Pick Your Poison

by Lauren Child

  ‘If you really feel the need,’ said LB.

  ‘OK, so this is Claude Fontaine, our acrobatic cat burglar. He steals the invisibility skin from the Department of Defence and uses it to break in unseen to the DOD safe room and steal the 8 key, your key.’ She looked at LB. ‘What we are in the dark about is how Claude knew it would be there, and how he knew the code to your safe locker. But what we can be sure of is he had some help, probably from the woman who had hired him to do the job, Lorelei von Leyden. How she came by this information we really don’t know.’ Ruby paused briefly before adding, ‘I should mention that Lorelei was disguised as Nine Lives Capaldi and that threw me for a while, after all Nine Lives was confirmed dead back in April, which of course she was …’

  Ruby caught the look on LB’s face which suggested she might want to stop rambling.

  ‘I say this only because Lorelei, it seems, is a master of disguise, which makes her pretty tricky to trace. Fortunately she is now incarcerated in a maximum security government facility, pending her trial – a long way from here, at least I think.’

  ‘Could you move it along Redfort?’ growled her boss. ‘Where this woman is living out her days is not pertinent to this discussion.’

  ‘This is a discussion?’ said Ruby. Boy you could have fooled me, she thought, but didn’t say. ‘Getting back to the question of who might have accessed the safe code …’

  She drew three military stars.

  ‘Maybe someone in the DOD leaked it.’

  She drew a fly to symbolise Spectrum.

  ‘Or it could have been someone here in Spectrum.’

  She drew a figure to represent Lorelei von Leyden.

  ‘Maybe Lorelei hacked into our security system, or the DOD’s security system.’

  ‘Claude was meant to pass both the skin and the 8 key onto Lorelei von Leyden in return for a sizeable chunk of cash. Lorelei in turn was to pass the key and, maybe I’m guessing, the skin also onto the Count, but she was planning to double-cross him.’

  ‘You’re sure about that?’ asked Blacker.

  ‘I’m sure she was meant to deliver them to someone because I overheard her saying so and I’m sure it had to be him because the Count was waiting for her.’

  ‘Why would he wait for her on the roof? If he’d employed von Leyden then why not wait for the items to be delivered?’ asked Agent Trent-Kobie.

  ‘Because,’ said Ruby, ‘I’m also kinda sure he was expecting Lorelei to betray him; either he knows her pretty well or he’s not much of a truster. What Lorelei was not expecting was for him to second-guess her actions.’

  ‘So coming back to Claude, what did he say before he disappeared?’ asked Agent Delaware.

  Ruby remembered this very well. ‘He said, “Let the girl go Capaldi, or your treasures will be lost forever.” Then he held up the key in one hand, and the invisibility skin – which of course I couldn’t see – in the other, and then he said, “You want this? And this?” and then he threw them both into the air. And then he just vanished.’

  ‘So you have no idea where he might have gone?’ asked Agent Delaware.

  ‘Why would I?’ asked Ruby. ‘We never exchanged addresses.’

  ‘Would you regard him as a risk to Spectrum?’ asked the agent, his voice so steady that it unnerved her.

  ‘I don’t see why he would be,’ said Ruby. ‘His criminal motivation was highly personal – he was stealing items to avenge his wronged mother and the chances are we will never hear from him again.’

  ‘You are very quick to dismiss him as a threat,’ said Agent Delaware, without a hint of accusation.

  ‘You asked me if I felt he was a risk and I said no,’ said Ruby.

  ‘Why no?’ asked Agent Delaware. He had stopped writing, his eyes trained on her every blink, her every twitch.

  Ruby tried to keep her voice even and not betray her irritation. ‘He used the skin to steal a pair of yellow tap shoes, a paperweight, a tie-clip and a poetry book, all things once belonging to his mother, and all stolen for sentimental reasons that had nothing to do with the core plan, which was to steal the 8 key, and everything to do with a personal vendetta against Margo Bardem.’

  ‘You sound like you have a degree of sympathy for him, Agent Redfort.’ An observation or an accusation? It was hard to tell.

