The Workaholic Down the Hall

by Katharine Sadler

  I got into the passenger's seat of Bart's truck. When Noah motioned for me to scoot over and let him in, I couldn't do it. I couldn't sit next to him and smell him, feel him against my side, be so close to him and not totally lose it.

  “I think you should ride to the house with your mom.” I doubted Nora would let him go back to Atlanta or stay anywhere other than the hunting cabin, but I didn't see why I had to ride with him.

  “Aubrey,” he said. He looked tired, sad, but I couldn't find it in me to care.

  “Maybe Cody would let you stay here a few days. Maybe he'd take you back to Atlanta.”

  He nodded and stepped back, closing the door gently. Bart looked over at me, concern clear in his expression. “You okay, girl?”

  I nodded, then shook my head. “No, but I will be.”

  He grunted and started the engine. “Men today are dumber than a box of rocks, if you ask me. In my day, a man was grateful for the care of a pretty girl, he didn't toss it away like it was nothing.”

  “I appreciate the sentiment, Bart, but I'd rather not talk about it.”

  He grunted again and we rode to the cabin, a place that was starting to feel more and more like home, like a refuge rather than a prison, in silence.

  Bart refused to let me help carry in the gifts, so I settled on the couch and watched him put everything on the floor at my feet. He said goodbye when he was done. I waited for him to shut the door behind him before I let the first tears fall.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Aubrey

  Noah was sitting at the table, coffee in front of him, when I walked into the kitchen the next morning. I knew he'd carried me to bed, knew he'd slept with me through the night. I should have kicked him out of bed, but it was so much more comfortable to sleep on him than it was to sleep alone and I was mostly asleep and weak.

  “Good morning,” he said. “How are you feeling?”

  I stared at him for a long moment, trying to figure him out. “Are you just going to pretend nothing's changed?”

  “Nothing has changed. We're friends and we're going to have a baby.”

  I nodded and stepped into the kitchen, then stopped. “No. I can't do this. I can't pretend we're just friends who are having a baby together when I know that if I wasn't carrying your baby, you'd still be in Atlanta and wouldn't want anything to do with me.”

  “Aubrey—”

  “Don't tell me any more lies, Noah. Don't try to say kind things to save my feelings. We're having a baby together and we need to be honest with each other or this will never work. I can't keep playing house with you and seeing glimpses that make me think we could be more, only for you to shut me out or act like nothing happened.”

  “So, you want us to be enemies?”

  I sighed. “No, I just want…Maybe we can be friendly acquaintances, but we can't be friends. It's too hard. It's just…It's way too hard.”

  He stood, pushing his chair back. He looked furious, and I couldn't understand why. I was giving him what he wanted. “You left me, Aubrey. I was your friend and you left me and now every time I hesitate, every time I'm not exactly the person you think I should be, you try to leave me again.”

  I gestured to the house around us. “I'm not going anywhere, Noah. I'm as stuck here as you are.”

  “You're not physically going anywhere, but you're threatening to take yourself away from me in all the ways that matter. I know I said the wrong things to Cody, but whatever is going on between us is none of his business. I wasn't trying to hurt you, I was just trying to get him to back off. I'm trying, Aubrey. I'm really trying and it's never good enough for you.”

  I sighed and rubbed my temples. “You're right. I hate it, but you're right. I just can't live in this weird limbo where we're friends who share a bed and kiss sometimes. I need more distance, because I…The truth is that I want more. I want to be more than the friend you happen to have an inconvenient attraction to. I'll try to make this work, but right now…I just need some space.”

  “I can give you space.” His arms dropped to hand loosely by his side, his expression shutting down. “And believe me, Aubrey, someday you'll meet the right guy, a guy who can give you time and himself and you'll thank me. You'll be grateful to me for letting you go.”

