The Sun Sister

by Lucinda Riley

  ‘Hi there,’ said a familiar voice from the bench behind the fountain. ‘We should stop meeting like this – people will talk.’

  ‘Hi, Miles,’ I replied, and as he came to sit by me, I felt glad he was there.

  ‘A little bird told me that you escaped for the day.’

  ‘I did, yes. I went horse riding and it was fantastic.’

  ‘I’m glad for you. We all gotta find things that make life worth living.’

  ‘I didn’t know it was you who was sponsoring Vanessa.’

  ‘Yeah, well, that could have been me in the gutter, but I had people supporting me, a family. She’s got no one.’

  ‘She says she can’t go back to where she was living and you’re going to find her a home and a job.’

  ‘I can fund somewhere for her to live, for sure – a halfway house, or a hostel – then maybe get her some low-paid work. But that doesn’t guarantee she won’t go running back to what she knows.’ Miles sighed. ‘She has to want to do it for herself.’

  ‘Maybe when she’s got all the shit out of her body and brains, then therapy will help.’

  ‘Maybe, but what I’ve realised since I brought her in here is that listening to a bunch of educated, entitled folks who don’t even have the bones of what her life is like isn’t going to cut it. I volunteer at a drop-in centre back in Manhattan, advising kids on the legal side of stuff if they’re in trouble and trying to keep them out of jail if I can. There’s a drug epidemic building out there and let me tell you, it’s affecting all colours and creeds.’

  ‘I could help, couldn’t I?’ It was out of my mouth before I could stop it. ‘I want to do something. I was just thinking how I’ve seen this stuff on TV but—’

  ‘You don’t give a damn until it directly relates to you,’ Miles finished for me.

  ‘You got it. I was sitting here feeling really bad, and selfish and spoilt and—’

  ‘Don’t beat yourself up, Electra, you’re not much older than Vanessa and you’ve lived in a different world. That’s not your fault.’

  ‘But now that I have, I want to help.’ I rubbed my forehead hard as I pictured Vanessa’s face and the dullness in her eyes. ‘You know, when I looked at her, it was like she was dead inside, like there was no . . .’

  ‘Hope. That’s the word you’re looking for. Yeah, well, I’m trying to give that back to the kids I work with – that belief that it’s worth carrying on the fight because there might be something better ahead, rather than sinking back into the abyss and feeling like it doesn’t matter whether you live or die. And that’s the hardest damn thing of all, but hey, you gotta keep trying.’

  ‘You know, I was thinking earlier about the Twelve Steps and the fact that it’s all about God and how He will help us and save our souls and stuff. But why does He give some of us seriously crappy lives, while others get everything?’

  ‘Because we suffer for our sins here on earth before entering His glorious kingdom.’

  ‘You’re saying it’s better up there than it is down here?’

  ‘Yes, ma’am, I am,’ he said.

  ‘Then why don’t you kill yourself now and go?’

  ‘Oh Electra,’ Miles chuckled. ‘Because we’ve got our jobs to do down here, whatever it is that He asks of us. And if you look into your heart and pray for guidance, you’ll find out just what that is. I did.’

  I turned my whole body to look at him. ‘You’re a believer?’

  ‘I sure am. Jesus saved me many years ago and I’m now down here doing His work. Or trying to at least.’

  ‘Oh.’ I sat staring into the darkness for a while, not sure what to say because I was so shocked. I’d never met a devout Christian before. To me, the whole Bible thing was on the same level as fairy tales and Greek myths.

  ‘Well . . .’ I cleared my throat. ‘I really would like to help if I can. I need to call my business manager anyway – he looks after all that stuff – so I’ll speak to him and see what I could offer. I guess I’m pretty rich.’

  It was Miles’s turn to stare at me in shock. ‘You mean you don’t know how much you’re worth?’

  ‘No. I live in a very nice apartment, and I buy whatever I need, although I get given most of my clothes for free from designers. There’s not much else that I’ve wanted – other than drugs and alcohol. Though there is something I want now.’ The thought of it made me smile.

