Against The Odds

by Senna Fisher

  He moved his finger and touched it and the shock that hit him almost knocked him off his feet. It had hurt him this time, but seemed not affect her too much. She just tensed and pulled her blouse down.

  Clayton’s face was white. For in that moment, he had heard the voice again, use your hands, Clayton. Please use your hands. It was the voice of his dreams.

  “Are you okay, Rebecca?”

  “No, but then I will never be okay. Do you understand? Clayton. I am different. I will never be okay,” and she started to cry. Clayton went to her, holding her tight. For once, his mind was not filled with questions to ask her.

  “I need to sleep Clayton. I am so tired. So tired.”

  “Okay, Princess.”

  *****

  Chapter 12

  When he left, his emotions were raw and his mind in overdrive. Shit, I am not going to sleep again tonight, and that dream is going to wake me as soon as I do manage to fall asleep. He also felt so tired. His body could sleep, but his mind would not. He drove straight to Jonathan and Jackie. They were watching television and were happy to see Clayton. His life was better than any television show they had ever watched. They wandered what he had done this time. He described the evening and Jonathan spoke calmly and judiciously.

  “Okay, we confirm that you are like George. You are to Rebecca what George is to Rowena. We further confirm that the butterfly exists and that it has some effect on the both of you. Also, Rebecca knows something, but not everything. She is also in the dark about some things. Further, Clayton, I am now convinced that you have psychic powers. Question, why have you never displayed them before? Why now?”

  “Because he only needs them for Rebecca. I don’t know. He needs you to do something for her. But I don’t think she knows. She thinks it is hopeless. Does she perhaps have a terminal illness? She is concerned about long term plans. Is she dying, perhaps?”

  “No! No! That will never be. She is not dying.”

  Clayton’s eyes were flashing, their white colour beaming on them. He looked like he would tear them part. Great, Jackie has brought the lion back. They stared at him, but were not afraid.

  “Clay, you are being the lion again darling”, she said gently.

  “Yes, when he feels he must protect her, he becomes a lion. Protect her from what?”

  Dying? Jonathan thought but did not say the words. Clayton was getting back to normal and he did not want to see that lion thing again. It is very disturbing, especially when his hair spikes up. Jonathan was concerned. He hoped this thing could be contained, because it would not do well for Clayton’s professional career if he started behaving like a lion in court, or in the board room. This thing could ruin his perfectly constructed career. He had thought to tell him to come to court with him tomorrow, because she was testifying. But under cross-examination, when her opposition was hostile to her, Clayton might easily become the lion. No, I will not tell him. Too risky.

  “How does he protect her?”

  “With my hands. I do not understand that. Every night in the dream, she says ‘use your hands’, over and over again.”

  Clayton was getting despondent. He was going round in circles, pacing up and down in a mental and emotional cage with no way out. Only Rebecca had the key.

  “She is coming away with us, even if I have to drag here there. I want her away from her comforts, her hiding places and I will extract every single thing she knows about this. There is no other way. I can’t go on like this. I can’t control my thoughts, my dreams and even my body. No, she will come with us.”

  Nobody disagreed with Clayton. Perhaps it would best, anyway, Jonathan thought. Maybe we can assess the situation objectively, because he is too involved. Of course, Clayton can simply walk away from this complex relationship and go back to his old ways. No, he could not, even if he wanted to. The woman had changed his life. What he could not work out was whether it was for the better or worse.

  ~ ~ ~ ~

  When he saw Rebecca the next day, he still could not answer this question. She looked tired and defeated, even worse than Clayton. He chatted to her about Jackie’s work. Eventually, against his better judgment, he asked.

  “So how are things with Clayton?”

  “Oh Jono, it is the best and the worst. It is filled with strange and erotic things. I don’t know, but either we are both crazy, or the world around us is not real.”

  “Really, why?”

