Runaway Love

by Washington, Pamela

  Scott:

  I’m in the US. I had love to see you. Can you meet me somewhere? You pick time and place. I’ll be there. Promise.

  I read it again before I lock my screen. Do I really want to open that door again? Will he even understand the pain I’ve been going through? Does he even care? I’d like to pretend that I don’t know what to do, but I know what my decision is, without a doubt. I’d never turn down Scott or tell him no, even if he did break my heart. I get up to pour myself a little bit of wine and go back to pay some attention to Scottie as he continues to beat Tony in tennis.

  I think about how and where I can see Scott. He’s famous in England, but I don’t think the paparazzi will seek him out here during the day. I’ll have to find a nice, low-key place where both of us can go undetected... I send him a quick message letting him know I’ll decide where to meet tomorrow.

  Yesterday seemed to go by so quickly. I’m a little anxious this morning, and I hope it doesn’t show because Tony reads me so easily, and I don’t need him staying home to check on me. I drop Scottie off at school and send Scott a text to meet me at the National Park. I rush back home to change into a cute dress and comfortable flats. I pull my hair up in a ponytail and apply some makeup to highlight my features. I’m so incredibly nervous, but I can do this. I’ve waited for this moment for so long that I don’t even know what to say or how to act. Do I hug him, shake his hand, kiss his perfect lips, or smack the ever living shit out of him? All I know for sure is that I need to ask some questions and he, unfortunately, holds all the answers.

  I pull up, and I check myself one more time in the mirror. I take a deep breath before I get out of my car and stand on my shaky legs. Geesh, I’m surprised I’m not causing an earthquake right now! I look around until I notice Scott sitting on a bench under some trees. I’m thankful he chose a discreet location without a lot of people nearby. I walk over and get my first good look at him - short brown hair, clean shaven, chiseled face, sun-kissed skin, muscles so big I can see them underneath his V-neck T-shirt. I cough and he looks up at with his unforgettable hazel eyes that momentarily take my breath away. He looks like he’d been lost in thought and needs a moment to gather himself, so I give him an encouraging smile.

  “Grace, is that you?” I blush because he doesn’t even recognize me anymore.

  “Yes, Scott, it’s me.” He grabs me and pulls me in for a tight hug then spins me around in the air. I didn’t expect that, really, so I’m stiff in his arms. He puts me down, and I don’t know how to respond. He just totally ruined my agenda.

  “Let’s go for a walk on the trail,” I offer as a suggestion to break the tension between us. I hope walking along private paths will encourage us to talk more openly.

  I can’t stop looking up at him; he had quite a growth spurt! He’s so different from the skinny, athletic kid I used to hang out with. I guess that’s what money and success can do for a person! We walk until we reach another set of benches, and I decide to rest. We still haven’t talked.

  “Grace, does your husband know you’re out here with me?” Really? Is he really asking me that?

  I give him a dubious look as I exclaim hotly, “Of course Tony doesn’t know! Do you really think my husband would allow me to come meet up with the man who’s owned my entire heart and soul all these years? No! He doesn’t know anything, and I intend to keep it that way!” Scott shakes his head and turns toward me.

  “Grace, I could hear the hurt in your voice when we talked the other day, and it really affected me. I was totally taken by surprise by what you said, so I knew we needed to talk about this once and for all. We both deserve to know the truth about what happened.”

  “What truth, Scott? The only truth I need to know is that you didn’t bother to wait for me! I have nothing else to reveal! I didn’t do anything to cause you pain or destroy your entire being! You left me! No, you ABANDONED me like my parents did! You could’ve come back for me; you should’ve come back for me, no matter what you thought I knew or didn’t know. I was only fifteen when you left! Did you ever consider that maybe I couldn’t contact you because something was wrong? NO! You went off and lived your life the way you wanted to live it – with no baggage and no responsibilities while I – while I…” I am cry-yelling by this point and almost on the verge of hyperventilating. I try to take deep breaths while I take in the hurt, regret, and sadness in Scott’s eyes. I have more I want to say, but I just can’t speak anymore right now. He puts his hand on my arm to try to calm me, but I shake him off. I’m a hell of a lot stronger than he’ll ever know!

