First (2nd Generation Marked Heart #1)

by M. Sembera

  With a hard swallow, I stared right into her eyes and declared, “I love you too.”

  All expression fell from her face as she stood there.

  Her eyes searched mine for a moment before she finally spoke. “We should go back in.”

  I clenched my back teeth together, not really knowing what the hell to do as I nodded at her.

  For the rest of the evening, I spent making small talk with my Uncle Max about sports because it was the only thing I could think of to keep from thinking. When the party was over, I hugged my grandparents and told everyone else goodbye. After texting Wren to ask her to tell mom and dad I’d be home in the morning, I stopped at a gas station, bought a twelve pack of beer and drove out to my Great Uncle Brennan’s property.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Sometimes there’s a moment, one you never expected, but it strikes you none the less. I’d had a few of them in my life so far and last night’s hit me harder than anything I’d ever felt before. Out of all the times I’d thought of telling Tansy that I loved her since coming home, I have no idea why my brain allowed those words to come out of my mouth. There was no going back and talking about anything at this point, it was too late for that. I couldn’t take it back. I didn’t want to. I just wished I hadn’t said it like my whole life was hanging in the balance.

  I’d been awake for a few minutes without the will to open my eyes and face the day. Not to mention I had a splitting headache from the beer I drank before passing out in the corner of my Great Uncle Brennan’s barn.

  I covered my face with my hands as sunlight filled the dark corner and a voice mocked, “’Mornin’, Sunshine.”

  Through squinted eyes, I looked up at Palmer and asked, “What are you doing here?”

  “Tansy called and said you weren’t answering your phone.”

  “How did you know I was here?” I questioned as I slowly stood up.

  “This is where you and Tansy used to hide out when we were supposed to be out here doing work.”

  That’s why I had picked the barn to get drunk and reminisce.

  As I reached down to pick up my suit jacket and tie off the floor, he asked, “What happened?”

  Blowing out a heavy sigh, I shook my head at myself.

  “I screwed up,” I replied, following him out of the barn.

  “Well, I’ll give ya that, at least your tryin’.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Nothin’.” He shrugged off as we walked out to our cars.

  By the time we reached the cars, it was so hot that I’d taken off my button down and my undershirt.

  I noticed Palmer give me a once over and joked, “Are you checkin’ me out?”

  Flashing me a quick smile, he replied, “Don’t get all excited, I’m not that type of cousin. I was just thinkin’ you really need some ink. It’ll make ya feel better. More like a man.”

  “My manhood is fine,” I assured, opening my car door.

  Palmer opened his door and taunted, “If you say so.”

  I shot him the finger as he slid into his car laughing.

  Later that afternoon, I walked out of my room and found Tansy and Aunt Silvia standing in the living room.

  “Oh my gosh, you must be Gus, how did I miss you last night,” Aunt Silvia announced before I could turn back around.

  My Aunt Lola was right, Tansy looked just like her.

  With a polite smile, I replied, “It was a big party, lots of people there.”

  “Well, it’s good to see you or meet you really. Tansy says the two of you are good friends.”

  Tansy tucked her hair behind her ears and gave me a week smile. Glancing away from her, there was a slight tickle in the back of my throat and my mouth started to water, but that could have been from the hangover I was still nursing.

  “Yeah,” I forced out, recalling the look on her face when I told her that I loved her.

  “Did you want to come to dinner with us?”

  I couldn’t stop the crazy expression I shot her or noticing Tansy was glaring at her the same way.

  “Did I say something wrong?” Aunt Silvia asked with a curious smile.

  Thankfully my mom walked in, replying, “Maybe another time.”

  “But they’re friends,” Aunt Silvia politely argued before smirking at me. “Aren’t you? At least that’s what I heard.”

  “That’s enough,” Mom stated. “I’m sure First appreciates you’re offer but like I said another time.”

  “I just assumed since they were so close, he might want to be included in our plans. Or is that all in the past?”

  Tansy blurted, “Mom,” at the same time I questioned, “What plans?”

  I watched my mom close her eyes and draw in a deep breath before taking a step towards my aunt.

  “Silvia, if you don’t shut your mouth I’m going to put you right on that uppity ass of yours.”

  Aunt Silvia looked like she really wanted to say something back but instead she looked at me and said, “It was nice to meet you.”

  Staring at Tansy as she avoided looking at me, I couldn’t say the same.

  No matter how wrong it was, I drove to my grandparent’s house knowing they weren’t home. I used the hide-a-key in the garage and let myself in, made my way through the kitchen, up the stairs, into the hallway and opened Tansy’s door.

  With a startled look on her face, she placed her hand on her chest and fussed, “You scared me.”

  “What was all that about at my house earlier?” I questioned, getting right to the point.

  “My mom comes off kind of snotty. She doesn’t mean anything by it though. She apologized when we got into the car.”

  Shaking my head at her, I snapped, “That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

  “First, I…”

  I couldn’t let her finish.

  “Were you at least going to tell me goodbye this time?”