  ‘He seemed like a pretty broken man. I felt sorry for him, if that’s what you mean.’

  Agent Delaware’s eyes were firmly fixed on hers, not a blink, not a twitch. ‘Didn’t he save your life?’

  ‘Yes,’ replied Ruby.

  ‘Twice?’ said Delaware.

  Ruby nodded. ‘I guess.’

  ‘Why would he do that?’ asked the agent.

  ‘How should I know?’ said Ruby. ‘Perhaps he hates to see kids go splat.’

  ‘As far as he was concerned you were the enemy,’ said Delaware, ‘wouldn’t you say?’

  ‘I’m not sure he saw it that way,’ said Ruby.

  Agent Delaware cocked his head very slightly to one side.

  ‘Look, I was just someone who might get between him and his goal. I think he wanted to keep me at bay until he had done what he needed to do. He wasn’t what I would term a “danger to society”.’

  ‘This man somehow obtains a highly classified code and breaks into a top security safe room, and you don’t think he is a danger to society?’ said Delaware.

  ‘I was talking about his personal motivation,’ said Ruby. ‘In my opinion, he is not one bit interested in bringing about world destruction. What should concern us though is the man who is.’

  ‘And who is this man?’ asked Delaware.

  ‘The Count,’ said Ruby, looking around the room. ‘He took the key, and given that it was deactivated even before he took possession of it, what I’m struggling to understand is – why? Why would he want it?’

  ‘Wasn’t it you who let him take it?’ said Agent Delaware.

  ‘You think I had a choice?’ said Ruby, aware that there was an edge to her voice. Keep cool Redfort.

  ‘But you did see him take it?’ said Delaware.

  There were a whole bunch of sarcastic replies coming to mind, but in the end Ruby opted for silence. Sometimes silence was the only option, or as Ruby’s RULE 4 had it: IF IN DOUBT, SAY NOTHING.

  Agent Delaware gently tapped his pen on the page of his notebook and asked, ‘So what do you think is going on here?’

  ‘I think we have to assume that there is something much bigger at stake,’ said Ruby, ‘that this – everything I mean: the cyan scent, the truth serum, the Jade Buddha, the 8 key – is not the end of it. But I have no idea where it’s leading us.’

  Agent Delaware gave her that same look, like he was trying to fathom her mind.

  ‘Do you have a question for me?’ he asked.

  She did actually, what she really wanted to ask was, ‘Why do I feel like I am under suspicion?’ but instead she said, ‘Agent Delaware, do you think the threat is coming from within or without?’

  ‘That is the million dollar question, Agent Redfort,’ he replied.

  ‘And if you decide it’s from within, do you think you’ll find the mole?’ she asked.

  ‘The difficulty with moles, or double agents as I prefer to call them, is that they are always very smart. I could be staring into the eyes of a traitor right this very moment and not know it,’ said Delaware, not shifting his eyes from Ruby’s.

  ‘Do you ever consider that when you look in the bathroom mirror?’ asked Ruby.

  He smiled very slightly. ‘I’m pretty sure it’s not me, if that’s what you’re getting at, but to take your question less literally, seeking the truth can lead you to some uncomfortable places and searching for answers often sends you down blind alleys.’ He closed his notebook and replaced the lid on his fountain pen.

  The interview-stroke-grilling at an end, Ruby stood, shook hands with all present, and with much relief left the room. She took some bubblegum from her pocket and popped it in her mouth. The tas
te of strawberry reminded her reassuringly of less complicated days. She was looking forward to getting back home – it had been a long Saturday and she was tired.

  She blew a bubblegum bubble as she walked to the exit, but leaving wasn’t going to be so easy.

  ‘Agent Redfort.’ The voice of the administrator came across the Spectrum intercom system. ‘Agent Redfort, please report to Dr Selgood.’

  Pop went the gum.

  ‘You have to be kidding,’ muttered Ruby.

  Ruby walked over to Buzz’s desk. ‘How about we do this some other time?’ she suggested.

  ‘The psychiatrist will see you now,’ said Buzz.