  “Listen, Grace, I apologize with all my heart. If I could turn back time, God knows I would. I had just gotten picked up for this soccer team, and I had to leave right away to go overseas. If I waited, I would’ve lost my spot.”

  I give a scornful laugh before responding, “That’s your excuse, Scott? That’s how you rationalize it in your mind? Give me more credit than that, please. You don’t leave your entire life, your country, after ‘just’ joining a team. They obviously would’ve given you time to get ready and put your affairs in order. You would’ve needed time to get a passport at least! Why didn’t you take any of that time to tell me? You knew I wouldn’t have been able to leave with you that day, but we could’ve kept in touch. I wouldn’t have been a burden to you! Do you have any idea how much damage your selfishness caused? Do you care about what happened to me? Do you even want to know how you almost destroyed me?” I stare him straight in the eyes, knowing my emotions are evident on my face. I knew Scott wouldn’t understand, but I’ll make damn sure he sees the pain he has caused.

  “I did this for you, for us! Why can’t you appreciate that? You don’t realize how upset I was that you weren’t there. I was all alone in a foreign country with no support system whatsoever. I literally had to start my life over again! I rebelled so much when I first started playing overseas. I partied and drank and broke so many rules I can’t believe my ass wasn’t kicked straight back to America! But, I realized I had coaches and a team who believed in me and depended on me. I couldn’t let them down, especially after all they did for me. They became my family -”

  “They depended on you? They believed in you? They were your family? What about ME? Oh my God, Scott! Are you listening to anything I’m saying? You have the nerve to tell me they were more important to you? So, I basically meant nothing to you.” I whisper those last words as I stare at him in disbelief. I feel my body becoming cold and numb as the realization hits me. I cared more about him than he cared about me; he loved himself more than me…

  “Grace, stop. Whatever path your mind is taking you down, just stop. I was still a kid. I was on my own for the first time after leaving Ms. Allen’s. I was so confused and scared as I tried to navigate my new reality by myself. You were on my mind constantly. Every decision I made, I thought of you. Every place I went, I thought of you. You and our life together were what kept me going, Grace. I never lied to you about how much you meant to me. Please, don’t ever think that. I was stupid, naïve, and wrong. Yes, I admit I reveled in the praise and admiration from my coaches, teammates, and later on, my fans. If I’m being honest, I wanted that to myself at first. Being loved by so many people was so intoxicating! It took over my life and led me to make many poor decisions. What I came to realize, though, was that their love wasn’t real or lasting. No, it was temporary and fleeting and depended on my skills and performance. Your love was the only real love I had – it was permanent and had no strings attached. Our love was perfect, but I ruined it. By the time I realized what I had done, I knew I could never expect you to forgive me or take me back…” Scott pauses to wipe the tears from his eyes. I think he’s being truly honest with both himself and me for the first time in his life.

  “Scott –”

  “Wait, one more thing... Years later, I discovered that you’d settled down. You were married and had a child. I didn’t want to interfere in your life since you finally had the family you always wante
d. I was happy for you because it meant you forgot all about me and moved on with your life. It showed me that I did make the right decision in leaving you.”

  Wait – what? I shake my head in disbelief. Is he for real? Now he’s using my marriage against me? He’s justifying his actions? Oh, hell no! “I never moved on, Scott. I just coped with the reality that you were never coming back for me. Tony was there to help me through everything. You were, no, you are the only man I’ve ever truly loved. You’re the family I always wanted, that I still want. You need to accept responsibility for your actions, Scott, and stop rationalizing things. Any decisions I made were because of your actions. Grow up, Scott, and admit what you did. You hurt me. You destroyed me. Tony put me back together as best he could.” I stand up and start pacing. I pull out my ponytail to fidget with the hair tie in my hands.

