by L. Ann Marie
Kate is crying Ben is rubbing her back Danny is holding her shoulder. I realize me and Rich are in the same position. "This is something we can fix. All of us can help her. Look at us; she has six adults willing to do anything to make her smile again. We can do this."
Ben smiles, "You're right Patches. Once we tell the boys we have five more hands for her to hold. If we tell the Brothers we'll never get any fuckin peace because they'll be here with a hand for her too. We can do this."
Danny smiles looking at Kate. "Sounds like something we can handle." He kisses her forehead.
"Thank you Tess. I'm so sorry for what you went through and what you have to relive but I'm so glad you have the ability to tell us what's wrong and help us mend her heart." Kate tells her. Rich kisses her forehead and I smile. Our girl is awesome.
"What do we need to do, how do we help her?" Tess asks.
"First, coffee." Rich gets up to help Ben. Danny watches him with a smile.
Rich
They're going round and round about what to do for Ally. I need a minute away. I was so pissed at first knowing she was treated like trash but I keep thinking this isn't so hard to fix.
Walking out of the kitchen I go to Ally's room. She's still in bed so I climb in with her. I've never been in one of their beds. I'm glad they went with full size; I'd never fuckin make it in a twin. Ally just watches me. Once I get my body bent so I can be comfortable and see her I say hi.
"Hi, how come you’re in my bed?"
"I wanted to talk to you. You're my little sister and you're hurting. I want to help you feel better." I tell her leaning to kiss her cheek.
"I'm never going to feel better." Her voice is lower than usual.
"Never is a long time. I used to say I'm never going to fall in love. I was wrong; when I was twenty I wasn't ready so I didn't. Now I'm older guess what I did?"
"You love Tess." She smiles.
"I do. She told me what that man said to you. She cried when she told me. She said your heart hurts. She saw you in her dream and your heart hurts so much it made her cry. She loves you and doesn't want to see you hurting."
A tear falls down the side of her face. "He said I'm a retard, I'm not worth anything."
"Really, I bet he didn't think so many men would be out looking for their Ally. He didn't see mom crying or dad driving his bike so fast down the road to get to you. He didn't notice Tess fighting them so they wouldn't hurt you. He's not a very smart man. He didn't know much did he?" I wipe her tear away.
"I'm still a retard." She's getting so smart.
"So what. It's not a secret that you and Alex have Down syndrome. So what. When dad first got shot, half his face was covered in a bandage. When they took the bandage off his scar was so big. Bigger than it is now. He only had a hole for his eye. It was kind of gross to look at. He didn't care; he still did what he had to. He's dyslexic so he had to learn how to do everything again with one eye. It was hard for him but Tiny said he practiced every day and learned to drive his truck then his bike. Little Ben and Jessie helped him with people making fun of him. They told him some peoples scars are inside, some are outside but everyone has scars. That's what gives people their strong to share. Dad’s scars were where everyone could see them and they made him stronger. Because they were outside, other people remembered to be strong for him. When dad met Darren he saw that Darren's dad didn't understand about being strong. It was Aaron that told dad Darren's ears were born broke and it doesn’t matter if you’re broke. You still have strong to give. Darren's scars are on the inside. He's got so much strong and he uses it every day doesn't he?"
"Yeah he helps everyone; I'm going to be like him when I get older."
"How about dad? I want to be like dad when I get older. He's so strong even though his brain doesn't read the right way and he has scars on the outside too, I still want to be like him. He's the strongest man I know." She smiles.
"I'm going to be like him too. I'm going to share my strong with everyone ‘cause I have so much of it." She smiles, her whole face is smiling.
"Ally I think you're forgetting something." I wait for her to think. She's so fuckin cute. She finally signs 'what'. "You’re forgetting how strong you are already. Just cause you're scars are on the outside you don't hide all your strong. You share it every day like dad and Darren. When Tess got here she was broke on the inside. You were the one that held her hand and gave her your strong. She saw you in her dream remember. Even in her dream you gave her your strong so she would have the courage to come with me and Patches."
