The Officer and the Traveler

by Rose Gordon

  Silence filled the room. She’d expected nothing less.

  Michaela fell back against the backrest of the settee. “I know. I’m a horrible, horrible person.”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” Allison said soothingly.

  “She’s right,” Ella agreed. “Just cut the horribles in half.” She flashed her sister a wry smile to show she was teasing. “Are you sure it’s as bad as you think?”

  Michaela nodded. “I think so.”

  “I don’t,” Allison said.

  “How is that?”

  Allison cast a hesitant glance over toward Ella, and at Michaela’s nod of approval, Allison continued. “If he was honest enough with you to say he wouldn’t share intimacies with you because he doesn’t love you, then I don’t see how he could possibly hold this against you.” She smoothed her hands over her skirts. “I think Gray knows you said that because you were embarrassed. I’d have been embarrassed too, had that happened to me. He isn’t so unfeeling as to not know that.”

  “I agree,” Ella said, an unasked question stamped on her face. “I didn’t know that he’d told you earlier that he wasn’t interested in a physical relationship with you. I’m assuming that was the argument you two had that I didn’t hear.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, it’s none of my business. But what is my concern is your happiness and I really do agree with Allison. Gray doesn’t seem the sort to hold a grudge or make a hasty decision.”

  Michaela let out a shaky laugh. Gray not hold a grudge? If only they knew how much he hated her father.

  Allison touched Michaela’s arm again, catching her attention. “Michaela, I think he already knows you didn’t mean what you said, but if you think this will leave a lasting strain, then tell him the truth of your words and that you said them because he’d hurt your feelings and made you feel cheap.”

  “I don’t think I can say that,” she said, frowning. “That only proves his accusation that I’m a light skirt who is always willing to jump in bed with him.”

  Ella gasped. “He said that?”

  “Not in so many words, but it was his meaning.”

  “Are you sure?” Allison questioned. “Remember our earlier conversation? Sometimes what Gray says and what he actually means aren’t the same.”

  Another round of mortification swept over her. She couldn’t further explain her situation to them. Not if she still wanted to be able to look them in the eyes again. “He didn’t say that, I inferred it.” Knowing her blush was revealing more to them than she wanted to admit made her flush even more. “But it wasn’t just today. I’m the one who confronted him last time about why he had no such interest in me. And then with what happened today, he must think I’m a loose woman.”

  Ella reached forward and patted her knee. “Then you need to show him that you’re not.”

  “Pardon? I never said I was.”

  “I know that, but if you think he suspects that you are, then maybe you need to let him know that you’re not. Tease him and make him want you.”

  “That won’t work,” a new voice said, startling all three of them.

  Michaela sat frozen on her settee while both Allison and Ella greeted Sarah, who said something about her husband having to do something in one of the watchtowers later tonight as an explanation of why she was here. Michaela didn’t really listen; she just wasn’t interested.

  “Your husbands are coming this way,” Michaela heard Sarah say.

  Michaela knew better than to believe Sarah was including Gray in her statement.

  A moment later Jack and Wes had arrived and another moment later the four left, leaving Michaela and Sarah alone with a sleeping Aunt Lucille.

  “Would you like some tea?” Michaela forced a smile that she imagined looked more like a grimace.

  “No.” Sarah sat down on the sofa with not a hint of grace. Why had she even come if she just intended to be unpleasant? It wasn’t as if Sarah was making many friends these days. Michaela had suspected the only reason Ella and Allison spoke to her was to keep peace around here or for the sakes of their husband’s jobs since General Ridgely ultimately ran the fort.

  Michaela didn’t know what she’d ever done to upset the woman, if anyone should be upset it should be Michaela for Sarah’s bold claim to having had an affair with her husband. Not that it was of any importance; the feeling of dislike was mutual between them.

