‘Electra, we are at the jetty,’ whispered a soft voice into my ear.
I came to and blinked in the bright light, which I then realised was the reflection of the sun on the glassy surface of Lake Geneva.
‘I slept for four hours solid,’ I said in surprise as I got out of the car. ‘Told you you were my safe place,’ I grinned at him as he opened the trunk. ‘I just need the holdall – you can leave the rest in there until tomorrow.’
Christian locked the car then walked ahead of me to the pontoon where the speedboat was moored. He offered me his hand to help me aboard then went about doing whatever he needed to before we could set off and I settled myself on the soft leather bench at the stern. I thought how, on the way to Atlantis, I always felt excited at the prospect of arriving. And then on the way back, how I normally felt relief that I was leaving.
Maybe this time it’ll be different, I told myself, then sighed because that was also something I always felt.
Christian fired up the engine and we began the short journey to my childhood home. For a late March day, it was warm and I enjoyed the feeling of sun on my face, and my hair streaming behind me.
As we approached the peninsula on which Atlantis stood, I craned my neck for an early view through the trees. It was a spectacular house – a little like a Disney chateau because it was so pretty. And very unlike Pa, I thought to myself. He’d had a minimal wardrobe; to my knowledge he’d only ever worn the same three jackets: a linen one for the summer, a tweed one for the winter, and another of indeterminate fabric that he wore in between seasons. His bedroom was so sparsely furnished it looked like something a priest would inhabit. I’d wondered whether he was secretly doing penance for some crime he’d committed in the past, but whatever . . . As we approached the jetty by Atlantis, I reflected that his wardrobe and bedroom sure were a paradox when compared to the rest of the house.
Ma was already standing waiting for me, waving excitedly. She was dressed immaculately as always, and I noticed her bouclé skirt was one from Chanel that I’d managed to sneak from a sample rack because I knew she would love it.
‘Electra! Chérie, what an unexpected surprise!’ she said as she reached up on tiptoe and I bent down so she could kiss me on both cheeks and put her arms around my shoulders. Then she stepped back and appraised me. ‘You look as beautiful as always, but I think you are too thin. Never mind, Claudia has the ingredients ready to make you your favourite blueberry pancakes, should you wish. Did you know that Ally is here with her new baby?’
‘Yes, Christian said. I can’t wait to meet my nephew,’ I said as I followed her up the path and through the gardens that fronted the house and led down to the lake. The smell of the grass and the newly budding plants was so fresh in comparison to the stench of New York. I sucked a deep breath of the pure air into my lungs.
‘Come through to the kitchen,’ said Ma. ‘Claudia is already preparing brunch.’
I saw Christian bringing up the rear. As he deposited my holdall at the bottom of the stairs, I walked towards him.
‘Thank you for driving me here. I’m glad I came.’
‘You are welcome, Electra. What time do we leave for the airport tomorrow?’
‘Around ten in the evening. My PA has booked the jet for midnight.’
‘Okay. If anything changes, just tell Marina and she will inform me.’
‘I will. Have a nice weekend.’
‘And you.’ He nodded at me, then disappeared out of the front door.
‘Electra!’
I turned and saw Ally coming towards me from the kitchen, her arms open wide to embrace me.
‘Hi there, new mom,’ I said as she hugged me. ‘Congratulations.’
‘Thanks. I still can’t believe I am one.’
I thought, with a hint of jealousy, that she looked amazing. Her angular face had been softened by a few pregnancy pounds, and her fabulous red-gold hair shone like a halo against her porcelain skin.
‘You look great,’ I said.
‘No I don’t. I’ve put on eight kilos, which don’t seem to be disappearing, and I’m getting about two hours’ sleep a night. I have a very hungry man in my bed,’ she laughed.
‘Where is he?’
‘Sleeping off the night before, of course.’ Ally raised an eyebrow in mock frustration, but I thought I’d never seen her look happier. ‘At least it’ll give us a chance to talk for a bit,’ she added as we walked through to the kitchen. ‘I was thinking today that I haven’t seen you since last June when we were all here after Pa died.’
