Death on Credit

by Louis-Ferdinand Celine

  “And now we mustn’t talk any more!… We’re all good little children!… And what’s your name, my dear?”

  “Mésange Sweetiepie!…” It was perfectly true that the others called her that. They were still nine in all… five boys, four girls. Dudule left us his mutt… They didn’t want him in Versailles… All of a sudden they all broke ranks… They’d forgotten the old lady!… She was still in her barn… They ran over and kissed her goodbye… Naturally they cried some… It wasn’t a very cheerful leave-taking… considering the circumstances… Mésange cried the most…

  “Goodbye, Ferdinand!… Goodbye! See you soon!…” they shouted back from the other end of the yard… The ladies rounded them up again…

  “My goodness, children, goodness me!… Come along, little girls…” Their last cries came to me from way down the road… “So long, pal!… So long!…”

  Shit! Shit! I knew the score… Getting older is a crummy trick… Kids are like years, you never see them again. We locked up Dudule’s dog with the old bag. The two of them cried together. He yammered the hardest. That day, honestly, take it from me, was one of the rottenest in my whole life. Shit!

  * * *

  Once the kids were gone, the sergeant settled down in the kitchen with his men. They saw I was perfectly quiet, they took off my handcuffs… The body was next door… There wasn’t anything to do, because we had to wait for the prosecutor, who was coming next day… There’d be a “preliminary investigation”, they said. The bulls talked it over… Anyway, they’d stopped bawling us out. And besides they were hungry… They looked through the cupboards… for food… They felt like gargling too… But there wasn’t a drop of wine… We lit the fire… It was raining into the fireplace… It was bitter cold again. February is the littlest month but the meanest too!… The first part of the winter hadn’t been so bad… but now it was getting even… The bulls were talking it all over… they were peasants deep down… They clumped all over in their boots… I looked at their mugs up close… They were smoking their pipes… they were sitting around our table… There was plenty of time to look them over… They had a thick layer of blubber from their eyes down. Their cheeks were completely armoured… and they had rolls of fat all around their necks up to their ears… They were all beef and pretty thick in the middle, especially one that was twice the size of the others… They wouldn’t be easy to fill! Their two-pronged hats were piled up in a pyramid in the middle of the table… Their boots were the real seven-league kind!… Steamboats!… When all five of them stood up and dragged their sabres around, you can’t imagine the clatter… But they were getting thirstier and thirstier… They went and got some cider from the old folks at the end of the village… Later, maybe about eight o’clock, another bull showed up… he’d come from their barracks… He’d brought some wine and a bite to eat… five mess cans… We still had some coffee. I said we could make them some if they’d let us grind it. They were willing. The old lady came out of her barn. They opened up for her. Her fit of rage had passed. It was mighty hard on those giants having no more than that to eat!… A little mess can apiece!… And one bread ration for all five!… The old girl, I knew, still had some bacon tucked away… And some lentils in a special hiding place of her own, and some turnips, and maybe half a pound of margarine…

  “I could make you some soup!” she said… “Now the kids are gone!… Maybe I can feed the lot of you!…” They were delighted… They slapped their thighs… But she started snivelling again… We had a big kettle… it held at least fifteen mess cans… Some more wine arrived… all the way from Persant… The sergeant’s wife sent a kid out with it with a letter and a newspaper… We sat down with them… Naturally we took our share… We hadn’t had a bite to eat in twenty-four hours… The gendarmes asked for seconds… We emptied the whole kettle… First they only talked among themselves… Gradually they livened up… They shovelled it in… They unbuttoned without ceremony… One of the five… not the sergeant, one that was all bald… seemed more curious than the rest… He asked the old lady what line of business the deceased had been in before taking up farming… He was interested… She tried to answer, but she didn’t do very well… She gagged on every word… She broke into sobs… She blew her nose in her plate… She sneezed into the pepper… In the end they were all laughing… Besides, the soup took the skin off your tongue… she’d had a heavy hand with the seasoning… Whew! Hoo! Oof!… The room was hot too… The fire was drawing fine!… When the wind was right, it was enough to burn the house down!… But when it changed, it blew back into the room!… You suffocated in the smoke!… It’s always like that in the country…

