Tomb Raiding PHD

by Martha Carr

  I don’t think I’d be all that calm if I were getting visions of the future a lot.

  Or maybe it was just the way she dealt with effectively being forced into witness protection in the very non-swanky Warehouse Two.

  Peyton’s initial dives into the local 25K Group suggested they hadn’t called for any reinforcements from San Francisco. They didn’t even have a great description of Lily other than “an elf girl with gray hair and gray eyes.”

  Then again, it wasn’t like Los Angeles was crawling with Gray Elves. A few questions to the right people might point the triad at her friends, and triad gangsters were a whole different level of threat than Demon Generals.

  A loud foghorn blasted from Peyton’s computer.

  Shay spun toward the office, her hand reflexively going to her gun. She sucked in a breath and dropped her hand before rushing toward the office. Lily somersaulted a few more times before jogging that way.

  “What the fuck was that, Peyton?” Shay snarled. “Do we have a perimeter breach? Just what I fucking needed.”

  Peyton glanced up from his computer, confused. “No, no, no. Any perimeter breaches would also trip an alarm on your phone. It’s a job alert. I added the sound the other day because I was getting bored with the old one.”

  Shay rolled her eyes. “So, what…a foghorn to announce someone’s willing to pay me two thousand yen to recover the Yata no Kagami or something?”

  “Nope. It’s a good job. Two million. Um…” Peyton’s face twitched, and he looked away. “They specifically asked for you. Well, you know…Aletheia, and they claim that only someone with your abilities can pull it off.”

  “Two million sounds good, so what’s the job?”

  “Um, that’s the thing…” Peyton let out a nervous chuckle. “It’s unusual, but it’s straightforward.”

  “Spit it the fuck out already.”

  “Demonic chicken.” He shrugged.

  Shay blinked. “Demonic chicken?”

  Lily laughed.

  Peyton nodded. “Yeah, there’s a hill, Alcock’s Arbour in Warwickshire. It’s got a ton of supernatural legends associated with it, but it also has a legend of a demonic chicken that’s guarding a treasure there. Some people claim a highwayman who was buried in the hill used magic to make sure his greatest treasures would never be taken.”

  “And this guy summoned…a chicken from hell?”

  “Yeah.” Peyton shrugged. “Or maybe he summoned a demon, and it possessed a local chicken. Can’t be sure.”

  Shay stared at Peyton, not believing a single thing she’d heard. “What’s it guarding? A magic egg?”

  “Um, yeah, actually. It’s a magical golden egg, though. It’s supposed to have some sort of purification magic.”

  “Bet it makes a great omelet,” Lily suggested.

  Shay scrubbed her face with a hand before taking a deep breath, then slowly let it out. “And have people gone after this demonic chicken?”

  “A tomb raider went into the area a few years back. They only found scraps of his clothes and a few fingers.”

  Lily winced. “Gross.”

  Peyton shrugged. “Maybe the chicken’s just looking for a little KFC revenge. The thing is, the chicken doesn’t always appear. There’s some sort of pattern or something. I don’t know what it is, and my research says it’s appeared for centuries. What I have been able to confirm is that once someone sees the chicken it’ll remain for a few days, and the small door that leads to its treasure is only visible for those days. It used to be years or decades between appearances, but it’s been showing up much more often in the last twenty years.”

  Shay nodded. “Maybe that sweet, sweet Oriceran magical energy flowing back to Earth is empowering it somehow. Assuming we buy the existence of a demonic chicken.”

  Lily moved behind Peyton and looked at a blurry picture of a gigantic chicken surrounded by a translucent scarlet nimbus. “I have to say, I never thought the first demon I saw would be a chicken. Do you think demon chickens still taste like chicken?” She snickered. “Probably too spicy.”

  “You think demons taste spicy?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  Shay just continued to stare at Peyton not bothering to wipe the disbelief from her face.