‘No, well, I’ve been busy.’
‘I try and keep up with you and your life in the papers and magazines but—’
‘Hello, Electra,’ said Claudia in the French she spoke with a strong German accent. ‘How are you?’ She was in the process of pouring pancake mixture into a frying pan and I heard an enticing sizzle.
‘I’m well, thanks.’
‘Come and sit down and tell me everything that’s happened since I last saw you.’ Ally indicated a chair at the long table.
‘I will, but before I do, I’m just going upstairs to freshen up.’ I turned and walked out of the kitchen, suddenly feeling panicky. I knew how Ally liked to interrogate us all and I wasn’t sure I was up to it just now.
I grabbed my holdall, then climbed the stairs up to the attic – which really wasn’t an attic at all, but a spacious floor where us girls had our bedrooms – and opened the door to mine. Everything looked exactly as it had when I’d left home for Paris as a teenager. I stared at the walls, painted in the soft cream colour they’d always been, and sat down on my bed. Compared to the other girls’ rooms, whose walls seemed to embody their occupants’ personalities, mine was bare. There wasn’t a clue about the person who had lived in here for the first sixteen years of her life. No posters of models or pop stars or ballet dancers or sports stars . . . nothing to indicate who I was.
Reaching down into my holdall, I grabbed the bottle of vodka wrapped up in my cashmere sweatpants and took a deep swig. This bedroom seemed to express all there was to say about me – that I was just an empty husk. I didn’t have – and never had had – a passion for anything. And, I thought as I stowed the bottle back in its cashmere nest, then reached for the small packet tucked into the front pocket of my holdall to do a line, I didn’t know who I was back then, and I don’t know who I am now.
By the time I made my way back downstairs, the vodka had calmed me and the coke had cheered me up. As Ma, Ally and I sat down to enjoy Claudia’s famous brunch, I did as they wanted me to do and told them all about the glamorous parties I’d attended and the celebrities I’d met, giving them some innocuous inside gossip as I went.
‘And what about you and Mitch? I read in the papers that you’d gone your separate ways. Is that true?’
I’d been waiting for that; Ally was the high priestess of getting straight to the point.
‘Yeah, a few months back.’
‘What happened?’
‘Oh, you know,’ I shrugged as I drank some hot strong coffee and wished it was laced with bourbon. ‘He was based in LA, I was in New York, we were both travelling . . .’
‘So he wasn’t “the one”?’ Ally pursued.
There was a sudden screeching sound from somewhere in the kitchen and I looked round to find where it was coming from.
‘That’s the baby monitor. Bear’s awake,’ Ally sighed.
‘I’ll go and see to him,’ offered Ma, but Ally was already on her feet and pressed Ma gently back down into her chair.
‘You were on duty from five this morning, darling Ma, so it’s my turn.’
I hadn’t even met my new nephew yet, but boy did I like him already. He’d gotten me out of the Grand Ally Inquisition.
‘So how is your new apartment?’ asked Ma, changing the subject. If tact had a physical form, it would look like my surrogate mom.
‘It’s okay,’ I replied, ‘but it’s only a year’s rental, so I’ll probably look fo
r someplace else soon.’
‘I suppose you’re not there that often, with all the travelling you do.’
‘Too right I’m not, but at least it gives me somewhere to put my wardrobe. Oh wow, look who’s here.’
Ally was approaching the table holding a baby who had an enormous pair of quizzical brown eyes. His dark red hair was already starting to curl tightly on top of his head.
‘This is Bear,’ Ally said, that proud mom look shining in her eyes. And why shouldn’t it? Anyone brave enough to give birth was a heroine in my book.
‘Oh my God! He is . . . edible! How old is he now?’ I asked as Ally sat down and cradled him in her lap.
‘Seven weeks.’
‘Wow, he looks huge!’
‘That’s because he has such a good appetite,’ Ally smiled as she unbuttoned her shirt and positioned the baby in the right place. Bear began to suckle noisily and I winced.
‘Doesn’t it hurt when he’s feeding?’