"I did share my strong. My grandma said I could do it." She's says it so sure I get goose bumps. Fuckin women and their dreams."
"And you did. Do you think that because you have Down syndrome you don't have any strong to share?"
"I have lots to share." She says as if I'm challenging her. I smile.
"So just because your scars are where people can see them doesn't mean you’re not worth nothing. It means you have to help people be stronger. That's a lot to ask but dad does it and Darren does it and Alex does it. And you don't even know it but you do it too. Every day you use your strong, you help everyone when they need a smile or hug, you jump right in and give it all the time. You hold people's hand when they need it. Every day."
She fuckin smiles that smile that says her world is lit with happy. "I do. I always do."
"Some bad mean man called you retard. So what. He can't take your strong unless you let him. You should never let ugly mean people take your strong. You have to use your strong to teach other people how to be strong. I bet we never even see that bad man again. What do we care what he thinks. You have a whole family that loves you and knows how strong you are. So what."
"I don't care what he thinks no more. I still have strong to share." She's smiling. Thank Fuck!
"Maybe you should share some of that with mom and dad. They're worried you’re going to let the bad man steal your strong away." She sits up so I do.
She hugs me so tight. "You're the best biggest brother."
I laugh. "You're the best little sister." She climbs out of the bed and stops. "Hey short stuff move so I can get out."
She turns with a big smile. "They already know."
Fuck. I climb out bending back to get out without smacking my fuckin head. When I stand straight they're all standing in the room. Kate is crying and smiling. Fuckin women with the tears and smiles. They’re all smiling. “What? It was a brother thing.” Ally hugs Kate then dad then Ben. Patches slaps my back and Tess hugs me with a big fuckin smile. Thank fuck she’s not crying.
My dad looks at me. “So what. Fuckin brilliant. I’m so fuckin proud of you Rich. Thank you.”
Fuck that feels good. “Do I get breakfast now or what?” I need to get out of here.
“We were taking the kids to the Diner. Come with us.” Ben says.
I look at Tess. She smiles. Dad looks at her. “The safest and strongest you’ll ever be is with your family.”
She smiles bigger. “Ok.” Ally grabs her and Kate’s hands and pulls them to the closet.
My cue to get the fuck out before the fashion show starts. I walk to the door Patches, Ben and dad follow. I refill my coffee and sit. Patches goes to the house to get clothes for us. Ben and my dad sit.
“So what. I like that; it should be a tag line for something.” Ben says smiling.
“For us. It should be a tag line for us.” I tell him. They laugh, I don’t fuckin care. So what.
Twelve
Two month
Tess
I love being on the bike. Patches goes up the hills fast and I get a funny feeling in my belly when we go down. I hold on tight and laugh. He always makes me laugh. He slows down when we get to the garage. This is my third lesson. They have the car in front. I'm so excited. He stops and lets me get off. I give him the helmet and turn toward the car. Dave and some other guys are coming out of the garage. I take a step back bumping into Patches. He puts his arm around my waist and whispe
rs its ok.
He walks me toward Dave. He's smiling but I don't want to go closer. "No." I stop so Patches stops. He signs too many. The guys go back in. "Thank you." I take a deep breath and walk toward Dave. "Hi Dave, thank you for letting me drive again." The therapist said I need to push through being nervous and talk to men as much as I can, so I do.
"Hi Tess. Patches says you're almost ready to get your license. The guys just wanted to say they're proud of you." He smiles and looks back at the garage.
I look but the guys are not there. "Can you tell them I said thank you. I just get nervous with them all together."
He smiles. "I will. Have a good lesson Tess." He walks into the garage. I look at Patches.
"You did good Tess. You never have to do something you feel so strongly is wrong. I'm proud of you. Some of those guys are fuckin scary."
I laugh. He never gets mad. I go on my tip toes and kiss his lips. It always makes him smile. He opens the door for me. I sit and buckle up. I'm so excited, I like driving. I wait for Patches, when he's buckled up I drive. We always drive for a couple of hours. He’s very patient.
