by Malia Ulmus
With a small, almost imperceptible nod to himself, Manuel parts his lips, tongue darting out to flicker over Raul’s, tasting the wine there. In his neck, the grip of Raul’s fingers tightens slightly, possessiveness sending another shiver down his spine. Raul’s lips part now, too, inviting him in willingly and Manuel doesn’t hesitate, his tongue licking into Raul’s mouth. When the shepherd responds, albeit tentatively, it’s pure bliss. The feel of their tongues meeting, of breathing in the same air essentially, of teeth grazing over lips.
With time, the pace quickens and Manuel slowly forgets that this is a man he is kissing. At the end of the day, it’s Raul and that’s all that matters. Shuffling on his knees, he moves until he sits almost in the other’s lap, straddling him and bringing their chests against each other. Raul’s naked skin burns even through the thin T-Shirt Manuel is still wearing. At the hem, he feels Raul’s free hand, sliding underneath the fabric, fingertips hovering over his stomach and chest. Myriads of little electric bolts run through Manuel’s body and he releases the tiniest little whimper into their kiss.
This feels too good to be wrong. Manuel pulls back reluctantly, need for air too pressing now. For an instant, their eyes lock and they’re both panting and Manuel thinks it’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen, Raul’s flushed face, with kiss-swollen, dark red lips, a string of saliva still connecting the two of them and Raul’s eyes devouring him with looks alone. Manuel shuffles that last bit closer, their crotches rubbing against each other now, their chests pressed firmly against each other. It costs him some effort but he manages to reach up with one hand, tracing over the unfamiliar evening stubble on Raul’s jaw. It makes the other shiver and Manuel smiles at the reaction before he closes his eyes again and brings their lips back together.
If he’d had any doubt about Raul’s feelings towards this, they are erased now that he’s seen the other man’s eyes, filled with lust and he’s felt Raul shiver and squirm under his touches and caresses. And for one night, for one, hopefully glorious night, Manuel is determined to push aside the doubt and guilt and to only surrender. Giving in to the temptation. And Raul groans into their kiss, as if he’s read Manuel’s mind and wanted to agree on the plan.
I've travelled all this way for your embrace
Enraptured by the recognition on your face
Chapter 12
On this endless ocean
Finally lovers know no shame
Manuel tastes as perfect as he looks, like wine and salt and full of promises that this night will be the most beautiful in Raul’s life. A small part of him, in the back of his head, is still concerned, still unsure of his skills, because Raul has only been with Magdalena until tonight. Only kissed Magdalena, only held Magdalena, only made love to Magdalena – and even if he now knows that he is Manuel’s first man, he doubts there’s been only one woman in that gorgeous man’s life. But with Manuel’s groin pressing against his, noticeably hard, and with the way Manuel is licking into his mouth and biting his lips with his teeth and exploring his back with his fingertips, Raul isn’t capable of much thinking in the first place and soon sensations are taking over his mind entirely.
And there is a lot to feel right now; Manuel’s tongue lapping at his own, Manuel’s nail scraping a line down his spine, Manuel’s evening stubble against his chin, Manuel’s heartbeat vibrating through his body. There are shivers and tiny sparks of electricity running through Raul’s whole body and he’s vaguely aware that he is the one making the needy sounds, deep in the back of his throat, spilling into their kiss. And it’s good and perfect and warm and fuzzy and there’s honestly nowhere else he’d rather be right now. When Manuel wraps a hand around his neck again, thumb gently hovering over the delicate skin under his ear, Raul shudders and gooseflesh spreads from his neck down to his toes. I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me. There’s no doubt left between them, no hesitation and everything feels so right that Raul thinks it can’t possibly be wrong.