  Tears filled my eyes and I shook my head. Every time I thought I was braced for reality, for the truth, I got hurt again. I had to move on from him, to let go of the idea of us as a couple. “You think you can't be that guy? I know you. You work long hours and put everyone else before yourself. You're unfailingly loyal to your family, and you love them with your whole heart. You're a good man, Noah. One of the best men I know, so don't say this is about you protecting me and admit the truth. You don't want me, not in the way I want you. I can't be your friend unless we're honest with each other.”

  I turned and left before he could respond. He didn't follow me. He didn't tell me I was wrong.

  ***

  “You were gone a long time,” I said.

  Noah shut the front door behind him and crossed the living room to sit on the floor at my feet. I kept my seat on the couch, nervous about the serious look on his face. He'd left the house more than two hours ago, I'd assumed for a jog, but I'd gotten more and more worried the longer he'd been gone. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, so I had to assume the excursion hadn't been a workout.

  “I don't ever want you to think I don't want you,” he said. “I've been attracted to you from the first time I saw you, when you walked into my office for the interview in that purple sun dress you covered up with a blazer to make it seem professional.”

  I tried to keep a serious, unsmiling expression, but I was too pleased that he'd remembered what I'd worn to be convincing.

  He smiled back. “And I've wanted to be your friend since I found you at your desk checking college football scores.”

  “Go yellow jackets.”

  His smile faded. “I want you, and you're my friend. I like you, and it makes sense for us to date. If things were different, I'd be doing everything I could to convince you to give me a shot, but things aren't different. You're having our baby and the company is in a tight spot. If we tried this and it went bad, I wouldn't just lose you from my life, I'd lose my daughter. I've never done the relationship thing, the commitment thing, and been any good at it. I don't want to lose you, Aubrey, not again.”

  It wasn't exactly the promise of devotion I would have liked to hear, and I realized he didn't understand. He thought being attracted to me and not hating me might be enough to build a relationship on, but I knew better. Or maybe I just wanted more. “I don't want to lose you, either. We just need to establish boundaries and respect each other enough not to cross them.”

  “Or maybe we should cross them. What if we agree to date on a trial basis and, if it doesn't work out, we can go back to being friends?”

  “A trial?”

  “Our daughter should have both her parents around. We need to take a real shot at a relationship and find out if there's anything here.”

  “Noah, you've known me for three years, don't you think if anything was here, you'd already know?” He'd said it and I'd thought it, it needed to be addressed.

  He frowned and rubbed his hands on his jean-clad thighs, something he did when he was frustrated. “I don't know, Aubrey. I've never been in love, never even gone out with anyone for more than a few dates. I want a chance to prove to you that I can be everything you and our daughter need.”

  He was so serious and determined that I wavered. It was a huge risk, and I doubted we could date without one or both of us getting hurt when it didn't work out. But what if I was wrong? Maybe attraction and friendship were enough to build a life on, maybe they were enough to build happiness on. Maybe I'd never be wanted the way I'd hoped, but maybe just being needed would be enough. For my daughter's sake I had to at least try. “Okay,” I said. “But if this doesn't work, no hard feelings—”

  “I promise.” His smile was so wide and fierce it s
lowed my heart for a few seconds. He leapt to his feet and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. “But I have a good feeling about this. We're going to make it work.” He studied my face and pushed a fly-away strand of hair behind my ear. His breath ghosting over my lips and I leaned toward him. He was a magnet to me. Even when I knew I was probably making a mistake, I couldn't not lean into him.

  A knock at the door made us both flinch. Noah released me and stood. He made his way to the door and opened it to find Carrie, May, and another woman I didn't recognize on our porch. Noah glanced at me, eyebrows high, but I didn't have any more idea why they were there than he did.

  “We thought Aubrey might like to get out of the house for a little while, so we got together a girls' day out,” May said.

  I pushed to my feet, fell back onto the couch and, before I could try again, Noah was there, his hand in mine, pulling me up. I got to my feet and smiled at the ladies. I wanted to stay and find out how things went with Noah, but I also thought some space might be good for us. It would definitely be good for me, because I was about two seconds away from panicking. “I'm in,” I said. “Should I change?” I was in my most comfortable leggings and an over-sized sweater. I really didn't want to change.

