Forget Me Never

by Gina Blaxill

  Was it too late to give each other another chance?

  An hour and forty minutes later and I was walking out of Bournemouth station. I took in the scene outside; distinctive yellow taxis, people with wheelie cases, zebra crossings. As I waited for a bus to the town centre, I sketched out a plan. It was past midday; I’d get a sandwich and walk to the flat where Dani had died. The friend who owned it, Fay, was back from her travelling now – I’d sent her a Facebook message saying I might pop by. Perhaps being there might trigger a memory; perhaps I might find something, a vital piece of evidence everyone had overlooked, to prove once and for all whether Dani was murdered.

  Clutching at straws – but straws were all I had.

  It was about two by the time I reached Fay’s flat. I could feel my steps dragging as I got near.

  I didn’t know if I wanted to be where Dani died. Here, so close to where her body had been found, I couldn’t hide any longer. For all I’d been talking about Danielle recently, I still didn’t think I’d fully grasped the fact that she was gone. I swallowed, wondering if the bad taste in my mouth was fear or lunch disagreeing with me. For a moment I wasn’t sure if I could do it. Then I told myself I had to.

  I pressed the entryphone by the main door and felt a chill run up my spine as I realized this was exactly what Aiden had done. Fay answered, the door buzzed and I stepped in.

  The lift was out of service – it had been back then too. I stared at the sign. It felt eerie, as though nothing had moved on.

  Fay was waiting at the door when I arrived. I’d never met her before – Dani knew her from college, though Fay looked several years older. She had a chunky build and very long brown hair, but the most striking thing about her was the pendant around her neck. It was about the size of my palm and reminded me of the engraved wax letter seals used in medieval times. Certainly a statement piece, I thought.

  ‘Hi, Sophie,’ Fay said. ‘Good to meet at last. Come on in. Can I get you a drink? You must be parched; it’s boiling out there. Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun, as the song goes.’

  I wasn’t sure what she was on about, so I just stepped inside. There was a funny smell in the air which reminded me of the design and technology corridor at school. I went through to the living area. Instantly it swept me back; I could see Danielle at the table by the window, laying out the breakfast cereals, Danielle by the CD rack, telling us about all the albums Fay had, Danielle putting one in and dancing along to it. I could even remember the night I’d slept on the sofa bed, lying on my side, listening to the distant waves.

  After a moment I realized things were different after all. It was messier, for one thing, and the shelves were a lot more cluttered, mostly with semi-precious rocks and dowsing crystals. How many does Fay need? I wondered. It’s crystal overload here. Dani would have agreed. She might have been a bit of an oddball, but she wasn’t oddball enough to believe in this stuff – she never went into New Age shops. And yet . . . I frowned. Something was hovering at the edge of my mind, something that didn’t feel right . . .

  Fay came in from the kitchen with a glass of lemonade. She went over to the table and switched off a soldering iron; it looked like she’d been doing some kind of metalwork, which explained the smell.

  ‘Good journey?’ she asked.

  I shrugged. I wasn’t sure what to say now I was here. Luckily Fay seemed to understand.

  ‘I’ve got a few of Danielle’s things, if you want them,’ she said. ‘Nothing much – a hairbrush, some earrings. Wouldn’t have felt right chucking them.’ She paused. ‘Do you want to be alone for a bit?’

  I nodded gratefully. Fay went into the kitchen, closing the door, and I heard the noise of pans being moved about.

  Slowly I moved around, letting the memories flood back. For one short weekend, so much had happened. Eventually I reached the balcony doors. They were open. I felt a soft breeze flutter over me. I breathed deeply, looking out at the beautiful sea view.

  There wasn’t much on the balcony – just a few flower pots and a sunlounger. The iron railings around it weren’t as high as I remembered – they really didn’t seem very safe. Or maybe I was only thinking that because of what happened.

  Summoning all my courage, I edged forward and looked down.

  Below was the tarmac path that wound along the cliffside park. Further down it a man was cycling and there were two teenagers with a German Shepherd on a lead. The path was clearly well-used and yet no one aside from one eyewitness had seen Dani fall. At least being in a public place meant her body hadn’t lain there for long.

