Since Drew

by J. Nathan

  What the hell was that?

  Because it looked to me like he decided to grab hold of the ball and not let me go.

  * * *

  The following day, I stepped outside my building, half-expecting Drew to be waiting. If I was being honest, it’s why I put on makeup for therapy and made it outside early.

  I know. Stupid.

  But it didn’t matter. He wasn’t there.

  Foolishly, a part of me believed he planned to fight for me. Planned to do whatever it took, like he claimed he would. Deep down I think I always knew he wasn’t that guy. He was used to girls throwing themselves at him. Why would he want someone he’d have to convince to like him? Trust him? Want him?

  My taxi arrived at the rehab facility with plenty of time to spare. I made my way inside, taking a seat in the waiting room. Magazines littered the table in front of me. Of course I chose the one with the male model with the killer abs on the cover. I buried my nose in the pages for the next few minutes. I must’ve been overly focused on the pictures of him drenched from a workout because I never heard the door open or anyone enter the waiting room. But someone clearly sat in the chair beside me. I recognized his fresh scent and could feel his presence.

  “You left without me.”

  My eyes lifted to find Drew’s trained on mine from the seat beside me. “Just so you know, this creepy stalker thing you’ve got going on is starting to really freak me out.”

  Though I was completely serious, he laughed. “I went to your place. You weren’t there.”

  “See. Creepy stalker.”

  “Were you avoiding me?”

  My eyes averted his as I closed the magazine and dropped it onto the table. “How could I avoid you if I didn’t know you were coming by?”

  “I told you I wanted to take you.”

  I looked back at him, annoyed by his presence and put off by his presumptuous remark. “And I told you I’d let you know.”

  “So?”

  “So what?”

  “Are you going to let me know?”

  The door swung open and my therapist greeted me with a smile. Her eyes instantly slipped to Drew. I saw the moment his insane good looks and overwhelming presence registered because her eyes expanded.

  Ignoring her reaction—or at least trying to, I stood and made my way over to the open door behind her.

  “See you later, Andi,” Drew called.

  I didn’t bother to turn around. I just disappeared behind the door, convinced more than ever that forgiving him and having any sort of relationship with him would never work. We weren’t even in a relationship, and his persistence—and the attention he received from every female around—was already making me nuts.

  After a long session of avoiding questions about Drew, I sat on the stationary bike wiping down my face with a towel.

  “You’re making great strides, Andi. I’ve never seen someone so determined to get back on her feet.”

  “I told you. I plan to do whatever it takes.”

  My therapist nodded. “It shows.”

  I hopped carefully off the bike. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  When I stepped out into the waiting room, my head retracted.

  “Ready to go?” Drew stood from his chair and walked over to the front door, opening it and stepping back to give me room to pass. “How’d it go in there?”

  I made my way outside. I hadn’t really expected him to stay and wait. “I’m pretty sore.”

  “That’s to be expected. A long hot bath will help.” He held up his palm. “Wait here. I’ll get my truck.”

  I nodded, needing the moment to digest what was happening—what I was letting happen. Would it be too childish to turn down his offer and call a taxi?

  Seconds later, Drew pulled up to the sidewalk in his silver truck and jumped out. He circled the front and opened the door for me. We drove in silence for a few miles. Sure, he’d cleared his throat and coughed a couple times, but he hadn’t attempted to make small talk.

  Since it had been his brilliant idea to show up at therapy, I sat back and closed my eyes. I couldn’t wait to take a shower. I was drenched in sweat, and my back and thighs stuck unattractively to the leather seat. I subtly dropped my nose to my shoulder, wondering if my deodorant had withstood the intense workout.

  Drew peeked over and snickered. “You don’t smell.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  His eyes jumped between the road and me. “First of all, I will never lie to you. Second, you’ve clearly never been in a locker room with fifty guys.”

  “A girl could only dream.”

  His brows pinched. “Fifty sweaty guys.”

  I scrunched my nose and shook my head.

  “Well, once you have, talk to me about smelling. You smell like you always do.”

  “So I smell all the time?”

  He laughed. “No. You smell like lavender.”

  I looked out the window, expelling a small sigh. Why did he have to pay attention to things like that?

  “But just so you know, I’d totally be up for giving you a sponge bath.”

  My head whipped to him. “Why’d you say that?”

  “Say what?”

  “The sponge bath thing?”

  A cocky smirk slipped into place. “Do I really need to explain what I’d get out of giving you a sponge bath?”

  My shoulders dropped. Why was I constantly waiting for him to remember? I should’ve been happy this Drew decided to come around. This Drew was trying to make amends. This Drew wanted my forgiveness.

  “Has your PT got you doing leg raises?” His voice snapped me back to the present.

  “Yup.”

  “How about floor slides?”

  I nodded.

  “Good. When does she think you’ll be full weight-bearing?”

  I shrugged. “She said it’s up to me.”

  “So tomorrow?”

  I snorted. “I wish. But I’m driven. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

  He nodded, his voice lowered. “I know.”

  My eyes focused out the passenger window at the passing buildings. I could do it. I could have a conversation with him like he was just an old friend. Not the person who took me off the track. “So what’s next for you?” I looked back to him.