  “We seem to get along fine and then things change quickly, for the worst. I don’t know how to deal with him. He can be very erratic, so charming and sweet and then all huffy and puffy. It is very hectic, but I can’t seem to turn away from him. I have thought I should just run away from him, let it be, you know? Write it off as a toxic relationship, but I can’t.”

  “Is it a toxic relationship?”

  “No. Okay, I get your point.”

  “Rebecca, what would make it better?”

  “There is nothing that we can do. That is the way it is, I’m afraid. You know, there are some things you can change, others you can’t.”

  “What would you change, if you could?”

  “I would like to stop loving him, needing him, because it will hurt too much when he walks away.”

  Jonathan was very surprised by this. She was not dying, she was sure he would walk away. Clayton’s reputation had certainly not helped this strange relationship. He could not help but understand her fear. He could not guarantee that Clayton would be there, when his fascination with her and her butterfly passed. He could not say categorically that, Clayton, once he had satisfied his lust, would not walk away. He had seen it too many times to believe that Clayton could suddenly change. She was right to be afraid of being hurt, because there was no reason to believe that Clayton would not hurt her. And given how strange things had been the pain would be unbearable for her. Jonathan had only been concerned about Clayton and felt guilty that he never tried to see things from her perspective. He had always known she was the sensible one of the two. She was right about everything.

  “What can be done, Rebecca?”

  “I suppose I should sleep with him and get it over with. I will always hunger for him if I don’t.”

  Gosh, she is tough. She sat there, calmly telling him how she would minimize the damage to her heart. Clayton was way out of his depth with this woman.

  “So if you don’t mind, I will join you this weekend. Is it still alright?”

  “Oh yes, it is. Clayton will be thrilled. But Rebecca, have you considered the possibility that you might love him more after that, that you cannot assess and minimize the pain, as if you were balancing a check book? Have you considered that you might break his heart?”

  “Yes, but there is no other way. This way, we shall find out, won’t we?”

  *****

  1Chapter 13

  Rebecca was excited and afraid as they drove up to the Dragon Mountains. They were staying at a new place which had received a rave review in the press. It was named San Sanctuary, in honour of the San people who had inhabited the area. Jonathan had told her that the cottages were decorated to resemble the caves that the San people had lived in. She had been apprehensive about sleeping in a cave, but he assured her that it had all the modern amenities she was accustomed to.

  Rebecca had refused to travel with Clayton because she wanted time to relax and not to deal with his dark blue questions. It would have spoilt everything and she wanted one perfect weekend with the man she desired. Nothing more, nothing less. She sat at the back, while Blake and Chad argued furiously. Blake was accusing Chad, once more, of looking interested in a pretty young boy named Jason. Rebecca smiled. These men, now in their early 40s and lovers for many years, always threw jealous tantrums. While they worked well together as designers of fabric and furniture, they had a torrid, difficult relationship. Blake was impossible when he was jealous and this was often enough. Chad, a few months younger, enjoyed the thrill of knowing that his lover was jealous and therefore still wan
ted him and flirted outrageously with any younger man. It has always been this way and they loved the fights. Rebecca had always liked them and they had always been dear to her. She hoped they would not fight the whole weekend though, because another gay couple, a lot younger, in their late twenties, was joining them later. Zane was a tall, ridiculously good looking man and his partner, John, was not that bad either. Zane had worked with Jonathan and they had remained friends even after Jonathan had left. Jonathan was like a father figure to them and he often listened patiently to their problems and dilemmas. Zane lived in the unrealistic hope that his parents would someday accept his gay lover and was severely traumatized each time they said or did anything which indicated that they were waiting for him to ‘get over it’ and marry a respectable woman.