‘It did at first, but we got into the swing of it, didn’t we, darling?’ she said, looking down at him like I guessed I’d sometimes looked at Mitch. In other words, with love.
‘Well now, we will leave you two girls to chat and see you later,’ Claudia said as, the clearing-up done, she followed Ma out of the kitchen.
‘I’m real sorry about Bear’s dad, Ally.’
‘Thanks, Electra.’
‘Did he . . . did the father—’
‘His name was Theo.’
‘Did Theo know about Bear?’
‘No, and nor did I until a few weeks after he died. At the time I thought the roof had fallen in on my world, but now –’ Ally smiled at me and I read genuine contentment in her clear blue eyes – ‘I wouldn’t be without him.’
‘Did you consider . . .?’
‘An abortion? The thought did run briefly through my head, yes. I mean, I had my sailing career, Bear’s dad was dead, and I had no home at the time either. I could never have gone through with it, though. I feel Bear was a gift. Sometimes, when I’m up feeding him in the small hours, I really sense Theo around me.’
‘You mean, his spirit?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘I wouldn’t have thought that you believed in all that shit,’ I said with a frown.
‘Nor would I, but something amazing happened the night before Bear was born.’
‘Like what?’
‘I flew over to Spain in search of Tiggy, who’d just been diagnosed with a heart condition, but had run off to find her birth family. And she told me something, Electra, something that only Theo could have known.’
I watched Ally’s pale hand go to the necklace she was wearing.
‘What was it?’
‘Theo bought me this.’ Ally held up the tiny turquoise eye that sat on a chain. ‘The chain had broken a few weeks before and Tiggy said that Theo wanted to know why I wasn’t wearing it. Then she said he liked the name Bear, and you know what, Electra? He did!’
Tears appeared in Ally’s eyes.
‘Anyway, having been a cynic, I’m afraid I’m now a convert. And I just know Theo is watching over us.’ She shrugged and gave me a misty smile.
‘I sure wish I had a belief like that. Trouble is, I don’t believe much in anything. So, how is Tiggy’s heart now?’
‘Much better apparently. She’s back in the Scottish Highlands and very happily ensconced with the doctor who looked after her when she was sick. He also happens to be the owner of the estate she works on.’
‘It could be wedding bells for her soon then?’
‘I doubt it; Charlie’s still technically married and going through a pretty ugly divorce from what Tiggy’s told me.’
‘And the other sisters?’
‘Maia’s still in Brazil with her lovely man, Floriano, and his daughter, Star is in Kent in England helping her boyfriend – who for some reason is known as Mouse – renovate his house, and CeCe’s in Australia living with her grandfather and her friend Chrissie in the Outback. I’ve seen some photos of her paintings and they’re just amazing. She’s so talented.’
‘So all the sisters have found a new life?’ I said.
‘Yes, it seems like it.’
‘And they each found it through searching for their past?’
‘They did, yes. And I did too. I emailed you to tell you I had a twin brother, didn’t I?’
‘Um . . .’
‘Oh Electra, I did, really. And a biological father who is a musical genius, but a total drunkard to boot.’ I watched Ally smile fondly at the thought of him as she deftly moved the baby from one breast to the other.
‘So,’ she continued, ‘have you done anything about your letter from Pa?’
‘I’ve never even opened the envelope, and to be honest, I can’t remember where I put it. It may be lost.’
‘Oh Electra!’ Ally gave me her best disapproving look. ‘You can’t be serious?’
‘Hey, it must be somewhere, I just haven’t bothered to find it.’
‘You really don’t want to know where you came from?’
‘No, I just can’t see the point. What does it matter? I’m who I am now.’
‘Well, it certainly helped me. And even if you don’t want to pursue what the letter contains, Pa’s written words were his last gift to all of us.’
‘Jesus Christ!’ I’d had enough. ‘You and our other sisters treat Pa as though he was some freakin’ god! He was just a guy who adopted us – for some weird reason that none of us actually knows!’
‘Please don’t shout, Electra, it upsets the baby, but I’m sorry if I—’
‘I’m going out for a walk.’