  ‘Excuse me for saying, Electra, but shouldn’t you know how much money you’ve got? I personally don’t trust anyone but me when it comes to my dollars.’

  ‘Oh, they show me the accounts once a year and tell me about my investments, but they’re just columns of figures and . . . I don’t have a clue what they actually mean,’ I confessed.

  Suddenly, Miles reached out a hand to stroke the side of my face gently with his fingers. He gave a sigh as his eyes focused on mine.

  ‘You sure act like you’re a tigress, but you’re just an innocent cub underneath it all, aren’t you? You make me feel real old,’ he smiled. ‘Hey, and I should be getting to bed like people of my age do.’

  As I watched him stand up, all of me wanted to ask him to stay and stroke my face again. But I didn’t, because I felt too shy – a first for me.

  ‘Goodnight, sweetheart,’ he said as he walked away into the darkness.

  That night, I didn’t sleep well, even though I was physically exhausted from the horse riding. This was partly to do with Vanessa, who was having another restless night, but also because I couldn’t stop thinking about Miles. I thought I was quite good at getting a handle on guys, but I seriously couldn’t work him out. A Harvard-educated lawyer, former addict, saviour of junkies and a Christian . . .

  Then I wondered if he was married, because he never talked about a wife, not that we’d talked that often. Besides, what did I care? He was way older than me and we lived in different worlds.

  I woke up feeling groggy, as if I’d taken stuff. When I looked at the clock by my bed, I saw it was gone ten o’clock. Normally, the morning gong would sound at seven, giving us half an hour before we needed to gather together in the canteen for the serenity prayer, but today was a Sunday, so there was no gong and prayers were at ten.

  ‘You missed breakfast an’ prayers,’ said Vanessa as I sat up. ‘I got you a bowl of grits and some juice.’ She indicated my desk.

  ‘Oh,’ I said, touched by her thoughtfulness. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘’S’okay. Miles wanted to take me to church in town, but I told him I had to stay an’ look after you.’

  ‘Hey, I was just sleeping. You could have gone with him.’

  ‘You think I want to go to that place? They’re as bad as the pushers, tryin’ to get you onto all that Jesus stuff. I googled you last night,’ Vanessa continued. ‘You must be the most famous supermodel in the world and I’m sharin’ a room with you. Ain’t the world a crazy place!’

  ‘It sure is,’ I agreed as I reached for the grits, which I hated, but I didn’t want to upset Vanessa.

  ‘How’d you get to be a model?’

  ‘An agent spotted me in Paris when I was sixteen,’ I shrugged. ‘It was just luck.’

  ‘It’s ’cos you’re as tall as a giraffe,’ she giggled, and even though the joke was on me, it made me happy to see her smile. ‘You make the clothes look good. An’ you’re pretty too. Where are your folks from?’

  ‘I don’t know. I was adopted. You?’

  ‘Mom was Puerto Rican an’ Dad, hey, he was just a sperm, y’know?’ Vanessa studied me. ‘Your hair real?’

  ‘No. Not most of it anyway. I wish I had hair like yours, Vanessa. It’s so long and beautiful.’

  ‘You don’t want nothin’ that I got,’ she said, but her expression told me she was pleased. ‘You like bein’ a model?’

  ‘It’s okay. I mean, I get paid well, but it can get boring being dressed up like a living doll every day, and all the hair and make-up stuff.’

  ‘Like your body ain’t your own?’

  ‘I su
ppose so, yes.’

  ‘Hey, I sell mine every day to anyone who wants it. So I guess we’re just the same, ain’t we?’

  With that, Vanessa got up and walked out of the dorm.

  ‘Wow. Wow . . .’ I breathed, feeling my heart banging against my chest. Tears sprang to my eyes because somehow, a young junkie plucked from the streets of New York had made me feel about two inches high.

  In a panic, because those feelings of anger were the ones that had sent me down Vodka Alley and inevitably steered me along Cocaine Walk, I put on my running gear and headed for the door. Outside on the trail, it was far busier than it ever was at sunrise, and I ran past the other joggers, trying to pound the outrage I felt out through my feet.