  Michaela took her time to make herself a cup of tea then when it wasn’t avoidable any longer, she took a seat across from Sarah to wait for Gray to do whatever it was he was doing and come back for her. If she weren’t afraid of what might happen to her if spotted walking alone through the barracks, she’d walk back to her room alone. The tension in the room was that uncomfortable.

  “Don’t tease him,” Sarah said at last, her voice so soft it was barely audible.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Your husband. Don’t tease him.” Sarah crossed her arms and chafed her upper arms with her opposite palms. “I heard part of your earlier conversation when I came in and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to tease him by leading him on then stopping things.” She lifted a hand as if to stop Michaela’s protest. “I know that’s not exactly what was suggested to you, but it goes in the same line of reasoning to make him think you either don’t want him or make him want you and then don’t follow through. Neither are good ideas.”

  “And you speak from experience?” Michaela winced. She didn’t mean to seem so unkind.

  “Yes.” Sarah let out a heavy sigh. Though Sarah had looked pale and had been withdrawn almost the entire time Michaela had been at the fort, tonight she looked worse than before. Her skin was so pale it was almost translucent and to be blunt, she looked tired. No, not tired; nor merely exhausted. She actually looked haggard. Lines were visible on her pale face and she looked like she’d even slimmed down. “I was married once before,” she said abruptly.

  Michaela blinked; surprised Sarah was even talking to her, let alone giving her marital advice.

  “When I was seventeen I agreed to marry a man as a way to mutually benefit both our families, nothing more. In time, however, mutual affection developed. When he died, I foolishly agreed to marry his brother Amos, who said he was in need of a good wife while being stationed in the outstretches of the country. I knew he was fifteen years older than me, but I was seven-and-twenty with a child. I didn’t have many options. Besides, I thought our marriage would be similar to how it was with his brother.” She pursed her lips. “It’s not.”

  Michaela was taken aback. She’d never given much thought to Sarah’s marriage before, but she’d never have guessed Sarah would be so bitter about it.

  “I’d been married to Chester for less than a year when an attraction developed between us. I’ve been married to Amos for five years and he’s just as cold to me as he was the day we married.” Something flashed in her eyes—sadness or regret, perhaps. “Last summer, I…I…uh…made a huge mistake. After Allison came and she and Wes settled into a loving newlywed state, I decided to take matters between Amos and I into my own hands. Until then, we’d shared intimacies exclusively the first Friday of the month. Everything was very cold and mechanical. I wondered if things were better between us, in a physical sense, that he’d warm up to me and might allow me to invite my son Isaac to come live with us when we left Fort Gibson.” She sniffled. “I had no idea when we married that the first thing I’d be made to do is leave my son.”

  Sarah shook her head sadly. “Sometimes Chester used to travel and when he’d come back, he couldn’t get me upstairs after dinner fast enough. So I thought if I found a way to put Amos off for one of our monthly assignations, he’d be so consumed with desire and longing he’d seek me out early for the next or show some sort of sign of desire for me the following time. But he didn’t. He was just as cool and reserved as he had been before. So I tried again. Longer this time. Only this time it was worse. I was out of a few cooking ingredients and needed to go to the Sutler’s store
. I knew Amos usually took his lunch to his private office in the commanding officers’ quarters and went to go ask him to go with me—” Her voice broke and the dread at the anticipation of Sarah’s next words overwhelmed Michaela.

  “He wasn’t alone,” Sarah choked on a sob. “Every now and then a troupe of loose women pass through and as it’d happen that was the day they’d come. They were on his sofa. It was the first time I’d ever seen my husband without all of his clothes. I’d never been so mortified in all of my life. His immediate response was to blame me, saying had I not denied him, he wouldn’t have sought company elsewhere.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Michaela said quietly, reaching to pat Sarah’s knee, the only form of comfort she knew to give a woman she was so uncertain about.

  “Don’t be. I made my choices. First by denying him in hopes of attracting him, then by trying the other extreme: seduction.” She frowned and exhaled. “It worked better, but not much. For about six months I tried different things to encourage him to see me that way and our encounters grew more frequent, but no more passionate.”

