Fight For It

by Jessie Harper

  Right now I can barely remember my own name much less what forms I have parents sign. "A waiver?" I say the word like it's the first time I've heard it. So smooth.

  "So you can use the pictures." Julia's packing up equipment and avoiding eye contact.

  "Oh, right." Duh. "A waiver."

  Julia looks at me, the features of her face at first confused and then strangely triumphant. She's almost smirking as I blink at her like an idiot. "Did I cut off the oxygen to your brain?"

  Possibly. I give myself a little shake and order my brain to send signals to my mouth. "A waiver. Got it."

  “I'll see you Tuesday for shots with kids."

  I'm still rooted to the same spot when Julia pushes the front door open and hauls all her gear back out to her car. By the time I remember to offer to help her she's tucked back in the front seat. Too late for chivalry now, dumb ass. She gives me a little wave before reversing out of her parking spot and driving away, and I'm left with the creeping suspicion that when it comes to Julia I've lost control of the situation. Julia's driving this train now; I'm just along for the ride.

  13

  Zach

  As I make my way through the glass doors of the Lincoln Elementary School front office, I recognize a familiar face. Charlie is standing just inside, wrestling with the straps of his backpack.

  "Are we putting this thing on or taking it off?" I ask him, squatting down so we're face-to-face.

  "On, sort of." He shrugs his shoulders. "Mom's signing me in."

  I turn to face the front counter and come surprisingly close to the pockets of Julia's jeans. Luckily she doesn't notice my nose inches away from her as she talks to the school secretary and hands back the clipboard and pen she's been holding.

  "So you were skipping school this morning, eh? Oversleep? Or were you out chasing dragons or something with your mom?"

  Charlie makes an exasperated face. "Dragons aren't real, Coach Z, and I was at the dentist." He bares his teeth in a ferocious grin.

  "Wow, those do look exceptionally clean. Any cavities?"

  "Nope. They even took my picture for the no cavity club." Charlie beams.

  "Do they still do that? I used to be in the no cavity club, myself. Do they have those pictures on the front bulletin board?"

  "Yep. And mine's right in the middle."

  By now Julia's made her way back from the logistics of elementary school parenting and is listening to our conversation. I straighten up in order to be closer to her face than her ass, hoping she hadn't noticed my earlier positioning. It's been a while since I've seen her out of workout clothes. Today she's even wearing make-up and has her hair down. It's soft around her shoulders, the chestnut waves framing her face. As I rise she smiles and my heart stutters a bit. I'm still recovering from my ill-fated decision to kiss her at the gym and my complete loss of cool during our photo session. This chance meeting could go either way.

  "I wouldn't have expected to see you here," Julia tells me and I'm not sure if she's teasing or seriously surprised.

  "Well, I’ve still got lots of things to learn and this is the place to do it." I shrug and she nods, her hair falling a bit over her face as she leans down to talk to Charlie.

  "Can you take it from here, bud? Or do you want me to walk you to your classroom?"

  "I can get there myself," Charlie answers with more than a little bravado. "I know where I'm going."

  "Then hustle. I don't want you to miss something important." She leans down and plants a kiss on his round cheek. He accepts it willingly, doesn't even wipe the spot where her lips have landed when she pulls away, reminding me that he's still pretty little. Little enough to still want his mom to kiss him goodbye in front of his coach. Charlie bounces out the door and off down the hall, his enormous backpack taking up most of his back.

  "What does he even have in there? He's in what? First grade? Do they have a backpack full of books in first grade?"

  Julia stifles a laugh before leaning in conspiratorially. She's not close enough to touch my ear, but her exaggerated whisper tickles there just the same. "He's got his blanket shoved in the bottom."

  "His blanket?"

  "His security blanket. I don't think he takes it out anymore, but he's been packing it since he started school. I think it makes him feel better just to have it here. There are books on top and his lunch, but he can still put his hand in the backpack if he needs the blanket."

