Nebula Nights: Love Among The Stars

by Melisse Aires

  When we’re done, we get dressed again, swords hidden, and he takes me back to Ku 9, straight to the door to my apartment.

  “You have a lot to discuss with your aunts tonight, Sanaa.” I have pressed myself against the wall next to the palm scanner and pulled Jiro close to me. We need to be quiet so no one hears us, and I dread being separated from him at all. “Message me later if you like, ne?”

  “I want you to meet them, Jiro.”

  “Believe it or not, I think I already have, but it was a long time ago. Regardless, when the time is right.”

  “I wish…” I sigh. Wishing isn’t getting me anything but… “I wish I were going home with you tonight instead of lying in my bed alone.”

  “Me too, Sanaa.” His hand runs down the length of my forearm and grips my hand tight before letting go.

  I turn and palm the lock. Like yesterday, he watches me enter the apartment all the way before disappearing down the stairs.

  Just inside the door Aunt Kimie and Lomo are sitting on the couch, reading, and drinking wine. They’ve been waiting for me.

  “Sanaa-chan!” Aunt Lomo jumps from her seat and knocks her glass to the floor with a crash. “Shit.” She immediately stoops to pick up the pieces.

  “Stop,” I say. I’ve seen enough blood today and don’t need Aunt Lomo cutting herself as well. We break multiple glasses a month in this house. It’s a wonder we can move about the apartment barefoot most days. “No one move. I’ll clean up.”

  I take off my coat, bag, and sword and prop them all next to the door, quickly walk to the kitchen, grab two new wineglasses, the broom and pan, and towel. I keep my boots on for the time being though Aunt Kimie frowns at me.

  “So clumsy of me. Gomen, Sanaa-chan.” Aunt Lomo and I sweep up the glass and mop up the wine as Aunt Kimie sits on the couch with her feet up.

  “Sit down, Auntie, and pour me some wine, too, please.”

  Aunt Lomo eyes me as she opens the bottle and starts pouring. “But you don’t like wine.”

  “I could use a glass.”

  “You’ve been down to the store room today.” Aunt Kimie says, her arms folded over her chest. “Did Mark tell you what was down there?”

  I get down on my hands and knees and peer under the couch and around the coffee table to make sure I’ve cleaned up all the glass, throw the towel on top of the broken shards in the dustpan, and sit down in the chair opposite them both with a heavy sigh.

  “No, no one told me. It was a lucky guess. I took stock of almost everything there. It’s quite the collection.”

  “I should have melted those things down the day your mother died.”

  “Well, I’m glad you didn’t. Those things belong to me now. And don’t blame Mark for today. It’s not his fault.” I sit and stare at my knees.

  “It damned well is his fault. He was supposed to stay away. Forever, if possible.”

  “How can you even say that?” My temper is rising quickly, my inner dragon awake and breathing fire. “How could you keep him away from me? He’s practically my uncle.” But instead of yelling, my voice quietens and squeaks. “He could’ve been even more to me.”

  “Oh, Sanaa-chan.” Aunt Lomo is crying now. She reaches into her pocket for a handkerchief and dabs at her eyes. “This is too stressful for me. Should I go pick up dinner?”

  I sulk again and pluck at my pants over and over. I love Aunt Lomo, but she’s really no good in these situations.

  “Please,” Aunt Kimie says. “Curry?”

  Aunt Lomo goes to the door and puts on her shoes. “It’ll take at least an hour.”

  “Perfect. Love you.” Aunt Kimie smiles at Aunt Lomo as she opens the door.

  “Love you both.” And she’s gone.

  “Come sit next to me, Sanaa-chan.” She opens her arm, and I release myself from my chair and slide into her, resting my head on her shoulder. “Do you want us to call you Hanako? We can, if that’s what you want.”

  “No. No. I’m very happy as Sanaa, thank you.”

