by L. Ann Marie
He looks at me and nods. “I think so too. She’ll be in here. I think what your dad said is right. She’ll need to see how we interact together with and without her. This feels right.”
Thank fuck he gets it. He’s so much better at this shit than I am. We change for bed and go down to the living room. I flip the tv on while Patches goes to the kitchen. Tess comes down in fuckin short pj’s and a skin tight tank top. Holy fuck! I take her back up and look through her clothes. I give her the robe Patches packed. “When you’re walking around the house you need to put this on. We’ll have a fuckin perpetual hard on if you don’t.” She looks down, her face is red. “Fuck. I’m sorry Tess. I don’t know how to do this. We’ve never done it before either. Patches is better talking to you. I just mean it will be hard to look at you when you’re not covered up.” She nods and puts the robe on. I take her hand and bring her back downstairs. She's never had clothes; I guess anything covering her is covered to her.
Patches meets us with popcorn. He flips through the Netflix and finds us a movie.
Tess
I keep messing up. I wonder if they’re going to get tired of showing me the right way to do things. They didn't kiss me on a beach yet so I think I'm here for a while. I sit in between them. Patches finds a movie. It’s funny but the guy starts yelling at a girl, I turn away. I know what comes next. I put my face against Rich’s arm. “Are you ok Tess?”
“I don’t want to see him hit her.” I tell them without looking. The tv stops.
“Yelling doesn’t’ mean he’s going to hit her. He’s just mad. Everyone doesn’t hit when they get mad. Only fucked up men would hit a woman. There are a lot of them but our Club doesn’t put up with shit like that. We’re brought up to respect and cherish our women and kids.” Rich says it so easy.
I look at him then at Patches. “It’s true. Pres will only take real men. If you hit a woman you’re out.”
I’m not sure if they’re telling the truth. “No one hits women here? Not even women like me?”
“We wouldn’t lie to you. We want to build a life with you Tess. We can’t do that if we start it off on lies. That won’t happen. You saw Tiny this week. He didn’t hit Nancy did he?”
He’s right. I shake my head no. “He looks scary but he’s sweet. He’s always good to the kids even when he’s yelling. I’m glad you won’t lie to me. I won’t lie to you either. Do you get sick of telling me how to do everything?” Since they won’t lie I might as well ask.
“Not at all.” Patches says as he moves to the table so he can see us better. “We want you to be comfortable with us. You can ask us anything, anytime.”
“Do I have to sleep in the bedroom across from you?” I look down. I’m afraid to be alone but feel like a baby.
“Not if you don’t want to. You do what makes you feel comfortable. If you’re not sure, just ask. I’d rather answer your question than have you feel uncomfortable because you didn’t ask it.” Rich says holding my chin so I'm looking at him.
“How come Kate is bringing me to the doctor tomorrow?” I’m not sick. I don’t remember the last time I was sick.
They look at each other. Patches takes my hand. “There are a number of things they will check you for but the appointment is with a gynecologist. She will check your woman parts. I’ve never been to one since I don’t have those parts but I know they check you inside from your vagina.”
I look away, Dear Lord! They’re going to look up there! “Do I have to go there?”
Rich lifts my chin. “Yes Tess. You’ve been abused for years. They'll make sure you’re fine and check for STD’s.”
“What is that?”
They look at each other again. “It’s hard to remember you were taken at sixteen and your father was a pastor. You were probably not taught about sexually transmitted diseases. That’s what STD means.”
“I might have a disease?” I feel the tears. “What if I don’t want to know if I have a disease?”
“We have to know if you do. You can get treated for it. If not, it can hurt all of us.” Patches says gently.
“I don’t want to hurt you. How do I get the disease? Maybe they didn’t give me diseases.” I can’t stop the tears.
“Tess you shouldn’t worry about it right now. I’ve learned to worry when I need to and not before. If you have a disease then we worry. You usually get STD’s from unprotected sex, meaning, if the guy doesn’t wear a rubber.” Rich says. He makes sense. I shouldn’t worry if I don’t even know.
