Fix You

by Mari Carr

Chapter Two

  Twenty-one years earlier

  “Hey Robbie, wait up. What’s wrong?”

  Rob should have known Zoey would follow him home from school. He’d skipped stopping by his locker, which meant he didn’t have his math book and couldn’t do his homework, but he didn’t care. He was trying to get out of the building without having to talk to any of the shitheads from lunch. Somehow they’d gotten onto the topic of girls today. When it came out that he’d never kissed a girl, the other guys started teasing him, calling him Virgin. The razzing lasted all through lunch and right into last block. Fuck them.

  “Nothing, Zoey. I’m just going home.”

  When Zoey caught up to him, her cheeks were flushed and she was winded. Obviously she’d run quite a distance to catch up. “Did you forget something?”

  He paused and looked at her. He’d forgotten everything—his homework, his coat, his empty lunchbox. His mother was going to rake him over the coals for all of it. Instead, he said, “No.”

  “You forgot me, you idiot. We always walk home together.”

  He knew that…and so did the guys. They’d actually said they thought he and Zoey were doing it. Doing it! Shit, they’d only turned fourteen last summer. Besides, Zoey wasn’t that kind of girl. She was his friend. He’d sprinted out of school, hoping to avoid her, because now that the guys had planted the seed, he was sort of thinking about her differently.

  “I wanted to be alone.” His tone was sharp, meaner than he intended.

  “Oh. Why?”

  If he hadn’t been so pissed off, he would have laughed. Zoey had no boundaries, never took hints. “I had a really crappy day and I wanted to walk it off.”

  “Can’t you walk it off with me?”

  He gestured to her striding along next to him. “Guess I’m going to have to,” he grumbled.

  Again, she took no offense. “What happened that was so bad?”

  He knew it. Knew she’d keep going. Ask the questions he’d hoped to avoid. If he’d made it home quicker, without her, he could have gotten his act together and she’d have been none the wiser. No such luck. “Nothing.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. Seriously. Tell me.”

  He stopped and looked around. They were passing the park that lay at the edge of their neighborhood. Huge pine trees lined the sidewalk. He grabbed her hand and dragged her beneath the shelter of the large limbs and drooping pine needles. They’d played under these trees for years, calling it their own private Terabithia, but they’d outgrown the pines this past summer, opting instead to hang out at McDonald’s with the other kids.

  “Have you ever kissed a guy?”

  She frowned, her forehead creasing. “Of course not.”

  “Why do you say it like that?”

  “What do I want to kiss a guy for? Besides, have you looked around at the boys in school? My choices are kind of limited. I mean I could go for Dave, the nose-picker, or Chris, the fart machine. Ick.”

  “The guys at lunch thought I’d kissed you. That you and me, that we…”

  “We what?”

  “That we’re doing it.”

  Her face registered complete shock. Rob couldn’t decide if he should laugh or be insulted.

  “You and me?” She laughed, so he did too. Not that the idea felt entirely funny to him. “God, those guys are so stupid.”

  He sobered quickly. “You know, they’ve all kissed a girl. Some of them have gotten to second base even.”

  She shook her head. “Those morons can’t get to second base with a bat and a ball, let alone with a girl. Don’t be silly. They were lying to you.”

  “I don’t think they were.”

  Zoey sighed. It was a sound he was fairly accustomed to. She released that same heavy puff of air every time he said or did something she found absurd. She’d sounded like that the time he’d tried to ride his bike down the steep stairs in front of the bank and nearly broken his neck. And the time he copied Anne’s homework in science, knowing full well that Anne was even dumber in the subject than he was.

  “Robbie, do you even like any of the girls around here?”

  He shrugged as he struggled to think of a single girl who’d captured his attention in a more than friendly way. “No, not really.”

  “Then what’s the big deal?”

  “I’m a guy, Zoey, and I’m fourteen. I haven’t kissed a girl. That’s not normal.”

  “Say the dumbasses at your lunch table. I thought you were smarter than them.”

