Handfuls of Shattered Pieces

by Kerry Taylor

  I wanted to think it could work with her, we could have the family unit we all needed and wanted, but I knew I was getting ahead of myself. Olivia had been through hell, and I was pretty sure from the statement she gave Kade, that bastard who took her, had sexually abused her too. She may not ever want a relationship and even if she did, I was pretty sure one with four guys wouldn’t be what she would be looking for. Still. It was a good daydream.

  “Cole? You ok?” Xander asked, snapping me from my thoughts.

  “Sorry, tired.” I laughed with a smile.

  “Get some rest bro. It’s been a tough day for all of us.” He slapped my shoulder, then headed out of Olivia’s room.

  “Is he leaving?” I asked, having no idea what he’d been saying while I was lost in thought.

  “Yeah. He worked an eighteen hour shift yesterday. He only just got home when Dad called him to search for Liv. He’s beat.” Kyle explained.

  “I know the feeling.” I sighed as I laid out on the blankets I had set out on the floor, at the foot of the bed. Kade and Kyle were off to the side where each of them had set up too, laid out, but propped up on an elbow, watching over her as she slept peacefully in Matt’s arms.

  “We need to watch her more closely guys. We never should have allowed that to happen today.” Kade sighed.

  “We will.” I agreed. I’d never take my damned eyes off her ever again.

  “There’s something else we need to talk about.” Kyle said seriously. I sat up, worried, and waited for him to go on. “She was out of it when I found her and not making a lot of sense, but she wanted her parents. She kept on saying she had nothing, that she was gone. Her home, her whole street, has been abandoned and is messed up. She was asking me why she survived what she did, to come back to nothing.” Kyle stopped talking abruptly, as though he dared not go on.

  “She wanted to have died?” Matt said from the bed. I looked up and found him sat up. Looking at all of us.

  “Yeah. That’s what she said. I don’t know if she meant it, or if it was just because she was in a state, but I think, for a while at least, we need to keep an eye on her and make sure we all know if anything like that comes up at all.”

  “She wouldn’t do that.” I protested, shocked. “She’s so strong. She fought and she survived. She wouldn’t do that now, would she?”

  “She came home thinking her home would be waiting for her, with loving parents and a good life. Instead she was completely alone. It must be a scary world for her right now.” Matt sounded so flat as he spoke and I hated to hear him that way. It reminded me of the crushed ten year old boy he had been the first day I met him, when Jenny brought him into the house for the first time.

  “She’s not alone now. She has all of us, and our family. She’ll never be alone.” Kade ground out through clenched teeth. I was sure he, like me, hated the idea she was that desperate. “We need to prove that to her, then that is what we do.”

  “I agree. She had a really bad day yesterday. She might not have meant what she said. We just need to make sure she sees how much we all care about her and want her here.” I agreed.

  “And do we?” Kyle asked, his voice even quieter. “All care for her?”

  “Of course we do!” Matt snapped.

  “I think Kyle’s asking if we more than care for her.” I hurried to add, seeing Matt getting mad at Kyle even daring to question his feelings for Livy.

  “You think she’s the one?” Kade asked.

  “Don’t you?” Kyle countered with raised eyebrows.

  “Yeah, I do. I have feelings for her that started the second I saw her.”

  “Me too.” I admitted, relieved they were talking about what had been plaguing my thoughts.

  “And me.” Matt agreed. “She’s special. I really think…..hope we could make it work with her.”

  “I agree, but we need to go really slow with her. She needs time. She’s been through so much. She’s not ready for us all to start turning it on with her.” Kade warned, just what I had been worrying about.

  “Kade’s right. No matter how much we all want this. The whole thing has to move at her pace, everything moving at her speed. She may not even be open to the kind of relationship we’re looking for. It’s far from conventional.” I could see the fear in Kyle’s face as he spoke, fear that she wouldn;t want us as much as we all wanted and needed her.