  Aunt Kimie laughs a little before kissing me on my temple. “Good. Sanaa is a perfectly fine name. Hanako? Well, your mother was obsessed with flowers from a young age, especially after learning about the kiku and our heritage. She read The Chrysanthemum and the Sword a million times until finally our father got so fed up he erased the book from her tablet.”

  “Well, it was a good book.” I’ve read the epic myself but only the one time.

  Aunt Kimie sighs and reaches next to her for her tablet. “Sanaa, I have something to show you. I’ve held on to this for almost twenty years and was always wondering when this day would come. Your mother made one video for you…”

  “But she hated being on camera.” This is why I only have my small collection of photos.

  “She did. Hated the camera with a passion. It was torture to get her to pose for photos. But a few days after you were born, and she was back at home, she became obsessed with making sure you were taken care of if anything ever happened to her. I don’t know if she sensed something was wrong, or if it was the hormones, but she changed her will and asked me to take care of everything in storage.”

  I guessed correctly. I bet everyone else’s storage in the ward is just piled with junk. Ours is boxed up and tidy, the way Aunt Kimie likes all her possessions.

  “It’s very neat and orderly, Aunt Kimie,” I say with a smile.

  “I have an inventory, if you want, but, anyway…” Aunt Kimie brings her tablet up from sleep mode and goes into a password protected folder I have never tried to access before. In the folder are a few images and text files, but also one video with a time and date stamp of just over twenty years ago, December twenty-eighth. Sakai told me today my real birthday is December twenty-third. This is further proof of my assumed identity.

  “The last time I watched this was right after your parents died, so I don’t remember everything your mother details. Do you want me to leave?”

  I’m a little frightened to be watching a video of my mother without someone with me. I have no clear memories of what she looked like or sounded like, just what’s manufactured in my head from the photos I’ve seen and the stories I’ve been told.

  “No. Don’t leave me.”

  Aunt Kimie nods and props her feet up on the coffee table, placing the tablet on her knees so we can both watch.

  “Okay, here we go.”

  * * * *

  The face that fills the screen makes me catch my breath. Matsuda, Sakai, Koichi, Mariko, and everyone else who ever commented on my looks were right. I am the spitting image of my mother.

  “Aw, dammit, I’m not centered,” she says adjusting the camera, and I laugh because she’s so concerned about the video she never thought to edit out any of the beginning. Whatever she is using to film herself falls over, and we get a good view of the ceiling before she straightens it back up again. Aunt Kimie laughs, too, but this is bittersweet for her. Tears are forming in the corners of her eyes.

  “There.” My mother takes a deep breath and looks straight into the camera before laughing and shaking her head. “I’ve always been bad at this stuff, so first off, my apologies to whoever is watching. It’s probably you Kimie before it’s Hanako. Be sure to tell her I’m not a complete klutz?

  “So, Hanako Itami, I’m making this video for you. Should I die before you’re old enough to understand anything, either Aunt Kimie or Mark Sakai will show this to you.”

  Her face is getting progressively sadder.

  “I want you to know everything. Everything about us and your family, about your heritage, and especially about what’s in store for you…” But she’s broken out into tears and is waving in front of her face before standing up and walking off camera.

  Aunt Kimie laughs and pauses the video. “Oh Sanaa-chan, I totally forgot about what a mess your mother was after you were born. She was the happiest and saddest I have ever seen her. Elated to be a mother, but the hormones after birth made her cry and cry. I swear, though, she
came out of it fairly quickly. Let me fast-forward a little.” She scrubs the video forward, and my mother comes back, sits down, and takes another deep breath.

  “I’m glad Max isn’t here to witness how awful I am at all of this. Hanako, you’re so fussy. You just aren’t happy unless one of us is holding you and walking you everywhere. Your father is out pacing the halls of our building right now while I do this. Please tell me you’ll sleep through the night eventually.”

  This is bittersweet. Yes, Mother, I do sleep through the night sometimes. I wish I did every night.