  Rebecca was excited at the thought that she would finally seduce Clayton. She had decided to defy The Darkness and she wanted just one opportunity with him. She accepted that this was all she would get and remembered her father telling her to take whatever pleasures she could have with him. She was also so afraid of what might go wrong. Her father had told her it was much stronger now and that this time was different. What will happen? She had learnt, through her mother, how to circumvent its power for short periods only. She had learnt to go indoors and to light candles. Also, the jasmine bath seemed to work. She was going to do it all and hoped it would stay away long enough for her to truly enjoy Clayton. She was also afraid about Clayton. Things were also different with him. There was no way she could explain why his touch had shocked her, as if fighting her flesh. She had tried to pretend it was funny, but she had realized that it might be a sign of the sheer power of The Darkness. He might turn away from her anyway. But she knew that this was a chance she was willing to take. At least she would have tried her best. In any event, how dare The Darkness come into my life and try to ruin it? I want Clayton and no Darkness is going to stop me. She was certainly prepared to go down fighting. This weekend, as least, Clayton was going to be hers. She had planned everything carefully, had shopped for seductive clothes, underwear and sleepwear. Gosh, Clayton is certainly turning out to be an expensive lover for me. She hoped it would be worth it.

  Her thoughts were disturbed by Blake apologizing for the fighting.

  “It’s okay, really. It is not like I haven’t been with you two before. Anyhow, it was good of you to give me lift.”

  “Anything for you, my dear. Now tell us about that hunk of yours. He is so gorgeous. He has the most beautiful eyes. They are like specks of azurite against a perfect body. My, you are so lucky.”

  Rebecca was laughing. She knew he was trying to make Chad jealous, but Chad knew that Clayton was not really a prospect, so he let it go.

  “Azurite eyes? Well, that’s a new one. I will definitely tell him that. He was busy with some family claim today, so he is only coming up later. I was not too keen to be driving around in the mountains in the dark. He will bring Zane up with him. Let the men travel in the dark. Also, I wanted to come early, to escape work.”

  “My dear, I would have been very happy to get lost in the mountains with your Mr Azurite. It would not have bothered me a bit.”

  Chad was not taking the bait.

  “Yes, I am sure. But darling, remember that he is taken by our own black-eyed beauty here. You two make an interesting couple. I just got an idea for a lovely tapestry of blues and blacks for couch fabric I need to do. Yes, I can see it, azurite eyes, jet eyes, everywhere, watching, waiting against a background of.......”

  “A light, baby blue”, his partner added.

  They discussed their newly invented fabric and all was forgiven, for now at least.

  ~ ~ ~ ~

  Jonathan and Jackie had already arrived at the Sanctuary. Jackie was animated and happy and fell in love with the place. They stood on the balcony of their cottage, in awe of the views over the mountains.

  “This is a brilliant place, J. Look at the views, wow. I feel safe and happy, surrounded by green lush mountains. Look J, every way you turn there is a magnificent view. This is heaven. Thank you for the best anniversary gift. Look at these clever cottages. It makes me horny just thinking about it. Imagine that we will spend a weekend in a cave, without the horrid inconvenience. Oh Jono, I love you. This is perfect.”

  Jonathan hugged his wife and smiled at her.

  “I love you too, J. This is a magnificent place. I love the way the clouds lightly caress the tip of that mountain. A touch so light, it is barely there. The white of it, so translucent, so elusive, so beautiful, just like you.”

  He was caressing her arm and she was aroused by her husband’s uncharacteristic romantic moment. It was not usually his style, but occasionally he surprised her with it and it always made her desperate for his love making.

  “Come, let’s go inside. Let me caress you lightly, so lightly that.....”

  She never got to finish her sentence. Jonathan was in a loving mood today and nothing was going to slow down his desire to savor the honeyed love of his wife of ten years.

  Much later, they lay in bed, talking.

  “Jono, we are very lucky to have each other. I love the way you just accept me, all of me, no complications.”

  “Yes, my darling, we are very lucky, but sometimes I wish I could give you the one thing you always wanted. I wish I could make that right for you.”

  “You can’t, my love. We must accept that we cannot have a baby and try to give each other everything we can. I used to feel so bad about it, but seeing Clayton’s tortured soul all these years, I realized that I have everything I want here.”

