by West, Maven
Abbi nodded. “Most are.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “Yes, most. Not your husband though.” I raised my mug. “Cheers to the good guys, the ones that don’t choose to fuck me up emotionally wherever you are.”
A few guys in the back whistled. I was sure they weren’t the good ones.
Sam refilled my beer. “And to the woman who have yet to fuck me up for fucking them over.” He winked. “This one is on the house.”
***
I held on to the wall of my apartment complex trying to defy gravity and make it to the door, one high heel in my hand, the other on my foot. I looked more like woman with a broken ankle than a broken heart.
I fumbled with my keys, getting into my apartment. The cat took off; even she avoided me at all cost. She could see I was a walking disaster from a mile away.
I shook my shoe off and went into the kitchen for something to drink. I snagged a half empty bottle of wine and dropped down on the couch.
“I only have one question,” I said aloud. “Why can’t I get Carter fucking Sterling out of my head?” I thought alcohol was supposed to erase my woes.
I threw caution to the wind and hit the button on my phone dialing his number. I thought getting drunk was the answer, but it did nothing to erase the image of Carter and me together. And some sick twisted sadist part of me wanted him and missed him.
“Hello?” I could tell by his voice I pulled him from his sleep.
“What are you doing?” I slurred. “I was thinking about you.”
Silence and another punch in the gut. He was ruthless.
“I know your heartless and only out for yourself, but I wanted to tell you that I was thinking about you. Even if you are an asshole.” I sat up on the couch, was he ignoring me, or had he hung up?
“You’re drunk,” he said finally.
“Maybe I am, that doesn’t mean what I’m saying isn’t true.”
“I can’t talk,” he said.
“Let me guess, she’s there.” I closed my eyes. “How great.”
“Morgan, get some sleep.”
“Come see me,” I said. “I’m sure you can think of a reason to leave.”
More silence.
This time I waited for his answer. “I’m outside in my fucking hallway talking to you. I can’t leave this late, I got to go.”
I tossed my phone onto the coffee table and headed for my bedroom—alone.
Carter fucking Sterling—what a complete douche.
Chapter twenty-three
Death wasn’t anything Eric and I ever talked about. Why would we, he was a young guy, he was healthy. There was no reason to look at that part of life when we could be happy.
At least I thought I was happy. I even thought he was happy.
It didn’t make sense.
I didn’t understand, and I feared I never would. I didn’t understand how I didn’t see it, or sense it. I thought there was a thing called intuition.
I thought Eric was my soul mate and as I stood by his grave I didn’t feel that way anymore. It was similar to staring at the grave of a stranger.
I rubbed my temples in slow circles, the hangover was brutal. I almost stayed in bed, but somehow I drug myself out to do something that I wanted to do since the day I found out he cheated.
I wanted to confront him. And I was sure it seemed silly, and nobody else would understand. But it felt like the right thing to do to me.
Dropping down on my knees I let out a conflicted sigh.
“You once had my heart.” I said. “I thought you and I were meant to be. Boy, did you have me fooled.”
Eric was a lot like Carter, the tattoos, the rock star hair; he made me feel protected and safe. He made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered. When I was around him I was his only focus.
I had to give it to him, even till his dying day I felt that way.
He worried about me first, himself almost never. It was the only time in my life I felt so important, and before my discovery it was the one thing I thought that I knew without a shadow of a doubt, he loved me and he would do anything for me.
And that was over, there was a time when the thought that Eric no longer walked the earth hurt my heart and I found it hard to function on a day to day basis. I went through misery every day, and all that changed in one day.
I hadn’t been to a grief meeting in a while and I probably would never set foot in one again. There was nothing to grieve anymore. Eric was nothing more than a man who passed away. A man that hurt me. And I refused to give him a free pass because he died.
I wasn’t his mother; I didn’t have to love him no matter what. I was thankful for the time I had with him, and I was thankful that he showed me what it felt like to feel loved.
But I wasn’t thankful that he managed to break my heart from beyond the grave.
Eric was no better than any man alive or dead. He took something away from me, and replaced it with resentment that no matter what I tried to do I couldn’t move past.
And I refused to feel like the bad guy, he was resting in peace—so they said, while I was broken.
I wanted to know what I was supposed to do. What was next for me, I wasn’t sure.
But I did know one thing; I could give one person what they wanted. Even if it wasn’t what I wanted.
Chapter twenty-four
“Shh, here’s she comes,” I warned the bridesmaids.
All went silent as we waited for Ana to enter the room. We were at her mother’s beach house for her bachelorette party. I didn’t expect to see myself there, but I promised I wouldn’t make Carter suffer for my own pleasure.
Ana walked in led by her mom, a blind fold on her eyes.
“Surprise,” everyone shouted.
“Oh wow,” she said once she could see. “This place looks amazing.”
I stepped forward handing over a glass of her favorite champagne. “Glad you like it. I worked hard on the decorations.”
“Yes, all pink just like you like,” Donna her cousin said dryly. “Pardon me while I vomit.”