  I imagine Charlie's small hand rooting around the bottom of his giant backpack to get a furtive touch of his blanket.

  "Sometimes he just needs to touch it, apparently, but first graders don't tend to admit they still want their blankie."

  I understand this better than I'd like to admit.

  "So you're here stalking kids in your free time?" Julia asks, a slow smile playing on her lips.

  "Yep. This is where I am on my days off."

  "And here I thought I was the only one getting special treatment on your fake weekend days." Now she's definitely teasing. She even raises an eyebrow, daring me to say something about our arrangement. But there's no way I'm letting her know just how special that treatment actually is; I wouldn't give up my Friday afternoons for anyone else.

  "Actually, this is work today," I confess as my hand involuntarily moves to rub the back of my head. Julia's eyes shoot to my bicep but then just as quickly return to my face. "I do these anti-bullying classes here from time to time."

  "Ah, I think I've heard something about that. Singlehandedly making the world a safe place for kids, right?"

  "Something like that." I can't help but notice the way Julia's eyes sparkle as she teases me. I remind myself to keep things friendly here, though my brain seems to be having difficulty sending that message to the rest of me. I'm sure that if she were to touch me right now visible sparks would fly off my body.

  "Don't let him be modest about his work," one of the office assistants interjects. "He does great things with those kids."

  I offer her a smile but shake my head. "Working with great kids makes that easy."

  Julia catches my eye again. "Have you eaten?" she asks. She's fishing around in her purse for her phone.

  "Lunch?" Is she suggesting we get lunch together? Nowhere in my possible scenarios for today did I imagine getting lunch with Julia. My usual afternoon after one of these sessions includes stopping by my house for a sandwich before running back to the gym.

  "Yeah, I've got all afternoon free and I'm starving. Do you want to go and grab something? I need someone to celebrate with me." She checks her phone. "Not even any messages. So, are you in for lunch or do you have other kids to stalk this afternoon?"

  Oh, I'm in, but I try to hide my growing excitement. This isn't a date, after all. Just two friends running into each other and then deciding to get something to eat. And I'm still in my shorts and T-shirt, fresh from rolling around on smelly gym mats. Suddenly I'm even more aware of how nice Julia looks.

  "I have time. And to tell the truth, I'm pretty hungry." To prove my point my stomach growls as if on cue. "But what are we celebrating?"

  "You're looking at the new social media manager for Advent Realty."

  "Congratulations," I tell her, trying not to get distracted by the happiness in her eyes.

  "It isn't actually all that exciting. It's only a few hours a week but I get to take pictures and practice my editing and then I get the photo credits when I upload them to their social media. They have a bunch of followers so people are actually going to see my work even if it is mainly real estate listings."

  "That's great!" I'm rolling right along with her if it means Julia's getting closer to what she wants. "Are you okay with me going like this or should I stop by my house first and change? I think I might smell a bit like elementary school gym."

  "I'm fine with how you look," Julia tells me as she gives me a once over. Her glance has my spine tingling. When she leans in close to me and gives me a sniff all the hair on my body stands up. "You smell fine, too, for
what it's worth. Unless you want to change."

  "No, let's just go." I'm afraid to lose the momentum we have going on here. "I have to go back to the gym after anyway. And since we're both hungry..." I ignore the looks I get from the office ladies as I steer Julia toward the door. "What are you in the mood for?"

  "If you know of a place with good sushi in this town then I'm all in," Julia gushes. "I can't even remember there being sushi here when we were growing up."

  I give myself points for suggesting something Julia likes on the first try.

  "Things have changed a bit." I lead her through the parking lot where our cars ended up just a few spaces apart.

  "That's the truth," Julia volunteers. "Sometimes I have trouble getting around now. So many of my old landmarks are gone."

  I smile at this. "Wait until you hear where this place is," I tell her, looking forward to her reaction. "Do you remember the scary liquor store?"

  "Where we all bought beer in high school?" Julia looks incredulous.

