Internet Famous

by Danika Stone

  Escape. That was the beauty of the MadLibs blog and all the rereads and reblogs she created. MadLibs let those feelings she usually carried in silence out into the world. She could say what she needed, share what she thought. She could be herself.

  Madi scanned the final paragraphs, retyping the ending.

  In the end, Sixteen Candles didn’t hold a candle for me. Now, before the backlash I know is coming—*dodges thrown comments*—stay with me. Here are my reasons: It was the ’80s, and given that, I can forgive a lot of the weird subtext, bad jokes, and, let’s be honest, terrible hair! But it fell flat for a different reason.

  I didn’t escape.

  I want a movie that lets me run away from my own life (if only for two hours!) I want love and romance, action and laughter … I want ALL the good, and none of the bad. Because if I can’t escape through movies and fiction, what’s the point? I read and view because I WANT to disappear from my life, if only for a little while. Hopefully the next rewatch will give me that escapist thrill I love so much!

  Final stats below.

  Movie Rating: 7/10 Mad!Cows, with a warm fuzzy of Mad!Love going out to the incomparable Molly and her sassy ways, and an extra bit of Mad!Love for director John Hughes for kicking off our ’80s rewatch. He really is the KING of teen movies, and I can’t fault his direction in the least. (There are many more Hughes movies in the queue.)

  Would I rewatch it? No thank you. One birthday was enough for me.

  Thanks for reading and watching, MadLibbers! It’s been a blast. Pop by the comments and let me know what YOU thought of Sixteen Candles. Blogs are made for opinions, and I want YOURS.

  Until next time …

  *chorus sings*

  MadLib

  PS: Click on the side links if you have a minute. You don’t have to buy, just visit the site for me to get my kickback. FUNEMPLOYMENT: It’s not just a job, it’s a way of life. M:)

  * * *

  Comments enabled.

  Tags: #MadLibs #SixteenCandles #Madi watches things and then blogs about them #Funemployment

  In the two years Madi had run MadLibs, she’d never avoided controversy, and she didn’t intend to start now. Nevertheless, she fought a niggling sense of unease as she prepared to post. She still had time to change it, but she didn’t want to. Blogging was her escape, and it only worked if she could write what she wanted: Honest reactions.

  “Now or never,” she said and hit POST.

  *   *   *

  The comments began within minutes, replies almost as fast. In stunned silence, Madi read through them, unable to absorb what was happening. The troll—whoever he was—had returned, angrier than ever.

  Comments on Blog Post 210: Blowing out the Sixteen Candles

  Comment 1.1, *anonymous*: You really think you should be commenting on something you DIDN’T ACTUALLY WATCH? Screw you, MadLib! This is bullshit. You’re such a FAKE!

  @laurentabelard: Why don’t you try saying that without the convenient mask of anonymity?

  *anonymous*: Don’t like me messing with the girlfriend, Long Dong? LOL Eat me!

  @laurentabelard: I don’t like you, if that’s what you’re asking. As to your other asinine comment, I’ve no idea what it means.

  *anonymous*: Ooooh … Someone’s playing with their dictionary again. *slow clap* And I don’t really give a shit whether you like me or not. I call it like I see it, and I CALL BULLSHIT. MadLib needs to be taken down a notch or two, and I’m happy to do it. Get out of the way! I’m taking this blog DOWN.

  Furious, Madi hit the REPLY button. “This is not okay,” she said through clenched teeth. “Not okay at all!” While Laurent’s defense of Madi’s post was endearing, she couldn’t let him deal with the troll alone.

  @MadLib: Dear Anon—anon posting doesn’t mean no IP address. Please refrain from spreading your hate on this blog.

  *anonymous*: Or what?

  @MadLib: Or I’ll block you. :>/

  *anonymous*: I’d like to see you try.

  @laurentabelard: Why don’t you go back to the kindergarten where you came from? Putain! C’est trop relou!

  *anonymous*: Uh-oh! Long Dong’s back to defend MadLib’s honor, huh? Well, FUCK YOU, TOO. Why don’t you go back to France, where you BELONG? You’re not wanted here!