  I turned to face the doors and backed away until I could feel the railings against my legs. The eyewitness had said that no one else had been on the balcony when Dani fell – one reason why it had seemed too fanciful to think it might have been murder – but what if Dani had seen something the eyewitness couldn’t? Something, or someone, that she’d backed away from quickly. I knew for a fact she’d gone backwards – that had always struck me as wrong for a suicide. But what could she have seen? What could have scared her so much?

  In the kitchen Fay was finishing washing up. I placed my empty glass down on the draining board.

  ‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘I’ll be off now.’

  ‘Did you find what you needed?

  I shook my head. The backing away from something was just a theory – I needed to mull it over. ‘Did you speak to Dani the week before it happened?’

  ‘Afraid not. I was off backpacking.’

  ‘Do you think she killed herself?’

  Fay gave me a sympathetic look. ‘What’s the alternative? She wasn’t careless enough to have an accident.’

  To my horror I felt tears of frustration well in my eyes. I made for the door with a mumbled goodbye. Fay caught my shoulder.

  ‘Hey, Sophie. I’m not letting you leave like this.’

  I found myself gently but firmly sat down on the couch.

  Fay pulled up a chair. ‘You didn’t just come here to say goodbye to Dani, did you?’ she said.

  I made a non-committal sound.

  Fay leaned forward. ‘Danielle may not have mentioned it, but I’m a trained hypnotherapist,’ she said. ‘That means I use hypnosis in the treatment of emotional and mental issues – which covers pretty much anything. Allergies, stress, insomnia, you name it.’ She paused. ‘Including bereavement. So if you want to talk . . . I listen to people’s problems all the time.’

  That explained the crystals and candles then. It sounded so tempting, and Fay had a very kind face. ‘Don’t like the sound of being hypnotized,’ I said hesitantly.

  ‘It’s actually a natural state, but if you’d prefer to just talk, let’s do it that way. Whatever you’re comfortable with.’

  ‘I can’t let go of Dani,’ I began, trying to think how I could word this and not sound insane. ‘Everyone thinks I’m just being stubborn, but I’ve got such a strong gut instinct about her death.’

  I filled her in on everything I’d found out so far, including about what was going on at Vaughan-Bayard. The only thing I skimmed over was how I’d been threatened. I didn’t need her to tell me off about getting into something this dangerous. ‘I can’t go back to normal until this is settled,’ I finished, ‘but I don’t know what to do about it – only that I’ve got to see it through!’

  The tears, which I’d done such a good job holding back, spilt down my cheeks. Fay handed me a tissue. Softly she asked, ‘Why is it so important to you to get to the bottom of this?’

  ‘Because no one else will! They’ve written Dani off! I hate her being branded as this crazy unstable person. I know she didn’t take her medication, I know she had mood swings, I know she got depressed. But that doesn’t explain her death!

  ‘Is this just about Dani? Or is it about you too?’

  I gulped. ‘I . . .’

  ‘What are you afraid of, Sophie?’

  ‘That I’ll end up like her!’ The words came rushing out. Worried I’d gone too fa
r I quickly looked at Fay, but she hadn’t even flinched. Very calmly she said, ‘And why do you think that might happen?’

  ‘It’s a cycle. My mum was really flaky. Dani’s too. That was why I was taken into care – my mum just couldn’t handle normal life.’ I paused. ‘When Dani died people made out she was the same, like it was genetic or something. They didn’t say – but I know they think it – that I’m going to turn out that way too. Depressed. Unstable. I mean, it’s obvious, isn’t it?’ Bitterness was creeping into my voice. ‘Mum, Dani, my aunt, me – four headcases. I do crazy stuff already. It’s only a matter of time.’

  ‘You don’t feel you’ve been given a chance to prove you’re different?’

  That was exactly it; I was so relieved Fay understood. ‘You know the worst thing?’ I whispered. ‘I can rant all I like, but . . . I have this niggling fear that won’t go away . . . that they might be right.’

  It was only as I said the words that I realized this was it – the deep, dark fear that had been obsessing me.

