The Baby Barter

by Patty Smith Hall

  She and Mack watched as Miss Zelda limped over toward her sister, then turned and headed down the sidewalk. Mack gave a low whistle and shook his head. “Thought I was going to have to break up a tussle there for a moment.”

  Oh, dear. Thea hadn’t thought how this episode might embarrass him. “I’m so sorry, Mack. I wasn’t thinking how this might look for you.”

  “Are you kidding? That woman’s been a burr in everyone’s side since the second she and her sister got off the train.” Her skin tingled when he pushed a dislodged curl behind her ear. “But you, you had her tamed in a matter of seconds.”

  “I’m not so sure she’s tamed. All I did was be honest with her.”

  “Well, that was enough to earn her respect.” Mack took her elbow and leaned closer, his breath a soft rustle against her ear. “I was mighty proud of the way you handled yourself.”

  Mack was proud of her? How was that even possible? Her presence at Ms. Aurora’s house, as innocent as it was, had caused a scandal that could have robbed him of his livelihood and his one chance to adopt Sarah. Of course, this marriage gave him what he wanted most, the opportunity to raise Sarah. But children grew up. One day in the not so distant future, Sarah would leave home and build a life of her own. What would become of their marriage then?

  “I can hear that brain of yours working all the way over here.”

  She shook her head slightly. “Just thinking.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “It’s nothing.” Thea pushed the thoughts away and focused on the present. “What exactly is this errand we’re supposed to be on?”

  “We kind of got sidetracked, didn’t we?” He maneuvered her around a parked car and across a deserted side street. “Anyway, Sarah’s not going back to Ms. Aurora’s after the surgery, not if we want to keep her from catching something else. I know you’ve been painting the nursery but if we want to get the social worker’s approval we really do need to look at buying a baby bed and stuff.”

  “You’re right.” And here she’d been thinking of something of a more romantic nature, like another trip out to Lover’s Pass. She should have known better. Thea unclenched her hands. “You know, we’ve already got that dresser in the guest bedroom that’s not being used. I thought I’d sew some padding together and make the top of it into a changing table so we wouldn’t have to go out and spend money on one.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that. I’d picked out a crib for her before we got married, but it’s up to you. I know you’ll want to make it perfect for Sarah.” He hesitated, and for a moment Thea thought she caught a glimpse of color in his cheeks. “I’m not real good at this decorating stuff. I only bought the house right off the town square because I wanted Sarah close by to where I work so I can drop in on her during the day, maybe take her to the park in the evenings.”

  Thea tried to drum up some degree of annoyance, but how could she? Mack not only wanted to be a part of Sarah’s life, he’d planned his life around her. What a blessed little girl she was, to have that certainty of Mack’s love. What must that feel like, to be loved so completely, so unconditionally by this man? Maybe, one day, she might have that kind of love, the kind of family she’d always wanted with this man who was so good and kind, better than she deserved. If he offered her a chance at love, she’d embrace it with her whole being.

  And if he couldn’t love her? She’d take whatever he was willing to offer as long as she could stay with him and Sarah.

  Thea cleared her throat. “Well, if you want me to, I could stop by Mr. Hice’s department store and make a list of the items I think we’ll need. Then we could talk it over at dinner tonight.”

  “I was kind of wanting to do the shopping together. Maybe pick out something that we both liked.”

  It was such a sweet gesture, the kind of thing a real married couple would do together as a way of welcoming their new baby into their home. Thea could almost envision Mack sitting cross-legged on the floor, wrestling with the directions for the crib while she folded each diaper and nightgown, all the tiny bibs and playsuits, and arranged them lovingly in the dresser, anticipating the arrival of their little one.

  Oh, dear! She really needed to stop daydreaming like that before Mack figured it out.

  “I took the afternoon off so that we could do this together.”

  An entire afternoon with Mack! Thea intended to savor every moment. “I was in Hice’s Department Store the other day and noticed they had a nice selection of baby things. Why don’t we go there and have a look first, then decide where else we might like to go?”

  Mack gave her an easy smile. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

  “Good.” Thea took a step in the direction of the store but Mack’s hand at her elbow stayed her. She tilted her head back to look at him. “What is it?”

  “I just wanted you to know.”

  Her pulse quickened. “Yes?”

  “When I decide to sweet-talk you,” he whispered, his blue eyes pinning her, robbing her of what little breath she had, “you’ll definitely know it.”

  * * *

  “What would you like to look at first?”

  Mack glanced around the baby department of the store and suddenly felt overwhelmed. Along one high wall was every conceivable item a baby would ever need—diapers, washcloths, soaps and blankets in a rainbow of pastel shades, decorated with tiny stitched emblems of ducks, frogs and rabbits. Racks of tiny clothes filled out the area, making him feel like a giant out of one of those fairy tales he read in the evenings to Sarah. Along the other wall, a row of cribs stood at attention, ready for their inspection.

  He glanced down at Thea, her expression bright with anticipation and excitement. “It’s a lot to take in.”

  Thea leaned into his arm and gave him a playful shove that sent his senses reeling. “We’re not buying out the entire store, silly man. Just the necessities.”

