The Sun Sister

by Lucinda Riley

  Eventually, she gave up trying to make sense of everything and wandered back inside the house. Upstairs, Muratha prepared her a bath and she lay in it, wondering whether the tiny bump she saw in her stomach was real or imagined . . .

  ‘Madame asking if you take dinner downstairs with her?’ Muratha appeared in her room.

  ‘Not tonight, no. Please send my apologies, but I’ll take a tray up here instead,’ Cecily said firmly, feeling guilty for avoiding Kiki after the kindness she’d shown her, but not able to face the almost jovial way in which Kiki was treating the situation. Like Hitler annexing Czechoslovakia, she too had been annexed by a tiny human being, and the situation was grave, very grave indeed.

  Having managed to drain the soup Muratha had brought her, Cecily found herself reaching for the Bible that her mother had given her on her departure.

  She had never questioned the faith that she had been brought up in – up to now, it had simply meant an outing to church, dressed in her best on Sundays. But as she skimmed through the pages, she began to.

  Did Christians dispose of their babies as if they were a mere inconvenience? Cecily thought of her sister Mamie: a self-confessed non-maternal type, who by all accounts had taken to motherhood like a duck to water.

  ‘How will I feel after carrying you for the next seven months?’ Cecily whispered to her stomach. ‘I mean, Mary got pregnant by God before she and Joseph had even been married . . . holy moly! That means the whole New Testament is based on a woman who had been unfaithful to her husband-to-be!’

  It was such a huge thought that Cecily had to lie back on her pillows, only wishing she’d paid more attention to the sermons of the preacher at her local church.

  Later, when she finally turned out the light and settled herself for what she hoped would be a few hours of respite from her scrambled brain, she knew she didn’t have any answers, but equally that she must find the right one for herself.

  Even though she’d slept, Cecily woke feeling wearier than when she’d gone to bed. As a wave of nausea swept over her, she ran to the bathroom and vomited nothing more than bile into the lavatory.

  ‘Bwana sick again?’ Muratha led Cecily back to bed and helped her onto it. Again, Cecily noticed the glance at her stomach and when Muratha had left her alone, she rolled onto her side and groaned. It was patently obvious that the entire household staff was aware of her condition.

  Kiki’s right, I just need to do what she says before everyone else around here finds out too, she thought.

  With effort, Cecily dressed and went down for breakfast. Ginger tea rather than coffee was put in front of her and she did her best to pick miserably at the copious food spread out on the table.

  ‘Good morning, honey. How did you sleep?’

  ‘Okay, thank you.’ Cecily was surprised to see Kiki up so early, clad in a magenta robe.

  ‘Good. I’m going for a swim – it’s too darned hot to sleep,’ she said as she walked towards the lake. ‘You should come in with me, the mud in the water does wonders for one’s complexion.’

  For want of anything better to do, Cecily followed her godmother down to the water’s edge and watched as Kiki stripped off her robe to reveal a striped bathing suit. For an older woman who’d had children, Kiki had a fabulous figure. As Cecily sat down on the bench, she only hoped her own would survive the travails of childbirth as well . . .

  Kiki splashed around for a while, then took the towel Aleeki handed her as she stepped out of the water.

  ‘I’ll stay down here with Cecily and dry off in the sun,’ she said to Aleeki, who nodded, handed Kiki her cigarette holder and left the two women alone.

  ‘Any more thoughts?’ Kiki asked as she dragged on her cigarette, the plumes of smoke making Cecily feel nauseous again.

  ‘Only that you’re right. I can’t see any alternative, even though I can hardly bear to think of my baby being adopted. I’ll have to live a lie to everyone around me for the rest of my life.’

  ‘I know, honey. But you have to remember that you’re doing it for the baby as well; as an unmarried mother, you would both be social outcasts. Not to mention the disgrace it would bring on your family. You’ll have other kids, I swear you will. When you’ve found the right man this will just be a horrible dream you can put behind you. Now, I need some coffee after all that exertion. Join me?’

  ‘I’ll just sit here a while longer, thank you.’