  At the end of the bench the sergeant couldn’t take the heat any more… He peeled off his tunic… The others followed suit… The big shots from the courthouse couldn’t get there until morning… so there was nothing to worry about… They all wondered why the inspector had backed down… That question really got them excited. And especially why the prosecutor was coming in person!… And why in such a hurry?… There must have been some tangle between the prosecutor’s office and the police… That was the conclusion they came to… If they were locking horns, we were sure to get it in the neck… that’s what I was thinking. The sergeant, little by little, started eating again… All by himself he wolfed down pretty near a whole Camembert!… Enormous slabs of bread!… Washed down with the red stuff!… A mouthful!… A drink!… A mouthful!… Another drink!… I watched him… he winked at me… He was kind of sozzled!… He got really friendly… He asked the old bag, not at all brutally, without the least malice, what her Courtial had done before they came to Blême… She heard him all wrong… she was all befuddled from crying. “Rheumatism” was her answer… she was way off!… She started bugling again… Her tears got the best of her… She begged him, implored him, to let her stay in the kitchen… next door… just a little while… to sit with the body… until midnight for instance!… We were all out of oil and kerosene… there was nothing but candles, but plenty of those!… The kids swiped them all over the place, every time they went out… whenever they dropped into a farm… They’d brought back every known calibre!… There were plenty to choose from… The old lady wanted to light two… The sergeant was sick of her yapping…

  “Go on, go on!… But come back quick! Right away!… And don’t set the place on fire!… And don’t touch the old man, eh?… Or I’ll lock you up in the barn again!… For good!…”

  She went out… A minute later when she didn’t come back, one of the gendarmes got up to go and see… “What in hell’s she doing?…” they wondered… I went with him… She was down on her knees, bent over the body…

  “Can’t I cover him?…”

  “Nothing doing!” the bull said.

  “It’s not that he scares me! But you’re going to have to wrap him up… They can’t take him away like this!… I won’t move him, I promise you!… I don’t need to touch him! I’d only like to put a cloth around him!… That’s all!… A cloth under him and over his head…”

  I wondered what she was meaning to use… Sheets?… We hadn’t any… We’d never had any in Blême… We had blankets, but they were rags… completely rotted away… We hadn’t been using them in a long time… we slept in our clothes… They were all falling apart… The gendarme wanted no part of it… He told her to ask the sergeant for permission herself… But the sergeant was asleep… He’d collapsed on the table… We could see him through the door… The other yokels were playing cards…

  “Wait, I’ll go!…” he said finally… “Don’t touch him before I get back…” But she couldn’t wait…

  “Ferdinand, you go! Hurry up, son! Go look in my tick… you know… in the slit where I put the straw in… Stick your arm in at the foot end and rummage around… you’ll find the big piece!… You know… out of the Archimedes!… The red one… bright red!… It’s big enough… It’ll be big enough… It’ll go all around him!… Go get it quick!…
I’ll be right here!… Hurry up, quick!…”

  It was perfectly true… I found it right away… It stank of rubber… It was the piece she’d saved from under the ruins the night of the disaster… She unfolded it in front of me… she spread it out on the ground… It was still good canvas. Only the colour had changed… It wasn’t scarlet any more… it had turned all brown. She wouldn’t let me help her to roll Courtial up in it… She did it all by herself… She was careful not to move him… She slipped the cloth all flat under the corpse… very gently I’ve got to admit!… She had all the yardage she needed to wrap him up completely… And the hash where the head was was all closed in too… The sergeant watched us… The other one had woken him up… So then he yelled through the door… “Say, you hiding him again?… Are you off your rocker?”

