Another Summer

by Georgia Bockoven

  Paul spotted them and came over. He handed

  Maria a small plate with bite-size snacks that looked like miniature works of art. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” he said. “I was beginning to think you’d cut out on me.”

  Cringing at the thought of what he would say next, she felt a flush of embarrassment sweep across her chest and up her neck. He must have noticed because he covered for her with a gentle kindness that took her by surprise.

  “I gave Maria a hard time on the way here and never got around to an apology.”

  Chris tugged on Janice’s hand and brought her out of her seat. “Seems to me these two need some time alone.”

  Janice gave Maria a conspiratorial wink. “Don’t let him off too easy.”

  Maria swallowed her protest that she and Paul weren’t the couple Chris and Janice thought they were. Instead she smiled, and said, “I won’t.”

  Paul took Janice’s vacated seat and reached over to her plate to take a cracker with a dab of something white topped with a dab of something black. “So what do you think of Janice?”

  “I like her. A lot.” She hesitated about saying the rest, but plunged ahead. “Does she know Chris is seeing someone else, too?”

  Paul frowned. “Who?”

  “Kelly McIntire.”

  He laughed. “That’s not real. He only goes places with her as a favor and because they have the same publicist. She was afraid she was going to come across looking like a loser when she and that Hansen guy broke up, so Chris agreed to help out.”

  Maria glanced at Chris and Janice and saw that they were still holding hands. “And Janice doesn’t mind?”

  “They’ve been going together since he was seventeen and moved to L.A. to make his first movie. I guess she figures if he’s stuck with her all that time, there’s no reason to think he won’t keep sticking.”

  She tried a cracker like the one Paul had eaten. It wasn’t like anything she’d ever tasted. “What is this?”

  He looked at her warily. “Caviar.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “Well?”

  “What?”

  “What do you think? Do you like it?”

  “I think so, but I’m not sure.” It wasn’t something she ever expected to have again, so she tried another, wanting to remember what it was like. “Yeah, I do like it.”

  He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, and pointed to another cracker with something pinkish red on a mound of white. “Try that one. It’s smoked salmon.”

  When she hesitated he picked up the cracker and held it up to her mouth. “Come on–no guts, no glory.”

  She’d never backed down from a challenge in her life, and it was just a little cracker. She came forward and opened her mouth. His fingers touched her lips naturally and easily, as if he fed her like this all the time. Acutely aware of the intimacy, she looked into his eyes to see if he’d felt anything and was pleased to see he wasn’t as indifferent as he would have her believe.

  “What’s this one?” She pointed to a pastry with a sprig of something that looked like a weed on top.

  “I’m not sure, but I think it’s a miniature quiche.”

  “What’s a quiche?”

  He told her what he knew, admitting it was probably wrong, and then went on to try to identify the remaining hors d’oeuvres on her plate. Some had to be tasted first. If there was only one, he took a bite and offered her the rest. She’d never shared food this way and decided it was one of the most innocent, yet intimate things she’d ever done with a guy. It was a dumb way to feel, and she was making way too big a deal out of it, but his easy familiarity made her feel special.

  By the end of the evening she was almost as comfortable in this new environment as she was in her own. She liked these people, Chris and Janice in particular.

  Chris saw them to the door when they were leaving. “Paul told me you’re staying in the beach house. How do you like it?”

  “I love it,” she answered truthfully. “I’d stay there forever if I could.”

  “I felt the same way. I tried to talk Julia and Eric into selling it to me, but they weren’t ready to let go.” He smiled. “I had to settle for this place.”

  “Give me a couple of years, and I might be able to work up some sympathy,” Paul said.

  Chris laughed. “Not buying it, huh?”

  Janice joined them. “Chris has some work he has to do tomorrow, so I thought I’d go to Carmel to do some shopping,” she told Maria. “Want to come?”

  More than anything. “I would–but I can’t,” she stammered. “I have to work, too.”

  Paul added, “She’s helping out at the nursery. Andrew’s shorthanded, and that’s put us way behind repotting for the fall shows. He really needs Maria there.”

  “Maybe next time,” Janice said.

  She could have told Janice how much she wanted there to be a next time or how special the evening was to her or how important their conversation had been, but none of it could be said without making her sound needy. “Yes,” she said softly. “Maybe next time.”

  She was quiet the five minutes it took Paul to drive her home. To thank him for all he had said and hadn’t said that night would be to acknowledge her insecurities. Experience told her he would expect a kiss, probably more. If she went along, it would change everything between them … again. They’d moved past adversarial into something she didn’t know what to call. It was the first time she’d ever felt this way about a guy and didn’t want to mess it up trying to make it into something it wasn’t.

  Paul pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. He started to get out, and she put her hand on his arm to stop him. “I had a better time than I thought I would. I’m glad the other two girls turned you down.”

  He looked at her for several seconds before admitting, “I didn’t ask anyone else.”

  She wished he hadn’t told her. “You were right. Chris is just a regular guy.”

  He nodded and reached for the key to restart the car. “See you in the morning?”

