She Ain't The One

by Carl Weber

  She picked up Jason’s hand and told him to wave at me. He did, and he seemed very excited to see me. I had to fight back tears at the thought that I might not be able to see him or the girls grow up.

  The jury marched in and took their seats. I smiled at my mom, and then my eyes wandered over to the prosecution’s side of the courtroom. I looked over at Ashlee. She winked at me, but I imagined if anyone saw her, it wouldn’t have made a difference at that point. For five days, Ashlee came into the courtroom wearing an innocent schoolgirl look. She wore long skirts and blouses that buttoned at the neck. She wore very little makeup, and she kept her hair pulled back with the exception of some Chinese-cut bangs across her forehead. She even wore a pair of black-rimmed glasses to each hearing. I doubt if they were prescription glasses, but if they were, she picked a fine time not to wear her contacts. I couldn’t stand that bitch, and I wanted to jump across the railing and strangle the shit out of her.

  As the jurors walked in, I tried to read their faces, but none of them would even look at me. I turned to my lawyer for some reassurance. “What do you think? Do they look like they voted me innocent?”

  “We’ll know in a minute,” he replied. I couldn’t read anything in his tone.

  I glanced at Ashlee, and every muscle in my body tightened. “I hope they don’t believe that bitch, ’cause she’s a fucking liar.”

  “Jay, you need to settle down. You’ve already been removed from the courtroom once for being out of control.”

  “This is my life on the line,” I said angrily. “When this is all over, you get to go home regardless. Maybe if you had caught her up in some of those lies she was telling when she was on the stand, I’d be able to calm down.”

  The door opened from the judge’s chamber. Then the bailiff spoke. “All rise,” he said. “Court is about to begin. Please remain standing until the Honorable Judge Henry Mitchell takes his seat.” The judge came into the room and took his seat. “You may all be seated,” the bailiff stated.

  The judge asked the jury if they’d reached a verdict. The foreman stood and answered, “Yes, we have, Your Honor.”

  A folder was taken to the judge. He opened it and looked at a piece of paper inside. I waited for his eyes to meet mine, but they never did. He spoke to the jury spokesperson. “Are you satisfied with your verdict?”

  “Yes, Your Honor,” the man said.

  The judge turned to me. “Mr. Crawford, will you please stand?”

  My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. We stood, then waited as the bailiff took the paper back over to the spokesperson. He began reading from the paper, and his words echoed in my ear.

  “We, the people of the District of Columbia, in the case of Jay Richard Crawford, find the defendant…” I felt my knees turn to jelly as he paused. “Guilty of first degree sexual assault.”

  He continued with the other two charges, but I didn’t hear another word. I just kept mumbling, “But I’m innocent, I’m innocent…I didn’t do this.”

  The courtroom was in an uproar. I couldn’t believe it, and neither could my family and friends. I heard Tracy screaming like she’d just been shot. I turned to look at her, and to my surprise, Kenya was holding her. Kyle, Wil, and Allen were crying like babies, and my poor mom looked like she’d fainted. The judge pounded his gavel, trying to regain order.

  “Order…order in the courtroom!” he yelled. “I need order or I’ll clear this courtroom” The room quieted, but I could still hear Tracy’s cries muffled by Kenya’s shoulder. The judge continued. “Here is my ruling: Jay Crawford, you have been found guilty of first degree sexual assault. Before I pass judgment on you, would you like to say anything in your behalf?”

  Do I wanna say anything on my behalf? Of course I wanna say something in my behalf, I thought. This bitch is the biggest liar in the world and she set me up. And I’m about to tell everyone I can.

  Just as I was about to speak, my lawyer tapped me on the shoulder and whispered,

  “Don’t, Jay. You’re just going to make it worse. Let me talk to him. You have to trust me.”

  I did what he said, but I didn’t trust him.

  “Your Honor, due to the fact that Mr. Crawford is a first time offender, I respectfully ask that he be given the minimum sentence of three years.”

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Brown, but this is a horrible crime that your client has committed against Ms. Anderson. He was offered a five-year plea agreement before trial, which he turned down. And I’m still concerned that he has no remorse.” The judge turned to me directly. “Jay Crawford, you have been found guilty of first degree sexual assault I’m sentencing you to serve ten years in a maximum-security prison. Bailiff, take him into custody.”

  Again, the entire courtroom was in an uproar. When the bailiff came to handcuff me, Tracy screamed even louder. “No! No, please, no!” she cried, pushing people out of her way as she ran toward me.

  I shook the bailiff off me, then grabbed Tracy. I held her so tightly, I could’ve broken her into pieces. “I love you, Tracy.”

  “I love you too. It’s not fair, Jay.”

  “Life’s not fair, sweetheart. Life’s not fair.”