  He shrugged. “I’ve still got to take my Boards, but I’ve been looking online for PT positions in the area.”

  Every muscle in my body tensed. “So that’s why you came by today? Trying to get a job?”

  He shook his head. “The only thing that brought me there was you.” He looked me dead in the eyes. “You.”

  There went the damn flutters.

  His eyes jumped between the road and me. “I want to know you.”

  I huffed out my aggravation. Why was my body continually betraying my head? Why was I angry at the thought of him using me for a job? Why was I pissed he wanted to know me better? “What do you want to know?”

  “Everything I don’t already know.”

  I crossed my arms. “And what is it you think you already know?”

  “Lots of things.”

  My cynical brow lifted. “Like what?”

  “You laugh at jokes even if you don’t think they’re funny to spare someone’s feelings.”

  I twisted my lips, wondering how he knew that. “So, I guess the cat’s out of the bag. None of your jokes are funny.”

  “Sure they are.” His eyes continued jumping between the road and me. “You’re loyal to a fault. Sticking by everyone else when they need you, but having very few people you can rely on.”

  A bout of déjà vu swept over me. “So, what are you saying? I need a shrink or Match.com?”

  He shook his head. “I just gave you a compliment, which you’re clearly pathetic at taking.”

  My eyes widened in mock outrage. “Am not.”

  He pulled to a stop and threw the truck into park, jumping out before I even realized we were in front of my building. He pulled open my door but
blocked my exit. “You’re beautiful.”

  My face fell into a grimace. “What?”

  “You’ve got the most beautiful blue eyes. They twinkle like a kid’s on Christmas morning when you like something. Usually food.”

  My eyes cast down. I knew what he was doing. And I’d accept his compliments if it was the last thing I did.

  “And your lips.” He grasped the top of the doorframe. “They’re so damn kissable I think about doing it every day like some horny teenager.”

  A blush crept up my neck and into my cheeks. I could feel it all the way down to my toes.

  “And your skin. It’s so damn—”

  “Gah!” My breath burst out of me. “Stop it. I get it. I can’t take a compliment. Fine. Now back up.”

  He stepped back with a small grin and helped me onto the sidewalk and to the door. “Let me help you inside.”

  I shook my head, suddenly remembering we didn’t have that comfortable type of relationship anymore. “I’ve got it.”

  “You’re stubborn. You know that, right?”

  I nodded, knowing it was both a strength and a curse. “Add it to the list. Thanks for the ride.”

  “I’ll be here tomorrow at ten-thirty. Don’t leave without me.”

  I stared into his sincere eyes for a long moment. “I can’t do this, Drew.”

  His brows inverted. “Do what? Let me take you to therapy?”

  I shook my head. “You know what I mean.”

  He took a couple steps back from me. “No, I don’t. I want you, Andi. I won’t hide that. And I’ll be damned if you don’t let me fight for you. You might’ve given up on the possibility of us, but I haven’t. I could see it in your eyes today. You want to forgive me. You want to let yourself be free of the anger and hate you feel toward me. It’s okay to forgive me. You don’t have to forget. I’m not asking you to. I don’t deserve that. But I do deserve a chance to be happy. So do you. This.” He motioned his hand between us. “Us being at odds. It’s not helping either of us. Try, Andi. Try to forgive me.”

  I stared across the space between us. He’d laid it all out there. I’d give him that. But there were still so many things I wanted to say. So many questions I wanted to ask. So many conflicted thoughts I didn’t know what to do with.

  So what did I do?

  Nothing.

  Nothing but maneuver myself inside my building and try to forget about the one guy who was making it impossible to forget about him.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  I’d spent the hours since Drew dropped me off staring up at my ceiling. Replaying his words over and over again in my head. Trying to convince myself to forgive him for hurting me. From keeping the truth from me. From turning my world upside down. But trying to convince myself to forgive him and actually forgiving him were two completely different things. Maybe with time I’d forget the pain he’d caused. But right now—

  A knock on my door pulled me from my head.

  I pushed myself up from the sofa nervous he’d shown up again. Nervous that if he confronted me again, he’d be unhappy with my decision. I hobbled to the door and grasped the knob. “Who is it?”

  There was a brief pause. “Brock.”

  WTF?

  I pulled open the door to find my ex standing in the doorway holding a big bouquet of flowers in a glass vase. “Hey.”

  I winced at the sight of his shaggy hair and too tanned skin. Our last interaction had left me with a broken heart and him with a black eye which had since faded. “What are you doing here?”

  His weight shifted from left to right, a habit that drove me nuts. “I just wanted to see you.”

  My nose scrunched in disgust. “Why?”

  He held out the vase. “Here.”

  I took the heavy vase from him. “You do realize I couldn’t even get you to buy me flowers on Valentine’s Day when we were dating.”

  He shrugged. “Things change. Can I come in?”

  “Why?”

  He laughed. “I want to check in. See how you’re doing.” He stepped forward, giving me no other option than to step back so he could walk inside.

  I closed the door and watched as he moved around my apartment. Though he’d been there a hundred times, it was odd having him back in my space. He didn’t really fit anymore. “You didn’t have to come over. A text would’ve been fine.”