  “So for now we just keep things as they are, be there for her and see how things go?” I asked.

  “Yes.” Kade nodded. “We just show her that we are there for her no matter what and we work harder at keeping her safe. I’m sure she has feelings too, I’ve seen the way she looks at us, but the ball has to be in her court. She has to be ready to take things further before anything happens.”

  “First things first, we need to take care of the motherfucker who held her, and hurt her. You get anywhere with what she gave you on the kidnapper? We need to catch that fucker so she can be safe.” Kyle asked.

  “Nothing yet. The guy’s DNA isn’t in the system and I checked satellite photos for the area she described, but it’s too dense with woods. I contacted the police over that way. They’re going to look into it, ask around the closest towns to where she was found. I’m putting everything I can into it, but I have these multiple murders to focus on too.”

  “I can talk to Rob, see if he’ll let me use company resources to track the kidnapper. He’ll understand. His wife was kidnapped a few years ago.”

  “Whatever you can do. Like you said, we need to get him off the streets and make sure she’s safe,” Kade agreed.

  Scrambling on the bed had us all on our feet and looking down at Olivia, who was fighting her invisible attacker, her mouth open in agony. Matt grabbed her and held her tight against him. She fought him for a minute, but as soon as he whispered to her, assuring her she was safe, she settled again.

  “Just find that sonofabitch, guys.” I growled, angry she had to suffer at all. If there was any way I could take it from her I would, in a heartbeat. “He needs to pay.”

  “He will.” Kyle agreed.

  Knowing Olivia would need us all the next day, we laid down and tried to sleep. My last thought before I dropped off was that maybe a relationship with all of us would be what Olivia needed too, to keep her safe and take care of her after everything she had been through. Maybe four messed up, broken guys could do that more than one whole one.

  One thing was for sure, no one could ever care for her more than we all did.

  CHAPTER 12

  OLIVIA

  The guys were all driving me crazy! I scared them the previous day, and they were all worried I’d flip out on them again, I got it! But did that mean one of them literally had to be attached to me at every single second of the day?

  It had been nice at first, waking up this morning and finding them all camped out in my room with me, knowing they had all been there, all night, just for me. They had been worried about me and tried hard to encourage me to just spend the day resting in bed, but I was feeling a lot better. I had slept pretty well, and while my body felt a little achy in places, for the most part I was good, so I turned them down on that and got up, knowing if I just lay there all day, I would end up consumed by terrifying memories and dark thoughts. I needed to get up and keep going, keep trying to move forward.

  That was where my irritation had begun. I had gone to my closet to get clothes for the day, and when I came back out, all four of them were at the door watching me like an animal in the zoo.

  I had thought it was odd, but just let them be, since I had scared them so badly the day before, but then I headed to the shower and Kyle tried to follow.

  “What are you doing?” I asked when I tried to close the door and found him blocking it.

  “You could pass out in the shower. You shouldn’t even be up.” He’d explained. I rolled my eyes, swallowing my comment that he was being ridiculous.

  “I’m fine Kyle. You’re not coming in here when I’m…...naked.�
�� I whispered the last word, my cheeks still flushing with embarrassment anyway.

  “I’ve seen naked girls before. Besides. I won’t look. I’ll face the wall, scouts honour.”

  “No, sorry. Not happening.” I tried to sound strong and determined, but I knew there was a tremble in my voice. The guys had never tried to see me without clothes before. I never thought they would be that way, and I still didn’t really. I knew it was more likely Kyle was just being super overprotective, but I couldn’t stop the little voice in my head that was screaming he was a man, just like The Shadow.

  “You’re not locking yourself in there alone!” Kyle all but growled, scaring me a little.

  “Why do you care? You never did before?”

  “Things were different before.”

  “Please Kyle….” I whimpered, tearing up and feeling so confused about the guy I had already put my trust in, now being an asshole with me. “Please don’t push me.”