  “Absolutely not,” the unfamiliar woman said. “You look adorable.”

  “Aubrey, this is Dilly,” Carrie said. “Dilly Aubrey,”

  “It's nice to meet you,” I said.

  “Ooh, so polite,” Dilly said with a warm smile. “Come on, let's go. I'm starving.”

  “You're always starving,” Carrie said, rolling her eyes.

  I weaved past Noah and out the door. “What am I going to do?” he asked with an adorable pout.

  “The guys will be by in a bit,” Carrie said. She grabbed my arm and led me off the porch to her waiting car.

  Once everyone was in and belted up, she turned to me. “What kind of food are you in the mood for?”

  “Comfort food,” I said.

  “Barbecue?” May asked.

  “Italian?” Carrie asked.

  “Ice cream?” Dilly asked, her eyes lit with hope.

  “Um, any of that sounds great, but I think Barbecue is probably the best for lunch.”

  “And ice cream after,” Dilly said, bouncing in her seat.

  Carrie started the car and headed down the driveway toward the road.

  May, who was sitting next to me, leaned in, a frown twisting her face. “We actually came to rescue you in case things are bad between you and Noah?”

  “Now you thought I might need a rescue?”

  May winced. “Well, Cody told Carrie what Noah said about you being the last woman in the world he'd want to date.”

  “That's not what he said,” Carrie said with a heavy sigh.

  May waved a hand. “Close enough. So, do you need us to rescue you? You can hide out at my place until Mom releases Noah.”

  “Thanks. Noah might take you up on a ride back to Atlanta, but…Actually, Noah said he'd like to try and see if we could have a real relationship.”

  Carrie hooted. May's mouth dropped open and her eyes widened, before they got glossy with unshed tears. “Oh, thank goodness,” she said. “Mom was talking about hitting him over the head until she knocked some sense into him.”

  “Yeah, that might be a bit extreme. Don't get too excited. He said he'd try, but that doesn't mean it'll work. There might be too much history with us.”

  May sighed. “I said the same thing to Mom, actually, but she said…”

  “May,” Carrie said. “The idea is to support Aubrey and cheer her up.”

  “You're right,” May said. “Let's go get something to eat. I'm starving.”

  “May,” I said. “What did Nora say?”

  “We'll go in and get seats,” Dilly said with a cheery grin. She got out and, when Carrie didn't immediately follow, she walked around the front of the car, opened Carrie's door, and pulled her out.

  “Be supportive,” Carrie called back.

  The car door shut behind her and we were encased in silence. May rolled her eyes. “She's such a worrier.”

  “I take it I've been a topic of conversation lately?”

  She nodded and stared out the window for a long moment. “I've never been all that close to Noah. He…I was just so much younger and I've always been so different from him…it's like I grew up in a different family than he did. By the time I was old enough to pay attention, Dad was making good money and Mom was around more. Moving to the city is one of my earliest memories, and I never remember not having enough to eat.”

  “But Noah does.” I'd never asked about Noah's past, because I hadn't wanted to talk about mine. I didn't like to think about all the times I'd been rejected, pushed off to someone else. The wound was still raw and painful. I'd never considered he might want to tell me about his childhood.

  “Yeah. When Noah was a kid, Mom worked as a cleaning lady at a chain hotel and Dad was the handy man. There wasn't a lot of money and they had a lot of kids in pretty quick succession. I don't know how they managed before Noah was old enough to help out, but I know he and Jill started taking on responsibilities way too early. The sort of responsibilities I've still managed to avoid.” She shook her head. “I totally get now why he's always treated me like a helpless brat, but I hated him for a really long time.”

  “What sort of responsibilities did he have?”