  Tears formed in my eyes as I held Tracy and rocked her. She never answered. She just pressed herself against me and cried. The bailiff forced our moment to end. Tracy and I exchanged repeated I-love-you’s as I was handcuffed. As the bailiff led me out, Ashlee slithered up behind the prosecutor’s table to watch me go through the door.

  I looked at her and she smiled.

  “Hey, Jay,” she hissed. “Don’t drop the soap.”

  EPILOGUE

  One year later

  I was excited as I walked the long, cold corridors of the prison to the visiting area. It was Thursday, the first of this week’s visiting days, and I couldn’t wait to see Tracy and Jason. Even though we could only speak through a phone and see each other through the thick glass, just having them around gave me comfort and the will to survive. Doing time had been hard at first. Not because I was weak, but because I knew I shouldn’t be there. I honestly felt like someone was going to realize they’d made a mistake and let me go at any minute. It took six months before reality finally settled in that innocent or not, I needed to make some friends because I wasn’t getting out anytime soon.

  Despite it all, I never gave up. I still had a couple of appeals left, and my boys Kyle, Wil, and Allen had promised they’d find a way to get my sentence overturned. I probably should’ve just given up hope, but my boys had never let me down. In the meantime, I still had Tracy. During the year I’d been locked up, she hadn’t missed one visiting day. She’d sworn to me that she would do my time with me, and in many ways, I think me being locked up was harder on her than it was on me. For the first time in my life, I truly understood the meaning of unconditional love.

  I signed the visiting log and anxiously awaited my turn, until one of the corrections officers called out my name. “Crawford, booth number six.”

  Right before I walked into the visiting area, I wrapped my light blue jail-issued shirt around my waist. Like most of my fellow inmates, I’d been working out, and I liked to impress Tracy by wearing a wife beater.

  I was surprised when I didn’t see Tracy at cubicle number six. Thirty seconds later, my surprise became horror when Ashlee sat down in the cubicle. I could feel my temples start to throb as I balled my hand into a fist.

  What the fuck is she doing here? I wondered. She smiled at me then reached for the phone on her side. I hesitated before picking up my receiver.

  “Hi, Jay,” she whispered. I guess she was trying to sound sexy, but the only emotion she brought out of me was anger, and I wanted to jump through the glass to choke her.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  “Now, Jay, you should calm down. You wouldn’t want them to put you in solitary or anything, would you?” She smirked. “By the way, is it true? Do they rape rapists here? You must be scared to death.”


  She was so fucking smug. I was having a very hard time containing my anger. “I asked you a question. What the fuck are you doing here?”

  “Oh, I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by since Tracy wasn’t going make it over here.”

  I thought my heart was going to stop. “What have you done to Tracy? If you’ve hurt her, I swear I’ll—” She raised her hand to cut me off.

  “You’ll what? What the fuck are you going to do behind these bars?” She angrily ridiculed me. “Besides, I don’t know why you’re getting all upset. You know I like Tracy. It’s you I can’t fucking stand.”

  “Well, bitch, believe me, the feeling is mutual. Now, what the hell did you do to Tracy, and why isn’t she here?”

  Ashlee scratched her head as if she was thinking. “You know, I think she has four flat tires. Matter of fact, I’m sure of it. It’s amazing how that keeps happening to her.”

  The scowl on my face told my emotions. “You’re not going to get away with this shit, bitch. You’re not going to get away with none of it.”

  She laughed into the phone. “Guess what, Jay? I already have.”

  I glared at her as I slammed the phone down. Before I could stand up, she was knocking on the glass. I couldn’t hear her clearly, but I could make out some of what she was saying when I read her lips.

  “Don’t you wanna know why I’m here?”

  I took a deep breath then picked up the phone again. “Yeah, I wanna know why you’re here.”

  “Sit down and let me tell you.”

  I reluctantly did what she asked. The woman looked so elated, I thought she might have come on herself. “Gosh, I don’t even know where to start…it’s all so exciting. Well, first of all, I just wanna let you know that I’m completely over you.”

  I sat back in my chair. “Well, thank God for small favors. Now if you could just drop dead, all my prayers would be answered.”

  “You know what, Jay? I am not going to let you block my blessings. Especially since I’ve finally found the perfect man.”

  I laughed. “So what, is he blind, deaf, and dumb?”

  “Cute, Jay. But you and Darius are the only dumb men I’ve dated.”

  “Will you just get to the point? I know you didn’t come down here just to tell me you’re dating some stupid ass nigga.”

  “No, Jay. I came down here to let you know that while you’re rotting in this jail, I’m going to get married.” She stuck out her right hand and flashed a rock the size of a jelly bean.

  “Oh my God. Who was stupid enough to give you a ring?”

  “His name is Trent Duncan, and he’s the man of my dreams.”

  “Well, next time you see Trent, you give him a message for me.”

  “And what’s that, Jay?”