It’s the need for oxygen that eventually forces him to pull his head away slightly, lips staying parted and gasping for breath. He opens his eyes to the sight of Manuel staring at him, pupils blown impossible wide. There’s a tiny smirk at the corner of Manuel’s mouth and Raul is just about to try reading it when he feels Manuel shift in his lap, grinding his hips down and it makes their bulges rub directly against each other and oh… did I just make that embarrassingly needy whimper? A soft chuckle from Manuel confirms that and then Manuel’s hands trail patterns on his arms, making it impossible for Raul to stop shuddering. But there’s no way he wants this to end and so his head ends up falling back, exposing his neck to Manuel who is quick to pick up on the opportunity. When Manuel’s lips press against his jaw, his tongue licking a wet line down from his chin to his Adam’s apple, Raul whines and when Manuel starts kissing him properly, sucking the skin into his mouth, Raul’s grips at Manuel’s hips gets so tight that his nails are probably drawing blood.
***
Watching I keep waiting
Still anticipating love
Raul’s skin is soft and hot. It smells like sun and grass and it tastes salty under Manuel’s tongue. He loves it, as much as he loves Raul’s reactions to every touch and every lick he places on his body. His fingers explore the firm muscles of Raul’s arms, veins clear for him to feel, gooseflesh forming and the muscles twitching with every caress. From Raul’s mouth, he hears the most beautiful little whimpers, each one assuring him that yes, they’re on the same page, they both want this. His thoughts aren’t coherent enough anymore to bother about the inevitable tomorrow, he’s reduced to here and now, to flames dancing over Raul’s skin and Raul’s nails digging into his flesh sharply and possessively. Maybe he should vaguely worry about how exactly this is going to work, because even after his time in the army, sex between men still is only a very theoretical concept to him. But then, going with the flow is working out for them so far and his instincts, mainly telling them that he wants Raul closer and closer and to be his and only his, are serving him well judging by the sounds spilling from the shepherd’s mouth.
Moaning softly against Raul’s collarbone, where he’s just about to leave another mark, Manuel starts leaning forward and pressing Raul’s torso down until he’s with his back on the mat, Manuel propped up over him, tongue tracing on of his nipples. When his teeth graze the delicate skin, Raul’s hands fly into his hair, clenching tightly. Manuel doesn’t care about the light pain on his scalp; instead he revels in the possessiveness of the gesture, his impossibly hard cock twitching. And these jeans are really becoming too tight, so he starts shoving them down along with the underwear and when he moves to do the same with Raul’s, the shepherd props himself up slightly, eyeing him with an insecure look.
”You’re okay?”
Manuel’s voice comes out hoarse and breathless. No, he doesn’t want this to stop, but he’d hold back for Raul any minute, his fingers now waiting for the other’s response, resting against his belt buckle.
Raul seemingly considers the question for a moment that seems to last an eternity, but then he nods slowly and Manuel releases the breath he’s been holding and continues his task. And then it’s done and they’re both fully naked, meaning he is face to face with another man’s cock. It’s not awkward or disgusting as he would have expected before he met Raul. Instead, it’s a dream coming true, an unspoken promise of the things that are about to come. Raul is built well, probably a bit thicker than Manuel himself and he manages to think that without even an hint of jealousy, eyes mesmerized by the sight, tongue licking his lips subconsciously while he watches a bead of pre-come forming at the tip. And Manuel has never done this before, but now that he sees it, it’s too irresistible not to. So he bends his head down and flicks his tongue out, swiping off the little drop. He is savoring the bitter and unfamiliar taste almost as much as the sight and sound of Raul swearing, gasping and writhing underneath him.
***
Never hesitating
To be
come the fated ones
Raul’s mind is almost gone, his vision blurred and his pulse racing wildly. Nobody has ever done this to him, not in his wildest fantasies. Sure, he’s heard stories, even read some, back when he was still a desperate teenager. His friends also told him about things like this and how good they felt, but Raul has never been fully sure they were real. But now, this is happening and feels all too real, Manuel’s lips on his cock and it’s just one giant wow, followed by a string of swears he wasn’t aware he knew.