  ‘You’re in control of your future, Sophie.’ The way Fay said it, I almost believed her.

  ‘It’s never just been about putting the record straight about Dani.’ I blew my nose. ‘See, I’m not that good, Fay. I’m not one of those . . . those gutsy teenage detectives who’ll risk life and limb just to solve a mystery. If it was only about finding the truth, maybe I’d give up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m scared – but I’m more scared of the alternative. All my life people think they know who I am before they even meet me. I want to find out who I am myself.’

  I sank back into the sofa, tired all of a sudden. Fay squeezed my hand. Why I’d told her all of this I didn’t know. Maybe it was just because she’d been willing to listen, or maybe it was easier telling a stranger. Saying what I was afraid of didn’t make it any less frightening – but it helped me feel less like I was going mad.

  I left Fay’s feeling a little better and went for a walk along the seafront to clear my head. At about half six I saw that the pier was getting busy; the funfair at the end was open. I wandered along to see what was going on, more on automatic than because I wanted to.

  The pier rides weren’t up to much. There was a merry-go-round Reece had christened ‘the Euro ride’ because it was decorated with European flag bunting, a big wheel for kids and several stalls with games ranging from shooting ducks with an air rifle to throwing weighted balls through hoops.

  We had such fun here, I thought; me, Reece and Dani. Standing here and seeing the ghosts of better times was so painful that I turned to leave – then felt a hand on my shoulder.

  It was a rugged-looking man in his mid-forties wearing a beanie hat. After a moment I realized he was the proprietor of the air-rifle stall.

  ‘Hey,’ he said. ‘You Danielle’s sister?’

  For a moment I thought I was hearing things. But then it came back to me. This guy and his wife had been friendly with Dani. I remembered her chatting to them, and me and Reece having a couple of free goes.

  ‘Her cousin,’ I said. ‘I remember you! My friend argued with you over your game’s rules.’

  ‘Yeah, you and Danielle thought it was a right laugh.’ He made a face. ‘Is he always that mouthy, your mate?’

  ‘Pretty much,’ I said.

  The man introduced himself as Jed. ‘You’re probably bored with people saying this, but I’m really sorry about Danielle,’ he said. ‘Couldn’t believe it. She was only a kid.’

  I shrugged. ‘Yeah.’

  Jed gave me a look, and I had the feeling that he was weighing up whether to tell me something. I waited. After a long pause Jed said, ‘We only knew her for a few weeks, but we liked your cousin, the wife and me. Felt a bit sorry for her.’

  ‘Why was that?’

  ‘Didn’t strike me as happy. Not that I knew the full of it, but she chatted to us quite a bit.’

  That sounded like Danielle, latching on to people. I glanced over my shoulder, then back at Jed. ‘Did she seem . . . scared to you?’

  ‘I was wondering if you were going to ask that.’

  Canned music blasted out; the Euro ride had started up again. Jed and I moved to the pier side, where we didn’t have to shout.

  ‘She was scared looking-over-your-shoulder scared,’ he said. She’d got into some kind of trouble and she was worried she was going to be caught.’

  ‘Please . . . you’ve got to tell me everything you know. It’s important.’

  He gave me a long look. ‘Exactly what she did I don’t know, but she said she’d got hold of some information she wasn’t supposed to have. Information she thought might be dangerous.’

  ‘Did she mention Aiden at all? Her ex?’

  ‘Yeah. She was obviously really upset about them breaking up. Kept calling him a cheating bastard. She seemed to blame him for everything.’

  I took this in, rearranging the dynamics between Dani and Aiden in my head. So he’d roped her into this – and he’d cheated on her too? It had to be with Cherie. I bet Dani had wanted nothing further to do with him – or what he’d asked her to do. Maybe that was why she’d quit her job and run away.

  ‘Not much more I can tell you.’ Jed’s eyes were on his stand. ‘But she did say she needed to make a decision – whether to speak up or shut up – and I don’t know which she chose. The local paper said it was suicide, but me and the wife didn’t believe it. Doesn’t tally.’

  I thanked Jed and let him get back to work. He’d given me a lot to think about – and some much-needed reassurance.