  He understood what she was saying, but it didn’t help. Fact was he did want to kiss a girl. He wanted to know what it was like. He’d watched his older brother making out with his girlfriend one night when they didn’t know he was sitting on the stairs. It looked like they were both into it. “I just want to try it. Once. You know.”

  She smiled. “Yeah. I get what you’re saying. I guess I’d like to know what all the fuss is about too.”

  She looked around and he followed her gaze. Though they were in a public park, the trees shielded them from the view of people on the street and in the park. They were isolated, completely alone.

  “Should we try it?” she suggested.

  All afternoon he’d thought about kissing a girl. Zoey’s face was the only one he’d seen when he imagined it.

  He nodded and stepped closer. Reaching out, he put his hands on her shoulders, drawing her near. His heart suddenly began to beat faster and he was finding it difficult to breathe. Was this right?

  Zoey offered no resistance to his tug. Instead, she followed his lead, lifting her face to his.

  Rob bent his head and placed his lips against hers. For a breathless moment, neither of them moved. Then he tilted his head and pushed harder. Zoey’s arms wrapped around his neck and he felt the slightest pressure of her boobs against his chest. The boobs were a new thing for her, only making their arrival in the last few months. She’d complained about having to wear a bra. He’d teased her a bit, but hadn’t taken much notice. Now he was noticing them too much.

  He remembered his brother kissing with his mouth open, so Rob tried it. Parting his lips, he touched Zoey’s tongue with his. He’d expected her to back off, tell him it was gross while wiping her mouth. What he didn’t anticipate was her tongue meeting his halfway.

  Shock pushed him away. Zoey, as always, appeared unruffled, composed, though he noticed her face was flushed again.

  She studied his face. “Well,” she began.

  He didn’t know what to say, how to respond.

  As always, Zoey had the answer. “That was weird.”

  He laughed. It was so like her to break the tension, to make him feel better. He’d been depressed about the lack of kissing, the teasing from the guys. In minutes, Zoey took it all away.

  “Yeah. Totally weird. You taste like bubble gum.”

  She grinned. “Eww. Don’t remind me. We touched tongues. Now you owe me a new promise.”

  He rolled his eyes. She was forever making him take vows.

  Promise you won’t let me fail Algebra.

  Promise you’ll tell me if I have food in my teeth.

  Promise when you’re a famous musician, you’ll write a song for me.

  She’d forced so many oaths from him, he thought he should start making a list. “Okay. What’s this promise?”

  “Promise me we’ll never kiss again. That was just too…” she paused as if trying to find the word, then she landed right back on the original, “…weird.”

  “Fine, I promise I’ll never kiss you again.” He held out his hand for their traditional handshake to seal the deal. Unlike the other pledges, this one was harder to make. Because there was a part—buried deep inside him—that really wanted to kiss Zoey again.

  Rob stared down at Zoey’s face as she slept. Her eyes were still puffy from last night’s tears. Neither of them had moved from the couch. Instead, he’d lain down next to her and held her as she silently wept. Pinpricks attacked the arm he’d wrapped around
her, his hand numb from lying in the same position for so long. He didn’t bother to move. It felt too good holding her like this.

  Some truths were crashing down on him. He’d been an ass, living his life like he had all the time in the world. Their time on this planet was far from infinite, and yet he’d squandered years of it, working on his career, focusing solely on making it big.

  For what? Fame? Money? Why the hell did he need that shit?

  He’d always taken it for granted that Zoey would be here for him. How the fuck was he supposed to go on without her? The moment she’d told him about the cancer, the light had gone on.

  I’m in love with her. Christ. I’ve been in love with her since the first day I laid eyes on her.

  Zoey stirred. Rob’s heart began to race as her eyes opened slowly. He wasn’t wasting a second more. He couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

  She was disoriented for a moment before she lifted her gaze and smiled.

  With his free hand, he stroked her face softly. “Zoey.” Her name fell from his lips on a hushed whisper, his chest constricting under the weight of every emotion under the sun—love, fear, happiness, panic, a raging case of nervousness.