  Cecily watched Kiki don her robe then wander off back up to the house. She then stood up and walked along the shoreline of the lake until Mundui House was out of sight. Looking down at the lapping water in front of her, a part of her was tempted to grab a bottle of Kiki’s bourbon, down it, then walk into the still waters and just keep on walking until she and the terrible mess she had made of her life no longer existed.

  ‘Oh Mama, if only I could talk to you, but I can’t, I can’t.’

  Cecily put her head in her hands as her shoulders began to shake and her body slid down the trunk of an acacia tree behind her. She was so busy crying, she didn’t notice the footsteps approaching until they were almost upon her.

  ‘Cecily, darling! Your godmother said you were down here by the lake. What on earth is wrong?’

  Katherine stood above her, concern written on her kind face.

  ‘Oh nothing, nothing.’ Cecily wiped away her tears harshly. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Bill heard from Dr Boyle that you hadn’t been well when he dropped in to Muthaiga Club yesterday. He told me this morning, and I was so worried that he insisted he drive me over here to see you.’

  ‘Bill’s here too?’ Cecily was horrified how fast word of her indisposition had already spread through the community. ‘Why, it’s awfully sweet of both of you, but really, I’m fine.’

  ‘Cecily.’ Katherine crouched down next to her and took Cecily’s hands. ‘I have never seen anyone who looks less “fine”. What on earth has happened? And please don’t lie to me; after our two-and-a-half-hour journey to get here, I deserve the truth at least.’

  A hundred different answers came to mind, but Cecily was just too exhausted and frightened to lie any longer.

  ‘I’m pregnant! That’s what’s wrong with me, Katherine. Dr Boyle says I’ll be giving birth to a baby in just over seven months. There!’

  Cecily stood up and began to march along the lake, desperate to get as far away from the house and Katherine as she could. Perhaps someone could run a headline in the local newspaper, she thought bitterly. It would probably sell more copies than Hitler’s invasion of Czechoslovakia.

  ‘Oh Cecily, wait! Please!’ Katherine ran to catch up with her but she continued to scramble along the bank.

  ‘No! And I won’t be at all offended if you never want to see me or speak to me again. I’m a disgrace! And it seems everyone round here knows it already!’

  ‘Please, will you calm down? Nobody knows anything about it. And of course I still want to speak to you . . . Cecily, will you please stand still for a while so we can talk?’

  ‘There’s nothing to talk about, nothing . . .’ She was sobbing again now. ‘Kiki’s organising for me to go to a clinic in Switzerland where I can stay until I’ve had the baby, then I have to give it up for adoption the moment I have it, and then carry on with my life as though nothing’s ever happened. You see? Everything’s decided.’

  ‘Cecily, I know you’re upset but—’

  Cecily had reached the end of the walkable ground as the lake curved round and the foliage became impenetrable. She turned to Katherine and shook her head.

  ‘Please, I just need to be alone, okay?’

  ‘From the look of you, that’s the very last thing you need. Could we just sit down and talk this over calmly?’

  ‘As I said, there is nothing to discuss, nothing!’

  ‘Cecily, you are behaving like a hysterical and petulant child, not the mother-to-be that you are. If you don’t calm down, I’ll be forced to slap you to bring you to your senses.’


  Cecily was breathing heavily now and felt light-headed and faint. She staggered a little and Katherine steadied her.

  ‘Goodness, what a state you’re in. Come on, hold on to me and we’ll get you back to the house and into bed.’

  ‘I don’t want to go back to the house I don’t want to go anywhere, Katherine. I simply want to die!’

  ‘I do understand that you’re in rather a bind, my dear, but there are always solutions,’ Katherine replied calmly as she wrapped an arm around Cecily’s waist and virtually carried her along the lake back towards the house.

  ‘But there aren’t! I mean, I can’t keep the baby even if I wanted to, can I? Maybe I do want to, but, oh . . . I think I’m going to . . .’

  Katherine felt the full weight of Cecily’s body slump against her. She was just about to shout for help when she saw Bill in front of her, a few yards away from them.