“Do they have to wear a rubber everywhere?” How do I ask this?
“Not in your mouth but in your vagina and if he’s decent in your ass.” Rich says. Decent?
“I don’t understand, if he’s decent does that mean I can get diseases or I can’t?”
“I don’t think you can in your ass but you can ask tomorrow. I think that's where herpes and warts and things can spread. The skin is thin and can tear easily that's how you pick up that stuff. Covered also keeps you clean. You’re not waiting for our come to drip out. Men who are decent don't want their women to have to deal with that. It’s the decent thing to do.” He tells me. He’s always direct.
“Are you going to be there?” I want him to ask.
“Kate will be there. Do you want me to have her ask?” He says. He doesn’t want to go. I don’t know what to say.
“I can go but I think it’s one of those inappropriate things for a guy to watch you be examined.” Patches tells me.
“Only guys and Kate have seen my body why does it matter.” I don’t get all this.
“It matters because you are the only one that gets to decide who sees your body from now on. The doctor has to make sure everything is working right and you’ll be able to have babies when you’re ready for them. Other than the doctor, no one else gets to see Tess.” Rich says with a smile.
“I think they fixed it so I don’t have babies. But they always wore a rubber in my vagina. I went to the doctor when I first got there and they did something inside me. It hurt and I bled a lot then I was better. I guess it would be better to know. The doctor will tell me?” I look at Patches. “Are you ok?” He looks like he’s sick.
He stands, “I need a drink. I’ll be right back.” I nod.
“You can’t go because you have to work. I forgot that you said that. I can go with Kate.” I’m such a dunce sometimes.
He nods. “When you went to the doctor did you have your period after that?"
"Yes every month regular." What a weird question.
“I think I’m ready for bed, how about you Tess?” Rich asks. He looks tired tonight.
“Yes.” Since we started with the new bed routine I don’t sleep in the day and I’m tired at night. Rich walks me to the stairs and tells me he’ll be up in a minute. They said I can sleep in their bed so I climb in the middle.
Rich
I walk into the kitchen and lean over the sink. She got a fuckin abortion and wasn’t old enough to even realize what the fuck it was? Fuck. The way her parents kept her sheltered the Outlaws took a naive virgin as a slave. She's had no other sex education or experience than what they gave her. My fuckin hands are shaking. I try deep breathing. Holding my head, elbows on the counter I get myself under control. How the fuck do you tell a pastors daughter she had an abortion. “Fuck. I need to tell Kate so the doctor doesn’t tell her.”
“I already did Brother.” Patches says. I jump a fuckin foot off the floor. He puts his hand on my back. “We’ll get through it Rich. We’ll get through it because she needs us to. That’s what Kate said.”
I stand straight, take deep breaths and nod to him. “We will Brother, together.” I wish that made me feel better.
“I need to fuckin lie down Brother. Let’s just go to bed.” I nod.
Six
Tess
Rich already went to work. Patches said I can walk to Kate's. I go all by myself. Danny opens the door. "Is everything ok Tess?" He asks me. His eye is the same as Rich's. He h
as a black patch today.
"Yes. Patches said I can walk by myself. Rich went to work." I tell him. He pours coffee for me.
"Is Patches up?" Tiny asks. I shake my head no. They smile.
"The kids don't get up this early. They'll be up in about an hour or so." Danny tells me.
"I got here too early? Devan isn't up?" Oh boy I'm a dunce.
"Tiny gave him a bottle and put him back to bed." Danny says.
"I can leave and come back later." I stand embarrassed. Ben said don't run away from your family so I walk slow to the door.
Danny follows me. "You don't have to leave. We don't mind the company."
"Thank you, but I'll come back later." I walk out the door not running and go back to the other house. When I look over he is still on the porch watching me. I wave and he waves back. He's just watching out for me. That is nice of him.
I don't know what to do so I make breakfast like Patches showed me. He comes down stairs smiling at me. I did good again!
He kisses my cheek. "Good morning pretty Tess. This looks good. Thank you."