  His eagerness to leave took her by surprise. She either got out of the car or gave him the impression she was waiting for the very thing she’d decided she didn’t want, for him to kiss her. “Yeah … What time? About nine-thirty?”

  He frowned as if confused, and then remembered. “Don’t panic if I’m a little late. If there’s no fog, I’m going to catch a couple of waves before we go in.”

  She got out of the car and stood on the porch until he drove away. How could she have been afraid he would want to kiss her and feel this bad that he hadn’t even tried? Something was wrong with her.

  She needed to talk to someone, someone who would ground her in the reality of who she was and where she came from, someone who would get her head out of the fantasy of thinking she could ever be a part of the world she had seen that night. She didn’t belong there. She would never belong there. Not only didn’t she have the money to pay for the ticket, she didn’t know where to stand in line for the ride.

  Cheryl had left a light on for her in the living room. Maria turned it off and quietly made her way down the hall to her bedroom. As she started to open the door, she heard voices coming from Deanna and Karen’s room.

  Needing to be around people she understood and who understood her, Maria softly tapped on their door. Karen opened it just enough to see who was there. When she saw it was Maria, she opened the door a little farther and glanced down the hall toward Cheryl’s room.

  “Home from your date already?” Karen hissed unpleasantly.

  “What’s the matter with you?” Maria asked.

  She glanced behind her. “Deanna’s driving me crazy.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Who knows.”

  With a sigh, Maria said, “Let me in.”

  Deanna was sitting on the bed, her legs drawn up to her chest, her chin on her knees. It was obvious she’d been crying. She wiped her eyes with a well-used tissue when she saw
Maria. “Date didn’t work out?” she said sarcastically.

  Maria looked from Deanna to Karen. Neither were dressed for bed. “If you two have got a bitch over me goin’ out tonight, let’s hear it.”

  “We don’t give a flyin’ fuck what you do,” Deanna said, her lower lip quivering.

  “Yeah, we like nothin’ better than baby-sitting Cheryl while you’re out screwing the locals,” Karen added.

  Deanna straightened her legs and crossed her arms over her chest. She’d always worn her clothes tight, but with the weight she’d gained, they looked painted on. “How come you get to go out and we don’t?”

  She went to work, watched movies, and sat on the beach when she had a day off. They went somewhere every day and made sure she heard what she’d missed. “Maybe because someone asked me.”

  “I’m sick of this shit,” Karen said. “I’m going home tomorrow.”

  Deanna let out a soft wail and burst into tears. “If you go, we all have to go. And I don’t want to. I like it here.”

  Karen gave her a disgusted look. “You like it because you get to eat all the time, and no one’s on your case. Wait till Jake sees you. He’s gonna take one look and that’s the last one you’ll ever get from him.”

  “Whatever.”

  Maria didn’t believe Deanna’s attempt at disinterest for a second. She’d had a thing for Jake since the second grade and had almost dropped out of school the year before, despite making the honor roll, just because he dropped out. Something wasn’t right. She sat on the end of the bed, bringing her legs up and tucking them under her.

  “So what’s up with you and Jake?” Maria asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “Like hell,” Karen said, the words harsher than the tone.

  Deanna bit her lower lip when it started quivering again, but she couldn’t stop the tears. “He dumped me,” she said, barely above a whisper.

  Maria wished she could act more surprised. She’d seen Jake out with other girls for months and knew it was only a matter of time before he broke it off with Deanna. “You’re better off without him.”

  “I love him.”

  “He’s a bastard,” Karen said. “You can do better.”

  “I don’t want to do better,” Deanna wailed. “Jake’s the only guy I’ve ever wanted.”

  Maria and Karen exchanged glances. If they told her about Jake, they’d risk hurting her even more. “What did he say when he broke up with you?” Maria asked.

  “I can’t tell you.” She covered her face with her hands.

  Maria got up to find a tissue and spotted the box on the floor. She bent to retrieve it and saw a candy bar sticking out from under the bed. Her heart sank. Deanna was going to be huge if she didn’t stop eating. She reached for the candy and saw something behind it. Bending lower she saw an enormous stash of cookies and candy and chips. “What is this?”

  “What?” Karen asked.

  “All this food.”

  Karen came around the bed to look. “Shit–” She gave Deanna a disgusted look. “I’m trashin’ this stuff. You’re goin’ on a diet right now.”

  Maria stood and stared at Deanna. “This isn’t new. It’s what you’ve been taking from the kitchen since we got here.” Why would she hide food and not eat it? And why would she put up with the abuse from Karen about how much she was eating when she obviously wasn’t?

  “Is that true?” Karen asked.

  “What I do and what I eat or don’t eat is none of your business.” She snatched the Butterfinger candy bar Maria was holding, tore it open, and took a bite that filled half her mouth. “Satisfied?”

  How could Deanna not be eating and still gain weight? And then it all made sense. “Oh my God,” Maria breathed.

  Karen turned on her. “What?”

  Deanna tossed what was left of the Butterfinger on the nightstand. “Go ahead–tell her,” she sobbed. “Tell the whole friggin’ world for all I care.”

  “Tell me what?” Karen insisted, her voice raised, forgetting they were trying not to wake Cheryl.