  “I have so much I need to tell you, but I need you to go to Mark Sakai if you ever need the truth about this world we live in. If I trust one person who is not my family, it’s him. His brother and family are also trustworthy, but Mark will be the head of them all, and you should go to him first about anything. As you may or may not already know, our little family are the last living imperial descendants of Japan. As first born child, I am the direct descendant as are you. Kimie is already married so she is out of the running. For you and me, it is our duty to safeguard the Japanese people in any way we can. This is what our line has always done since the beginning of time itself.”

  Why am I so shocked hearing this? Coming from my own mother’s mouth, my situation is much more real than it was ten hours ago sitting in Ku 1.

  “According to current estimates, colonization is set to begin about twenty years from now, around the time I am forty-four, maybe forty-two. You might be thinking forty-two is really old, and I can’t help but think the same thing. But back in the old days, when we lived outside of the domes, people used to live well into their nineties and even later. I’m hoping once we’re moved to a planet that can support us, we’ll live longer again. I’m also hoping that with this longevity, we’ll all have plenty of years for peace in our lifetime. But anyway, I’m getting off-track. I should have made a list of everything I wanted to say…”

  This makes me smile. I love lists. I wish she hadn’t been so camera shy.

  She takes another deep breath.

  “When we move to the new world, all of Nishikyō will no longer be restricted to their little wards, divided into their little pie pieces. This placement has worked for many years here but only because it had to. It was necessary. On our new world, the child limit will be lifted, and everyone will be able to settle wherever they like. But that’s not what’s going to happen to the Japanese population. The strongest clans here have been growing and convincing everyone we need to go back to the old ways. Back to the samurai, the daimyōs, the shōgunate. We cannot let this happen. The only true way to represent everyone’s voice in government is to build a system that listens to all, not just a few. As imperial descendants, our duty is to unite the existing population and keep them from going to war like the clans want to.

  “Hanako, only a few million people are left on Earth, and not all of them are Japanese. Our country used to be strong and advanced, but was ravaged by earthquakes, floods, and eventually diseases brought over from the mainland. We all must be strong again, the whole human race, and we can’t do that if we’re killing each other off.

  “If I’m alive, you will never see this video. I will have told you all of this myself. I will have shown you the records, educated you in social and political studies, and prepped you to work with the people to settle on our new planet and create a working government. I’m sorry I don’t have the time to explain everything to you here. There’s even more to this business including the inability to marry and the importance of bearing sons, should you wish to have children, and should the laws never be lifted. Go to Mark for more about this. He understands everything, better than he should.”

  She’s sad again and probably thinking about whatever happened between her and Sakai. Someday I’ll figure that out.

  “If all goes according to plan, we will be figureheads, but we will have kept the peace, and will, in turn, be at peace in retirement. It’s the best we can hope for.

  “You must understand. This is what we have been tasked to do, but it is not without danger. Once it’s revealed to the populace the imperial line is still alive, we will be watched constantly and called upon to do many things. There are others, though, who will do their best to eliminate us. You must be careful. You must protect yourself and your family in any way you can.”

  Kazenoho won’t guard against dying in an explosion or anything else truly devastating, but, hopefully, I can keep personal assassins away. Sakai was right to train me. Witnessing the desperation on my mother’s face, I’m sure she wants to me to go to every length possible to ensure our safety. What did she have in mind? Spies, assassins, poisoning… The list is endless.

  “I wish I could tell you to hole up and wait it all out but that means war, and war means you would all still be in a lot of danger, you and the rest of what’s left of us. I’m sorry your options are not happier ones.”

  She sits back from the camera, smiles, and twists her hair over one shoulder. So alike.

  “Never forget how much we love you, Hanako. I want you to have a happy life, to have someone you love and hopefully have children of your own someday should you wish. The imperial line does not have to go on indefinitely, that will be up to you or up to your children. Our duty is to keep our people alive and fight for their survival here and on our new world. Peace may take years, decades… it may take the rest of my life and yours, but this is what we were meant to do, and we cannot deny it.