"Rich went to work. The kids aren't up so I made you breakfast." I smile at him.
"You went to the house?" He looks shocked.
"You said I can walk by myself." My hands shake. I look away from him.
"Tess, look at me. You didn't do anything wrong. I should have told you what time is ok to go over. I don't go over until nine in the summer. During school I go earlier to help everyone get ready." He doesn't sound mad.
"You're not mad at me?"
"No Tess. Was anyone up?" He's smiling. He's not mad.
"Danny and Tiny was there. Danny made me coffee but I left because the kids weren't up and Tiny took care of Devan."
He nods, "He does that a lot." He says then eats his breakfast.
This is summer so I have to wait until nine to go over tomorrow. I finish eating and look at all the food left. "I made too much. I should have taken out the kid’s part." He smiles. He's still not mad. "I'll remember tomorrow."
"I want to take you to the Diner tomorrow. I think you'll like the food there. My friend Sam runs it. His old lady is a waitress. We have a Bakery here too; we need to run by there. Jess runs it and takes care of the club money and businesses." He smiles standing up.
"Can I work here too?" I want to work.
"Right now we want you to get comfortable relearning about everyday things. I have a list we'll cross the stuff off as you relearn it. Today we cross off breakfast. You made it perfect."
I smile, "I won't make so much next time unless we're with the kids."
"We can still cross it off. I need to do laundry later, we'll do it together and cross that one off too." He watches me. I smile and nod. "If you're ready I promised Darren some muffins. We can go meet Peg and pick up the muffins at the Bakery."
"I didn't brush my teeth. I'll be right back." I run up the stairs. I need to remember to brush like Ally.
Patches
She's so fuckin cute. Danny and Tiny must have laughed their asses off. She comes back down and takes my hand. I like that she's doing it on her own. We walk in the Bakery and Peg smiles at us. She has customers so she tells me to come around and pick up the box for the kids. Karen is making coffee but stops to say hello to Tess. She used to work at the Center but left when VP shot a guy there; it was too stressful. She's sweet though and makes Tess smile. We go through the doors; Mary and a Prospect are back here getting cakes from the oven.
Mary stops and comes around the work table to say hi to Tess. "I heard all about you Tess. The boys think you're something else. They've been telling my Lily all about how brave and smart you are. Welcome." She gives Tess a hug.
I smile at them. The Prospect comes over I shake my head at him. He nods. "Hi Tess. I'm Nick." He doesn't make a move toward her. She moves to my side and doesn't look at him. "I need to get back to work. I put you're box on the rack Patches." He points behind me.
I give him chin and turn to get it but Tess doesn't let me go. I look down, she's shaking with tears on her face. "Tess." Her eyes are blank when she looks at me and let's my arm go. I grab the box and her hand. She's shaking. I walk us out. Peg looks and nods but doesn't stop me. She sees it too. At the truck I sit her on the seat and turn her toward me. I hold her loosely. "What has you shaking Tess? I wouldn't let anything happen to you. You know that don't you?"
"He's going to get hurt. He helps the man that's going to hurt you Patches. The man's going to hurt Rich and you. You shouldn't come here." Tears are falling down her face. Fuck! What the fuck do I say?
"I'll let Rich and Tiny know. Rich is in charge of Security and Tiny is in charge of Prospects. Can we change what you see if we stop them before it happens?"
"I don't know. Maybe we can do that. Can you call Rich so that man doesn't hurt you?" She wipes her face with her hand. I open the glove box handing her napkins while I call Rich. Fuck.
"Brother, I'm watching, what the fuck is going on?" I turn to make sure no one is by us.
"Nick is going to help the man that hurts us. Tess wanted me to call you right away. I need to get out of here. Can you call Tiny?"
"Fuckin Hell! I'll call him. Anything else I need to know?" The noise in the background gets louder.
"I asked if we can change the outcome. She doesn't know. She thinks we should try though." I hope he can think of something.
"I'm on it. I'll hit you later." I hang up and pull her to me for a hug. I'm not sure who needs it more right now but I hold her tight.