  Hoping that she’d somehow gotten it wrong, Maria made it a question instead of a statement. “You’re pregnant?”

  “Give the girl a prize.” Tears formed twin streams from her eyes to her chin.

  Stunned, Karen echoed, “Oh my God.”

  “Jake?” Maria asked already knowing the answer.

  Deanna nodded.

  “I hate that bastard,” Karen said. “I hope that bitch Sally Ryker gives him a disease.”

  Deanna fixed Karen with a stare. “Jake is seeing Sally?”

  If there had been even a faint hope, Maria would have protected her, but it was time Deanna faced the truth. “He’s been taking her to parties for months now. And when she’s not available, he finds someone who is.”

  “I was available.” She said it so softly Maria had to strain to hear.

  “Not anymore,” Karen said. “The only thing you’re gonna be givin’ him from now on is a bill for child support.”

  “He says it isn’t his.”

  “Like you been sleepin’ around behind his back. There’s no way you would–”

  “But I did,” she whispered. “Once. It was after we had this big fight where he said I was lucky he let me fuck him once in a while because I was so butt ugly there wasn’t no one else who would.”

  Maria felt sick. “Who was it?”

  Deanna took a long time to answer. “I don’t know. It was at a party. I was drunk. All I remember is going into the bedroom with some guy.”

  Karen sat on the bed next to Deanna. “What makes you think it was him and not Jake who got you pregnant?”

  “All I know is that I skipped my period the next month.”

  “Could it have been Jake?” Karen asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Then it probably was. Although you’d probably be better off if it wasn’t. If he’s not the father, you and the baby won’t be tied to that two-timing son of a bitch.”

  Maria sat on the opposite side of the bed. “Have you seen a doctor?”

  She shook her head. “I was going to make an appointment at the clinic, but then chickened out.”

  It was Karen’s turn. “How far along are you?”

  “Five months.”

  Maria and Karen exchanged glances.

  “I thought about an abortion, but I couldn’t do it. I kept thinking what if my mom had done that to me?”

  Instead of abandoning her daughter before she was born, Deanna’s mother had abandoned her when she was seven years old, walking out on her and the man she’d been living with to go on tour with a soundman for the Grateful Dead.

  “Okay, so you’ve decided to have the baby,” Maria said. It was useless to talk about what she could have or should have done. It was the now, and the future, they had to deal with. “First thing we have to do is get you to a doctor.”

  “Yeah,” Karen said. “If you’re going to have it, you sure don’t want it to be sick.”

  A fresh wave of tears spilled from Deanna’s eyes. “What if Bill and Amy find out?”

  Maria blinked in surprise. Bill and Amy Hutchins were Deanna’s foster parents. They were hard-assed about a lot of stuff but basically good people–so good they let Deanna stay with them after her eighteenth birthday when the state stopped paying them. “How long did you think you could keep them from finding out?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t face telling them.” She hugged herself, grabbing her elbows and pulling them close as if she could squeeze until she disappeared. “What if they make me move out? Where will I go?”

  “Couldn’t you get welfare to help you out for a couple of years so you could finish school?” Karen asked. Before Deanna could answer, she added, “I’d ask my mom if you could stay with us, but there’s no way my dad would let you. He told me if I ever got pregnant when I was still at home, he was buyin’ me a one-way ticket to Florida.”

  “You could stay with us,” Maria said. “You’d have to sl
eep with me and Alma, but at least you wouldn’t be out on the streets.”

  “What would your mother say?” Deanna asked, the unexpected offer of help momentarily stemming her tears.

  For the first time Maria was able to smile. “Once she finds out you’re not eating like we all thought you were eating, she won’t mind feeding you.”

  “What are we gonna tell Cheryl?” Karen asked.

  “Please don’t tell her,” Deanna said. “She’ll make me go back, and I love it here. I don’t want to go home until we have to.”

  “What’re we gonna do about getting you to a doctor if we don’t tell her?” Karen asked.

  After several seconds, they both looked at Maria expectantly. “What?”

  “You’re good at this kind of thing,” Karen said. “Think of something.”

  As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she was better at coming up with answers than they were. Too bad they were always other people’s questions and not her own. “I’ll think about it.”

  “How was your date?” Deanna asked shyly.

  How could she tell them what she’d seen and heard that night, the food she’d eaten, the people she’d met, the longings that now filled her mind and heart?

  She couldn’t.

  “It wasn’t anything special,” she said finally.

  6

  MARIA TRIED TO GATHER HER COURAGE on her way to work with Paul Tuesday morning. Given a choice, she would have walked the fifteen miles to the free clinic in Santa Cruz, but there was no way Deanna could make it. A taxi was out of the question. Even with their best lie they’d never convince Cheryl they weren’t trying to hide something. Besides, Maria only had the extra money she had earned working overtime to pay for the appointment and whatever medicines Deanna might need. Taxis weren’t an option.

  “Why so quiet?” Paul asked after they’d gone several miles in silence.

  She took a deep breath. “I need a favor.”

  “Uh-oh.”

  “It’s a big favor, and it’s serious, and I don’t need any crap from you about it.”

  “Lay it on me.”