  RUBY HAD ALREADY HAD THE DUBIOUS PLEASURE OF MEETING THE SPECTRUM PSYCHIATRIST NOT SO LONG AGO, when she had been suffering from a bad case of fearlessness.

  What Ruby thought of as ‘doing what it takes’ Selgood had called ‘the miracle complex’ – a syndrome that prevented fear from kicking in since the sufferer could or would not accept that death was even a possibility. The result was that those afflicted put themselves in unnecessary danger. Ruby had seen risk and danger as all part of the job.

  Interestingly, she had changed her tune since her little encounter with LvL. It still didn’t mean she was thrilled to be here.

  DR SELGOOD: ‘Good to see you in one piece.’

  RUBY: ‘How many pieces were you expecting me to be in?’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘It says in this report that you fell from a hotel rooftop.’

  RUBY: ‘Can I just say that was not down to me.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘You were pushed?’

  RUBY: ‘I was dropped, but technically it amounts to the same thing.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘But you climbed up to the top of that building yourself?’

  RUBY: ‘It wasn’t so hard, I took the stairs most of the way.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘And found yourself on a rooftop with a dangerous and unstable felon.’

  RUBY: ‘I wasn’t exactly planning on her being up there.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘So what was the plan?’

  RUBY: ‘To stop an actress being dropped from a great height.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘You knew this was going to happen?’

  RUBY: ‘I was fairly convinced.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘And there was no one else who could have prevented this?’

  RUBY: ‘No.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘And did you succeed?’

  RUBY: ‘Yes.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘You prevented the actress from being dropped and killed?’

  RUBY: ‘No, but yes.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘Meaning?’

  RUBY: ‘No, she wasn’t killed, but yes, she fell anyway.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘But she didn’t die?’

  RUBY: ‘No.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘And why was that?’

  RUBY: ‘Hitch caught her.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘So did you in fact need to be up there on that roof to prevent her from dying?’

  RUBY: ‘Look Doc, I am hearing you, and I do get where we are going with this, but I had to get up there because I had figured out the tightrope walker’s intention and there wasn’t a whole lotta time to persuade him otherwise.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘So you alone knew what was going to happen to the actress?’

  RUBY: ‘No, I managed to contact Hitch and he contacted those other Spectrum guardians of the galaxy, but time was tight.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘So you went ahead alone?’

  RUBY: ‘What would you have done, let her go splat because no one else arrived on time?’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘Maybe I would; most people don’t have your unwavering courage.’

  RUBY: ‘Try living with the memory of knowing you might have been able to save someone if only you had possessed the nerve to run up a flight of stairs, climb out of a window and stand on a roof shouting.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘So you are saying that you felt your very presence on that rooftop might save the actress’s life?’

  RUBY: ‘Now you’re making me sound like I have a god complex.’

  DR SELGOOD: ‘Do you?’

  RUBY: ‘I reckon that’s your job to figure, I have far more important things to think about.’

  Dr Selgood nearly smiled at that one. ‘I’m going to suggest you take on some psychological training. Meanwhile you might want to read this.’ He handed her a book entitled Six Seconds Could Save Your Life.

  ‘Sure, thanks Doc. I could use a light read; I left my book at home.’

  Hitch, it seemed, could not be contacted, and so Ruby had to return to Cedarwood Drive alone. During the short subway ride, she opened Dr Selgood’s book and began reading. Actually it wasn’t as irritating as she had imagined and there seemed to be some evidence that this simple technique might actually work.

  Basically, the idea was this: if you found yourself in a stressful, frightening or emotionally unsettling situation, you should take six seconds to quietly reflect before making any decisions. It was a simple concept, but there was some science behind it too: as Ruby flicked through the pages she saw that there had been some research showing that this moment of reflection helped the prefrontal cortex to modulate signals from the amygdala – which was where anger, fear and aggression were registered.

  She thought she might try and give this technique a go; it was worth a shot.

  Not wanting to alert anyone to her late arrival home, Ruby went in the back way through the yard and climbed the tree to her window. She went into the bathroom, took out her lenses, looked in the mirror, debated whether she should have a shower and rejected the idea before falling fully clothed onto her bed.