  "The very one." I don't remind her that I wasn't buying beer there very often. Julia's friends were more of the partying type. In high school you could usually find me with a group of other guys playing Dungeons and Dragons. Not much need for underage drinking with that crowd. "You can follow me if you think you might have trouble finding it again."

  "I'll follow you, just in case." Believe it or not she winks at me. Winks! And then lowers herself into her car. I'm obviously not equipped to handle what Julia's bringing to lunch today.

  The drive over has me fixated on Julia's wink. Today she's flirty and playful in a way I haven't seen too much of in the gym. When she's with her boys she's in mom mode and when she's working out with me she's more reserved. It hadn't crossed my mind that she wasn't always that way. I can remember her as a teenager, but once people become adults they aren't always the same person they were at sixteen. Thankfully. I'm not the same person I was at sixteen, or twenty, or twenty-four. Now I'm wondering who Julia really is.

  She's out of her car as soon as she throws it into park and she's waiting for me by the door before I can manage to get my truck into a space. Motioning for me to hurry, she bounces up and down like she's a kid at a birthday party.

  "Come on! I'm starving!" Julia yells as if I'm deliberately taking longer than necessary to walk through the parking lot.

  "Do you want me to run? Are you planning on eating your own arm in a second or something?" I laugh as I pocket my keys and fish around for my wallet. I'm suddenly conscious of the fact that we're going to have to work out who will pay once we've eaten. This isn't a date, I remind myself, but I'm also glad I have enough cash to make taking care of the bill easy if that's what I decide to do.

  "This isn't the same building where the scary liquor store used to be, is it? This can't be the same building." Julia lets me get the door for her as she cranes her head around to look at the place.

  "I honestly don't think I remember the specifics of the liquor store well enough to answer that."

  "Oh, come on." Julia lets me know she thinks I'm full of shit. "There was the big parking lot and then the front was facing this direction, I think." She gestures with her hand and turns her body to face the front of the restaurant. "And it was like one big low warehouse. Those guys would bring the beer to your car even. Remember that?"

  "I think that was a ladies only service," I joke, motioning to the hostess that we want a table for two. Julia barely seems to notice as we move through the building to our spot.

  "I think it was a better way not to get busted for selling to underage kids, actually. I bet you could have shown a little leg and gotten your booze delivered curbside too." She winks again and it’s like a punch in the chest. I am definitely going to find myself trying to pay for lunch at the end of all this.

  Julia beams up at the hostess when she hands us our menus and then turns her smiling face to me. I'm rendered momentarily speechless as I take in her coffee-colored eyes and the fullness of her bottom lip. She makes a little excited squeak and wiggles a bit in her chair.

  "Thanks for agreeing to come out with me. Usually I'm just at home figuring out if I can stomach another peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I should not be this excited to be out of the house."

  I blink, and work on managing to piece together a coherent thought. "I should be thanking you. I'm usually in the same boat but I tend to lean toward turkey sandwiches."

  She smiles again and looks at the menu. "What's good?"

  "Everything."

  "Are you a rolls guy or do you want sashimi? What do you usually get?"

  "I can go with either. The ramen's good too."

  "Honestly, I like everything," Julia tells me absentmindedly as she scans further down the page. "Do you want to share a few things or are you the kind of person who likes to order for himself and then keep it separate?"

  "We can share." No matter what Julia wants to order I'll manage to choke it down if it means we spend the next few minutes putting our chopsticks in communal plates. A high school fantasy worms its way into my brain and I imagine what my old ninth grade buddies would think of me sitting across from Julia Myers, sharing a plate of sushi. I'd have bragging rights for sure.

  "What are you smiling about over there?" Julia's voice reconnects me with reality and I find myself grinning like an idiot at the menu.

  "Just considering my lunch options," I tell her, the smile still plastered on my face.

  When our waitress makes her way to our table, we order enough food to feed a small army. Julia's not kidding about dying of hunger.

  "We have to pick one thing that neither of us has ever tried," she tells me, scrolling her index finger down the length of the menu.