  That was a relief. He wasn’t sure his bank account could take another hit so soon after buying a house. “Do babies really need all this stuff?”

  Thea shook her head. “Babies just need to eat, sleep and be kept warm and clean. And, of course, be loved.”

  “And this?” Mack swept his arm out to take in the entire section.

  “For the parents. Makes them feel like they know what they’re doing.”

  Mack gave a bark of laughter. It was nice to hear a woman say exactly what she thought. “Then what would you suggest we look at first?”

  “The crib you picked out would be a good start.”

  “This way.” He held out his elbow to her, the air crackling between them as she looped her arm through his, her hand a warm weight. It felt so natural to be with her like this. But he couldn’t help worrying that the fragile relationship they were building might crumble at any moment.

  The letter from Mrs. Williams burned a hole in his pocket. What would Thea do with the letter? Would it change how she looked at Sarah, at their marriage? Mack knew how he felt. Thea was the only mother Sarah needed, and the only woman he wanted as his wife.

  “What do you think of this one?”

  Mack jerked himself out of his thoughts and glanced at the cherrywood baby bed Thea was examining. “Looks like one of the jail cells down at the county lockup.”

  She shot him a quelling look. “This is important.”

  Goodness gracious, but she was taking this much too seriously. “It’s a crib, Thea.”

  “Where Sarah will sleep for a third of her day, every day for the next two years or so.”

  A third of her day? How had she come up with that number? Eight hours in a twenty-four hour day is... Mack studied her with new appreciation. “I’d never thought of it that way.”

  Thea pushed up on the railing then gently slid it down to the floor. “It’s something my nursing professor told me rig
ht before she began scheduling our class for thirty-six hour shifts.” Her lips turned up in an impish grin. “Guess she didn’t figure nursing students fit into that category.”

  “Understaffed sheriffs don’t, either.” Mack walked over to the other side of the crib and stretched his arms across the top of the railing. “Did you like nursing school?”

  “It was all right. A means to an end.” She pressed her hand into the mattress as if to test it, then nodded. “My clinicals were particularly tough because the staff at the hospital where I studied relied on nursing students to pick up the slack. I don’t think I slept for the entire two years I was in school.”

  “Then you joined the army and didn’t sleep for four more.”

  “That’s about the gist of it.” Her eyes sparkled with humor as she turned and walked over to the crib behind him.

  Mack twisted around, the fragrance of ginger and sweet tea floating around him as she moved closer, the urge to take her hand, tug her into his arms and kiss her almost unbearable. But common sense stopped him. Their marriage was an arrangement, a “means to an end” as she put it. The thought of the years ahead, married yet not truly in a marriage with Thea, left him feeling more alone than he thought possible. At least he’d be Sarah’s father, but even that wasn’t enough, not when he loved Thea more than he ever could have believed.

  “What about you? Do you like being the sheriff?

  He shrugged. “I guess. It pays the bills.”

  Thea glanced back at him. “That doesn’t sound like you.”

  Of all the things she could have said, he wasn’t expecting that one. “How would you know that? You haven’t been around for the last eight years.”

  “Maybe, but I know you used to pore over law books when you didn’t think anyone was watching. And you interned during the summer with Judge Huffman your junior and senior year so he’d write you a recommendation for college.” Thea turned and leaned back against the crib’s railing. “You were always so passionate about going to college and then to law school. What happened?”

  Mack’s gut tightened. Wasn’t this the opening he’d wanted, to come clean and be honest about that night? If he wanted a future with Thea, he needed to tell her what had happened to put his life on a different course. Discussing it in the baby section of the town’s department store just hadn’t been his plan.

  “I shouldn’t have asked you that. It’s none of my business.”

  Mack reached out and took her hand, her cool tapered fingers a balm to emotions roiling around inside him.

  Mack cleared his throat. “I didn’t go to college because I couldn’t afford it.”

  A tiny line of confusion formed between her perfectly arched brows. “But you had a full scholarship to play football.”

  He’d hoped she wouldn’t remember that part. “After my car accident, the doctors wouldn’t sign a medical release. So the university rescinded their offer.”

  Her face paled. “You were that badly injured? A doctor would only do that if you had a long-term medical issue or if there was a risk of doing further injury to yourself.”

  Mack gave a humorless snort. “Yeah, that’s what the doctors told me, too.”

  Thea’s gaze shifted to the area where the scar lay hidden under his hair. “From the placement of the injury, they must have thought you’d lose your eyesight or your hearing.”

  Mack couldn’t help the slight smile. Thea always had been sharp as a knife. “Cochlear concussion, they called it. I’m partially deaf.”

  Thea’s eyes widened, her creamy skin a ghostly white, concern etched in her expression. She nibbled at her lip as if to keep it from trembling. “That must have been a horrible accident.”

  “It didn’t look too bad at the time. The doctors were more concerned with my broken jaw than anything.” He hesitated. “Then I noticed I couldn’t hear what was going on right beside me. That’s when the doctors sent me for a hearing test and discovered the problem. They felt that there was a chance another blow to my head would make me completely deaf in that ear.”