  “I’m sorry,” Michaela murmured, not really sure why she was apologizing to this woman for her lack of an intimate relationship with her husband other than to just be sympathetic.

  “I need to tell you something,” Sarah said abruptly, tears shining in her eyes. “It’s about me and your husband.”

  A fist formed in Michaela’s gut. She couldn’t say why. She knew Gray wouldn’t have done anything to dishonor any woman, no matter who she was or how seductive. She twisted her lips in distaste.

  “About two months ago, I—” she lowered her gaze and started intently studying her nails— “started getting sick.”

  Michaela wasn’t sure why Sarah was telling her this or what it had to do with Gray, but it did nothing to ease the pain in her gut. Actually, it just made it hurt worse.

  “Not a good kind of sick that holds the promise of a new life. No, Amos had picked up some sort of disease from one of the women who’d come through the fort a few weeks before and had passed it onto me.” Her face went the fiercest shade of red Michaela had ever seen and tears poured from her eyes. Instinctively, she went to wrap Sarah in a hug. “The medicine has stopped working,” she sobbed. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll have or how much worse it’ll get before—” Sobs wracked her body cutting off anything else she might have said as she went boneless in Michaela’s embrace.

  Michaela gingerly patted her back. “Are you sure? Is there nothing else that might work?”

  “Not out here,” Sarah said, shaking her head. “Amos sought treatment as soon as he knew what he had. I was too stupid to know what was wrong with me at first and the medicine he gave me wasn’t strong enough to cure it.”

  “Not strong enough?”

  Sarah nodded sadly. “I waited too long because I didn’t know what it was.”

  “Is there no other form of medicine that might work?”

  “I don’t know. He’s refused to let me go to Fort Smith. He claims it’s an embarrassment and I won’t shame him that way.”

  Michaela hurt for her and continued to offer her what comfort she could. Life was never fair to women—especially those married to men who cared so little for them.

  Suddenly, Sarah pulled away and swiped at the tears that covered her cheeks. “Anyway, it was because of this…this disease that I answered Amos that way when he asked what was going on between Gray and me. Until then, I’d been on the mend and Amos had made some comment early that morning about returning to our home for lunch. The way he said it and the look he gave me made me think he wanted me to…Well you get the idea. I heard a noise and opened the door a crack to see if Amos was coming. But the noise I’d heard was Gray stomping up the stairs. I didn’t expect Gray to hear me close the door and come to investigate so I shed my robe and lay out on the bed to await Amos’ arrival. I was so startled when I saw Gray instead of Amos, I screamed.”

  Blushing, Sarah tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “It was instinct and I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to drag Gray into everything or get him injured. But when Amos came in only a few seconds later, bent on accusing Gray of attempting to rape me and use it as further evidence against him in the trial about Soft Dove, I said the only thing I thought would help him.” She offered an apologetic smile. “Or at least hurt him the least.”

  “Why not just say the truth of why Gray was there?”

  “Amos wouldn’t have accepted that and would have been very upset that I’d have announced to everyone that I was waiting for him at noonday that way. Not that anyone would have believed that tale, even if it were true. Nobody around here is fool enough to believe that Amos and I have some sort of great love for one another that would lead me to present myself that way to him. Nor would he want anyone to think me easy and him lustful.”

  Michaela nodded numbly. A general’s reputation among his men was very important to him. Her father had been no exception, hiding his relationship with Rebecca from anyone to avoid disgrace.

  “Anyway, I wanted to tell you everything while I still could and ask for your forgiveness for my lie.” The hurt evident in Sarah’s eyes crumbled Michaela’s heart.

  “There is nothing to forgive.”

  “Yes, there is, but I appreciate your willingness to forgive and hope I can ask you to do me one more favor.”

  “Of course.”