  “Tell him I said he’s marrying one crazy-ass bitch.” I started to laugh.

  “I am not crazy,” she said angrily. I could see the fire in her eyes.

  “Sure you are,” I told her as I continued to laugh.

  A string of curses came out of her mouth, and I laughed even harder, hanging up the phone. I sat back in my chair with folded arms, laughing.

  She began to pound on the glass. “I am not crazy…I am not crazy…”

  It didn’t take long for the corrections officers to remove her from in front of me. I’d been in jail for 368 days, and for the first time, I truly felt like Ashlee was finally gonna get hers. What she didn’t know was that I knew exactly who this guy Trent Duncan was. He was Wil’s brother, and probably the biggest con man I’d ever met. And believe me, if Wil and Kyle got him involved Ashlee had no idea what she’d gotten herself involved with, because believe me, He Ain’t The One!

  She Ain’t the One

  Insecurity was the key

  That opened my third eye

  I wish I would’ve overlooked

  The good pussy between her thighs

  The squeeze of her vaginal muscles

  The taste of her chocolate truffle

  I wish I would’ve overlooked

  The curve of her lips when she smiled

  The sweet scent lingering on her neck

  The booty wiggling in her jeans

  With her hard nipples pointing at me

  But the way her hips slung the letter X

  Translated in my heads

  …sex…sex…sex

  I regret I didn’t overlook

  All of those superficial things

  Bypassed her ass in them jeans

  Listened to her heart

  And heeded the warnings

  When shit fell apart

  But I didn’t

  Guess it’s true

  Men really aren’t that smart

  I kept fooling myself

  Nobody else

  Can hit her pussy like me

  Make her come and scream

  Scream and come

  The ass was so good

  I really couldn’t see

  She truly was not

  The one for me

  Instantly

  She became my girl

  I became her world

  She wanted to be my wife

  I didn’t realize she didn’t have a life

  Outside of me

  I’d become her everything

  So I kept on fooling myself

  Why is it that everyone else

  Knew her ass was crazy

  Demanding

  Insecure

  Trying to have my baby

  Deep down inside

  I was crazy too

  Gave up the best woman I had

  To try something new

  In exchange for someone blue

  I couldn’t save this miserable woman

  She couldn’t save herself

  The one thing we shared in common

  We could write a book

  The sex was truly off

  The mothafuckin’ hook!

  I’d crisscross that ass

  Like a pair of scissors

  Slinging my dick side to side

  I’d spread her sweet cheeks

  Nice and wide

  Hittin’ it from behind

  I’d lick her pussy

  Oh so good

  Until I made her cry

  So I kept on patting

  Myself on the back

  No other man

  Could hit it like that

  I kept on believing

  I was the man

  And my dick was golden

  Until all of a sudden

  My freedom was stolen

  She started planning my days

  Imposing upon my nights

  Questioning my whereabouts

  Starting fights

  I promised my mother

  I’d never hit a woman

  But I’m telling you, man

  This woman was so evil

  I could have easily laid hands

  But I didn’t

  She scratched me

  And kicked me

  And hid my car keys

  Threw herself to the floor

  Grabbed me round my knees

  And pleaded for me not to leave

  All so she wouldn’t be alone

  All so her dick wouldn’t leave home

  You ain’t goin’ nowhere tonight

  So to avoid a fight

  I’d say aw’ight

  But I was mad as hell

  And one step away from going to jail

  Now that I look back

  That shit was hella funny

  I had to give myself props

  For making that girl lose her mind

  Sure wish I could hit that pussy

  Just one more time

  I remember when

  We used to laugh

  Hold hands

  Just chill

  Kickin’ it in the park

  till way after dark

  I remember when

  We used to wrestle

  Make love

/>   Stay on the phone all night

  Take walks

  Go on trips

  Now we don’t even talk

  I had one mother

  Didn’t want two

  I’m a grown-ass man

  I’ll be damned

  If any woman

  Can

  Or will

  Tell me what to do

  If I have to prove

  I love her

  And she doesn’t believe

  I’m telling her the truth

  I’m done

  She Ain’t the One

  If I had paid attention

  To the signs

  Not answered so many questions

  At a time

  If had listened to my boys

  To my inner voice

  I would’ve made the right choice

  Insecurity was the key

  That opened my third eye

  I wish I would’ve overlooked

  The good pussy between her thighs

  The squeeze of her vaginal muscles

  The taste of her chocolate truffle

  I wish I would’ve overlooked

  The curve of her lips when she smiled

  The sweet scent lingering on her neck

  The booty wiggling in her jeans

  With her hard nipples pointing at me

  But the way her hips slung the letter X

  Translated in my heads

  …sex…sex…sex

  I regret I didn’t overlook

  All of those superficial things

  Bypassed her ass in them jeans

  Listened to her heart

  And heeded the warnings

  When shit fell apart

  But I didn’t