  @MadLib: Aaaaaaaaand BLOCKED. Anonymous posting is a privilege, folks. Let’s keep this classy. Comments are disabled while I deal with this mess. Later. MadLib. :(

  Session closed.

  Comments disabled.

  Madi pushed the laptop off her lap with shaking hands. She’d never been so angry in her life. Not when her mother left the first time, or when she’d told her she was doing it again. Not even when she’d encountered a troll in her sophomore year of high school and left a beloved fandom because of it. Shattered by exhaustion, Madi felt tears well along her lower lashes. She needed to scream, lash out. She needed her blog! But she’d effectively closed it down to stop him.

  “Bastard!”

  Her eyes caught on her phone, and she grabbed it with trembling fingers. She dashed tears away with the back of her hand. Everything was off-kilter today. It had started with the jerk outside Sarah’s classroom who’d snapped at Madi for no reason, but the troll was far worse. That wasn’t just attitude—that was hate. She wasn’t putting up with it!

  The scream that had been building since the first comment arrived released in a blur of thumbs.

  @MadLib: OMG—I’m going to KILL that freaking troll! *rage face* What is WRONG with people?!? It makes me want to BURN THE INTERNET TO THE GROUND! Gah! D:

  @ModernDayWitch: @MadLib What say I hex him for you? #NoChargeOrAnything I can you know. Just give me the word.;)

  @MadLib: @ModernDayWitch OMG—please do! I just can’t BELIEVE he’s bugging me again. I thought I was DONE with him. #FlamesOnTheSideOfMyFace So furious!

  @StarveilBrian1981: @MadLib He might be a she, you know.

  @ModernDayWitch: @StarveilBrian1981 I get a definite male vibe from him, Brian. #Auras

  @ArtWithAttitude: @MadLib I know the situation sucks, but I thought you handled the whole blowup pretty well. #TrollsBeTrolling

  @WrittenInChantalics: @MadLib OMG—just saw that post. O_O Are you okay?! Skype me! I need to know what’s happening.

  @laurentabelard: @MadLib That idiot was AWFUL to you! I was so angry at that COMMENT!

  @WrittenInChantalics: @laurentabelard What does putain mean, btw? LOL #LearningNewSwearsOnline

  @laurentabelard: @WrittenInChantalics Er … don’t repeat that. All right?

  @fandometric: @MadLib Awful or not, it was kind of funny to watch. Just saying. LOL

  @MadLib: @fandometric WELL, IT WASN’T FUNNY TO ME.

  @fandometric: @MadLib:(

  @MadLib: @ArtWithAttitude @WrittenInChantalics @laurentabelard @fandometric It’s fine, guys. I just … I need a minute to decompress. AARGH!!! I HATE dealing with trolls. Fandom is supposed to be fun! But thank you for listening to me rage.

  @ArtWithAttitude: @MadLib Is there anything we can do to help? #FandomWoes

  @MadLib: @ArtWithAttitude Not really. >:>/ The IP address was to a public broadband site somewhere in NY state. Talk about NOT NARROWING IT DOWN.

  @MadLib: @ArtWithAttitude I have a feeling I just made things worse by confronting him. ARGH! #WhyNow

  @fandometric: @MadLib Feel free to vent. We’re all here for you. #MadLibbersUnite

  @ModernDayWitch: @MadLib Breathe, honey. You did just fine. Maybe have a cup of peppermint tea to soothe your nerves.

  @laurentabelard: @MadLib I’m so sorry for commenting. I should have left him alone like you said. :(

  @MadLib: @laurentabelard It’s not you. It’s trolls in general.

  @laurentabelard: @MadLib I apologize, minette.

  @MadLib: @laurentabelard It’s fine. It is. I just need to deal with this one on my own.

  @ModernDayWitch: @laurentabelard @MadLib Aw, you two. <3 *huggles you together*

  @MadLib: Gotta
go, peeps. I need a breather. *waves on the way out*

  She closed the app at the same moment her phone buzzed with a private text. For one irrational moment she wondered if it was the troll, though she knew it couldn’t be.

  i’m so sorry, madi. forgive me.