  ‘Bill, thank God! Cecily’s fainted!’ she said as Bill ran towards her, took Cecily’s weight and lifted her up in his strong arms. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘I followed you down to the lake – I simply couldn’t tolerate another moment in that woman’s company,’ he panted as they emerged back in the gardens of the house. ‘You run ahead and get some water. She’s out for the count.’

  ‘Will do,’ Katherine replied as Bill laid Cecily gently down on the bench in the shade of an acacia tree.

  ‘Before you go, I gather that Cecily is . . . pregnant? I overheard the end of your conversation as I was coming to find you both.’

  ‘Then you must swear never to tell another living soul,’ Katherine said fiercely. ‘Cecily’s reputation relies on your discretion.’

  Bill watched Katherine run up to the house, then looked down at the young woman lying on the bench. He took off his hat and began to fan her with it.

  ‘Feeling better?’ asked Katherine as Cecily lay in her bedroom half an hour later.

  ‘Lots, yes. And I’m so, so sorry for being rude and ungrateful, when you’ve made the effort to drive up here with Bill to see me.’

  ‘Oh, don’t worry about that, Cecily. It’s quite natural under the circumstances. Shock does funny things to people.’

  ‘It made me shoot my mouth off to you, and you didn’t deserve it. Please, Katherine, forgive me.’

  ‘I forgive you, I promise.’

  ‘And seriously, I’m going to be fine. Kiki’s right, I just have to face my problem – after all, I have no one to blame for it except my own stupid self,’ Cecily said as she took a sip of ginger tea.

  ‘So whoever it was didn’t . . . force himself on you?’

  ‘No, but in some ways I wish he had, then I wouldn’t be feeling quite so guilty.’

  ‘Please don’t ever say that,’ Katherine shuddered. ‘My father had to take care of a number of young women who had been taken by force by their so-called husbands at the age of eleven or twelve. Nothing could ever be as bad as that.’

  ‘You’re right, of course you are,’ Cecily agreed. ‘I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with doing what I have to do. Even though the thought of giving up my baby is so terrible.’

  ‘For now, all I can say is don’t think about it,’ Katherine advised. ‘The main thing is to look after yourself and the baby. Now, I know Bill is eager to get off; you know how difficult he finds your godmother.’

  ‘Yes, of course, and please tell him a huge thank you from me for bringing you here to see me.’

  ‘He said he wanted to pop up and say goodbye himself, so you can thank him then. Right.’ Katherine stood up from beside the bed. ‘Please, Cecily, promise me you’ll come and say goodbye before you leave for Switzerland.’

  ‘Of course I will. Do you think . . . it’s the right thing to do?’

  ‘No, I can’t say it’s “right”, but in practice, until this world of ours rids itself of the ridiculous stigma surrounding unmarried mothers, with no blame or responsibility directed at the fathers, I really can’t see what choice you have. I’m so very sorry. Keep in touch, won’t you?’ Katherine squeezed Cecily’s hand.

  ‘I will, and send my love to Bobby.’

  Cecily watched Katherine leave and thought that she would be the person she would miss most when she left here.

  A few minutes later, there was another knock on her bedroom door.

  ‘Come in.’

  Bill appeared, taking off his hat as he entered and standing uncomfortably near the door.

  ‘Hi, Bill. Please, come sit down.’ Cecily indicated the chair by her bed.

  Bill ignored her, walked to the end of the bed and stared down at her. ‘Glad to see you have a little more colour in your cheeks now.’

  ‘Yes, thank you for rescuing me. For the second time.’

  ‘Today was just a happy coincidence. Or not, as the case may be.’

  Cecily watched as Bill began to pace up and down.

  ‘Are you okay, Bill?’

  ‘Yes, I’m very well indeed. As a matter of fact, Cecily, there was something I wanted to ask you.’

  ‘Then ask away. I’ll do anything to repay you for your kindness since I’ve been here in Kenya.’

  ‘Well, the thing is, that . . .’ Bill fiddled with some loose change in his pocket. ‘It transpires that I’ve become rather fond of you since you arrived here.’

  ‘Oh, really?’ Cecily waited for the insult to follow the compliment, as it usually did with Bill.

