Pieces of it All

by Tracy Krimmer

  "Well?" She urged.

  "I don't know how to start." A breeze he waited for all summer swept off the lake and over his face. A scent of lavender trickled into his nose and his hair pulled against the wind.

  "Just start." She demanded he get on with it, but this wasn't information to drop casually like sprinkling sugar on cereal. Even though he had gone through the conversation in his mind many times on the way over, the words buried themselves underneath layers of fear.

  Start at the beginning - what Maggie said to him his first session with her. With that, he just dove in. "When I met Beth, I was in a pretty good place in my life, despite my asshole of a father, which took a long time to achieve. I don't want to go into every detail, but things haven't been easy. I needed her to move forward. I thought so, anyway." He stopped to review the picture. "I've wondered if the day would ever arrive that the pieces would come together and I could be whole again. I'd be sober, someone I love at my side, and .... my mother. I felt like what I imagine dumb little girls do, dreaming of a picket fence with the perfect little house, but I never had that. Even though I met Beth, something was still missing. And then when she introduced me to you ...."

  "What?" She pointed at her wrist at an imaginary watch. "Keep talking. You're running out of time."

  "Your face ... I knew I'd seen you before." The sun blinded his eyes for a moment as he squinted.

  "Okay." She rolled her hands in the air in a wrap it up motion.

  He didn't want to rush this, but she wasn't giving him much of a choice. "I think this is you." He handed her the picture.

  She ripped it from his hands. "What?" Her eyes bounced back and forth between Harvey and the photo.

  "This is you, right?" He touched his finger to the woman holding him.

  She didn't say anything. She stared at it, her mouth open, trying to find words to speak. She clutched the picture in one hand and used the other hand to guide herself onto the bench. "Where did you get this?"

  "I found it in my father's drawer."

  "Oh, so you stole this from him." She accusing, turning back to the photograph. "Is this your father?"

  "Yes, of course. And I'm on your lap." He pointed again at the woman. "Aren't you my mother?"

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  The photo started to flap in the breeze. "Sue." He ducked under her hanging head. The picture dangled from her fingertips, her other hand clasped on her mouth. "Sue. Say something." Anything. She needed to speak, or let tears fall, something to acknowledge him.

  "I ... I ..." She trailed off.

  "Are you my mother? Is that you in the picture?"

  She removed her hand from her mouth, placing it on top of her head. "Yes, I'm in the picture." She nodded, unable to stop.

  "Wow. I can't believe this." Harvey's heart drummed in his chest. "Wow. I just ... wow!" The final piece placed itself and now the puzzle was complete. He had everything. Once Beth forgave him, he'd be clean again, and pay back his debts. His future sat right next to him. He let out a snort to hold his happy tears captive.

  "Harvey, please don't cry." She put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "I'm holding you, but I'm not your mother."

  "What do you mean? You just said that's you." The picture nearly tore in half when he ripped it from her hands. This made no sense.

  She pointed to the other woman in the photo. "That's your mom."

  He never considered, in all the years of examining the photo and trying to put everything together, he should have been searching for someone else. He always assumed the lady holding him was his mother.

  "Where is she? What happened?" She held him in the picture and obviously had some sort of information. "Tell me. I need to know." His chin trembled as he fought the tears. Blinking them away, he whispered, "You know who she is."

  Sue rubbed her hands together, and then pressed her fingers to her lips. "I never even made the connection with your name. No one called you Harvey."

  "I stopped going by Edward at thirteen." After his dad got him the prostitute.

  "Eddie. We always called you Eddie."

  "I thought going by my middle name would make me a different person." He didn't want to be himself after those awkward few minutes with the sick woman willing to screw a young boy for cash. He couldn't be Edward because Edward became a stranger.

  She rubbed her ear lobe. "You were about six years old the last time I saw your dad. I had no idea where he went once he left Horace. You live in the same town as Beth? All this time and you lived minutes away." Her hands fell into her lap.

