by M. Sembera
Smiling down at her, I tightened my grip on her hand. "I just want to make sure."
It was a lie. I wasn’t that invested in where or what we ate. In fact, dinner was the furthest thing from my mind and had been all night. The truth was, I couldn’t think of anything else to say because all I wanted was to be inside of her.
The room was nice. I watched Tansy take a quick look around before turning back to me.
"Want me to check the mini fridge for something to drink?"
"No."
There was a playful expression on her face as she took a few steps back.
"Do you want to watch TV?"
Shaking my head from side to side, tension began to build between my shoulder blades as I stalked towards her.
Tilting her head to the side, a light smile formed across those glossy lips of hers. "What do you want?"
My chest ached as I replied, "You."
I stood just a few inches from her and stared down into the wanting look in her eyes, she was willing me to reach out and touch her, I could feel it and it was the only feeling I wanted.
"I've always wanted you, even before I knew what that really meant," I shared, taking her face in my hands.
I was obsessed with the sensation of having her fingers knotted in my hair while I made love to her. I craved her lusty murmurs. I couldn’t decide if it was heaven or hell. I'd never be able to get the taste of her out of my mouth or the scent of her off of my hands.
Slow and easy kisses gradually came to a halt. No matter how badly I wanted to fall asleep with Tansy in my arms, I didn’t want to asleep.
"Are you falling asleep?" I asked, running a finger across her collarbone.
Without opening her eyes, a light smile formed as she whispered, "I was thinking about it."
I needed to keep her talking, keep her awake until I worked up some nerve. I kind of wanted to tell her that I loved her.
"I was thinking, I've seen you naked more than once now. Were you and Palmer messing with me?"
One of her eyes opened followed by a look of mischief. She knew exactly what I was talking about but she was going to make me ask anyway.
"So, where's this alleged tattoo of yours?"
Shaking her head back and forth, she laughed before slowly sitting up.
"What's so funny?" I questioned, sitting up next to her.
With both hands, she scooped the back of her hair up and held it on top of her head.
Tattooed on the back of her neck were two arrows. One arrow had First as the quill and the other quill was Tansy. I wanted to touch it but I was confused. The arrows crossed each other in the center like an X making our arrows pointed in different directions.
Her voice sounded light and soft as she asked, "Do you like it?"
My voice cracked as I assured, "I do, I like it a lot."
It was another truth but I didn’t like that our arrows were pointed in different directions, like we just crossed paths at a point in time. What we had was more. I wanted it to be more.
"I got it as a symbol of our friendship."
Turning to face me she placed her hand against my cheek.
"Now it feels more like a memento of this summer."
Gazing into her hazel eyes, it felt like something inside me was about to crumble as I questioned, "And what is this summer?"
"It's beautiful."
Closing my eyes as I nodded, pretending to agree, I felt her lips brush against mine.
Tansy was beautiful. Making love to her was too, but leaving it at a summer thing made us, and what we're doing here, ugly. A part of me wanted to call things off right then and there. I already had enough memories that would take me a lifetime to try to forget. Her lips drug down the side of my neck as she inched closer. I tried to keep my eyes closed but I couldn't help myself. Pulling her down with me, I wrapped her up in my arms. She was soft, perfect and, at the moment, all mine.
I love her.
Chapter Thirteen
Two weeks after our date, I was having withdrawals from her. I needed to touch her, smell her, taste her. I kept busy helping get ready for my grandparents’ anniversary party but I couldn’t think straight. The few times I’d been able to see her everyone else was there too and it was killing me not being able to get close to her.
Sitting in my Aunt Penny’s kitchen, I started wondering if Palmer was the right guy to talk to about Tansy. Don’t get me wrong, I was glad we went out on a date but realistically, we couldn’t keep sneaking off out of town. We agreed, the morning after our date, to wait until after our grandparents’ party. Whatever that meant, I still wasn’t clear on where we stood or if she wanted anything beyond the summer.
Aunt Penny and Uncle Seth had already left for work leaving Roe and I at the table to finish eating and to clean up.
“How long have you and Joie been seeing each other?”
Without looking up from his plate, Roe questioned, “Why?”
“Just asking.”
Setting his fork down, he glared at me.
“I know you were asking. I asked why?”
Folding my arms on top of the table, I shrugged, replying, “It seems like it would be hard to keep something like that secret for a long time.”
“It’s not.”
Damn, he’s hard to talk to.
“But what if you fell in love with her?”
“That wouldn’t change what it is.”
“So what is it?”
“Between me and Joie.”
Smiling at him, I had to laugh. “Alright then.”
Since talking to Roe was like talking to a brick wall, and if I kept going to Palmer for advice there no telling what I’d end up doing next, I decided to suck it up, be a man, and talk to my dad. From stories I heard growing up, he and my mom didn’t have the easiest start. Maybe he could give me some direction.
Scowling at me, my dad ran his hand down the front of his beard.
“And you want me to give you advice?”