  What if she didn’t feel the same way?

  “Yeah?”

  He took a deep breath. Fear wasn’t going to hold him back another second longer. “I’m going to break my promise.”

  “What promise?”

  He didn’t respond. Instead, he bent his head and kissed her. Time froze as their lips met. Rob was transported back to that day in the park, to the truth that should have been obvious all those years ago. He’d been a blind, inexperienced boy back then, but now…his eyes were wide open.

  It was her. Zoey. For him, it had always been her.

  The kiss was a gentle touch at first, but when Zoey’s lips softened and accepted his, he deepened it. Her small hand cupped his cheek, exploring his face hesitantly before growing bolder, stroking it.

  The smell of cinnamon enveloped them, her candle still burning from the night before. He knew in his heart that from now on, that scent would always make him think of her. Of this moment.

  His heart lodged in his throat when he realized the magnitude of what was happening, of what he wanted to happen next. He was kissing his best friend. And she was kissing him back.

  Encouraged, he opened his mouth, stroking his tongue against hers. The kiss grew harder, hungrier. For several minutes—hell, it could have been hours for all Rob knew—they simply kissed, learning each other’s taste, texture. Her skin was soft beneath his fingers as he caressed her delicate cheek. Her breathing grew heavier, the heat of it warm against his skin.

  When he finally moved away, she was there, looking at him, studying his face. Hers was the picture of confusion, wariness…and desire. He latched onto the last like a dying man clinging to life. She wanted him.

  “Still weird?” He needed the joke, needed to get his bearings. His emotions were too raw, too new, too close to the surface.

  She shook her head slowly. “No. Not even close.”

  “Good. I’ve been practicing.”

  She laughed uneasily. “You’re insane. What the hell prompted that?”

  He knew her. Knew she’d try to twist this into something innocent, funny. He wouldn’t let her. He ran his hand through her dark hair, overwhelmed by the need to touch her. “Just figured it was past time. You mind if we talk about this after?”

  “After what?”

  He let his body answer the question. Turning so they lay face to face on the couch, he placed his lips back on hers. He didn’t want to push her. After all, she’d just received life-altering, horrible news. He’d keep things easy, let her set the pace.

  She didn’t resist his kisses. Her hand traveled along his shoulders and down his arm before landing on his chest. Her lips pressed against his harder. Then she moved away, an infinitesimal distance.

  “Touch me,” she whispered, her hand fisting in the cotton of his shirt.

  He didn’t need to be told twice. His hands roamed along her sides, drifted beneath her T-shirt.

  She shivered when he caressed the bare skin of her waist. He stoked her arousal, kissing her harder as he explored every bit of bare flesh he could reach beneath her shirt. He forced air into his lungs, fought to keep his hands steady as he touched her.

  The slight tremor in his hands seemed to distract her. She was the first to pull back. “Robbie, are you sure—?”

  “After,” he repeated. He gripped her hip, dragging her closer. There was no way she could misconstrue how far he’d go if she was willing. His cock was hard, ready.

  She bit her lip and he could sense she was struggling to make a decision. He wouldn’t force her into anything she wasn’t ready for. Hell, he’d be perfectly content to spend the next dozen years or so simply kissing her. Making up for so many wasted years. “Zoey—”

  She shook her head and closed her eyes, but not before he read the hungry need there. Then she lifted one leg and wrapped it around his thigh. She thrust closer. It was an outright invitation. “After,” she whispered, her voice steadier than he expected.

  Rob fought back the wave of lightheadedness her words provoked. She was in, ready for the next step. He held her in place as he nipped her lower lip. “I want you so much.”

  She kissed him, initiated it. Her actions told him that in this, she was with him. They moved as close as the couch would allow, but it wasn’t enough for Rob. He sat up, pulling her to a seated position as well. Reaching for the hem of her T-shirt, he pulled the soft cotton over her head.