  "My father does. I don't call a permanent place home. I stay with him if I have nowhere else to crash. I'd rather not be near him."

  "Didn't your dad ever tell you what happened with your mom?"

  "He's an asshole. He told me she left because he got sick of her whoring around." He continued through her gasp. "I knew she wasn't. This picture ... no one so beautiful could ever be like ... that." She removed her hand off his shoulder and moved her thumb over Harvey's mom as though she could really touch her. "So can you tell me about her? Where is she? I've wanted to find her for years. Help me."

  "I'm not sure. It's difficult," Sue said.

  Harvey reached out in a gesture hard for him to express. He put his hand on this woman's knee in a comforting, reassuring manner. Intimate, but not in the way he would with others. Sincerity didn't come easy for him, but in this moment, he had nothing else. "Please. I need your help." As difficult as this may be for her, the truth proved more so for him.

  She took a deep breath and let out a sigh. "Her name was Marie. We grew up in the same neighborhood, went to school together. I don't think best friends came any closer than she and I. Oh, Marie was quite the sight - absolutely gorgeous. Men lined up for her, and she had her pick, although boys never interested her. The tomboy in her only wanted to play sports and get dirty with the guys. She'd rather be a friend than a girlfriend. When we were nineteen, we played on a coed softball league through the local rec center. All the boys would fawn over Marie, playing in her short shorts, her long legs going on for miles. None of it phased her. Then one day, your dad approached her after a game. We beat his team. Marie pitched and struck him out every single time he bat."

  Harvey imagined his dad's response to a woman striking him out in a softball game and making him look like an ass in front of his friends. "How did he react?"

  She laughed. "He loved it. He couldn't believe how good she was. He asked her out after the game. I went with them because your mom didn't want to go out with a stranger – smart girl – and we played mini golf. After, things progressed quickly and four months later she got pregnant with you."

  "They weren't married?"

  She shook her head. "Not right away. They got married the month before your birth in a quick ceremony at the courthouse. I attended, and so did your dad's best friend Tommy."

  "Tommy? Doesn't ring a bell."

  "I'm sure your dad never mentioned him," she quickly responded. "We all got along wonderfully. In the picture, you're five years old, and we were headed to a parade. Tommy took the photo."

  "Tommy was your boyfriend?"

  "No. I dated a few guys, but didn't meet Ralph until after."

  "After what? The parade?"

  Silence hovered between them. Harvey tried to remember the parade, but he had no real memories of his mother. The scar on his hand remained the only thing he had, a daily reminder of his scumbag father.

  "Your dad couldn't handle how close Marie and Tommy were. She told him everything. He started to get jealous of them, and rightfully so. They had gotten especially close over the years. Your dad and Tommy got into a few arguments over it. Sometimes your dad and Marie fought about the relationship, too."

  "He hit her, didn't he?" The son-of-a-bitch started with her and kept the beatings going with him.

  "Oh no. Never. If your dad laid a hand on her, trust me, she would have held her own. That's why he loved her – and why Tommy did, too. He
r strength may have been her most attractive feature." She pushed her glasses back further on the bridge of her nose. "Marie fell for Tommy, and he for her. Your dad tried to give her everything. The one thing he couldn't show her, cost him their relationship."

  "What?"

  "Love."

  "You just said –"

  "He did love her - he did - but he didn't know how to show her. He didn't even know how to say those few words."

  Harvey understood. He and Beth were only together a couple weeks, but love didn't escape him. She imprinted his heart with hers, but she couldn't expect him to confess his love for her so soon. Love was fragile to him. The only person he was sure he ever loved was his mother, and she disappeared. "So she left with this guy and they ran off and left me with my asshole of a father?"

  Sue moved her hand over Harvey's. He resisted pulling away. "I wish it were that easy."