  Meanwhile …

  … the prison officer handed prisoner 2185 his package.

  It had already been opened and checked by the prison security team.

  ‘It’s your lucky day, a surprise gift – home cooked too! Someone on the outside likes you.’

  Prisoner 2185 carried the gift over to the table and took it out of its wrapping. Inside was a tin and a note was taped to the back:

  Thought these might take you out of yourself. We’ll all be waiting for you when you get out.

  P.S. Remember there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

  Your Uncle Ed

  The handwriting looked like it might belong to a gorilla.

  The man prised open the lid and looked inside: the tin contained muffins. He picked one up. Heavy, he thought.

  He slowly bit into it and felt his teeth knock on something hard. He tried another, the same thing.

  He smiled.

  He would eat these later, much later when everyone had gone to bed. He had a feeling this batch of baked goods might just be his ticket to freedom.

  RUBY WOKE UP TO THE SOUND OF A CHICKEN CLUCKING INSIDE HER HEAD. Actually it wasn’t inside her head, it was sort of underneath her pillow, and it wasn’t an actual chicken, it was a novelty telephone shaped like an egg. Now the cheerful cluck of the Chicken Licken ringtone roused her from a series of forgettable dreams.

  ‘Ruby?’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘It’s Mouse.’

  ‘Oh, hey Mouse, did I oversleep or something?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Sorry … where am I meant to be?’

  ‘The Donut.’

  ‘Now?’

  ‘A half hour ago.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  Silence.

  ‘Do I need to be there?’

  ‘Kinda.’

  Ruby was trying to think.

  ‘Halloween costumes!’ She finally got it.

  ‘Yeah and I wish you would hurry up, the conversation has been wearing thin. Clancy has this new pen. He says it’s a space pen, you know, writes upside down, zero gravity …’

  ‘I know,’ said Ruby, ‘it’s meant to be like the most permanent permanent marker there is. Apparently you can write on a space shuttle and it won’t come off.’

  ‘Well, it’s causing permanent boredom, the kinda boredom that makes you wish you were
in space.’

  ‘I’ll be there, Mouse, just give me ten minutes.’ Then she glanced at herself in the mirror: brother! Something weird had happened to her hair. ‘OK, better make that fifteen.’

  She walked to the bathroom, stepped into the shower, squirted shampoo on her head, rubbed it in, cleaned her teeth, rinsed her hair, combed it through, dried off, pulled on the clothes that happened to be lying on the floor, looked for her lenses, couldn’t find them so instead reached for her battered glasses, stepped into her Yellow Stripe sneakers and laced them up. Then she climbed out of the window and down the tree – she didn’t need to run into her parents; that would certainly slow things up.

  She walked the familiar route to the Donut Diner, feeling almost like a zombie. Man, she needed a waffle to perk her up.

  A guy in a baseball cap handed her a flyer as she approached the coffee shop. She barely noticed she had it until it was torn out of her grip by a gust of wind. She watched it whirl away across the street, the image of a kid biting into an apple landing on the windshield of a parked car.

  Finally she made it to the Diner, fourteen minutes and eleven seconds after Mouse’s call.

  ‘What happened to you?’ called Elliot. ‘Ever thought of getting a watch?’

  ‘Sorry, man,’ said Ruby, ‘I had a rough night, must have slept right through the alarm.’

  ‘Yeah, you look … not yourself,’ said Red. ‘What happened to your glasses? Did you sleep in them or something?’

  ‘Give her a break,’ said Del, patting Ruby on the back. ‘It doesn’t matter Rube, at least you’re here now. Have a waffle.’ Del passed her a plate and began sliding food onto it.

  Ruby looked around. ‘Where’s Clancy?’

  ‘In the restroom,’ said Elliot.

  ‘So you wanna hear the plan?’ said Mouse.

  ‘Shouldn’t we wait for Clancy?’ said Ruby.

  ‘He heard it already,’ said Mouse, ‘we’ve been here nearly an hour. So you wanna know?’ She was clearly going to pop if she didn’t say it.

  ‘Sure,’ said Ruby, ‘tell me the plan.’