  She let out a teary laugh. Laurent. Of course he’d message her to make sure she was okay. She sniffled as she typed her reply.

  it’s fine

  it’s not. i shouldn’t have interfered.

  it’s okay

  he made me so MAD.

  that’s what trolls do, but provoking them makes it worse

  sorry, madi. i was wrong.

  ur sweet, l. it’s fine

  i was hotheaded. (that’s the term, yes?) but i have a plan to win you back.

  u never lost me

  open your snapsed.

  why????

  just watch, please?

  okaaaaaay … what am I looking for?

  i’m taking you out on the town.

  how? i’m in nj, ur in ny

  keep watching.

  8

  “Roads…? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”

  (Back to the Future, 1985)

  okay, i’ve got the app open. what now?

  first, get ready to go.

  all right…?

  grab your shoes. ny is a city to explore by foot.

  lol—okay, ready & waiting. (fyi: i’m not actually leaving my bedroom unless i have to. i’m wiped and i have to pick up my sister in an hour.)

  trust me.

  okay

  first we head down to the street. (the family i live with is on the third floor.) follow me, madi.

  ugh. stairs are NOT my thing. short legs = awful

  short legs = perfect.

  wait. if those are ur legs, who took the picture?

  the one on the stairs? mrs. marcioni. (she lives on the first floor with her three cats and her grown son.)

  u walked up & asked her?

  well, yes. i knocked on the door first. i didn’t just walk into her apartment uninvited.

  (that would be rude.)

  u just ASKED?

  mrs. marcioni is super nice. (i carry her groceries sometimes.) i told her i needed an action shot and she was game. i always talk to people. (not always well, but gestures go a long way.)

  that’s one of the things i like about u

  only one?

  more than one, i promise. okay, shoes on. stairs done. where r we now?

  look around, breathe the air. it’s a beautiful day.

  that’s gorgeous! it looks like another world!

  i love street art. it’s alive like nothing else. i have hundreds of photographs of it.

  rly beautiful laurent.

  come to ny some weekend, i’ll show you all the things i love. there are so many galleries and hidden places—like this.

  maybe *grins* this is fun.

  yes. (but it’d be better in person.) oh-ho! grab my hand.

  why?

  we're running across the road.

  to where?

  the … (hold on) … the bakery, the tea shop, the … COFFEE SHOP! aha! i knew there was a phrase for it.

  still don’t see it. but god, do I ever need some caffeine right now. soooooo tired today.

  that was closer than I wanted. sheesh!

  OMG r u okay?

  totally fine. are you?

  that depends, r u still holding my hand?

  of course i am. *whispers* why would i let go when we’re almost there? we’re walking along the street, and i’ve just opened the door for you.

  show me

  AWESOME! i love coffee!

  i’m french. coffee isn’t just a beverage, it’s a sacrament.

  LOL

  you think i’m joking, but i’m not! i have a serious coffee addiction. cappuccino is my kryptonite. i’d sell state secrets for a good french roast.

  mmm … sounds delicious

  you don’t have to wait, madi. i’ll stay in line. you go find us a table.

  how exactly?

  just step over there. see? that empty table.

  LOL—did you actually buy me a coffee?!? ur CRAZY!

  what? you’re not going to drink it? i’m hurt.

  no, i will. yum!

  srsly?

  to be fair, i am sitting at a table with 2 coffees and no one else. that’s a little odd.

  but we’re having coffee together.

  yes, and while i know you’re here, minette, no one else does.

  what’s in mine?

  what do you mean?

  the foam. what did the barista put in mine???

  aw …

  mmm … delicious!

  i’m sad i’m not there—in person, i mean

  next time. now, i’m going to drink my (two) cappuccinos, but that means it’s your turn to keep the conversation going.

  okay. about what?

  whatever you want to talk about.

  that’s kind of a broad topic.

  then tell me about you. tell me what makes madi who she is.

  um … i’ve got stage fright all of a sudden. *hides face* i don’t know what u want me to say. it’s embarrassing.

  but why? you talk to the world all the time with your madlibs blog.