  “I’m sorry; I’m so very sorry. You’re right. I do need to accept the facts and face reality. I should’ve done more, Grace. I should’ve figured out how to keep you in my life. Part of me thought that you’d still be waiting for me after I finished living an exciting life playing soccer. I imagined you watching all my games, cheering me on, and collecting all the articles written about me and putting them in a scrapbook for us to look at and share with our kids. There’s no excuse for what I did to you. I honestly didn’t know Paul wouldn’t tell you. I wondered briefly why you never tried to contact me, but I got caught up in living a carefree, wealthy lifestyle. I never forgot about you, but I did put you in the back of my mind. After your phone call, I went on a huge drinking binge. Something I haven’t done in a long time. My heart was crushed because I knew I hurt you. I couldn’t handle the anguish in your voice because I knew I put it there. I finally admitted to myself that I regretted not waiting to see you that day.”

  I stop pacing and look at him rubbing his temples. For the first time, I see the weight he has carried with him all these years as well. Our eyes meet, and I can tell he’s finally being honest about how sorry he is for all that he caused.

  “When you left, I made myself believe you were going to come back for me. I stayed at Ms. Allen’s until I was eighteen, longer than I ever wanted to, because I thought that was the only place you’d be able to find me. I searched high and low for you, but I couldn’t find you. Not knowing where you were or what happened to you drove me crazy. I kept imagining the worst scenarios! It was like Scott Fordham just ceased to exist one day! Why the FUCK did you change your last name?”

  Scott relaxes and looks up at me as he says, “Please sit. I changed my name because who likes Scott Fordham? I didn’t, so I changed it to Peters.” I don’t sit down; I knew he hated his last name but come on – changing it without telling me was a little extreme.

  “Well, Scott Peters, even if I did know you were playing soccer in England, did it ever occur to you that I never would’ve found you with your new last name? I thought you were dead. I went into the deepest depression that I never thought I was going to come out of. I was drinking and getting high with people I didn’t even know. I finally had to come to reality that you weren’t coming back for me and suck up my pride and call Tony.”

  I remember all my lows, and I know without Tony as my support system, I would’ve gone over the deep end. Scott stands up and wraps his arms around me. I don’t fight him this time; instead, I return the hug and melt in his embrace. I feel so little in his strong arms.

  “I didn’t know that changing my name would make it hard for you to find me. I’m here now, and I want to make it up to you. I’m going to take a break from soccer, so I can move here and spend as much time with you as I can.”

  I’m in shock. Can this really work? Can I have Scott and Tony in the same town together? Can I finally have everything I ever wanted? Is my happiness truly at my fingertips? My phone chimes, but I ignore it and look into Scott’s eyes. Before I can stop myself, I reach up to kiss him for the first time in over ten years. God, the depth of passion in that kiss reaches all the way to my core, making me instantly wet. I have a difficult time ending our connection.

  “Yes, Scott, please stay here. I need you more than anything; I always have. I have so much to tell you about what happened to me. I need you to know everything.”

  Scott kisses me again before promising me, “Okay, I won’t leave. I’m not going to lose you again.”

  I know I need to head back home soon when I hear my phone chime again. “I need to leave, walk me to my car.”

  We start to walk back to my car, but it takes a while because we keep stopping to hug and kiss. I feel the butterflies in my stomach. It feels wrong, but how can I not kiss my first love after all this time? I get in the car and stare at Scott.

  “Oh, I almost forgot to tell you - I named my son Scottie after you.” If I could’ve taken a picture of him, I would’ve. The look on his face is so priceless! I smile as I put my car in reverse and wave to him as I drive off.

  I’m feeling so good that I turn the music up and drop the top on my Mercedes. I feel like a new woman with a big secret that nobody can ever know about. I pull into my driveway feeling more confident and content than I’ve felt in a long time. I notice a note on the door from Kimberly wanting to come over, but I just ignore it. I don’t want any visitors today; I need some alone time to get my thoughts together.

  I pick up Scottie and grab tonight’s dinner from Olive Garden because I don’t want to take the time to cook a meal. I’ve been texting with Scott since we got home, so I’m not paying too much attention to Scottie. My son, of course, notices my distraction and isn’t very happy about it.