At the risk of getting too sarcastic with him, I answered, “That’s why I said, ‘hey, dad, I need your advice’.”
He took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I can’t help you.”
How can that be taken the right way?
“You can’t?”
“Look, son, I learned a long time ago that the only way to resolve somethin’ is to talk to the person you’re tryin’ to fix things with.”
“No, I don’t need to fix anything, I need to know what to do,” I stressed.
“Then don’t you think Tansy’s the one you should be talkin’ to?”
“I don’t think she knows either,” I admitted.
“Well then, I still think you should talk to her and if it’s meant to be then y’all can figure things out together.”
Nodding, I requested, “Can you not tell mom?”
Dad let out a heavy sigh before agreeing, “I don’t think she needs to know.”
“Thanks.”
With a quick nod, he shared, “I’m going to tell you something that was told to me the first time I took your mom out, and again when we got engaged.”
“What’s that?”
“Good luck.”
Sometimes, you can feel a weight that’s been holding you down being lifted. That’s what talking to my dad did. Without the vague responses I was giving to his questions or the cryptic advice he was offering, we sat down and had a real man to man talk. He didn’t solve anything for me, what he did do was give me hope that together, Tansy and I could work out.
I have a lot of respect for my grandparents, that’s why I parked down a dead end dirt road a quarter mile from their house instead of right in front of it.
It was hot even with the car running and the air conditioner vents blowing directly on us. I fully intended on just talking to Tansy when I picked her up from Joie’s but she wouldn’t keep her hands to herself. Straddling my lap, she smiled down at me in my reclined
driver’s seat. Her expression relaxed into more of a sultry gaze before she began grinding down onto me.
“You shouldn’t play like that,” I warned, reaching out and grabbing her hips to stop her.
“Who says I’m playing?”
Sliding my hands from her hips, up her back and into the back of her hair, I pulled her to me.
“Are you?” I questioned with her lips only inches from mine.
She answered me with a long slow kiss that seemed to send us both into a frenzy.
Although, I was thankful that she was into wearing sundresses; I couldn’t get to her fast enough. She was biting at the bottom of my lip as I worked my hand down between us. I wanted to pull her out of my car and bend her over the hood but I couldn’t because someone might see us. The thought stuck in my head and I needed to feel her like that.
“Turn over.”
Tansy turned her body on top of mine as she followed my command. One of my hands reached down to adjust the seat while the other guided myself inside of her. She was hugging the steering wheel as I pushed her dress as far up her back as possible, holding it at her shoulder blades so I could taste her skin. She rolled her hips over mine and everything was perfect.
It wasn’t long before her hands were pressed against the inside of my windshield and she was begging for me to come apart with her. Taking hold of her hips, I jerked her down, thrusting us both into oblivion.
“That may be a record.” Her laugh sounded whispery under heavy breath as she relaxed on to the steering wheel.
I could feel her laugh from inside of her and pressed her down onto myself one last time before resting the side of my head against her back.
“I can’t stop,” I whispered to her, although that’s really not what I want to say.
There was a smile in her voice as she offered, “We don’t have to.”
Leaning back in my seat, so she could climb off of me and slide into the passenger seat, I fastened the front of my pants.
“Are you serious?”
Biting her bottom lip, she leaned over to me and nodded. “I don’t know what I was thinking when I said we shouldn’t see each other until after the party.”
I covered my brief disappointment by asking, “You missed me?” because I thought she knew what I was trying to say.
Her eyes sparkled as she assured, “I wouldn’t have made it until next weekend. I was already thinking of ways to get you alone.”
“So, why don’t we go to the party together?”
Her face instantly sobered.
“I wouldn’t want to ruin grandma and grandpa’s party.”
There was something in her eyes telling me that she wasn’t being completely honest with me as I questioned, “Is that really why?”
Tucking her hair behind her ears, Tansy slumped back into the passenger seat.
“My mother’s coming.”
“Mom invited Aunt Silvia?”
I honestly couldn’t believe that she would do that.
“She asked if it was okay with me.”
“Is it?”
Nodding, her voice came out a bit weak as she replied, “First, I haven’t seen her since the day before my seventh birthday.”
I knew this was important to her. I didn’t want to be selfish so I held off on saying anything else, reached over and pulled her into a hug.
“What do you like to read? My aunt Liv has just about everything,” I shared but all she did was shrug.
“When’s your mom coming to pick you up?”
She shruged again but tears start rolling down her cheeks this time. I freeze for a minute, just like earlier when I ran out of my room and saw her sitting at the table next to my dad. I don’t know her like my other cousins. Reaching out, I wrap my arms around her. I just met her but I don’t like seeing her cry. Her arms hug my sides as she sniffles against my shoulder.
Chapter Fourteen
Grandma and Grandpa’s Anniversary party should be a happy occasion. It had been a long time since I’d seen my aunts and uncles on mom’s side of the family and even longer since we were all in the same room together. I was nervous, not for myself though, for Tansy. Maybe for myself too. Aunt Silvia arrived that morning and I hadn’t been able to talk to Tansy since. I couldn’t seem to shake the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that something bad was going to happen.