  exactly—the world—not u

  why’s it different?

  it’s different bc if it’s the world, i’m anonymous and i can be who i want. say what i want.

  and you can’t in RL?

  not even close

  but why?

  bc in millburn, i’m madi nakama, the daughter of charles nakama. people know him … and so they know me (or think they do.) i have to BE that person all the time.

  why does it matter whose daughter you are?

  my dad writes the “down home” column. it’s in newspapers across the states and online. i can’t mess up, bc of that. everyone’s watching our family, judging us by all the stupid “family values” my dad always writes about. (that’s part of the reason i prefer online school.)

  having to live up to those expectations doesn’t seem fair.

  it isn’t, but it’s just the way it is. our family has to look a certain way. sarah’s behavior has to be “handled”

  i’m sorry. that sounds stressful.

  it’s just the way it is

  and online you’re not that person.

  exactly

  is that why you were so worried about meeting the madlibbers in RL?

  um, yeah, i guess so

  i’m glad you came out that night. very glad.

  me, too.

  and thank you for telling me. i’m done with my coffee now, BTW. ready to keep going?

  sure. where are we headed?

  to one of my favorite places. it’s where i go when i need to chill out. i’m going to sneak you in!

  SNEAK me in? where are we going?

  shh … it’s a secret. i’m not even supposed to go there. But i was out one morning taking photos and discovered i could jump the fence. it’s way up above the street.

  UP?????????????

  okay, i’m going to give you a boost, all right?

  LOLOL—i am actually a little freaked out right now (from the comfort of my bedroom). I DO NOT LIKE HEIGHTS. where are we going?!?

  close your eyes, madi.

  okay. open them again.

  do you feel the breeze coming from a thousand different corners? hear the hum of the city? sense the lives moving below us like ocean waves? THIS is where i go when i get down or upset (or when i miss home so much i can’t breathe). you'll see when you really visit.

  planning that out, are u? ;)

  of course I am. aren’t you?

  *   *   *

  The pounding on her door woke Madi from a deep sleep. Laurent had been in her dreams, the two of them laughing over coffee in New York. She sat up and rubbed a hand over gritty eyes.

  “What time is it?”

  The po
unding started up, matched by her sister’s voice. “Madi!” she shouted. “Where ARE you?!”

  Madi yawned and rolled off the bed. Outside the window, sunset painted the sky a brilliant pinkish gold. Her eyes widened. It’s time for supper, she realized. But she’d totally forgotten to start making it. The pounding redoubled.

  “Oh shit!” she gasped. “And I forgot to pick up—”

  “Madi!” Sarah shrieked. “MADI!”

  “I’m in here, Sarah!” she shouted, half walking, half hopping to the door and pulling it open. “Why are you—”

  Her sister barreled through the doorway, throwing her arms around her. Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I thought you were gone!”

  Madi patted her sister’s back. “I just lost track of time,” she said. “Sorry.”

  Sarah’s sobs grew in intensity. Her fingers dug into Madi’s shoulders like claws. “I—I tried to find you, but you weren’t there. Robbie walked me home, b-but when I came in, you weren’t in the kitchen, either. I called, but you wouldn’t answer. I thought you’d left!”

  “Shh … It’s okay. It’s okay.”

  “Madi?” their father’s voice echoed up the stairs. “What’s going on up there?”

  “Sarah’s upset.”

  “About what?”

  “She couldn’t find me,” Madi said (leaving out the fact she’d forgotten her sister at the library).

  She heard her father take three steps up the stairs. “Can you calm her down a bit?”

  Madi rolled her eyes. “I’m trying to, Dad.”

  The footsteps retreated.

  If there was something she’d learned in the last few years, it was Sarah’s reactions were never dealt with in regards to Sarah, but in regards to how efficiently she could be calmed. That was often Madi’s job. Most days, she tolerated it. Tonight, it made her angry.

  “Breathe, Sarah. You’re fine. Robbie got you home.”

  Sarah’s sobs continued.

  “C’mon, Sarah. I’m right here.” Madi stepped back, extricating herself from her sister’s steely grip. “You need to calm down.”