He tells me what turns to make, I'm smiling the whole time. I haven't made any mistakes. When we get out of the city he has me turn toward the water. I drive the winding road following the coast line. It's so pretty I thank him for bringing me this way. We stop at a restaurant right on the water. I'm so proud I drove the whole way with no mistakes. He kisses me before we go in. I love being kissed. Sometimes I feel like a teenager.
Inside I see Rich and laugh. He kisses me and guides me to a table. We talk and laugh while eating fish and chips. It's my favorite dinner. When we finish they each take a hand.
"Rich and I wanted to talk to you about our future. We want you to know we're all in. We want you to live with us forever, for us to love and cherish and protect, as our wife. Will you marry us Tess?" Rich has a beautiful ring with two bands holding a pretty blue stone.
I can't breathe. I feel tears. I nod because I can't talk. They smile and kiss my cheek. Finally I take a breath. "It's so beautiful. Yes, yes." They lean in and hug me. They're so sweet, laughing while I try to breathe right again. After being used by all those men they want me. I love them so much. "When?" I ask
They laugh, "How about three months babe?" Rich says, Patches laughs.
"Ok. What will my name be?" I don't know how this works. They never care about my questions so I always have tons of them. They smile.
"Tessa Anne LaPonte-Karr or Tessa Anne Karr-LaPonte, which one do you like?" Patches says.
"I like my initials saying talk not tackle."
They laugh, "TALK it is. Pres will have the lawyer draw up the paper to change your name. He can have it by the end of the week, that way your license will have your new name." Rich tells me.
Patches laughs. "You're a good driver, you’re ready, there's no reason to wait." I squeal and stomp my feet, so happy I feel like I'm going to explode. They crack up. "I wish we got that for the proposal."
"I'm changing my name getting married and getting my license!" I'm still stomping my feet and they're still laughing.
Patches
She's so fuckin cute. I can't help but laugh. She has no problem marrying us, I was nervous because she grew up in the church, almost literally. That life wasn't a happy one we've learned. She spent most of that secluded because of her visions. She loves the freedom she has now.
We take her for a walk on the beach. I think she's a little too excited to drive right now. Rich is cracking up at her asking questions. We think it's great that she's not afraid to ask us anything but she's been doing so much on her own she hasn't been asking so many anymore. She's so smart and picks everything up so quickly. The kids have been great with her, really everyone has. We've spent the last month learning each other. I love her more now than I ever thought possible.
It's going to get dark soon; we walk back to the parking lot. Rich's truck is here and the car is gone. I laugh. He wanted us to be together. Good call.
I put Tess in the middle and buckle her up. She's quiet on the ride home. It's not her normal comfortable silence. "Is everything ok Tess?" Rich asks feeling it too.
"You asked me to marry you but we haven't had sex yet." She looks down.
"Marriage isn't about sex babe." He tells her then looks at me.
"Sex shouldn't cloud our decisions. This is a complicated life were asking you to live with us. Taking sex out helps us make the decision without the extra pressure sex involves. When it's time we'll all know and it will happen. You deserve more than just sex. We have all the time in the world because you said yes. We've all had sex, we want more than that for you and for us. We've never had this either." I lift her hand and kiss her palm. I say this to her but my dick is straining against my jeans as the words come out of my mouth.
"We don't need the test drive." Rich says cracking me and Tess up. She leans over and kisses him then me.
"Thank you." She's comfortably quiet now. She said yes. I'm so fuckin happy.
Thirteen
Two weeks
Rich
Fuck she’s killing me with kisses. She started touching us all the fuckin time. Standing at the counter she leans her whole fuckin body against me and pulls me down for a kiss. Putting my tongue in her mouth has my dick begging me for relief. I can’t step back so I turn her and sit her on the counter. Fuck.