  He held up his hands in front of him. “I swear it’s real. I’ve found multiple images of it from different times. The legend is real, and there definitely seems to be something there. I’ve also found a correlated increase in unexplained deaths associated with appearances of the demonic chicken. So far, no one’s been able to get past the chicken, so no one’s been able to claim the treasure. It’s just waiting for Shay Carson to come and chop its head off.”

  Shay shook her head. “I can’t believe we’re sitting around discussing demonic chickens. This is bizarre, even for us.”

  Lily laughed. “An English demonic chicken.”

  “Is that better or worse?”

  “Probably more polite than an American demonic chicken.” The teen shrugged. “Or at least a French demonic chicken.”

  Peyton groaned and slumped down in his chair. “It’s real.”

  Shay rolled her eyes. “Stop whining, Peyton. I believe you.”

  He sat up. “You do?”

  “Not like there’s not a lot of weird stuff out there, so big surprise. Makes me think of that elf in Mexico. I mean, say you’re some asshole demon, and you make it to Earth. If you’re lucky, you get an Oriceran or a human, but what if you’re not? What if the only thing you can find to possess is a chicken? Sucks to be you. No wonder the chicken is killing people.”

  Peyton nodded. “You can do a lecture later about the threat of dangerous ancient poultry. The risks of chicken going bad and all that. Win-win.”

  Shay shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but let the client know I’ll take the job. I’ll get past his demonic chicken and get his golden egg.”

  Lily clasped her hand together, her eyes pleading. “Please take me. I have to go on a job where we take on a demonic chicken. I have to see this thing with my own eyes.”

  “No.”

  “No?” The teen blinked, and even Peyton looked surprised. “You want me to stay here with Captain Fashion?”

  Peyton snorted and tugged at the collar of his pastel jacket. “When you’re older you’ll learn to appreciate the subtle genius of my outfits. Each is selected with purpose and great forethought. They are a type of sartorial art.”

  “Maybe they are selected with the help of a little color blindness?”

  “Quiet, you.”

  Lily grinned. The grin vanished, however, when she turned back to Shay. “Why can’t I come?”

  “Because after what happened with the 25K Group, you need to lie low, and you also need to learn a few things from Peyton about what goes into a good tomb raid.”

  Lily sighed. “Okay, makes sense. I’ll try to not be distracted by the horrible fashion atrocities committed here on a daily basis.”

  Peyton rolled his eyes. “The younger generation never appreciates the wisdom of their elders.”

  “You’re not that much older than me.”

  “I’m old enough.”

  Shay chuckled. “Here’s the thing—you need some practice, too, Peyton.”

  “Huh? Practice at what?” He frowned. “I refuse to change my fashion sense.”

  Shay rolled her eyes. “Tomb raiding, dumbass.”

  “We franchising this stuff now?”

  Shay shook her head. “I had you holed up because of your brother. We’ve taken care of that, which means you need to start getting more sunlight, and you’ve already pulled enough stunts that I know you’d do all right on some jobs without me watching over you. The more you get out in the field, the better understanding you’ll have of my needs, too.”

  Peyton nodded. “Okay. So, what did you have in mind?”

  “Look through some of those minor league jobs. Find something easy, some small artifact or job worth a
few thousand. Go ahead and get it done while I’m fighting the Devil’s Own Poultry.”

  “Won’t you need me to provide close support?”

  Shay snorted. “I can take a chicken on a hill without having a hacker backing me up.”

  “A giant demonic chicken,” Lily pointed out.

  “Still just a chicken.”

  Lily glanced between Shay and Peyton. “What about his job? Can I go with him?”

  “Nope. You still have too much to learn. You stay low until I can take care of the local 25K guys. I’ll handle them once I get back. I don’t think frying this chicken is gonna take more than a day.”

  Shay’s small rental truck rumbled along the worn and cracked road, then a rusty gate in front of her cut off further access to the road. She pulled the truck to the side and stepped out.

  She took in a deep breath of the sweet woodland air. The full moon and bright stars above kept the night from being impenetrable, but shadows filled the spaces between the densely-packed trees on either side of the road.