  I bought myself a notebook from the station newsagent’s before catching my train. There was so much information racing around in my head I was scared I’d lose it.

  So – what did I know? Aiden, Cherie and Dani all worked together at Vaughan-Bayard. After they’d started seeing each other, Aiden had asked Dani to access confidential information – presumably to sell on. Dani had done this, believing at first it was the right thing to do. And then at some point she’d found out Aiden had cheated on her. She’d have felt hurt, angry and, above all, used.

  I wondered if Aiden had ever really liked Danielle – perhaps he’d manipulated her right from the start. He’d have broken her heart, I thought, filled with rage and sadness on Danielle’s behalf. You had to be seriously cruel to use another person that way.

  But there had been more to Dani running away than that. Aiden had mentioned her ‘attack of conscience’ – and Jed had said Dani had been scared and was thinking of ‘speaking up’. And where did the serious side effects come into this?

  I laid down my pen and looked out of the window. It wasn’t a very interesting journey – right now we were coming into Southampton Airport station. The last time I’d passed through here had been roughly the time Dani had fallen . . .

  Why did my mind keep going back to those dowsing crystals? A few had been scattered about the flat when Reece and I had been there. I could remember Dani taking the mick out of them.

  Dowsing crystals . . .

  I wondered how Cherie had felt when Aiden and Dani had got together. She must have known Aiden was using her to get information, but it still would have made her sour. Dani wouldn’t have known that – she thought Cherie was her friend . . .

  And then my mind slipped back to the dowsing crystals and I realized why they bothered me.

  When I’d phoned Cherie about Reece’s work experience we’d talked about Dani’s hobbies. Cherie had reeled off a list – shopping, watching soaps, cinema . . . and dowsing crystals. That had jarred at the time – it sounded so unlike Dani. And it was such a specific interest to mention – Cherie wasn’t the kind who made mistakes.

  Danielle only had one connection to dowsing crystals I could think of – Fay’s flat.

  How well had Cherie known Dani? Maybe far less than I’d assumed, given that Cherie probably hadn’t liked Dani as much as she’d pretended. That list of hobbies was really vague apart from the crystals. Maybe she’d thrown them in because she’d been s
truggling to think of things?

  But to know about the crystals, Cherie would have to have been in Fay’s flat. It was the only explanation. And as Danielle had been tracked down by Aiden the weekend she died, that meant Cherie would only have had one opportunity to go there – the Sunday Dani died.

  I didn’t remember anything of the journey after that. I sleepwalked off the train, across Waterloo station and down on to the Northern line.

  My skin was goose-pimpling all over but I felt strangely calm, perhaps because for the first time my thoughts were making perfect sense.

  Cherie must have confronted Danielle in the flat. Perhaps she and Aiden had come down to Bournemouth together that weekend. I knew from what Reece had learned at Vaughan-Bayard that Aiden had been furious with Dani for disappearing – he must have been terrified she’d give the game away. Especially if Dani knew that the drug in development had side-effects issues – she might have told Patrick, and then the deal definitely would have been off. The side effects could even have been the nail in the coffin for Dani’s involvement. She might be naive with people, but she knew right from wrong. Selling on a drug formula was one thing, but selling on a dangerous drug formula was definitely a bad idea.

  Aiden and Cherie had probably decided that Aiden should approach Dani. It had been proved that he’d left before Dani died, but that wouldn’t stop Cherie staying behind – I bet she didn’t trust Aiden to persuade Danielle to keep quiet. And hey, maybe she’d intended to go one step further and get rid of any physical evidence – Edith, and Danielle’s phone! I knew that her phone hadn’t been on her when she died and had never been found. But Cherie wouldn’t have been able to do anything about Edith – because I had her!

  The big question was whether Cherie would have been prepared to commit murder.

  It was so extreme that I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. Cherie was definitely ruthless, and had probably been seething with jealousy the whole time Dani was with Aiden – but a killer? Maybe her ‘chat’ with Dani had turned into a fight. Or perhaps she’d come armed and angry . . . which would fit with Dani being afraid enough to back off the balcony.