“Fuck I like seeing that.” Patches says. She fuckin moans in my mouth. Fuckin Hell! I have to step back. Thank Fuck she’s too dazed to see how fuckin hard I am. I give her a peck on the lips and run up the stairs. Patches can kiss her. I need a fuckin cold shower. Again!
My dad wants to talk to me and Patches this morning. Kate is taking Tess to the grocery store. I need to hurry so we’re not late.
Walking into my dad’s is like walking into a circus some days. This is one of those days. I laugh seeing Ben standing at the stove in pajama pants and t shirt with a spatula in his hand. He’s just watching the kids running after Ally. I catch her and everyone stops. Putting her on my shoulders I ask them why they’re chasing her. Jessie signs ‘she’s the Outlaw. She stole our strong we’re on a mission to get it back.’ I look up at Ally. She’s got the biggest fuckin smile on. I laugh “Why are you the Outlaw? I would think you’d be the good guy?”
She laughs. “I’m the only one strong enough to be the Outlaw.” Jessie says as she signs.
“Ain’t that the fuckin truth?” Their hands go out. Fuck! Patches laughs and give them a buck. I put her down and they’re running again. Ben is laughing his ass off. The kids run in the living room. “How the fuck do you get out of paying?”
He smiles at me. “Me and your father give them a flat rate hundred bucks a month. They’ve learned it can get them more than what we use. Darren has a flat rate for Tiny too but his is two hundred.”
Me and Patches crack up. “Wonder what ours will be?” I look at Patches.
“No fuckin way I’m getting lumped into your flat rate. I don’t swear in front of them much. You and Tiny have no discipline when it comes to your language.” Patches laughs me.
My dad comes in with the kids and Kate. Everyone is calm. Holy shit he’s good. We kiss Kate’s cheek and tell her Tess is ready. She’s picking her up. Once everyone is packed in the truck I shake my head. Grocery shopping with all the kids is going to be a fuckin nightmare.
We sit at the table and Ben brings us coffee. This is new. I’m more comfortable with him being here. “You wanted to talk to us?”
“Yeah we did. Kate is concerned about Tess.” Ben says.
My father nods. “She’s been asking her questions about sex. She’s never had the feelings she’s going through and asks Kate for advice.” Fuck, I do not like Kate knowing this shit. Patches looks at me and I know he’s thinking the same thing.
“What you’re thinking isn’t it. She has no experience with love. She never had boyfriend or normal sex. She was taken as a virgin. The only thing she knows i
s that it hurts and there is no connection between sex and love. She’s nervous that once you have sex she won’t feel the same because it will mess up your relationship.”
“Fuckin Outlaws.” Patches growls what’s going through my head.
“The concern Kate has is she’ll get caught up in the moment and not be ready when she does have sex. She knows you’d never hurt her but if Tess says she’s ready Kate wants you to know she’s not. The girl has never had an orgasm, never masturbated. She was brought up so sheltered she wasn’t allowed to talk about anything sexual. She asked Kate a ton of questions because she saw something on tv.” Ben says but I don’t want to hear this from them. I don’t want them to know this shit. I need to know it though.
I run my hands down my face. “Fuck.”
My dad blows out a breath. “Think about when you were a teenager. The stuff you did when you were first exploring sex and girls. She needs to learn from that point. Like she’s a virgin and you’re her first. It doesn’t have to be hard, start at the beginning teach her what she lost so when she says she’s ready, she really will be ready.”
“As much as I don’t want to be having this conversation you’re right. Is there anything else we need to know?” I reluctantly ask.
“This is what makes you a good leader Rich. No matter what it is you always ask if there’s more information that will help you carry out a job, make a decision or correct a situation.” Ben says with a smile. Fuck it feels good to get the compliment but I still don’t want to have this conversation. I throw him chin.
“There’s nothing else that Kate has told us. You’re old enough and smart enough to figure out what you need to do. Your love for her gives her the protection she needs. Kate just wanted you to know there’s an area you may not be seeing that is in need.” My dad says chasing his words with a drink of coffee.