  She poked his chest. “Here is all I have ever needed.”

  “Hmm, even when I am being logical and argumentative?”

  “Yes, even then. I would not like it any other way.”

  “Talking about Clayton, he said I should not tell you, but he, or rather Lorraine arranged and found this place. He refused to let me pay, J. He said it was the least he could do, considering all the trouble he has been lately.”

  “What?”

  “Yes, it is his gift to us. We argued for a long time about it, but he really needed to do it. He said he had been so self-centered lately, that he was being a real burden on us. He would not listen to anything I had to say.”

  “Oh, Jono, he has always been such a good friend to us. That’s why all this stuff with Rebecca is so hard to accept. He deserves to be happy, to be loved. He has never had that. Even his parents were shits. I love him for wanting to do this for us. I will thank him. Jono, how can we help them? What can we do?”

  “I don’t know. I guess this weekend is going to be the ultimate test. I think we must just be there for both of them.”

  ~ ~ ~ ~

  Clayton and Zane left late that afternoon and Clayton, anxious to see Rebecca, was speeding like a maniac. Zane chatted away about obscure legal matters, hoping to distract himself from this ferocious man. He knew that Clayton was a nice guy and harmless, but he seemed to have a wasp in his bonnet. He was a little anxious and barely responded when he was spoken to. He had better relax or we will be killed. John would never forgive me for getting myself killed. John would convince himself that I had done it out of spite, to punish my parents for their refusal to accept him as my lover. He could see the scene. John, the melodramatic attention-seeker, would be standing at his grave, pointing at his father.

  You, you! You killed the most important person in this world. You, with your pretensions and pseudo-Marxist principles, you killed him. You drove him over the edge of life, no support, no love. Where were you, when he wallowed in the abyss of his despair, rejection and pain? Don’t you dare cry now! What do you cry for? You never loved him! You never cared about the most wonderful man in the world. Dry your false tears! Dry your tears!

  Zane shuddered at the thought. I cannot afford to die now. I would have an awful funeral. No dignity, no grace. It would be a terrible thing to do.

  “Clayton, please slow down a bit. Are you okay?”<
br />
  “Yeah, sorry Zane. I am just a little edgy.”

  Yeah, I am sure he is. Rumor has it that some woman had finally put her claws in him, that he was having picnics in the park with her and that he was completely besotted. Well, he deserves it. He has been a real pig to women all his life. He deserves a little rough ride. I heard that he was so distraught over her that he was seeing a shrink. Well, you go girl! Teach the bugger a lesson. Let him know how it feels to be treated badly. Anyway, while I am here, I might as well hear it straight from the stud’s mouth.

  “Yes, I am sure you’re anxious to see her. I believe she is a model?”

  “A model?” Clayton laughed.

  “Not a chance. She is a child psychologist. I am surprised you haven’t met her. Rebecca Raymond.”

  “What? You are dating Rebecca Raymond? No way. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. No way.”

  “She is beautiful and also very complicated. She drives me insane sometimes.”

  “Rebecca and you. That is the weirdest thing I have ever heard. You are so different.”

  “How so?”

  “Let’s face it. You are a bit of a ladies’ man. Rumor has it that you don’t exactly care about them, that you leave once you have...ur....had enough. Rebecca, well, she is a class act. She does not mess around. I think every attorney in criminal court looks forward for days she will be around, so they can drool. She is also very sensible. They have all tried to date her. I think she only went out with Kevin Ryan Junior, but that didn’t last long.”

  “The young man with a flashy car?”

  He could feel the hair on the back on his neck rising, but he calmed himself. Let it go, it is not important.

  “Yes. I think that was part of the problem. I heard that she hated the way he tried to show her off, as if she was one of his cars. She dumped him and he once tried to cause a scene in court. She was very calm and rational and he felt really silly, especially when she called him ‘spaz’. That tall hunk, Adcock, apparently gave him a good talking to. I thought they were an item, but now, you are in the picture.”