Manuel’s tongue moves to lick a way up his stomach but Raul’s is only absently noticing, all his cells and nerves still caught up with the overwhelming sensation of Manuel’s tongue on his tip. He’s gasping helplessly and only now notices that his hands are tightly clutching to Manuel’s hair and probably hurting the other. Though Manuel shows no signs of discomfort, caressing and exploring Raul’s chest in way no one has done it before. And Manuel seems to be everywhere and everything and it’s blissful how there is truly nothing else in this world but the touches and caresses on his skin.
His heart clenches when Manuel’s mouth then is gone all over sudden, the fighter settling next to him. Raul feels cold and exposed, now that the comforting kisses and caresses are missing. He is just blinking his eyes open when Manuel’s hand starts pulling on his shoulder and he slowly understands, rolling to his side in turn and facing the other. God, you’re too beautiful to be true. Raul’s breath gets stuck in his throat, Manuel’s face almost close enough for their foreheads to touch, pink spots on his cheeks and his forehead glistening with sweat, messy blond streaks everywhere. And these eyes, these incredible dark eyes with that hint of sadness that never fully leaves them, not even now and that makes Raul so desperate to just curl around the other man and comfort him until he is better.
He slowly traces a line along Manuel’s jaw, stubble still unfamiliar against his fingers and carefully avoiding the bruises.
”I love you, Manuel.”
***
Haunted by the notion
Somewhere there's a love in flames
He doesn’t have words to describe how the soft whisper makes him feel, his heart jumping with joy and his eyes almost filling with tears. I love you as one loves certain dark things, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
”Love you, too.”
He just about gets the words out, voice already wobbly and quickly leans forward for another kiss, soft and gentle, touch of tongues barely there. It takes him some effort again, his arms and shoulders strained and sore from everything they’ve done so far, but he manages to reach for Raul’s hand on his face, covering it first and then lacing their fingers and moving their hands down. He doesn’t stop until they’re touching their cocks. An hour ago, he would have thought Raul would jump and run if this ever came up between them. Now, he has no doubts and Raul, without questioning and with their gazes locked intensely, plays along, their hands jointly reaching around their erections and moving along.
It’s strange and unfamiliar for a split-second, but then it feels too good to bother with the potential inappropriateness. Manuel cannot hold back a growl and Raul is whining, the sound making Manuel even harder. He is the one controlling their speed and movements and they might be clumsy and inexperienced, but it doesn’t matter one bit. The thought and feel that Raul’s cock is sliding against his, their mixed pre-come slicking both of them, their laced fingers following the same rhythm; it’s enough, more than enough actually, to make Manuel’s vision go white hot. He realizes that this will be over way too quickly, much faster than he would want it to, but his orgasm is approaching him with an uncontrollable force, taking his breath away and making all his muscles tremble with anticipation. When he comes, it’s probably after only a few minutes and he cries, an honest to God scream that echoes through the hut, while all thoughts are gone, replaced by exploding colors and stars and he only distantly notices how Raul moans, louder than he thought possible, their hands covered in hot liquid and slowly coming to a hold.
If it was an option, Manuel would prefer to stay here, like this, forever. But once they’ve come back from their afterglow, waves of pleasure faded, getting up is a necessity. He allows himself a last moment of perfect bliss, eyes locked with Raul’s and all the love he inexplicably feels for the shepherd reflected right back at him through Raul’s eyes. Eventually though, they have to move and so they do, wordlessly and suddenly evading each other’s eyes. He wipes himself and hands Raul the shirt he used, before he falls into the bed, hoping and praying that Raul would climb in after. He’s not disappointed, because the shepherd, after quickly cleaning his firm stomach and adding some wood to the fireplace, crawls under the sheet with him, arm immediately going around Manuel’s waist. There’s something possessive in each of Raul’s gestures and Manuel cannot get enough of it.
He buries his head in the crook of Raul’s neck, breathing in the scent of their sweat and skin and releasing a relieved sigh. Because when they’re still sharing the bed after this, he hopes Raul’s regrets aren’t too strong. At least not yet. Raul’s fingers are drawing little patterns on his side, where the dressings aren’t covering the skin and Manuel shivers slightly. With his entire focus shifting to the soft caresses and worn out from their act of love, Manuel drifts away quickly, feeling boneless and safe in Raul’s hold.