I stood up from the table, marched to the front door and pulled it open. Slamming it behind me, I walked across the lawns towards the jetty, wishing, as I always did after a few hours at Atlantis, that I’d never decided to come back here in the first place.
‘What is it with my sisters and Pa? He’s not even our biological father, for Chrissake!’
I continued to complain to myself as I sat down, feet dangling over the jetty, and tried to take some deep breaths. They didn’t work. Maybe another line would. I stood up and retraced my footsteps back to the house, tiptoeing inside and up the stairs so no one would hear me. In my room, I locked the door and took out what I needed.
A few minutes later, I was feeling far calmer. I lay back on my bed and pictured all my sisters in turn. For some reason, they appeared as Disney princesses, which was quite fun. They weren’t irritating at all when they looked like that, and I did love them, all except CeCe (she appeared suddenly as the witch in Snow White). I giggled and decided that was cruel, even for CeCe. I knew people said you couldn’t choose your family, only your friends, but Pa had chosen us and we were stuck with each other. Maybe the reason CeCe and I didn’t get on was because she wouldn’t put up with my crap like the others did. And she could shout louder than me too. The others would do anything to keep the peace, but she didn’t care. A bit like me . . .
My four older sisters had probably never thought about the fact that they all had each other – Ally and Maia, Star and CeCe – which had left me with Tiggy. It was she who I’d been bunched with as we were growing up – there were only a few months between us – and even though I really loved her, we couldn’t have been more different. It didn’t help that all my older sisters made it clear that their favourite younger sibling to play with was Tiggy, not me. Tiggy didn’t holler and scream and have tantrums all the time. She just sat on a lap, sucking her thumb and being perfect. As we’d grown up, I’d tried to bond with her because I was lonely, but all her spiritual shit drove me up the wall.
As the coke wore off, my sisters stopped being Disney princesses and became themselves again. What did it matter anyway? Now Pa was gone, we were just a bunch of disparate women who had been thrown together as kids, but were now going our separate ways. I took some breaths and tried to do as all my therapists had told me to, which was to analyse why I’d gotten s
o angry. And for a change, I thought I knew the reason: Ally had told me that all my sisters were happy – they had found lives with people who loved them. Even CeCe, who I’d always thought was as unlovable as me, had somehow managed to get over her weird obsession with Star and move on. More to the point, she had found her passion in art, something she had always loved.
And here was I, as usual the odd one out. Since Pa had died, I’d managed to find nothing except a new and more reliable dealer. Even though I was by far the most financially successful sister – from what my accountant said, I could stop work today and never worry about money again – what was the point when I hadn’t a clue what else I wanted to do?
There was a knock on my door.
‘Electra? Are you in there?’
It was Ally. ‘Yeah, come in.’
She did, with Bear in the crook of her arm.
‘I’m so sorry if I said something to upset you, Electra,’ she said, hovering in the doorway.
‘Listen, don’t worry about it. It’s not you, it’s me.’
‘Well, whatever, I am sorry. It’s so good to see you and I’m really glad you came. Do you mind if I sit down? He weighs a ton.’
‘Sure,’ I said with a sigh. The last thing I needed was to be trapped in my bedroom being interviewed by Ally.
‘I just wanted to share something with you, Electra. Something that Tiggy told me we should investigate.’
‘Oh yeah, what?’
‘Apparently, when she was here last month, she found a cellar with a secret lift that accessed it.’
‘Er . . . right. So?’
‘She said it was used to store wine, but she noticed there was a door hidden behind one of the racks. Maybe we should find out where it leads to.’
‘Okay. Why don’t we just ask Ma?’
‘We can, yes, but Tiggy got the feeling that she didn’t want to talk about it.’
‘Jeez, Ally! This is our house and Ma works for us! We can ask what we want and do as we please here, surely?’
‘Yes, we can, but, well,’ Ally breathed, ‘maybe we just have to tread gently out of respect. Ma’s been here a long time – she’s run the house with Claudia and looked after us, and I don’t want her to feel we’re stepping on her toes now things are . . . different.’
The Sun Sister Page 5