"He's very good at his job Tess. He's going to try and change it." She nods and turns. I buckle her in and walk around the truck. Fuckin Nick is standing on the steps. I sign to the camera and get us the fuck out of here.
Walking in the house Pres and Danny are at the table. They notice right off something's wrong. The kids come running for the box. Ally takes Tess' hand and leads her out of the circus. They help me get milk and orange juice to everyone. Jessie and Alex get plates and napkins. Darren tells us him and Jessie will handle the boys. These kids are so fuckin observant. I throw him chin and go to check on Tess. Pres and Danny follow. I hear her on the monitor. She's changing Devan, Ally is with her they’re singing to him.
I sit and hold my head. "We we're in the Bakery, as soon as Nick came close she started shaking and was frozen in place. When I got her outside she told me he was going to help the man that hurts Rich and me. After I called Rich I buckled her in and walked around the front of the truck and he was standing on the steps watching us. Rich was already on it."
"Fuck. This happened while you were standing in the Bakery?" Danny asks. I nod. "So it's more a vision than a dream." He looks like he's searching for something.
"I asked if she thought we could change it. She doesn't know but wants us to try. I think she sees more than she's saying, she looks so fuckin sad when she says it." I look from one to the other. I just notice they're in pj pants and t shirts. I guess it's not a secret anymore. What the fuck am I thinking, they were so happy I got Jessie’s bed finished. Fuck, I need to stay focused. Pres is on his phone. Danny is still thinking.
Tess walks down the stairs smiling with Devan in her arms. "Good morning again Tess." Danny says. She smiles as her face turns red. She makes me smile.
"Good morning. Patches told me the schedule. I'll remember tomorrow." She kisses Devan's head. Fuck. She's showing love to him without thinking about it.
I look at Danny, he smiles at her. "You're always welcome here. I don't want you to feel like we keep office hours. If you need to be here you should come here."
She smiles, "Thanks. I'll remember that too." She follows Ally, mostly because she's being pulled by the belt loop. I laugh. Fuckin kids.
"She seems fine now. I wonder if she could tell us for sure if it's Jonesy. I'm going to see if Rich can get something from his locker that sparks a vision." He looks at Pres. He nods, he was following. He tells whoever is on his phone to find something.
"What time
does she need to be with Kate?" I need to get the kids moving.
"Kate will pick her up at twelve. She called the doctor earlier to make sure nothing slips." He looks concerned.
"We have to figure out how to explain this to her. She was a pastor’s daughter that was kept secluded. She has no clue about STD’s. I’m willing to bet she was a virgin and didn’t learn about abortions either. Rich looked like he was going to pass out last night. I'm sure I looked the same but he held it together until she went to bed. I took off when she first said it puking my fuckin dinner."
"Kate is going to talk to a therapist later on today. We're going to get her into therapy and self-defense classes right away. It will give her confidence and help her cope with all the changes she's going through. You and Rich should keep going too." Danny tells me.
I stand, "Thanks Pres, Danny. We planned on it. I need to get the kids moving, we have soccer in an hour and Ally is with Lily today from soccer to four."
"Brother, I'll take Ally. I'm free today." Pres tells me.
"No disrespect but what the fuck? You never have a free day."
They laugh. "I have two more days because I didn't take vacation the rest of the year. Jess and her fuckin vacation schedule. If I show up at work she'll be bitchin me out. I'm supposed to set the fuckin example." I crack up walking into the kitchen. I wouldn't mess with Jess either. She's a tiny slip of a woman but she handles our money.
Rich
VP walks in. "Mary's fuckin working her ass off and he walked out the front, stood on the steps and watched Patches talk to Tess. When they left he called someone. She was fuckin right."
VP pulls his phone. "Get who he called." He hangs up. "Geek’s watchin." I nod. "Need somethin from Jonesy's locker. Could set a spark with Tess."
I look up at my board and hit Bob. "I need something from Jonesy's locker. Grab it with gloves and bag it. Preferably without his name on it." I close my phone and watch the board.