  She appeared distressed as she sat on the edge of her bed, saying, “I tried calling you last night but you didn’t answer.”

  “So that’s a no. You were going to leave me just like that, again?”

  “No!”

  “When were you going to tell me then?”

  Tucking her hair behind her ear, she replied, “When I decided.”

  “And now you’ve made your decision.”

  Appearing confused, she reminded, “You’re leaving in a few weeks anyway.”

  I was trying real hard to keep myself under control, to keep from handing her over what was left of my heart but I couldn’t stop myself.

  “That’s all I am to you? A summer?”

  I could tell her feelings were hurt as she tried to explain, “You know it’s more than that but…”

  “But what?”

  Tansy glanced around the room, like she was trying to work up her nerve.

  Standing up, she took a step forward, insisting, “You can’t understand because you grew up with loving parents and a family that was always there for you.”

  In a split second I was so pissed at her my head started to throb.

  “So did you! You had what I had. All of it. From the moment your mom dropped you on our doorstep. Loving parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and me. You had me, and you’re willing to walk away from us again for someone who didn’t give a shit about you to begin with.”

  “Get out.”

  I should have stopped there but I was hurt and angry so I kept going.

  “I thought you said you were done being everyone’s mistake.”

  She breathed in and out quickly as tears started to form in her eyes.

  “I should have stayed gone. At least then, I could have kept living in the delusion that what we had was real and blaming myself for letting it happen too soon.”

  Tears poured down her face as she cried, “I’m sorry…”

  I left her crying in her room. I didn’t mean to call her a mistake but I won’t lie and say I didn’t want to hurt her. I never had to see her aga
in if I didn’t want to. We weren’t blood and family doesn’t do that to each other. It was just me without her. First without Tansy. No us.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Blindsided when I walked into the house, I stopped and looked at my dad standing behind my mom.

  “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  “Going to my room?” I replied in a questioning tone because I had no idea what my mom was angry about.

  “You want to tell me what’s been going on between you and Tansy?”

  Shit.

  Taking a stab at honesty, I answered, “No, ma’am.”

  How in the hell did she find out?

  “Didn’t we go over this when you were fifteen?”

  “You mean when y’all shipped her off to her dad’s.” I griped before my dad cautioned, “You watch your tone with your mom.”

  “I'm sorry, First, coming home and finding you in bed with your cousin wasn’t a parental high point for us. We did what we thought was the best thing for everyone.”

  “I know that, mom. This is different.”

  “No. No, it’s not.”

  “Mom…”

  “No, she’s not right for you!”

  “Mom…”

  “You’re too young to know what you really want and so is she.”

  “Lotte!” My dad broke in, “You sound like my mother.”

  I was afraid for him for a minute as she whipped around and barked, “What?”

  Taking a step back dad must have realized what he said and tried to save it and himself by calmly stating, “May she rest in peace.”

  “Yeah, like anybody’s getting peace up there with her,” she snapped at him before turning back to me. “First, you know I love her, but…”

  With the most serious expression I’ve ever held in my life, I stated, “So do I.”

  Mom became eerily calm. She looked back at my dad, then looked me, then at my dad again.

  “Take off your shirt,” she demanded glaring at my chest.

  Okay, this just took a weird turn.

  “What? No.”

  Growling through her teeth, she was starting to scare me as she persisted, “You better take it off right damn now.”

  “Dad?”

  Tapping the left side of his chest he scowled, asking, “Did you?”

  I was still caught off guard and it took me a minute to figure out what he was asking.

  “No,” I replied, shaking my head at the both of them. “I didn’t get her mark.”

  After a sigh of relief, mom questioned, “Wait, if you love her, then why is she leaving with Silvia in the morning?”

  A sharp pain ran from my chest down into my abdomen as I looked at my dad. “Because sometimes a bad idea is just a bad idea.”

  There was a light tap at my bedroom door before it opened and my sister walked in.

  “You okay?”

  Narrowing my eyes at her, I snapped, “Fantastic, and you?”

  “Got the night off, that was pretty cool.”

  Rolling my eyes, I sat up in my bed, complaining, “They gave you the night off to stay home and babysit me?”

  With a snort Wren laughed, “Hell no, I asked for the night off. I have a date.”

  Giving her a curious look, I teased, “You go on dates?”

  Wren spit out a fake laugh before asking, “Seriously, are you alright?”

  Shrugging, I replied, “At least now I know.”

  “I don’t believe in soul-mates or any of that nonsense. For what it’s worth, though, if I did, I would have figured y’all were meant to be.”

  “Really?”

  Wren actually seemed a bit sentimental as she shared, “Since we were kids, it always just seemed like y’all belonged together.” Then, more like herself she added, “Unlike whatever it is Joie and Roe have going on.”

  “You know about them too?”

  “Seriously? The only one left that doesn’t know is Palmer’s blind ass.”

  Laughing, I asked, “How does he not know?”

  “He can’t see what’s going on right in front of him because he doesn’t want to.”

  That actually made perfect sense.

  “Do you know how long it’s been going on?”