  “Mom? Mom, can I please play games on the Wii?” I hear him, but I don’t really hear him. I’m too busy reading Scott’s messages telling me how much he missed me and how beautiful I looked today. Scottie rushes to me and jumps onto my lap.

  “SCOTTIE! Why are you jumping on me?”

  “Mom, I’ve been talking to you, but you didn’t hear me! I want to play on the Wii!” Scottie’s voice is starting to become whiny, and I find myself becoming agitated by his needy behavior.

  “I’m sorry. Go ahead and play until your father gets home. He’s kind of late today.” I text Tony asking where he is, but right when I press send, he’s walking in the door. I look at him and notice he looks restless. I wouldn’t think being a supervisor for an insurance company could be so stressful. I wouldn’t really know, though, since I’ve only worked a short period of time in my life.

  “Hey, Gracie. How are you doing today?” He kisses me, and I feel a ping of guilt when his lips touch mine. He pulls back to look at me, obviously sensing something is amiss, but I turn my head away so he can’t see my expression.

  I smile and answer, “Today was really good, I went for a drive with the top down.” I laugh because he always wants me to put the top down.

  “Nice! I’m glad you’re getting some sun. I have some good news and bad news.” He grabs my hand and pulls me into the dining room to sit on his lap.

  “What’s going on, babe?”

  Tony plays with my hair and tugs on it a little as he kisses my neck. A moan escapes my mouth, and he whispers in my ear, “I have to go out of town for a conference for two days.”

  I stand up and give him a sad, puppy eye look. “Really, Tony? What am I going to do without you in bed with me for two days?” I pretend to pout a little because I know it’s expected of me, but I’m actually a little excited because I can spend time with Scott for a whole two days without having to hide it from my husband. Yep, I’m still fucked up.

  Tony pulls me back on to his lap. “Don’t worry. I’m going to give it to you how you want it before I leave. You’ll do fine without me. I’ll talk to Scottie and let him know.” He kisses me and goes into the living room. Of course. I run and grab my phone in kitchen and send Scott a bunch of texts with smiley faces telling him Tony is going out of town for two days.

  We sit down at the table and eat quickly. I clean up the dishes, tuck Scottie into bed, and go back
downstairs to find Tony in the kitchen with some melted chocolate. This is going to be messy.

  “I just cleaned the kitchen. What are you doing?” He doesn’t say anything, as he undresses me before he lifts me up and sits me on the countertop.

  “Gracie, don’t say anything. Lie down on the counter and let me show you how much I’m going to miss you.” I lie down on the cold granite counter top. He spreads my legs open and kisses the inside of my thighs. His lips are so warm on my thighs; his kisses go up until he’s outside my fold and he takes the chocolate and drips it on my pussy. He flicks his tongue to spread it over my outsides, and when he spreads my pussy lips and starts sucking on my clit, I start to moan like crazy. Oh. My. God! Him sucking and licking at my pussy feels so amazingly good, I’m almost at my breaking point shortly after he begins. Thankfully, he slows down because I want to make this last. He slides two fingers in me and starts pushing them in deeper – Tony knows how I like it. He stands over me and watches me ride his fingers. I see the chocolate all over his chin and mouth. I lick my lips because I just want to taste him right now.

  I notice he has his night pants off, and his fat cock is out and hard. He starts stroking it, and I lean up on my elbows so I can see him get off as he’s fucking my pussy with his fingers. He pulls his fingers out, and all I can moan out is why. He lifts me up and slides his dick into my pussy and holds me in place as he fucks me hard and deep on the countertop. He pulls my hair and I moan louder, loving how he feels in me.

  “Gracie, I want you to come for me and after you do, get on your knees and clean my cock.” He doesn’t have to tell me anything else before I climax all over his dick. I don’t have much time to recover before I’m on my knees tasting chocolate and my cum on his still hard dick. He pumps into my mouth, making me gag, but I don’t stop because I know he loves it. He pulls out of my mouth and strokes his dick as his hot cum lands on my face and lips. Oh God, I love when Tony wants to be the freak I know he can be. I lick my lips and look up at him with a wicked grin.