  ‘How frigging dare she! Comparing me to her . . . Jesus Christ!’

  By the time I came off the track and was at the water cooler, I was dripping wet, partly due to the sun that was frying everything beneath it and also because I had just completed five circuits. I gulped back the water, feeling dizzy and disoriented and wishing that Fi was around to talk to about how I was feeling.

  ‘Hi there,’ said Miles, walking towards me from the car park as I dragged myself towards the entrance of The Ranch. He was looking even smarter than usual, in a jacket, button-down shirt and tie.

  ‘You’re late for your run today,’ he said as we hovered in front of the door.

  ‘Yeah, I am. Listen, could we go talk for a moment?’

  ‘Sure. How about the canteen? It has air con and the sun’s boiling hot today.’

  We went inside, me grabbing myself a bottle of water and Miles fixing himself a coffee.

  ‘What’s up?’ he asked as we sat down and he loosened his tie.

  ‘Vanessa. She told me I was no different to her; that I sold my body too.’

  ‘I guess that struck a nerve with you.’ Miles sipped his coffee, then regarded me steadily. ‘So?’

  ‘What do you mean “so”? Jesus, Miles, can you just quit sounding like a therapist?’

  ‘I’m honestly not trying to do that, but when you get uptight about stuff, it’s normally because part of you thinks it’s true.’

  ‘Gee, thanks! So you think modelling equates to prostitution?’

  ‘I’m not saying that, Electra. I’m asking you what you think.’

  ‘I think that I get paid a shit-load of money for being in promotion,’ I said, quoting a line from another famous model who had been quizzed on the subject. ‘And you know what? I’m sick of people thinking that just because I do this job, it’s, like, easy.’ I stood up suddenly. ‘It’s damned hard work, the hours are crazy, I rarely sleep in the same bed for more than a few days and before coming here, I hadn’t had more than a couple of days off for maybe two years. And . . . there’s something else I’ll tell you.’

  ‘You go for it!’

  ‘Being famous isn’t exactly a walk in the park. Like, everyone in the world is chasing fame, but they take for granted having the freedom to just walk out of their apartment on a Sunday morning and go for a run without someone recognising them, or a newspaper getting a tip-off and then getting a shot of them sweating like a pig. Every week there’s gossip about me with a new man – or the fact I’ve dumped a man, or haven’t dumped him but am screwing someone else at the same time . . . Jesus! Sorry,’ I added hastily.

  ‘It’s okay. Thanks for the apology.’

  ‘And you know something else? I have earned a load of money, and I don’t know how much exactly, but I’m gonna find out, and when I do, I’m gonna buy myself a real home and then start doing stuff that matters. Like helping kids like Vanessa.’

  ‘Hallelujah!’ Miles said, and gave me a slow round of applause.

  ‘Please don’t make fun of me. I’m being serious. Completely serious.’

  ‘I know you are. And I’m loving you for it. Sounds like you’ve had an epiphany.’

  ‘Maybe I have,’ I said, feeling suddenly exhausted and slumping into my chair. ‘I haven’t been in control of my life for maybe . . . ever. Oh, for a few days in Paris, before I got spotted, I guess. All this booze and drugs and not knowing about my finances, and letting everyone else make all the decisions for me, is wrong and I’m gonna change it, Miles, I really am. Cheers.’ I toasted him as I threw back the rest of my water.

  ‘You go, girl!’ he said. ‘And you know what?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘All that stuff you just said about the hard work and the fame?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘You can flip it on its head, just like an egg turned sunny side up, and use your high profile to do good. For example, bring those darned cameras along to my drop-in centre and start raising awareness of what goes on out there on the streets.’

  ‘You know what? You’re right,’ I said. ‘And you know something else?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I think I’m ready to go home.’

  ‘You sure?’

  ‘Yeah. I mean, I’ll talk to Fi, see what she thinks, but I feel fired up, you know?’

  ‘I can see that, but you need to be careful, Electra; the bad times, they’ll roll in and—’

  ‘I know,’ I cut him off. ‘I know.’

  ‘You’re doing real well, Electra, and I’m proud of you.’