  “Hey, no crying.” Kade stepped into the doorway, shoving Kyle slightly aside. “It’s ok Love. No one is going to push you into anything. Maybe just leave the door unlocked for Kyle this morning, yeah? He’s pretty shaken up after last night, we all are.”

  “You won’t come in though, right?” I asked shakily as I looked up to Kyle’s tense face.

  “Not unless I need to.” He grumbled.

  “Kyle!” Cole snapped from where he sat on the bottom of my bed. “Go shower Brains. No one is coming in unless you ask us to. You got my word on that.” I looked through the gap between Kyle and Kade, to Cole and saw the genuineness of his words, clear across his face. Kyle was being an ass, but I still had faith in the others.

  I was nervous showering after that, and had done the whole thing in under five minutes, the whole time watching the door handle, ready to run if it turned. I knew it was foolish because I knew Kyle and until that morning he had been nothing, but good, but he had worried me that morning and I was shaken by it.

  When I did come out of the bathroom, the guys were all showered and changed too, and stood waiting for me.

  “You guys didn’t need to wait for me.” I said nervously.

  “We wanted to.” Was Matt’s reply. They had then all followed me downstairs to breakfast. Luckily for me, Keira and Grant had headed out to work, so I didn’t have to deal with them being overbearing too, but the guys made up for it, making me sit at the table and not allowing me to lift a finger. I was barely allowed to feed myself the mountain of pancakes Matt had made for me. As always, I only managed a very small amount, then I had a lecture from Kyle about eating more.

  Annoyed and needing space I had picked up my book from the kitchen counter and headed to the media room, only to be followed by Cole and Kyle.

  I sat in the corner of the large sectional and tried to read, while Kyle and Cole started an action movie they supposedly wanted to watch. Ten minutes in and I was pretty sure they hadn’t seen any of it, since every time I glanced up, they were both just watching me.

  I tried for another ten minutes to ignore them, but I hated to be watched. It was what The Shadow had liked to do, stand over me and just watch me.

  Annoyed I had stormed out, ignoring their calls to find out what I was doing, and decided to head to my room.

  I got halfway up the stairs when I heard fast approaching footsteps. I turned and found Matt just starting up the stairs after me.

  “Don’t you dare!” I yelled, frustrated.

  “What? I just thought you might like some company?” He said innocently, but there was nothing innocent about this whole morning. They had me on lockdown and it was not going to work for me.

  “Where’s Kade?” I asked.

  “Kitchen, why?” Matt asked. But I was already charging down the stairs again. I pushed past Matt and walked into the kitchen where Kade sat at the centre island surrounded by paperwork.

  “Hey Love. Are you ok?” He asked the second I walked in.

  “No, I’m not.” I sighed. “Come with me.” I beckoned. Matt was following too, and I led them both back to the media room where Kyle and Cole still sat.

  “What’s going on?” Cole asked.

  “That’s what I’d like to know.” I snapped. I was mad. They had all worked so hard to make me trust them over the week I had been there, so why were they trying so hard to piss me off now? “I get it you guys, ok? I made a bad mistake running like that yesterday and I scared you all badly. But I also already told you I will not do it again, so why do you all feel it necessary to stalk me around the house today, huh?”

  “We’re not stalking you.” Kyle began.

  “You are! You tried to come into the damn bathroom with me this morning Kyle, which by the way did nothing but make me question the trust I thought I could have in you.”

  “What is that supposed to mean? You can trust me, you know you can.” He cried. I sighed and flopped down on the sofa across from him.

  “I thought I could. I thought I was safe with you, but this morning, you trying to bully your way into the bathroom with me. All I could think was…...was you wanted to….to look at me…..you know, like that…..like him.” I admitted shakily.

  “Jesus Liv. I would never….” Kyle gasped, but I cut him off.

  “I know Kyle. I know. I just…..the thought was there for a second and it…..it scared me, you scared me.

  “Then all of you are being weird, following me and watching me like I might explode at any moment. It’s freaking me out!” I cried.