Watching in slow motion
As you turn my way and say
Take my breath away
Chapter 13
Raul wakes up pressed against Manuel again, everything hot and sticky under the covers. It’s too hot actually, but at the same time, somehow about this, about being close to Manuel, makes him feel at peace. Rested. And content. It’s a beautiful way to wake up he ponders, but then, while he disentangles carefully, eyes on Manuel’s peaceful face, he slowly remembers just how far they’ve crossed the lines last night. There’s no going back now, right? God, what have I done?
On his way out, his hands rub over his stubble and he hears his blood pulse and rush in his head, overwhelmed with guilt and regret for a moment. With shaky fingers, he lights his cigarette and sits down in front of the hut, shivering in the cool morning air and taking desperate breaths. After a while, eyes following the lazy movements of the sheep, he feels himself relax slightly and he remembers that he wanted to believe in all things. Including this. But then… what if Manuel feels differently? What if he’ll hate me when he notices that I took advantage?
With a sigh, he walks to the water and starts his morning routine, trying to distract himself from thinking too much. Actually, there’s not much use in freaking out now, with Manuel still asleep and his reaction unknown. And anyway, however hard Raul tries to get a grip of the situation he’s gotten himself – or themselves – into, he is too confused and shaken to reach any kind of conclusion. What he needs, really, really desperately needs, is to know Manuel is okay.And it’s not really helpful that he’ll have to be gone half of the day, because picking up food is a rather urgent need.
He wishes he could take Manuel along, but even if the other wasn’t too injured, that would be way too risky. They couldn’t be seen together. Not without raising suspicion. Because Raul is well aware that not all farmers would take in wounded fighters. Most wouldn’t. And in their current state, they can’t very well get themselves into the additional hassle of the inevitable hostility that could hit them. Plus, there would be rumors. Which could spread to Magdalena. And Raul's face is in flames when her name crosses his mind.
***
Manuel sleeps dreamlessly and deeply, something that until Raul picked him up from that grass, he hadn’t done once since he started fighting. But now, ever since he’s started spending his nights in these strong, broad arms though, he is resting like a baby. And right now, the soft tickling of calloused fingers that run over his jaw is waking him.
“Manuel?”
He blinks his eyes open to the sight of Raul kneeling next to the bed, dressed and clean-shaven already, long hair pulled back
in ponytail for a change. It’s a view Manuel feels so familiar with already, one that makes him happy without further reason and he’s unable to hold back the smile that spreads over his face.
“Hey… good morning.”
And then he notices Raul’s insecure eyes, the way the shepherd is biting his lower lip nervously and the fighter freezes, memory from last night hitting him hard. What if Raul regrets everything and wants him gone?
They stare at each other for a moment and the thoughts are swirling in his head while he desperately tries to focus, tries to decide how he feels himself and to read how Raul feels at the same time.
“We okay?” Raul’s voice sounds like he’s on the verge of breaking and Manuel breaks out of his chain of thought and coughs.
“Yes,” he whispers, “more than okay, right?”
He leans up, decidedly slow because he is trying to leave Raul a last way out, but the shepherd is beaming now and lowers his head almost eagerly, their lips meeting for a chaste kiss. They linger, lips closed, fingers laced, foreheads touching. Manuel cannot help the slight disappointment when Raul pulls back, but then the other sits down on the edge of the mattress, hand still in Manuel’s, thumb rubbing those soothing patterns over the damaged skin of his wrists. Down Manuel’s back, the shivers are running havoc once again. He studies Raul’s eyes, still unsure how the other feels about last night, but then he doesn’t even fully know how he feels himself. We’re okay. We agreed that we’re okay.
“I have to go down to one of the farms later, fetch some supplies. It’s going to take a few hours. You should just relax, okay? The dogs will take care of everything.”
Manuel nods but he cannot hold back a gulp. It’s strange, he thinks, but he suddenly feels scared by the thought that Raul will leave him here alone. Dogs or not.