  “What, you think Roe and me sit around talking to each other about our sex lives? That’s nasty, First.”

  Laughing harder this time, I realized, she was in my room to cheer me up.

  “Thanks for checking on me, enjoy your date.”

  “I will, he’s a roughneck.”

  “Gross.”

  Wren walked out of my room snickering. I laid back down, sliding my hands behind my head and stared at my ceiling.

  “You kissed Jeanette?”

  It was hard to tell if Tansy was mad or curious as I confirmed, “Only for a second or two.”

  “Did you like it?”

  “I guess. I had to hold my breath, she wears too much perfume. My eyes started to burn and everything being that close to her.”

  Shoving my shoulder back with her hand she laughed, “I guess she’s not a keeper then.”

  “Definitely not.”

  “Who would be your ideal girlfriend?”

  “I don’t know… That’s a weird question.”

  Rolling her eyes, she fussed, “No, it’s not.”

  “Yea, it is.”

  Noticeably frustrated with me, she questioned, “Okay then, out of all the girls at school who would you most like to hang out with.”

  “That’s easy, you.”

  “You can’t pick me just because I’m always here.”

  “I don’t do stuff with you all the time because I have to.”

  “And what happens when you find a girl that you like more than me?”

  “That won’t ever happen.”

  Appearing unsure, she stuck her hand out, proposing, “Pinkie-promise.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  It’s entirely possible that I had issues with letting things go, but I’m pretty sure it was just her. I had a problem letting Tansy go. I couldn’t let her go. Metaphorically, of course because she sure as hell left with Aunt Silvia bright and early the next morning.

  Outside on my Uncle Braden and Aunt Liv’s porch, I sat playing cards with Wren, Palmer and Roe, at the round wooden table. While Palmer dealt the next hand Joie scooted her chair closer to me.

  “Maybe she’s kind of like my mom,” Joie stated out of the blue.

  Everyone at the table slowly looked over at her.

  “I just mean that some people don’t like to stay in one place for too long. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about us, it just means she wants to see what else is out there.”

  Joie’s disposition was gloomy as she gave a half-hearted smile and rested her head against my shoulder.

  “Or like you wanting to go away to college.”

  And that was the kicker. I was leaving anyway. Come to think of it, I was always going to leave. She just beat me to it, twice.

  Palmer cleared his throat breaking the silence that had fallen over the table. “Speaking of, we need to do somethin’ before you go. Some sort of a sendoff.”

  “I think we’re having dinner at Aunt Penny’s before I go.”

  “Come on now, I said a sendoff. Somethin’ spectacular, like a road trip.”

  With a look of disbelief, I asked, “You want to go on a road trip? What happened to, ‘the only way I’d leave town is if they drug my dead body across the county line’?”

  “What? I can’t grow as a person?”

  Raising his eyebrows, Palmer flashed a convincing smile.

  “I’m out,” Wren commented, shaking her head at Palmer.

  Joie leaned away from me, saying, “If Wren’s not going, I’m not going.”

  Palmer narrowed his eyes at Wren then looked at Joie, questioning, “Solidarity thing?”

  “Am I missing something?”

  “Nah, the girls are being lame. It’s cool though, it’ll be a guys�
� trip. We can even hit up a few bars on the way.”

  “I don’t drink,” Roe stated as if he was unsure of whether or not he wanted to participate.

  Letting out a loud sigh, Palmer ran his hand down the front of his beard.

  “Damn, and you don’t drive either. Man, what do you bring to the table?”

  Cocking his head in her direction, he replied, “Ask Joie.”

  A humored smile formed as Palmer taunted, “I did, she said two inches, tops.”

  Roe glared at Palmer for a second then a smile spread across his face and he started to laugh.

  The entire table cracked up with Roe. It was a rare thing for him to laugh on its own but for Palmer to have provoked it was almost unbelievable.

  I stayed up late watching infomercials on the couch in the living room, waiting for my parents to get home from the bar. The second they walked in the front door, I asked my mom if I could talk to her. She hadn’t talked to me at all since the night she found out about me and Tansy. I felt bad for not being the one to tell her about us. Plus, I needed an address from her for our road trip destination.

  With arms crossed she sat next to me on the couch.

  “Mom, can you please relax a minute and listen to what I have to say.”

  Clearly still upset with me, she narrowed her eyes and fussed, “This isn’t a small thing. You spend most of the time moping around, then when you do seem back to normal, it turns out its because you’re doing your cousin, so forgive me if I’m just a little upset about that.”

  Hearing it come out of my mom’s mouth made it hard not to laugh as I fought a smile from forming.

  “This isn’t funny, First.”

  “I know, mom, I’m sorry.”

  Shaking her head at me, she informed, “I know technically what y’all were doing wasn’t necessarily wrong, but it’s not right if it hurts our family.”

  “No one else had a problem with it,” I replied, feeling like I needed to defend myself at this point.

  Mom scooted back a little before shooting me a nasty look and griping, “Tansy’s gone, and it’ll probably be another two years before you decide to come home again. That’s okay though, nobody has a problem with that, right?”