  “Oh, don’t scold me, sir!… Don’t scold me, I beg of you. I’ve done my best!…” She turned towards him on her knees. “I haven’t done any harm!… Come and see!… I haven’t done any harm!… Come and see for yourself!… He’s still there… Believe me!… Believe me!… I beg of you, Mr Engineer!…” She started calling him that all of a sudden, Mr Engineer!… She was screaming again…

  “He went up, Mr Engineer! You people didn’t see him!… Naturally you don’t believe me!… But Ferdinand saw him!… Didn’t you, Ferdinand?… How beautifully he went up!… You remember, son?… Tell him!… They don’t believe me!… Mercy! Sweet Jesus! I’m going to say a prayer! Ferdinand! Mr Engineer! Holy Mary! Mary! Lamb of Heaven! Pray for us! Ferdinand! I conjure you! Tell the gentlemen! Will you?… Come and pray! Come quick!… Come here! It’s the truth, isn’t it?… In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost!… You know that one, don’t you, Ferdinand?… You know your prayers?…”

  She was horrified… Her eyes gaped white…

  “You don’t know it?… Sure you know it!… Forgive us our trespasses!… Come along! Together! There! As I’ll forgive you!… Come! As I’ll forgive you!… Say it after me, damn it… you little punk!”

  At this she gives me a big clout!… The cops next door were in stitches…

  “Oh, so you do know it!… After all!… He went up, Mr Engineer, he went up… it was marvellous!… He went up to eighteen hundred metres!… I went up with him wherever he went… Yes!… I went up!… You can trust me!… It’s the honest truth!… I swear! I swear it!…” She tried crossing herself… She couldn’t make it… she got tangled up in her rags…

  “In the hydrogen! In the hydrogen, dear sirs!… You can ask anybody!… I’m not lying!…” She prostrated herself beside the body, she threw herself square on top of it… She pleaded…

  “My poor darling!… My poor love!… They won’t believe you any more. Oh!… It’s too awful!… They won’t believe you!… I don’t know how to tell them!… I don’t know what to do!… I don’t know how he went up!… I don’t know how far!… I’m a hateful woman!… It’s all my fault… It’s my fault, Mr Engineer!… Oh yes, yes! I did it all!… I did nothing but harm! He went up two hundred times!… A hundred times!… I can’t remember, my love!… Two hundred!… Six!… Six hundred times!… I don’t know!… I don’t know anything any more!… It’s terrible!… Mr Engineer!… Three hundred!… More! Much more!… I don’t know!…” She threw her arms around him in the balloon cover!… She clutched him convulsively… “Courtial! Courtial! I’ve forgotten everything!…” She clutched her throat. She started on her head again, tearing out her hair by handfuls, rolling on the ground… She ransacked her memory…

  “Three thousand!… Ten thousand!… Jesus!… Ferdinand! Can’t you say anything?… It’s too much!… Holy fucking God!…” She lost herself in figures again…

  “Lieutenants!… Ferdinand!… Lieutenants!” That’s what she was calling them now! “In Heaven’s name! Ah! I’ve got it!…” She raised herself on her elbows… “Two hundred and twenty-two times!… Yes, that’s it!… Two hundred and twenty-two…” She fell back again. “Nuts! I’ve forgotten everything!… My life! My life!…” The bulls had to pick her up… They took her back to the barn… They closed the door on her. All alone like that, she gradually resigned herself… she even fell asleep… Later on I went in to see her with the gendarmes. She started talking to us perfectly reasonably. She wasn’t off her nut at all any more.

  * * *

  We waited all morning… The old lady was still in the straw… She was sound asleep… Around noon they arrived from the prosecutor’s office… The examining magistrate, a little fat guy all bundled up in his fur coat, lisped in the steaming air, he had coughing spells… He got out of his carriage with another character, a redhead. This one had a cap all pulled down over his eyes. He was the medical examiner. The gendarmes recognized him right away.

  It was really bitter cold… They were chilled to the bone… They’d come from Persant station…

  “Bring them here!…” he ordered the gendarmes the minute he set foot on the ground… “Bring them to me in the big room!… Both of them! The woman and the little shitarse! We’ll take a look at the body later!… Nobody’s moved it?… Where’d you put it?… And bring me the exhibits… What was there?… A gun?… And the witnesses!… Were there any witnesses?…”

  A few minutes later two more carriages drove up… One was full of cops, plain-clothes men… and the other, a big covered van, was jam-packed with reporters… Right away they took millions of snapshots… every aspect of the farm… the interior… the surroundings… Those newspaper men were pests, a damn sight worse than the hicks. And so active!… They absolutely insisted… they went into hysterics… on taking a flashlight picture of my mug!… And then the old lady from every angle!… She had no way of hiding!… She was forced to stay right between the two bulls… But we couldn’t move much, the crowd was too thick… the prosecutor was angrier than a hornet! He was being stepped on!… He ordered the cops to clear the room… They didn’t waste any time… They sent the mob flying… The premises were cleared right away… the whole yard too…