I sat down on the floral sofa and smoothed my dress. “When you get married Donna you can have whatever color you want. Today is about Ana.”
Lorna and June lifted their glasses. “Yes, to Ana.”
I raised mine. “To Ana and her soon to be husband, Carter.”
Ana smiled. “Thanks everyone. Now where’s the stripper?”
Donna clapped her hands. “That’s what I like to hear. Please tell us you got a stripper.”
All eyes were on me. I stood setting down my drink. “Patience.”
Ana squeezed my arm. “Everything is great. How are you, are you alright?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
I wasn’t sure what she meant or why she asked. But I was fine. I had a job, a place to live, I wasn’t going to dwell on the things that I could not have. I let it go weeks ago. Carter wanted to marry Ana and I wasn’t going to stand in his way. Everything happened for a reason.
Ana rubbed at her arm looking around. “I’m nervous. I’ve never been nervous about anything in life, and today I am nervous.”
It was the day before the wedding. It was normal to be nervous. I thought back to my own, I puked all over my hair dressers shoes, I was so nervous to marry Eric. And then it was over and I was married and all of it seemed for nothing.
“Were you nervous when you married Eric?” Ana asked.
“Of course, I thought I was marrying the most amazing man in the world.” I gave half a smile.
“What do you mean you thought?” Ana asked. “Since when do you say thought?”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Nothing, he’s gone. I don’t have a right to think anything anymore.” I sat down beside her.
“Did you regret it?”
“No, it was the easiest choice I made.” And that was the truth; marrying Eric at the time was so easy because it felt so right. And then Ana came along and ruined it.
She clut
ched her hands together. “Did you ever think Eric was nervous?”
I shook my head.
“I think Carter is nervous. He has been in a foul mood these last couple of days. I don’t know, but he’s still going through with it. Maybe I’m crazy.”
I picked at my cuticles. “I’m sure he’s fine. Probably thrilled. Why wouldn’t he be?”
Ana sighed. “Oh I don’t know because it’s hardly been a couple of months and we are about to walk down the aisle. We hardly even know each other.”
I stared blankly at her. “I think you have cold feet. And that’s normal. It’s what you wanted to do, you’ve said so every time I’ve asked you.”
Ana twirled a strand of hair around her finger, staring at the dessert table. “I suppose your right.”
Our conversation ended when Donna opened the door to the entertainment. The girl’s cheered as a wannabe cop sauntered into the room.
“I’m here because of a report of a noise violation,” he said.
Donna sat at the edge of her seat rubbing her hands together. “Enough of the bullshit we’re miles from the main road, pull out your pecker.”
Everyone laughed.
***
Hours later and several bottles of champagne all of us woman were drunk and ready for more. While Donna puked in the bathroom, Ana dialed the number for a cab service to take us to a bar.
Ana looped arms with me, stumbling up the steps to get to the patio. “We are going to go out with a bang. Before I’m someone’s wife and no longer single and hot.”
I plopped down on a lawn chair, and stared at the stars. “Twelve hours and you will be Mrs. Carter Sterling.”
Ana paced back and forth on the patio. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
She pulled her phone from her bra and chucked it at me, I ducked.
“What the hell, Ana?” I lifted her phone from the ground, shaking away the sand.
“Call him, make sure everything is alright.”
“Everything is alright, you are just freaking out,” I told her. I didn’t want to talk to Carter. I wanted to get through this wedding and disappear from Ana’s life and town altogether.
Ana started to sob, I rolled my eyes and hit the button dialing Carter’s number.
“Hello?” Carter said, music of some sort playing in the background.
“She’s freaking out,” I said.
“Who is this?”
I bit my lip. “It’s Morgan. Ana is freaking out, and I promised I would call you and make sure everything is alright.”
“Everything is fine,” he said, a sharp tone to his voice.
“Don’t bite my head off. She asked me to call you. If I had it my way I would have preferred not to.” I crossed my arms walking across the patio, away from Ana and her drunken sobs.
“Give her a pep talk, tell her it’s going to be okay.”
“How sweet,” I said. “Sure, I can do that. Enjoy your bachelor party.”
“Morgan, wait.” Carter sighed. “I understand that this is difficult for you, and I am sorry you have to be in this position.”
What was he a fucking robot? He couldn’t have been anymore fake if he tried doing it in front of a camera crew.
“Don’t worry about it. In less than twenty four hours this will all be one bad memory. And I can move on with my life. Maybe take my mom up on her offer and move down to Florida. I don’t know yet.” I let out a heavy sigh.
“You’re leaving?” he asked. As if it was the most pathetic thing he ever heard.
“I’m considering it, yes. Is that okay with you or is there some other kind of terms to my agreement.” I watched Ana stumbled toward the house. “I let you fuck me, I didn’t agree to the mind games as well.”
I was sure he was gritting his teeth. “We know it was more than that.”
I laughed him off. “Did they get you a stripper?”
“No, but maybe later you can stop by and do your part.”