  “Why? We’re friends.”

  I snorted as I carried the vase over to the island. “Oh, yeah. Friends always cheat on their friends.”

  “Andi,” he groaned.

  I spun around to face him. “Look, I’m not trying to rehash the past. I’m over it. It’s just hard seeing you here being sympathetic when you weren’t when I was in one piece.”

  He leaned against the back of the sofa and crossed his arms. “People screw up. I screwed up. But I should still be allowed to visit you when you’re hurt.”

  “And I should be allowed to give you shit for waiting almost two months to do it.”

  He snickered. “Look, I know your parents aren’t around, but you’ve got Logan. I knew she’d be by your side.”

  I nodded. “She was.”

  “I’m sorry about the Olympics.”

  I averted my gaze as tears prickled the backs of my eyes. Brock knew how hard I trained to qualify. He knew running was my life.

  “Hey,” he said softly. “Look at me.”

  I closed my eyes and purged my tears before looking up at him.

  “Life sucks.”

  I choked on a laugh as I dropped down onto one of the kitchen stools. “That’s an understatement. And coming from you, quite comical.”

  “I deserve that.”

  A long pause passed between us.

  “She made it.”

  Brock’s brows furrowed. “Who?”

  “Marley. She took my spot on the team.”

  He nodded. “I heard. If it’s any consolation, she wasn’t bragging all over campus about it.”

  “Well at least there’s that.”

  “Yeah. Strange though, right?”

  “Yeah. The girl’s got the biggest mouth on campus.”

  He cocked his head. “It might be a tie with Logan.”

  I grinned. “True.”

  “She’s been a good friend, though, hasn’t she?”

  “Yup. And you suck.”

  Given the flicker in his eyes, he completely agreed with me. “We both know you’re better off without me. My head’s all over the place.”

  I winced at the double meaning. “Yeah. That’s why we broke up.”

  His eyes narrowed before he caught on and laughed to himself. “Half the time I don’t know if I’m coming or going.”

  I winced again. “I find it hard to believe you don’t know if you’re coming. Guys are kind of all about that, aren’t they?” I raised a brow.

  He threw back his head and burst into laughter. “Some things will never change with you.”

  I smiled. And for the first time in a long time, I felt my anger toward Brock dissipating. What good had carrying all that anger done me? What benefit had staying mad at him brought me? What was the point of even caring anymore?

  “Seriously, though,” he continued. “I wasn’t ready for anything serious when we were together.”

  “Yeah. I kind of figured that with the cheating thing.”

  He shrugged. “A guy just knows when he’s ready to settle down. I wasn’t. But from what I hear, the right girl will make you want to.”

  My eyes widened. “Thanks a lot.”

  He waved his hands out in front of him. “No. That’s not what I meant. You were the right girl. You’re most likely every guy’s right girl. You drink like a champ, can swear with the best of them, and are as sexy as sin. And in a few years when I’m ready to commit, I’ll probably be kicking myself for letting you go. But you just came around at the wrong time.”

  As screwed up as his rationale sounded, it made sense—in a messed up sort of way. Don’t get me wrong. It woul
dn’t have sat well with me right after we broke up. Nothing would have. But it did now, when I didn’t feel the same hatred toward him.

  And he was right about one thing. Timing was everything in life. I was someone who knew that all too well.

  “Sure, some guys may never be ready to settle down,” he added. “But others will do it when they find the one they’re willing to fight to hold onto. The one they’d die before giving up on.”

  I nodded, wondering when the hell my asshole ex-boyfriend had become so wise.

  * * *

  “I’m so happy you called,” Logan yelled over the loud music. “I miss girls’ night out.” She threw back her tequila shot and slammed it back down on our high top table like a rock star.

  “I know.” I threw back my own shot. It was funny how pain disappeared after a shitload of beer and too many shots.

  “Woo-hoo!” Logan shouted, drawing attention from half the men in the bar, most of whom already noticed her too short skirt and too tight top.

  I didn’t have to worry about getting attention. Forget my days in hooker heels, anyone who noticed my black plunging neckline or short skirt, instantly noticed the boot accessorizing my foot and wrote me off as a capable dance partner or hook-up.

  “So Brock?” Logan lifted a brow. “I can’t believe he had the balls to show up at your place.”

  I laughed. “No kidding.”

  “He was always such a prick.”

  “Yup. Why do we always fall for the pricks?”

  Logan’s eyes cast down. “Not always.”

  “Are you ever gonna tell me what happened with Luke—I mean Avery?”

  She shrugged. “Things didn’t work out.”

  “Oh?”

  She picked up her beer and took a long swig. “He said he couldn’t stand competing for my attention with all my fans. Fans? Can you even believe he said that?”

  I stared across the table at my beautiful friend. “Logan, I know you’re not blind. Look around. Half the guys in this place are waiting for you to drop something so they have a reason to come over here.”

  “More like get a good look at my vagina.”

  “Well, that, too.”

  Her blonde curls whipped around. You name it. Biker. Frat guy. Businessman. Their eyes were glued to her.

  “You have your pick.”

  “I know that,” she snapped.