  “That’s not what we wanted at all Olivia. We were all just so scared when we thought we lost you last night. I know we’re overreacting this morning, but we all just need to know you’re safe.” Cole explained.

  “I would never do anything that I thought would scare you. I’m so sorry, Princess.” Kyle looked so guilty as he apologised and I felt bad for even telling him how he’d made me feel, but I was just so confused.

  “I get it. I scared you. You thought something bad happened, but it didn’t. I’m here and I’m fine. Am I not safe in this house?” I asked.

  “Yes, of course you are. The place is locked up like Fort Knox and we have a top security system.” Kade replied.

  “Then please…...please just back off. You guys have been so great and I love spending time with all of you, but I can’t handle you all watching me 24/7 like some crazy person. That’s what he did, just watched me. He had cameras and they would turn to follow me around the room, then when I slept, he would be in there, just watching me. I….I can’t go back to that. I need to feel free. Please…...just understand.” I begged as a sob escaped. Kade rushed from where he stood beside the door and sat beside me, wrapping his arm over my shoulders and pulling me in against him.

  “It’s ok Love. We get it. We’ll back off and give you some space.” He soothed as he held me.

  “We just care about you Carina, that’s why we were so worried.” Matt added.

  “I know, and that means so much to me. I never expected to find all of the care I have found in this home and I am grateful for it, all of it. I’d be completely lost without you guys and I don’t want you to think I’m pushing any of you away. I just…..I need things to go back to how they were before I messed it all up yesterday.”

  “You didn’t mess anything up, beautiful. We’re all being way too over the top. You were right to put a stop to it. We all understand, right?” Cole asked, with a pointed glare to Kyle. They all nodded, though Kyle looked reluctant to agree.

  “Thank you.” I whispered as I wiped away the last of my tears and tried to pull it together.

  “Just promise you’ll come to one of us, yeah?” Kyle said. I looked at him and saw pain in his face. I knew he had found me the previous night and I wondered what the hell I had done to scare him so badly. “When things get too loud, or too hard, or just too much, come to one of us. Don’t run.”

  “I will. I promise.” I kept my eyes locked on his, as I made the promise, assuring him I meant it. I would do whatever it took
to stop these guys worrying about me anymore. It was taking a toll on all of them and I hated it.

  “Thank you.” Kyle nodded in that stoic way he does often, and I knew it was settled.

  “I’m a little tired so I’m going to lay down in my room for a while with my book.” I declared. It had been an emotional rollercoaster of a morning and I just needed some silence.

  “I’m gonna head into the precinct for a few hours too. I’ll be back tonight,” Kade said as he stood beside me and kissed my forehead gently. “Just text me if you need anything,”

  I nodded, then turned and walked out of the room, hoping the whole way to my room that no one followed after me.

  It seemed they had all listened, since they left me be for the rest of the morning.

  ***

  The remainder of the day passed smoothly. The guys just left me to my own devices until lunch, then we all ate together, except Kade who was at work.

  After lunch I watched a movie with Kyle and Cole, then helped Matt to prepare a lasagne and some side salads for dinner that night.

  By the time Grant brought Evie home from school. I was feeling calmer, the balance between me and the guys having been restored.

  “Livia!!” Evie squealed the second she saw me. I tried hard not to flinch at the high pitched sound, and instead smile for her as she ran at me. I dropped down and opened my arms, bracing for impact. She hit me hard, but I managed to remain upright as I wrapped my arms around her. “I missed you!” she cried as her arms snaked around my neck tight.

  “Missed you more sweetie. Did you have a good day?”

  “Uh-huh.” She nodded. “Are you better? Can you play with me?”

  “Maybe later, Munchkin. You have to run and change for dance class.” Grant said before I could reply.

  “Can you take me to dance class Livia?” She asked hopefully.

  “I would, but I can’t drive yet.”

  “Olivia can come along and watch you another time. She needs to stay home today after last night. She still needs to rest.” Grant added.