  They’d spent a lifetime together and modesty had disappeared somewhere along the line. He’d seen her in her bra loads of times as she walked to and from the bathroom to her bedroom or whenever she dashed downstairs to retrieve a clean shirt from the dryer in their small basement. Regardless of those previous glimpses, this time was different, more powerful.

  Her breasts were gorgeous, perky and full. It was hard to believe that beneath the pale skin lurked disease. Something deadly, insidious. He thrust the idea away. He wasn’t going to lose her, not to fear and, sure as hell, not to cancer.

  He reached behind her and unclasped her bra. Zoey’s gaze was glued to his face and he wondered what she was thinking. Afraid she’d try to call a halt, he leaned closer and kissed her again as he removed the lacy material from her breasts.

  Rob’s gaze landed on a bruise on her breast. He reached out, touching it lightly. Zoey’s soft intake of breath told him she was sore.

  “Biopsy,” she whispered.

  He swallowed heavily, trying to batten down the part of him screaming that he should have been there with her. He should have been holding her hand when that needle pierced her skin. Never again. From now on, she’d acquired a six foot two shadow. Zoey wasn’t going to do any of this alone.

  Rob bent his head, placing a soft kiss on the dark spot. She blinked rapidly and he suspected she was trying to fight back tears.

  Twisting to the side, Rob sat on the couch, pulling Zoey across his lap, her legs straddling his thighs. The new position distracted her, caught her attention. It also gave him more freedom to touch her. Anywhere. Everywhere. He gripped her ass, pressing her against his jeans-clad cock. God, why were they still wearing so many clothes?

  Zoey gyrated against him, rubbing his hard-on until he saw stars. If anyone could drive him to climax from simple dry-humping, it would be her.

  He was grateful, spying an end to the loneliness that had plagued him on the road. He’d spent far too many nights trying to sleep on a bus full of snoring men as it hit every goddamn pothole from Texas to L.A. Zoey was saving him from that life. If only he could offer her the same salvation.

  She had cancer. Fuck. The words kept sneaking up on him, sucker punching him at odd moments. His stomach clenched and his grip on her waist tightened.

  Zoey retreated the slightest distance and looked at him. She’d always been far too in tune with his emotions. She cuppe
d his face and smiled. Her crystal-blue eyes locked with his and held. The look of understanding comforted him, filled him with a sense of relief. She could communicate so much with just one touch, one look.

  Everything would be okay.

  He reached out to stroke her soft dark hair. She wore it shorter these days, the ends just brushing her shoulders. When they were younger, she never went out without her standard ponytail. Somewhere in her twenties, she’d started wearing it down, the thick mass reaching halfway down her back. Last year, she’d opted for the shorter cut. He liked it this way best. It framed her pretty face perfectly.

  “Take off your shirt,” she said, but didn’t wait for him to comply. Instead, she gripped the material and tugged it away. Her fingers stroked his chest, circled his nipples. He loved her hands on him, the way her hungry eyes ate him up. When her fingers stroked downward along his stomach, he joined the game. In unison, they tackled the buttons on each other’s jeans. Zoey stood briefly to ease the undressing and he instantly missed her body’s warmth.

  Rob sucked in a steadying breath when she unzipped and pushed her jeans down. She didn’t hesitate, didn’t try to hide beneath her panties. Within seconds, she’d shed both the denim and the silk, standing before him completely naked. Rob’s heart stuttered.

  He’d spent a lifetime running the wrong race. He didn’t want to be a rock star. He wanted to be hers.

  “Say something,” she whispered, and he realized he’d let the silent moment go too long. She was uneasy.

  His gaze met hers. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

  She smiled. “Promise me that’s not your standard line.”

  He shook his head. “I’ve never said that to anyone before. Promise.” He slowly unzipped his own jeans as Zoey lowered her eyes to watch. Lifting his hips, he eased his jeans and boxers away. There was no hiding his desire for her. His cock was full, hard. The head brushed his stomach as he kicked off his pants and sat back down.

  Zoey studied him, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. The sight made Rob dizzy with need as he imagined her mouth wrapped around his dick.