  ‘Thanks, Miles,’ I said and stood up. ‘I need to go finish writing those apology letters before tomorrow.’

  ‘Okay. And Electra?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You’re only twenty-six years old. You had to grow up too quick, just like Vanessa. You’ve got plenty of time to do some good, so cut yourself some slack, won’t you?’

  ‘Sure. Thanks.’ I began to walk away from the table, then I stopped and turned. ‘Hey, how old are you? You talk like you really are an old man.’

  ‘Thirty-seven – soon to be thirty-eight. Like you, I’ve seen a lot. I guess it makes you old before your time.’

  ‘Maybe we both need some fun,’ I said as I began to walk away.

  ‘Maybe we do,’ I heard Miles mutter behind me.

  ‘So, do you think I’m ready to leave?’ I asked Fi the next morning, having filled her in on my weekend activities and my ‘epiphany’, as Miles had called it.

  ‘You’re the only person who can judge that. This time last week, I would have said no, but somehow the cork got pulled and all the things that you’d bottled up for years have spilled out.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s a good way of putting it,’ I murmured.

  ‘I think that maybe you should see how you go in the next couple of days, because often there can be euphoria after a revelation, followed by a downer. You need to get your balance back a little, don’t you think?’

  ‘I suppose so. How about I plan to leave on Thursday maybe? It means I’d get home for the weekend and have some time to adjust before real life begins again. And instead of having a friend come visit me, they can take me home.’

  ‘That sounds like a plan. Which friend would you like to do that?’

  ‘Mariam,’ I said firmly. ‘Maia’s so far away in Rio and I don’t think it’s fair on her to ask her to come all this way. She has a family to look after.’

  ‘Well, it’s up to you. Whenever she’s called to see how you’re getting on, she’s said she’s happy to make the trip. Try to remember you’ve been ill, Electra, and when people are sick, those that love them rally round.’

  ‘No, I’d like it to be Mariam.’

  ‘Right, well, I’ll recommend to your doctor that I think you’re good to go on Thursday, okay?’

  ‘Okay,’ I agreed. ‘You know, this place has been amazing. In the last week anyway, and sometimes it’s been talking to the others in here that’s really helped. I hated sharing a dorm when I first got here, but now I’m glad I did. And I even contributed to group therapy this morning.’

  ‘That’s great.’ Fi knew how much I’d struggled in the public sessions. ‘Do you want to share what you said?’

  ‘Oh, it was a girl – Miranda – and she was ta
lking about being badly bullied at school. So I shared my experiences and afterwards, she said it had helped to hear about them.’

  ‘Excellent,’ Fi smiled.

  ‘And I’ve been thinking about whether to share my story with, well, the wider world.’

  ‘You mean in the media?’

  ‘Yeah, because you can be damned sure that there will already be speculation about why I’ve pulled out of shoots and where I’ve been.’

  ‘Did your agent put out a statement?’

  ‘She probably said something about going on a holiday because I was suffering from exhaustion. Maybe there’s already been stuff in the papers, but I was thinking that if I’m going to get involved in the drop-in centre that I told you about, it might help if I did share my story.’

  ‘That’s your decision, Electra, and the power lies within your hands. Try not to think about it now; it’s enough that you have to face your life again at the end of the week. Take things one day at a time, remember?’

  ‘Yeah, of course.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Keep safe,’ Fi said as I left the room.

  When I got my cell and laptop back that evening, I went into the Serenity Garden and placed my first call in a month to the outside world.

  ‘Electra! How the hell are you?’ Casey, my business manager and accountant, answered after the second ring.

  ‘I’m good, Casey, very good.’

  ‘Well, I’m sure pleased to hear that.’

  I thought he sounded relieved, which made me suspicious that he knew where I was.

  ‘What can I do for you?’ he said.

  ‘I’d like to set up a meeting with you when I’m back in town next week. I’m thinking of buying a property.’

  ‘Okay. It’s definitely a good time to buy; the market is as flat as the proverbial pancake right now. You could get a steal on a new-build in the city that the construction company and their backer need to shift. The bad news is, the Dow Jones has been hit hard.’