  “He took care of the younger kids. He's never been a good cook, but he and Jill would manage to get some edible food together for everyone. He made sure Jared and Jenna and Cody got on the school bus and did their homework. As soon as he was old enough, he started doing whatever work he could to bring in extra money.” She sighed. “I guess he never stopped taking care of us. Mom thinks that's why he went to work for Dad in the first place. He knew Jenna and Jared didn't want to do it, and Cody was always the rebel of the family, determined to set his own course. Jill loves working for the company and I always thought Noah did, too, but Mom thinks…Mom thinks stepping into the role of the CEO, even getting his business degree, was his way of taking care of us all. He's working to preserve Dad's legacy.”

  “But Noah's devoted his whole life to the company.” Was he unhappy running his dad's company? And why had I never noticed that before? I guess it was because he was so entirely devoted to it, because he never complained.

  “Noah is a giver, Aubrey. Mom thinks he's been giving so much of himself for so long, taking care of other people, that he's forgotten to consider what he wants. He's forgotten to think about himself at all.”

  That fit. It made so much sense, I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before. It was why he wanted to try with me, he wanted to take care of me and our daughter, even if it meant sacrificing himself and his own chance at love. I couldn't let him do that, I wouldn't. Tears burned my eyes, but I held them back. If I was going to do this for Noah, if I was going to push him away, I had to convince him that it was what I wanted, that it was the best thing he could do for me and for our daughter. “So, your mom kidnapped him to force him to take care of someone else?”

  May frowned. “No. She thinks you can make him happy, Aubrey. She thinks if he took a moment to think about what he wants, he'd realize you're what he wants. This week away from Atlanta is as much about him taking time for himself and re-evaluating his life choices as it is about match-making.”

  “Because Nora blames herself,” I said, realization dawning.

  “She hasn't come right out and said it, but yeah, she blames herself. She and Dad worked so hard to make a better life for us kids, they didn't see the burden they were placing on Noah, didn't see that he was the kind of kid who took the expectations laid on him far more seriously than he should have. Nora feels she took advantage of his kind nature.”

  And I wasn't going to take advantage of him the same way. I wouldn't do it, no matter how much it hurt to let him go, to push him away. “I get why she wants to do this, but maybe she should have kidnapped him to an is
land retreat instead.”

  She grinned. “She thought he'd prefer you to an island retreat, and she was right. I've never seen him smile as much as he did at that baby shower. You make him happy.”

  I wished with every fiber of my being that she was right, but I wouldn't delude myself. Noah had been happy to be with his family, he might even be happy about our daughter, but I wasn't the one who made him happy. I wasn't the one he could love. “We should probably get inside.”

  She gave me a quick hug before opening her door. “Stay there and I'll run around and help you out.”

  She was at my door before I'd taken two breaths. She seemed so happy, like she'd done something good for Noah, like she was sure he'd be happier now. I wished she was right. I hoped he found the woman who could make him happy someday, but that woman wasn't me.

  Inside, I was relieved to see Carrie and Dilly were already seated, chatting and laughing. It would feel good to talk about something other than Noah or babies.

  I sat with them and found I was able to get caught up on their conversation pretty quickly. It wasn't long before I was laughing and chatting with them. After lunch, they took me out for a spa day and I felt so relaxed on the drive home I almost fell asleep. The day had been so relaxing I almost forgot what I was going to have to do. I almost forgot the heartache waiting for me at home.

  ***

  May, Carrie, and Dilly waved goodbye from the car. I smiled as I walked up the porch steps to the front door. I felt sleepy and happy, but I knew it couldn't last, because I'd have to face Noah in a few moments. I'd have to face him and I'd have to push him away. It would hurt, I knew that, but there was a sort of peace in having the decision made, in knowing that we'd never work. I'd push him away and I'd cry and I'd mourn him, but I'd stop hoping for something that could never be, I'd stop hurting every time that hope was dashed. Maybe, I'd finally be able to move on. Maybe someday I'd find another love, but for the moment, I'd focus on my daughter and being the best mother I could be.