  ‘Yes, really. So, I was wondering whether, well, you would consider, well, marrying me.’

  ‘I . . .’ Cecily looked up at him, stunned. ‘Please, Bill, don’t tease me. I’m all out of humour just now. What is it you actually want to say?’

  ‘Exactly that. I mean, it really is time that I took a wife to run the homestead, so to speak, and you and I seem to rub along together quite well, don’t we?’

  ‘I . . . well, yes, I suppose we do.’

  ‘And I did hear a little of your current . . . predicament when I was searching for you along the lakeside. So, as you were lying there on the bench, dead to the world, I thought that it might be possible to come to some sort of an arrangement which would be beneficial for both of us. If you see what I mean.’

  Cecily could only stare at him in shocked silence. The fact he was telling her that he knew she was pregnant and was still offering his hand in marriage was beyond her scope of understanding. Besides which, this was Bill, the eternal bachelor.

  ‘I do understand that I am a good few years older than you – I turn thirty-eight this autumn – and that my home is, well, basic to say the least. If you were to say yes, I would make sure to build a proper one for you and the child. It would be our child, of course. As far as anyone else need know, that is.’

  ‘Oh. I see. I think.’

  ‘There’s no reason why we couldn’t have more if we wanted, I suppose. People do, don’t they?’

  ‘Yes, but . . .’

  ‘I’m sure you have lots of “buts”, and this can hardly be the proposal a young woman like yourself would have expected when she was dreaming of her future. But . . .’ Bill sighed, ‘we are where we are, and I rather did feel that I might miss your presence if you were to scurry off to Switzerland and then back to America. It’s not a declaration of love, but it’s certainly the nearest I’ve got to one in a very long time. We’ve both been scarred by our past experiences and we should go into this . . . arrangement with our eyes wide open. That is, if you were to agree to it. Now, I will leave you alone to think about it, but if you did feel it was a possible solution to your quandary, then I would suggest that we announce our engagement sooner rather than later, which will stop tongues wagging and salvage your reputation. I’ll drop in again tomorrow to see how you are, by which time I hope you will have had the chance to consider my proposal. For now’ – Bill strode over to the bed, took Cecily’s hand in his and kissed it – ‘I will say goodbye.’

  And with that, Bill turned on his heel and left the bedroom.

  Cec
ily kept what Bill had said to herself – she’d learnt enough to know that Kiki was an impulsive person; parties were planned on the spur of the moment and decisions made in the blink of an eye. And if Cecily knew one thing, it was that she needed time to think alone. Whatever she decided, that decision would alter the course of her life irrevocably.

  But at least she had a choice now, which made everything better, yet at the same time, more complicated.

  When she heard Kiki’s footsteps pass her door, heading for her afternoon ‘siesta’, as she called it, Cecily went downstairs to sit on the bench by the lake and commune with her hippos.

  ‘Could I live here permanently?’ she asked them as she stared across the calm water. ‘It is so very beautiful after all. But more importantly,’ she sighed, ‘could I live with Bill . . .?’

  She cast her mind back to his tin shack and tried to imagine herself there. At least he’d promised to build her a new house and it might be fun to create a wonderful garden like this one around it . . . The thought of being in charge of her own home was a mighty tempting one. And Katherine and Bobby would be her near neighbours . . .

  Her parents would be thrilled to hear that she was marrying an Englishman from a good background – Bill’s brother, the major, was a friend of Audrey’s after all. But most important of all, she wouldn’t have to give up her baby, because Bill had told her he would bring the child up as his own. Yes, she was sure there would be local gossip about their shotgun wedding, and the subsequent early birth of their baby, yet that was nothing compared to having to relinquish her child for adoption.

  ‘But what about Bill . . .?’ she asked the hippos. ‘He’s made it plain that this is a marriage of convenience . . .’

  On the other hand, weren’t all marriages ‘convenient’ in some way? A simple contract?

  Besides, Cecily, you said you were done with love and would never trust a man again, she told herself firmly. So you’ve just got to stop hankering after it once and for all.