me without any hindrance, he fluidly builds himself back up. He stills and releases with a gush of air across my collarbone.

  “Ya feel sick at all, darlin’?” He presses a firm kiss against my mouth as he withdraws. “I know ya fancy sorority girls don’t drink like me and my frat brothers. Ya probably just ain’t got the tolerance for it.”

  I blink against the spinning sensation while he removes and disposes of the condom. Shivering overtakes me at the loss of his body heat.

  “Come here,” he whispers, gathering me against him and piling the blankets on top of us. “Sleep it off, and I’ll keep ya warm. I love ya.”

  “I love ya so much, Jess.” My words sound funny with my tongue swollen and sticking to the roof of my mouth. “I don’t want nothin’ comin’ between us no more.”

  The last thing I feel is his lips on my forehead.

  I don’t know what wakes me. A sound, a feeling, my pounding head. As I fight through the haze of sleep, I realize it’s Jesse over me, in me, moaning in my ear.

  “Oh, darlin’. Ya feel so good. So good. I’ll never get enough. I’ll want your sweetness until my dyin’ day.”

  His movements are measured. As deep as he can go then nearly out. Over and over, he rocks into me at a steady pace. My mind is fuzzy from all the ‘shine and being pulled from slumber.

  “Come for me just one time, Nora. One time, and I’ll be satisfied.”

  The only thing I can do is moan as he fills me.

  “Darlin’, I can’t hold out,” he groans. “Ya gotta come for me. Just once, I’m beggin’ ya. I need to feel all of ya against all of me. Give it to me. Give it to me now.”

  He grabs my thigh and lifts my leg to wrap around his hip. With his other hand, he reaches under my bottom and tips me up to him. The change in angle drives him deeper inside me, and he thrusts with a punishing rhythm.

  “Come. Now. I need it,” he grits. “Right. Now.”

  It’s enough. Even through the fog that won’t quite let me go, my body responds to his command.

  “My Nora.” He breathes into my neck, collapsing on top of me. “Oh, Lord.”

  For long minutes, the only sound is his accelerated breathing. His heart pounds against my chest. The weight and warmth of him over me like a human blanket lulls me back to sleep with him still inside me.

  “That was so good,” he moans, rousing me again with open-mouthed kisses all over my neck. “Best it’s ever been. I love ya so, darlin’.”

  I twist my head to gaze at him in confusion. Jesse and I please each other in all sorts of different ways every break, all break long. Seems that’s all we do anymore.

  He slips out and rolls off me, turning his gaze to me with an easy smile on his face.

  That’s when I feel it. A slow, steady trickle seeps against my thighs.

  “Oh, God,” I breathe and sit up, swallowing against the bile rising in my throat as a rush of warmth pools beneath me on the blankets. “Jesse, the condom broke.”

  He rises onto his elbow beside me and cups my cheek in his calloused hand before turning my face to his gaze. “What’re ya goin’ on about? Ya know I wasn’t wearin’ one.”

  “What?”

  “Darlin’, don’t ya remember? Ya wanted to feel me without anythin’ between us.”

  His green eyes flit over my face, studying me as if I’m off my rocker.

  “What?”

  He bolts upright fully and frames my face with both hands, eyeing me with the same panic that’s building in my chest. “Lenore. What’s my name? Where are we?”

  I slap his hands away and rise on trembling legs. One thought permeates my haze. Frantically searching for my clothes, I whack my head off the low ceiling in my rush to dress.

  I register Jesse moving around on the floor. “Oh, hell. Maybe it was a bad batch...Where’s the damn bottle?”

  I’ve only just thrown open the flimsy door of the treehouse when his firm hands on my shoulders pull me back. He spins me around to face him. “You’re scarin’ me. It can’t be bad mash that’s makin’ ya act this way. I drank it, too. Now, where do ya think you’re goin’?”

  “I’ve gotta go wash it out! I’ve gotta wash your seed outta me! Let go! I’ve gotta go wash!”

  He shakes me then pulls me into him, crushing me against his chest with arms that are stronger than I remember. “Darlin’, ssh. Calm down. Lower your voice. You’re gonna wake your mama and daddy. Why ya bein’ this way? Ya said ya loved me. Ya said ya wanted it.”

  I push until he relents and releases his hold on me. “I never! What were ya thinkin’? Ya know what this means to me! I don’t wanna wind up like my mama and daddy! How could ya do this to me?”

  The look of absolute shock on his face should give me pause, but it doesn’t. I’m in full-on panic mode.

  “Nora. What are ya sayin’?”

  “I’m sayin’ I’m drunk, and ya took advantage. What kind of man does that? I’ll tell ya what kind. The deceivin’ kind who on
ly wants to fuck a woman for his own pleasure in the dark without paradin’ her around town on his arm in the light of day.”

  Rage blooms across his countenance. “That what ya think? Ya think I’m not man enough for ya?”

  “I think ya ain’t never loved me more than ya love yourself. This here proves it.”

  He never raises his voice but grinds his jaw as he breathes deeply. “Go on, then. Git. Go wash me outta ya.”

  I turn and climb down the tree faster than I ever have in my whole life.

  You Made the Bed, Now Lie in It

  There is nothing romantic about multiple online retailers being sold out of the most popular Christmas toys. The annoying way the internet keeps cutting out isn’t really improving my mood either.

  “Ugh.” I fall back onto the carpet. “For the first time in her little life, I can afford to buy Anne gifts that aren’t second-hand from a thrift shop, but I got so busy at work, I waited too long. Either they don’t have what she’s asking for, or it won’t ship in time. Now what?”

  “Now you let your wizard work his magic.” Jesse hands me a glass of wine.

  I can’t drink it flat on my back, so I sit up beside him where he’s settled next to me. The floor isn’t the most comfortable spot to discuss our options, but I refuse to sit on that couch. “Unless you’re also secretly one of Santa’s elves, we’re screwed. I made my bed, now Anne’ll have to lie in it.”

  “Will ya please drink that and relax?”

  Well. Since he said please and all.

  I sip and watch as he easily hits gold at Wally World. Nearly everything is in stock, but the arrival dates are anywhere from December 26th to January 3rd. He adds the items to his cart, chooses in-store pickup, then closes his laptop, a smug smile tipping his mouth.

  “You’re gonna drive all the way to Beckley to pick up toys for Anne just because they wouldn’t ship in time?”

  He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Sure enough. It’s only a little over an hour away. I’ll go on Saturday, pop in and visit Mama, then fetch Anne’s gifts. Problem solved, and I’ll kill two birds with one stone.”