  The tomb raider grabbed a small drone from the back and set it on the ground. After a quick interface with her phone, she sent the drone into the air. A giant chicken was the kind of enemy you didn’t want to surprise you.

  The drone hovered above the conical hill of Alcock’s Arbour, legendary grave of a highwayman and now allegedly defended by one demonic chicken.

  Huh. If a demonic chicken lays an egg, is the egg also demonic? What happens if I eat infernal scrambled eggs? Would that make me evil? What if I bring the demonic egg into a church?

  Shay slowly circled the hill with the drone, looking for some sign of her poultry nemesis. She just hoped the thing didn’t talk, too. That would be too damned much for her brain to handle.

  A faint red glow appeared on the camera feed.

  “You’re kidding me.”

  She magnified the image.

  “The chicken. Of course. Half-hoped it wouldn’t actually be here.”

  The soft light of the red energy surrounding the giant bird illuminated its form and confirmed Peyton’s images. Her avian opponent was large for a chicken, closing on the size of a decent ostrich. Red feathers and a stark red beak contrasted with its bright yellow legs. Other than the red energy field around it and its unusual size, it looked like any other chicken.

  Shay shook her head. Just because it was a giant chicken didn’t mean she’d lose against it. It was just a damned chicken in the end. A dumb bird.

  She programmed the drone to circle the hill and strapped on the sheath containing her tachi.

  The magical sword might be overkill, but the chicken had to be difficult to kill if it was still alive after all these centuries. The energy field and size suggested it wasn’t going to be a pushover.

  Shay advanced on the gate, still marveling that she was about to take on a giant chicken.

  Okay, so this shouldn’t be so bad. Just need to put a few bullets into him before he gives me infernal salmonella.

  The tomb raider hopped the fence and jogged through the open field toward the hill in the distance. The sinister red glow of the chicken guided her through the darkness. She didn’t even bother turning on the IR mode of her goggles.

  I have to tell James about this shit, but he probably won’t believe me.

  Shay had armed up with the expectation of a serious confrontation. She carried multiple guns, grenades, the tachi, and her adamantine knives. She hoped she could make a little chicken salad without having to go all out, but didn’t want her last memory to be getting her ass kicked by a chicken because she didn’t have the right equipment.

  About the only thing she could imagine worse than being killed in her kitchen by her friend would be getting killed by a chicken.

  A loud cluck followed by a piercing squawk rang out. It even sounded like a chicken.

  “Our chicken has some nice lungs.” Shay unholstered her pistol. “Time to make some wings. Should have brought some sauce.”

  As she advanced on her avian enemy, more squawks and clucks filled the air. The chicken didn’t move. It stood glowing in the night as if challenging her.

  Shay picked up the pace, snickering.

  Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid the 9mm.

  She arrived at the bottom of the darkened hill. Her opponent tilted its head back and forth, staring down at Shay with glowing red eyes.

  The illumination surrounding the monstrous chicken highlighted a small wooden door right behind it.

  “I don’t know what kind of magic someone used to summon a demonic chicken as a guardian, but this shit ends tonight.” Shay strode up the hill with her gun raised, waiting for the powerful poultry to charge. “You can still run away.”

  At least it’s not a drop bear.

  The glowing chicken let out another loud squawk and flapped its wings.

  “Just my luck, I get a chicken who isn’t chicken. Sorry, but I need the egg you’re guarding. And shit, I’ll take whatever else is behind you.”

  Shay fired once. The chicken shrieked and charged, but there was no sign of blood or a wound.

  “Fuck.” The tomb raider emptied her magazine into the charging avian terror, but it didn’t even seem to notice.

  The demonic chicken was on her before she could reload. The chicken launched a vicious peck at her, and she raised her pistol to block. Shay released the grip and backpedaled. The bird crunched down and cracked the tomb raider’s handgun in half.

  “Damn it, I really liked that gun.”

  Shay sprinted along the base of the hill, and the squawking chicken rushed after her.

  “I’m going to put a ton of herbs and spices on you after we’re done, you feathered freak.”