  She sat silent for many moments. She gazed across the street to the lake. The reflection of the sun danced over the water. "One night in September, I watched you while your dad worked. Marie and Tommy were at the house, an old house off of Sycamore Lane built in the early 1900s. They had plans to spend the evening packing so they could leave together - with you - before your dad returned from work. That was the plan, anyway." She swallowed, her hand beginning to shake. "We never found out exactly how it happened - either a candle or a cigarette left burning, but a fire tore through the house. Neither survived."

  Harvey tried to digest the information he had just been given. His whole life he thought possibly he would find his mom and get to be a part of her life. If he had been home with his mom that night, he'd be dead, too, maybe a better option given the life now before him. Sue crushed his dream and his heart in a matter of minutes.

  "I always wondered where you went. Your dad took you and moved out of town. Here you were, only a few towns away."

  "You want to know what happened to me? She left me with a drunk who used me as his personal punching bag." He lifted his hand up, making the scar visible. "Do you see this? This is from the pencil he shoved through my hand."

  Sue put her hand over her open mouth, a mask of guilt rolling over her face like fog. "I had no idea. I didn't think he was capable of such things ... and to his own son."

  "It's not your fault - but he did it - and still does. I try my best to avoid him when I'm here." He paused momentarily. "Where are my grandparents? My cousins? Anyone?"

  "After your dad turned eighteen, he left the house and never spoke with his family again. Marie's parents were older, and they passed away years ago. She didn't have any siblings."

  "You're telling me I have no family." Bile formed in his throat, and he forced it back down. "As far as I'm concerned, that man is not my father."

  She crossed her legs and placed her hands on the bench, pushing her body up into a straighter position. "Okay, now that I told you the story, I need an answer from you. I need your reasons for stealing from my clients. My ex-clients." Sue's attitude changed instantaneously from compassion to anger.

  He pushed his legs together and shuffled his shoulders. He'd never before had this level of intimacy anyone, not even with Beth. He trusted Sue, though she had no reason to trust him.

  "I didn't intend to take anything. I didn't. At the first house, I took the ring, and it progressed. I guess I thought my mother would have liked or worn these things, and maybe they were representative of her personality. I make up fake memories, since I don't have any of my own. All I have are scars left by my father."

  "Not true. You have her eyes. Your chin – that prominent dimple – your mom had one on her cheek. Despite the repertoire you give off, I'm positive you have her kindness. Whether you believe it or not, she lives on through you, even if you don't remember her."

  Harvey took a deep calming breath. The air entered his body, and he held on for a few moments. He released, holding back the tears rising to the surface.

  "I want you to have this." She unclasped the charm bracelet on her wrist. She tried to give it to him.

  "I can't take that, Sue. She was your best friend."

  Sue opened his hand, placed the bracelet in, and closed it. "She was your mother."

  The metal was cool against his skin. He allowed his fingers to massage the charms. He had something that truly did belong to his mom, a piece of her and now part of him. "Thank you, Sue, for telling me the truth. Tell me, is the house on Sycamore Lane still around?"

  She stood up to head back inside. "Yes. They didn't tear the place down, but the windows are all boarded up, and it's pretty damaged. I'm surprised it's still standing after some of these storms over the years." She opened the door and turned around. "There's nothing to see, Harvey, but a rundown house. Not a thing."

  She shut the door behind her.

  He stared at the wooden door, collecting his thoughts. "Except my past," he said to no one.

  Chapter Thirty

  Expectations filled Beth's mind the entire day of her scheduled date with Mark. Nervous he may cancel, most of her apprehension stemmed from any intentions he had with her. College relationships meant sex, right? Two adults, over eighteen, enjoying each other's company, and old enough to willingly participate in a sexual relationship. Times like this she wished she had a sister to talk to, someone to help guide her through such decisions.