  "I've been here a lot, Julia. What if I've tried everything?" I'm bluffing and she immediately calls it.

  "Oh, you've been here so many times that you've tried every single thing on here, have you?" Her eyebrow arches, daring me to disagree.

  "Yep."

  "Then you won't mind if I order the..." She pauses. "The pizza sushi? Or is that one of your old favorites? Actually, I don't even think we should order that in the spirit of adventure. It sounds disgusting." She shudders in mock horror, but I can already feel my face changing, twisting from relaxed and carefree to somber. Unfortunately, I've had the chance to taste the pizza sushi. Abbey used to order it.

  It's the first time I've thought of her in a while, which is a testament to the bright shiny influence of Julia. Abbey and I used to come to this restaurant all the time. Our old house is dangerously close to here. But even coming inside this afternoon, passing tables where I sat and laughed with Abbey, sometimes even holding her hand across the tabletop, I hadn't given her a thought. I only had Julia on my mind. Until now.

  "Oh, what have I said? Is the pizza sushi actually your favorite? We can get it if you want. I promise not to gag while you eat it." Julia's hesitant now, her voice wavering with uncertainty.

  "No, it isn't my favorite and you're right, it is pretty disgusting. Abbey used to order it all the time." Julia's brows knit in a moment of confusion.

  "Abbey is your ex-wife?"

  "Yes."

  "And you used to come here with her?"

  "Yes."

  "And she somehow managed to eat something called 'pizza sushi'?"

  "Yes."

  "Then it's a good thing you guys got divorced," Julia deadpans looking straight at me. Her smile is gentle, tentative. "Do you want edamame?"

  I'm so stunned I can barely manage the mumbled "sure" I get past my lips. When Julia turns to the waitress still standing patiently next to our table, she's all business finishing our order and sending the girl hurrying back to the kitchen. I'm sure she's never been so relieved to leave a table. Her horrified look at being included in that painful conversation is still there when she looks up from the register later.

  "I was joking about your divorce," Julia tells me, her voice low. "Obviously no one wants to have their marriage break up. I'
m sorry if that came out harsh sounding."

  I give a little half-hearted shrug. That's nowhere close to the things my sisters have said about Abbey. "It's actually pretty close to the truth. Abbey wasn't always the most pleasant person."

  Julia nods and gives me the same look I assume she gives Charlie and Noah when she has a serious conversation with them. It's equal parts concern and tenderness and it starts to make my chest hurt a little right over my heart. I hate talking about Abbey and doing it with Julia is even worse than I would ever have imagined.

  "And she liked pizza sushi. So we just couldn't stay together." I work hard to keep my face flat, but a small smile starts to work the corners of my mouth. Julia wrinkles her nose and swats me across the table.

  "I am trying to be supportive over here," she tells me, but I've managed to do what I intended. I want things back to where they were. Having a serious conversation about my ex-wife is not going to make it easy to eat. I'd rather go back to ten minutes ago when I was concentrating on the way Julia's eyes crinkle at the corners when she reads. I want Abbey's memory out of the building.

  But Julia isn't quite ready to let it go.

  "How long were you married?" she asks as the poor waitress comes by to refill our water glasses. She has terrible timing.

  "Almost seven years."

  "And you've been divorced..."

  "For three." I leave out the part about how some of those years weren't married or divorced but a painful limbo of arguing over every last fucking thing. Abbey loved a good fight and she loved trying to break me even more. Between the shouting and the lawyers and the back and forth a few of those years felt like lifetimes.

  "And how are you now?" Julia doesn't know that this is a loaded question. I usually just tell people what they want to hear. Everyone wants me to be fine. I want to be fine. What's the use in telling people that sometimes I still feel like my heart's shattered? That sometimes I'm still angry at the unfairness of it all?

  But this moment feels different. Like I don't need to hide the pain that's still lingering a bit under the surface. So even though I open my mouth to tell Julia just how fine everything is, that isn't what comes out.