  And there it was. That look on her face was the reason he hated telling anyone what had happened to him. Who wanted to be pitied? To have their lives defined by one random moment? Pity colored how people viewed him, how he saw himself.

  As if he were less of a person. Sometimes it felt as if he’d never been that boy Thea had known back in high school. The accident had taken more than his hearing and his dreams of being a lawyer. It had taken a part of his very soul.

  Consider it all joy, My brethren, when you encounter various trials.

  Okay, God, I get it. You never promised life would be a rose garden. But when does this trial end so that I can experience the joy?

  “You could still go to college.”

  Mack grimaced. He was the one with the bad ear, not her. Had she not listened to a word he’d said? “That’s not possible.”

  “Why not?”

  “You’re not serious.” Mack jerked his head around toward her. Everything from her earnest gaze to the determined set of her jaw spoke of her sincerity. “I’m almost completely deaf in my right ear.”

  “Someone once told me that nothing worth having ever comes easily.” Her blue-gray eyes challenged him.

  Leave it to Thea to remember some motto he’d tossed out at her when things were tough back in high school. But, as much as he hated to admit it, there was a grain of truth to what she said. “I thought nurses were supposed to have the gift of mercy.”

  “Sometimes it’s more merciful to be honest than to allow someone to drown in self-pity.”

  Ouch! Mack stepped back as her words sank in. Was that what he’d been doing, wallowing in self-pity? He thought for a moment. Why hadn’t he found another way to go to school when the scholarship fell through? Had it been easier to not try rather than face his limitations every day in the classroom?

  But it was too late for him. He’d missed his chance. He had a house payment, a job, and a wife and daughter. Or was he just using them as more excuses not to try?

  Pinpricks of awareness raced up his arm as she joined him, her warm hand closing over his. “I’m sorry, Mack. Sorry that you had to go through all of that. But I believe in you, and if you want to go to school, we’ll find a way.”

  Thea wanted to give him his dream. Before he knew what he was doing, Mack grasped her hand and tugged her into his arms, all the hurt and anger over the past few years that had borne down on him finally, blessedly, lifting. She fit neatly under his chin, her feminine curves a perfect match for the hard plains of his body, the scent of ginger and tea invading his senses as she nestled closer. “Aw, Thea. I can always count on you to tell me what you think about things, even when it’s hard for me to hear.”

  The brim of her hat softly bumped his chin as she tilted her head back. “Then, can I tell you something?”

  Mack braced himself. No telling what the woman might say this time. “What’s that?”

  Thea tilted her head back, that impish grin he was coming to adore flashing at him. She nodded toward the crib behind her. “I love this baby bed.”

  A bark of laughter erupted from Mack’s throat. The next hour flew by as they looked through bedding and blankets, diapers and safety pins, bottles and bibs. A seemingly endless pile of baby items awaited them as they followed the sales clerk to the register. As the order was being rung up, Mack turned to ask Thea a question but she wasn’t there. He scoured the clothing racks before finally finding her in a small selection of rocking chairs at the corner of the department.

  Mark turned back to the clerk. “Can you wait just a moment? I may need to add something to the bill.”

  The young woman’s smile brightened. “Of course. Take all the time you need.”

  Mack skirted around the racks until he stood just a few feet from Thea, sitt
ing in one of the rocking chairs lining the wall. Sooty lashes rested gently against the curve of her cheek, several strands of silky blond hair fell free from their place behind her ear, giving her a mussed look that was in perfect contrast to the orderly woman Mack knew her to be. Life and experiences had changed her, molded her into the strong, capable woman she’d become. Yet Mack sensed a vulnerability beneath her strength, and a heart for others that risked being hurt. A surge of protectiveness welled up inside him. He would do whatever it took to keep her heart from being broken.

  Even at the risk of my own.

  Her eyelids fluttered open, the soft dreamy look in her eyes tugging at his heart. “Did I fall asleep again?”

  “Looks like it.” Mack slipped down into a chair next to her. “Maybe you need to have Beau check you out.”

  She drew in a deep breath through her nose and stretched her back into a slight arch before resting back against the chair. “Got to grab some shuteye whenever you can.”

  Mack glanced around. “Even in a department store?”

  She gave him a gentle smile. “Even in a hedgerow outside of Caen during a forty-seven hour bombing raid and nonstop surgery.”

  His respect for her grew even more, if that was possible. “Sarah’s a lucky little girl to have you for a mother.”

  Thea tilted her head toward him, the soft glow in her eyes snatching what breath he had. What would it be like to make Thea light up like that for him? “That’s a sweet thing to say.”

  “It’s true. You’re going to be a wonderful mother.”

  “I just hope I’m better at it than I was at being a sister.”

  She’d always done that, beaten herself up over how Eileen had turned out. Maybe Thea was ready to hear a few truths of her own. “You were a great sister, Thea. It was Eileen who had a problem.”

  “I know. She was hurting so much.” Thea drew in a defeated breath. “Maybe if I’d been here when Sarah was born, things would have turned out differently.”

  “You don’t know that.” He couldn’t stand to see her blame herself for Eileen’s decisions. Mack reached out and covered her hand, surprised when her fingers threaded through his as if by habit. “Your sister probably would have given up her baby, anyway.”