  She liked how different Mark and Harvey were from each other. Harvey was hot, in a word. Older, long grungy hair bringing an edge to him, and a passion for animals she had never seen. At first, his mystery appealed to her. Now, with the possibility of a wonderful man to date in front of her, the intrigue faded. She had two choices - either spend her time stressing out about Harvey and his past, or move forward with Mark. A college bound guy with aspirations for the Olympics, Mark defined everything Harvey wasn't - determined, focused and generous.

  Beth didn't doubt Mark had more experience. She hoped sex between them would be better than with Harvey. God help her if every time she had sex it was a little painful and completely awkward, she'd swear it off for life. In case she got horny and courageous, she opted for fancier underwear, and a knee-length skirt that said cute, not trashy. Paired with a pink tank top and a sheer shrug, she thought she looked sweet.

  Mark arrived right on time, dressed in a plain, dark blue button up short-sleeve shirt and khaki slacks. Hopefully he wouldn't be too warm.

  "Hi Mark. You look great," she greeted him.

  He scanned over her. "You as well," he said. "Shall we get going?"

  Absolutely not. We should go in my bedroom and fool around. That was what she wanted, anyway. A change of underwear was almost in order after imagining his muscular body on top of hers, his face buried in her neck, each synchronized breath setting her skin on fire. But alas, a girl needed to eat.

  She followed him to his car, wasting no time. He opened the door for her, taking her by surprise. "What do you have planned?" She asked as Mark started to drive.

  "I thought we'd take a stroll by the lake and afterward set up for a sunset picnic dinner." He pointed to the backseat, where she saw a small basket and blanket.

  The last picnic she had been on didn't end so well, and butterflies formed in her stomach. She thought back to the day at the park when Mark approached them. He came right up to her and Harvey and offered to help. Yes, this wouldn't be the same. "Dinner at sunset sounds wonderful." She pushed Harvey out of her mind.

  They drove quietly downtown. She had gone over a few topics in her head but never opened her mouth to say anything. He didn't speak either, keeping his focus on the road. Many people rode bikes or strolled along the pathways. The older buildings were breathtaking, shooting into the sky, their worn exterior telling a story. She set a goal to move down to the area one day and rent a condo. She enjoyed the small town her parents lived in, with the large yard and distance between neighbors, but she always dreamed of living in a place waking to a lakeside view, or being surrounded by historic buildings.

  "The walkway go
es along the beach and leads into a park," Mark said as he pointed to a wooden walkway.

  Beth waited as he came around and opened the door for her. He grabbed the picnic basket and blanket from the back. She offered to carry something. He hesitated, but finally obliged.

  The walk along the lake wasn't any louder than the drive. They did a little people watching, and Mark invited her to watch a swim meet sometime. Beth worried the lack of conversation was a clue they wouldn't work out. Maybe they didn't have enough in common. She hadn't thought about a relationship with anyone since Harvey, and before him, Ryan. Was there a clear-cut way to know if she was ready to move on from Harvey? He had to have an explanation for what he did, but what he'd done spoke tremendously about his character.

  "Shall we set up over there?"

  She turned to her right to see an ongoing field of grass, trees placed perfectly throughout. He was pointing to a large tree, a centerpiece to the wide lawn. "Sure," she agreed.

  They set the blanket up and sat next to each other, the basket separating them. "I'm no chef, so I made these simple wraps. I hope you like them."

  He pulled two tightly wrapped sandwiches out. He unwrapped one and handed it to her. He also took out boxes of apple juice. She laughed. "Aren't these for kids?"

  He shrugged. "Anything else could've spilled in the basket, and ruined the food." He handed her one of the juice boxes. "I'm glad I made you laugh. I'll admit, I'm a little bit nervous."

  "You are?"

  "Don't seem so surprised. Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I can't be nervous."

  "No..." Beth tried to back peddle what she said. "I didn't mean it to sound like that. I guess I thought this would come easy to you." She bit into her wrap before she said anything else stupid. She wasn't off to the best start if she wanted this to go well.