  The character with the lisp was shivering in his furs. He was in a hurry to get it all over with, that was plain. He was sore at the cops… His clerk was looking for a pen, he’d broken his own… The Lisp wasn’t comfortable on the bench… The room was too big and damp, the fire was out… He beat his hands together… He took his gloves off to blow on them. He sucked his fingers… His nose was all amethyst… He put his gloves back on. He wriggled his arse… He stamped his feet!… He couldn’t get warm… The papers were all in front of him… He blew on them, they flew away… The clerk went chasing after them… They didn’t write anything at all… He wanted to see the gun. He said to the newspaper men: “Take my picture with this weapon while you’re at it!…” He said to the sergeant: “Tell me the whole story!…” So then the big cocksucker didn’t talk big like with us! In fact he stammered… Actually he didn’t know much… I saw that right away… He went out with the magistrate… They paced up and down the whole length of the yard… When they were done gassing, they came back inside… The Lisp sat down… Then it was my turn to talk… I told them the whole story right away… all I knew, that is… He didn’t listen much: “What’s your name?…” I told him, “Ferdinand, born in Courbevoie.” “Your age?…” I told him… “And what do your parents do?” I told him that too… “Good!” he said… “Stay right where you are… And you?…” It was the old lady’s turn…

  “Tell me your story and make it fast…” He’d stood up… He couldn’t sit still… He piddled up and down… He couldn’t feel his dogs… Stamping didn’t help… An earth floor is cold as hell!… Especially ours, it was so damp…

  “Oh, Doctor! My feet!… Don’t they ever make a fire around here?…” We were all out of wood… The gendarmes had burnt every last stick!… He cut the old lady short…

  “Hell! I thee you don’t know very much! Never mind! Never mind! We’ll thee about all that later!… Beauvais will be thoon enough!… OK, OK
leth get out of here!… Doctor, you’ve had a good look at the body?… What do you thay?… Well, what do you think?… What do you thay?” The two of them left the room to take another look… In the kitchen next door they talked it over… They were maybe ten minutes… They came back…

  “Well, then,” said the Lisp… “You, the wife!… Madame Courtial! No! Des Pereires!… No?… Nuts!… You’re free for the present! But you’ll have to come to Beauvais!… My clerk will let you know!… I’ll send for the body tomorrow!…” Turning towards the reporters: “You can call it suicide until further notice! After the autopsy we’ll see… Maybe you’ll be perfectly free… Anyway, we’ll see… You, Bozo!” That was me… “You can go!… You can leave!… Go straight home!… To your parents!… Give the clerk your address!… I’ll send for you if I need you! OK, let’s go! Sergeant, you will leave one of your men here!… Only one! Until the ambulance gets here! Let’s go! Make it quick, clerk!… Let’s get going! Finished, the fourth estate? All reporters will please leave!… Nobody can stay but the family and the officer!… OK men, that’ll do it for the night! You won’t allow anybody to enter… to touch anything!… To leave!… Have I made myself clear?… You’ve all got it?… Good!… Let’s get going! Quick!… Step on it! All aboard, Doctor!…”

  He was still stamping his feet!… He was bouncing up and down in front of his carriage!… He couldn’t stand it a minute longer!… He was frozen stiff in spite of his overcoat and the sheepskin that went all the way up to his eyebrows… to his derby!… As he set foot on the step:

  “Driver! Driver! Listen here! You’ll make it fast, won’t you?… And stop at Cerdance, at the little bar on the left!… After the level crossing! You know the place I mean?… Oh, Doctor, I’ve never had such shivers in all my life!… I’m going to be laid up for a month!… Again, like all last winter!… My!… What wouldn’t I give for a grog!… Christ, they’ve murdered me in this dump!… Did you ever see such an icebox?… It’s the limit!… It’s better outside!… It’s unbelievable!… Ah! Never fear, the stiff will keep!…”