I kicked the lawn chair. “You wish.”
“Yeah I do, ever since the apartment.”
Now I was the one going quiet. “I will take care of your fiancé, enjoy your night.”
I hit end and headed back inside to leave for the bar. I needed to get drunk and try to block Carter from my mind one way or another.
Chapter twenty–five
Donna stomped her combat boots singing to some old rock song on the stage of the bar while Ana hung from the stripper pole in the center of the room trashed out of her mind.
And there I was nursing a whiskey. Thinking about what I did in a past life to deserve this form of torture.
And then the gods tossed the answer in the form of Carter fucking Sterling in my path and sent him through the door of the dive bar we were in. Along with his entourage of Ana approved groomsman.
One of the middle aged barmaids approached them as they entered the place, doing her best to flirt and maybe gain a good tip at the end of the night.
Carter kept his cool watching Ana tease the entire bar of greasy truckers and married men with her strip tease routine.
I dropped my head back finishing off my drink as he approached.
“You look like you’re happy to be here,” Carter said, looking dapper yet casual in his one size to small black t-shirt and dark blue jeans. That perfectly styled hair and perfect scruff staring me down, reminding me that I once had my hands all over him.
“I am so thrilled,” I rolled my eyes, settling on the equally charming guy next to him. “Who is this? Don’t tell me Mr. Cosgrove hired another actor to fill in at the wedding because you lack the ability to make friends.”
And I smiled on the inside at my insult.
“This is Dallin, my brother.” Carter pulled up a chair with ease, not letting me get to him.
“Nice to meet you.” I said, accepting Dallin’s handshake.
“I’m going to say hello to the not so blushing bride,” Carter said standing. “If you two would excuse me.”
Dallin took his spot. “He’s a mess.”
I looked him over, shoulders back, chest out, chin high. Like his brother he was a man of confidence and slight arrogance.
“I think it’s a normal part of getting married,” I said, with a shrug. “He’ll survive.”
Dallin gave a half shrug in return. “He always does.”
I hated to ask, but something pushed me. “What is it with him?”
Dallin raised an eyebrow. “You mean the shitty outlook on life and the stubborn as shit personality?”
I smirked. “It’s like you don’t know him at all.”
He cocked his head to the side, studying Carter as he danced with Ana to Donna’s bad singing. “Our parent’s fucked with his head, his entire life fucked with his head. It’s hard to be an upstanding guy when you have been shit on your whole life I suppose.”
“You don’t seem anything like him at all,” I said.
Dallin agreed. “That’s because my grandmother took me in. Carter was a handful and she refused to keep him, she gave up on him just like everyone else did. And for that, he bounced around his entire life from one family to another.”
I stared at my hands. It was hard to resent him when someone who knew him made him human and not the arrogant son of a bitch I thought he was.
Donna waved us over; I dropped my chair leaving my empty glass behind and joined everyone in the wedding party on the dance floor.
“It’s time for a speech,” Donna said, handing over the microphone to me. “You’re the maid of honor get up there and sing something.”
My jaw dropped, I was not a singer. “I thought this happened at the wedding.”
Ana held onto Carter. “Come on, Ana. Give us a speech at least.”
I bit my lip clutching the microphone to my chest.
Before I could make up another excuse, Carter took the microphone from me, brushing past me to the stage.
Everyone’s attention went to Carter.
I looked at Carter th
en away, biting at my nails. I wanted the night to be over with so I could go home and go to bed.
“I have something I would like to say,” he started.
I frowned. He was going to declare his undying love for Ana in front of the entire world. No wonder he landed such a great role so fast.
“Ana,” he started.
I crossed my arms, and then uncrossed them.
“I made a mistake.”
I did a double take and then hid behind my bangs, afraid what was about to come next. What was he doing? I moved backward, disappearing behind a big burly trucker to disappear from view.
“I can’t do this,” he said. “I’ve been trying to pretend this is what I want. And what I need but it’s not. And I know what I want.”
I stopped, listening intently. What did he want?
The microphone buzzed and Carter left the stage, leaving the entire bar and wedding party shocked.
I hurried for the door. Ana grabbed me by the arm before I could get away.
“What is going on?” She said. “I thought you said everything was fine.”
Chapter twenty-six
What was going on, I had the same question that she did.
I was pretty sure Carter just threw away his dreams and cut out on his wedding. And he had left me to pick up the pieces.
“He said everything was fine,” I said, fiddling with my necklace.
“He left, he said this was a mistake, how is any of this fine?” She snapped.
“I don’t know why don’t you call him and ask him. Why are you asking me?”
“Because you’re my maid of honor, you’re supposed to fix everything.” She whined. “I should have listened to my dad when he said Carter was in it for the wrong reasons.”
I swallowed. “Before you jump to conclusions maybe you should talk to him.”
I didn’t want to be in the middle of the mess. I wanted to get out of there before things got ugly.
“Just wait until my dad hears about this,” she said, her eyes cold, her face red. “He created this mess, but I’ll finish it.”