My parents were in the kitchen when I walked out of my room. Dad’s tie, that I’m positive mom picked out for him, matched her light blue dress. I stood there for a minute watching them. She was straightening his collar and tie as he leaned down to kiss her.
After spending another minute appreciating the way they loved each other, I stepped into the kitchen and teased, “Your child is present.”
“How do you think you got here?” My dad laughed.
Shaking her head at my dad, mom turned to me and smiled. “Don’t you look handsome.”
“’Course he does, us Caffrey men clean up real nice.”
“Yes y’all do,” she agreed before informing, “I’m going to finish getting ready.”
As my mom left the room, my dad opened the refrigerator and pulled out two beers.
Setting one Guinness on the counter, he handed the other to me.
“You look like you need a drink.”
A wide smile crossed my face as I asked, “Guess you do too?”
“They’re both for you.” He laughed, placing his hand on my shoulder before giving it a squeeze.
“I’m riding with y’all then?”
Dad scowled at me for a minute then grabbed the other beer and stuck it back in the refrigerator.
“Nope, you’re good,” he stated before giving me a quick pat on the back.
A moment of humored silence passed between us before I asked, “Do you think me and Tansy are a bad idea?”
“I sure as hell do.”
“Well, thanks,” I grumbled with a scowl of my own.
Scrunching up the side of his face into a smile, he shared, “Look, First, I’m your dad, of course I think it’s a bad idea but I’m not against it.”
Shaking my head in confusion, I questioned, “You’re for bad ideas?”
“When your grandma Sarah found out I was seeing your mom, she kicked me out of her house and didn’t talk to me again until the morning we got married.”
“Damn, she really had a problem with mom.”
“There weren’t many people she didn’t have a problem with,” he replied, shaking his head with a nostalgic smile. “But the truth is, she thought it was a bad idea and wasn’t the type of woman to keep things to herself. It was out of worry though, she figured someone like your mom wouldn’t stick with me. She was wrong. Your mom has been an infuriating pain in the ass since the day I met her but she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Better than that, she thinks the same about me. We had some hard times and I thought I almost lost her a time or two but we were stronger for it. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, so bad idea or not, what kind of man would I be not to want the same for my son.”
“So the moral of the story is, trust the struggle?”
“Either that or women are crazy and best of luck to ya when your mother finds out.”
After taking the long way to the event hall that my grandparents’ anniversary party was taking place at, I decided I was more than likely worried for nothing. I planned to enjoy the party and maybe steel a minute or two alone with Tansy to make plans with her for the next night. It took a good hour and a half to get through greeting the family. My aunts and uncles were all smiles, hugs and congratulations on college, even my Aunt Sophia, who I could tell really didn’t care. Except for Aunt Silvia who stood at the far corner of the hall talking with my mom. Tansy was nowhere in sight.
As I was wading through all the guests with a nod and a smile, looking for her, Wren stopped me and pulled me off to the side.
“Do you know what’s going on?”
I shook my head at her.
“Well,
earlier when Tansy called mom, she said she was having a good time with Aunt Silvia, they went to lunch or something, then just out of the blue she started crying and left.”
“Tansy called mom?”
With a ‘duh’ expression on her face, Wren snapped, “She calls mom all the time. That’s not the point, First.”
I knew it wasn’t but for some reason the information surprised me.
“She left? Where did she go?”
Rolling her eyes at me, she replied, “She didn’t ‘leave’ leave, she just walked out. She said she needed a minute but that was like forty-five minutes ago.”
“Which way did she go?”
“Through the kitchen,” she stated with a compassionate smile.
I turned to head in that direction before turning back to my sister.
“Thanks.”
With a slight nod, she insisted, “Just go make sure she’s okay.”
Nodding back, I headed toward the kitchen.
Tansy was standing right outside the back door with her back against the side of the building. She wasn’t crying but it was obvious she had been.
Before I could ask if she was okay, Tansy glanced over at me and shared, “This is so embarrassing.”
Stepping in front of her, I asked, “What is?”
With a slight frown, she replied, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I had a great day with my mom today. Then, we were talking to Aunt Lola and she commented on how much I look like her. I just… It made me really mad and then I couldn’t stop crying.”
I wanted to reach out and touch her but I wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to do.
Sliding my hands into my pockets, I stepped to the side, leaned my shoulder against the wall next to her and offered, “I think that’s kind of understandable.”
Taking a deep breath, she laughed as she questioned, “Oh, you do?”
“Yeah, seeing your mom after so long is a big deal. It makes sense that you’d get a little emotional.”
A wide smile spread across her face as she raised her hand and thumped me in the chest, saying, “Gah, I love you, First.”
The air outside felt thick and I could feel my chest starting to constrict as my heart pounded against it from the inside.