  Shay tossed a frag grenade behind her and kept running. When she glanced back after the loud pop of the explosion, she saw the chicken still chasing her without a scratch on it.

  This is such bullshit. I’m being run off by a fucking chicken.

  She yanked one of her adamantine knives from its sheath, spun, and threw it directly at the chicken.

  The blade slammed into the thigh of the chicken, summoning a loud screeching squawk. Red blood trailed down the wound, and the bird flapped its wings. The demonic chicken made it off the ground a couple of feet before dropping back down.

  Guess giant demonic chickens can’t fly. Good to know.

  Shay pulled out the other two knives and took a deep breath. She could plant a blade in the heart of a human with ease, but she didn’t trust that strategy against a giant glowing demonic chicken.

  The beast took several steps forward and flapped its wings a few times.

  “Come on, you stupid pile of nuggets. Let’s end this shit.”

  Her foe took a few more steps forward and clucked.

  Shay rushed the chicken, her knives up. She stabbed for the monster’s eyes. A powerful swipe of its leg knocked her back several feet. She cried out as her shoulder slammed into the ground and dropped the knife, a shockwave of pain blasting from the point of impact.

  The tomb raider rolled aside just in time to avoid a deadly peck that kicked up dirt and grass. She hissed in pain when the rough movement jostled her burning shoulder. A few yards later she bounced to her feet, ready with one arm and one knife.

  “I wish I had a flamethrower, so I could fry your ass.” Shay threw her remaining knife, and it impacted the chicken’s upper breast with a loud thud.

  Blood spurted from the wound as the chicken thrashed.

  Shay pulled the tachi out of its sheath. She might not be able to swing the sword well using only one hand, but now that her enemy was wounded, she had a different strategy in mind.

  “Wish I had a chance to see what a giant chicken looks like with its head cut off, but this will have to do, bird brain.”

  The tomb raider kept her sword low as she charged the giant, glowing, squawking chicken. Each step jostled her injured arm and shoulder sent a new jolt of pain through her body.

  Shay’s bl
ade impaled the chicken and passed through its body. She let go and yanked out the knife, stabbing the wounded bird as it thrashed and pecked at her. Another blast of pain shot through her wounded arm when the bird’s beak tore through her jacket and shirt and ripped into her arm.

  The bird, now bleeding from dozens of wounds and with a sword through its body, stumbled backward. With a final loud squawk, it collapsed to the ground, twitching.

  Shay dropped her knife and fell to her knees, gritting her teeth in pain.

  Okay. This hurts, but it doesn’t feel broken. Think it’s just dislocated. I can do this. Shay grabbed the forearm of her wounded limb with her good hand. “One…two…three.” She slowly pulled until lightning shot through her body.

  Shay fell forward, bracing herself with her good arm and taking deep breaths until the pain faded. Her wounded arm still burned from the laceration and a dull ache remained, but the agony at every movement had ceased.

  At least I didn’t have to use a healing potion. That damned chicken fucked me up more than the last dozen or so guys I fought.

  The tomb raider was unsteady when she rose to her feet. Shay watched the chicken for a minute, waiting for it to stop twitching and thrashing. Not willing to take a chance, she used the tachi to decapitate the thing. She wasn’t taking any chances with this one.

  Shay shook her head and collected her knives and sword, wiping them off on its feathers. She cleaned her bloody hands off on her coat. She’d have to sneak back into her hotel room without being seen. “I murdered a giant demonic chicken” might not be a believable explanation for some people.

  With her weapons collected, the tomb raider advanced on the small wooden door. It was far too small for her to enter. A brass knocker served as the only means of opening it.

  “No more angry demonic nugget piles,” she muttered. She reached down and yanked on the knocker. The door popped open releasing a cloud of dust and a fetid stench. “Ugh.”

  Three small leather pouches lay inside. They were covered with dust, but otherwise in decent shape. Shay opened the first one and found a golden egg that gleamed in the moonlight. She picked it up and squeezed slightly. It felt solid and heavy.