  “I hear your father coming back now, so I’m going to go. Kiotsukete. I love you.”

  She ends the video by blowing a kiss at the camera and waving, her shoulder-length straight hair sways as she leans in to stop the recording. Before the image fades to black, I see her smile and the freckles across her nose.

  I was just saying to Jiro how I wanted proof Sakai was telling the truth about my mother’s wishes. Her testimony was sitting on Aunt Kimie’s tablet the whole time.

  “I forgot about how intense Junko could be. She bought into this role one hundred percent.”

  I stand up from the couch and begin pacing, back and forth, back and forth. My stomach is a ball of knots, and it occurs to me that this is what true stress does to a person. I may never relax again.

  “Auntie, you saw this video after she died, right?”

  Aunt Kimie nods.

  “Then why… why did you raise me the way you did? Did you not see how important this was, still is, to mother? Why did you let me become an engineer? Why did you not raise me to know more about my heritage?” I thought I had expended all of the anger this morning, that the rage was all gone after the stress-reducing, mind-blowing sex I had with Jiro earlier. Dammit, don’t think of that now, Sanaa.

  But the outrage is still sitting in my gut.

  Aunt Kimie’s eyes are wide, and she points directly at my face. “Have you not looked in a mirror lately, Sanaa? You are exactly like your mother in every physical way. I swear all of Max’s genes, except for his personality, were recessive. I held you at two years old, and I knew immediately there was no way anyone was going to believe you were anyone but Junko’s daughter, and I was afraid. I feared for your life!”

  She jumps from the couch and comes straight for me.

  “I had to keep you safe. And not just for all of this imperial nonsense, but because I couldn’t bear to have anything happen to you after losing your mother. One moment, she was laughing in the bathroom, getting ready for a party, and the next she was in a body bag on a sidewalk.”

  No! The sobs erupt from my belly, and I double-over from the strength of them. Aunt Kimie, twenty years old, crying over my dead mother on a sidewalk. I will never be rid of the image in my head now. Grasping my shoulders, she shakes me upright until I look her in the eye.

  “Do you know… do you know about the real Sanaa? About Mark’s child?”

  I nod, tears streaming from my eyes.

  “He was devastated, absolutely, when they all died. I thought for a while he w
ould kill himself from the grief. But together, we came up with this plan to save you. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Do you think it’s easy to change someone’s identity? Change someone’s life? You were a baby, but still, you were a real person I was messing with.”

  “Stop shaking me, Aunt Kimie,” I say wiping my face with my sleeve. She needs to calm down, and I need to as well.

  She sighs and holds my hands instead. “Mark and I decided you would take on Sanaa’s identity, and Lomo and I would raise you, but I bring you up away from Ku 6 where anyone who knew your mother lived. We were all lucky she only lived for two years in Ku 9, and the population was so transient. It allowed us to eventually move back here, and that’s why we lived in Ku 5 for so long.

  “I look at you every day and see your mother. Everything you say, every movement you make… even the way you play with your hair or laugh. You are exactly like her.”

  I pull her in and hug her tightly. Aunt Kimie has always been my support. Now I know she’s done much more for me than I will ever understand.

  “You need to be careful, Sanaa-chan. The clans don’t care about me anymore. I’m a married lesbian, for gods’ sake.”

  We both laugh, and I squeeze her even tighter.

  “But they will care about you. I honestly believe we’ve kept the secret for longer than I could have ever hoped. I always thought we’d be figured out way before this. You are a strong woman now and obviously able to defend yourself what with the karate and the sword fighting. They will still try to kill you, I know it.”

  I nod my head into her shoulder and pull back. I believe this is the truth, but the reality is still hard to swallow.

  “I can’t live the rest of my life in a bubble, Aunt Kimie.”

  “No. No I don’t suppose you can. Far be it from me to give you advice on this sort of thing, but if I were you, I would live as openly as possible. Make the people love you so if anyone tried anything, there would be hell to pay. You can do this, Sanaa.”