  Sarah pulled out a folded paper from her bodice. “It’s a letter to my son. Amos has forbid me to have any contact with him since we married so I don’t have his address. But I’d hoped you could ask Gray or your father to use one of his sources to get this to him.”

  “I’ll see what I can do,” Michaela said, not taking the letter. “Why don’t you hold onto that—”

  “I can’t. If Amos finds it, he might kill me before this awful disease does.”

  Michaela frowned. Something wasn’t right. “How long have you been sick?”

  “I don’t know. Around the time that Ella got here, I think. Why?”

  “And you were getting better at first, then you stopped,” Michaela confirmed.

  Sarah frowned. “Yes.”

  “Did anyone have access to your medicine?”

  “No. The bottle is in our room.”

  “Do you take it daily?”

  “Yes. I pour a spoonful in my tea each day. It’s terribly bitter by itself.”

  “I’m sure,” Michaela murmured. “And when did you say the medicine stopped working?”

  “I don’t know exactly. Two weeks ago?”

  The room fell quiet, then suddenly Sarah’s eyes flared wide as if she’d just solved a puzzle and didn’t like the results.

  “That bastard!” She leapt up off her seat. “I knew he didn’t care for me, but I never would have thought he’d purposely kill me.” She paced the floor. “It was only two days after the incident with Gray that my sores started to spread and flare up again.” Tears clogged her throat and she picked up her pace. “I should have known he’d do something when he never even confronted me about my claim that afternoon. I suppose he’d decided to just pay me back this way for embarrassing him.”

  Michaela stood and walked over to Sarah. “Shhh,” she soothed, glancing toward Aunt Lucille who was starting to stir from all the commotion. “Sarah, it’ll be all right.”

  “No, it won’t,” she cried, pounding her fists against her sides. She crumpled to the floor and put her head in her hands, silent sobs wracking her body.

  Sinking down to join her, Michaela tried to sooth her again. “Sarah, this might not be as bad as you think.”

  “I have no medicine. I’m going to die.” She said the words with such conviction it was almost like she’d been holding out some sort of hope of recovery until Michaela made her realize the truth of what was going on.

  “No, you’re not,” Michaela said firmly, a genuine grin pulling at her lips. “For once, my husband’s consorting with women of ill-repute might be of use
.” She had no inclination to offer any sort of explanation for the real reason Gray was so familiar with strumpets. That was his secret to tell, not hers. She blinked away her wayward thoughts and reached for Sarah’s hands. “I’ll ask him tonight what he thinks might work and how we can get it.”

  “But what if Amos knows I’m getting better and throws out the medicine again?”

  “He won’t be able to. I’ll keep it in my room and bring it to you.”

  Her face lit, but then suddenly was filled with shadows. “What if he catches on and has your room searched?”

  Michaela sighed. Who knew Sarah was such a worrier? “What if I ask my father to keep it? General Ridgely wouldn’t be so bold as to search my father’s things.”

  “No, he wouldn’t. But what am I going to do after I’m better? What if he tries to do something else?”

  Michaela didn’t know and was spared from having to give Sarah an answer when a chorus of screams and shouts sounded just outside the window.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Gray reminded himself to remain calm and keep walking.

  He didn’t know what would await him later tonight, nor was he in any hurry to arrive and discover it. He was, however, not fool enough to blindly go where he’d been summoned without securing at least one person looking after him from the outside. There were only a few men out here whom Gray had enough faith in to act as a sharpshooter for him, but the best of all would be General Davis.

  Putting aside his personal feelings for the man, Gray knew the truth: General Davis was the best there was, and pride be damned, that’s who Gray wanted looking out for him.

  Gray knocked on the door and didn’t bother to wait for his father-in-law’s voice before opening it.

  “Why, Grayson, just come on in,” General Davis said sarcastically.

  Now wasn’t the time for pleasantries or exchanging less-than-polite banter. He let himself inside and closed the door. “I need a favor.”