by L. Ann Marie
We finally get her up the stairs and into the room. It has a big bed. We lift the sheet under her and move her to the center of the bed where a big pad is positioned. Doc hooks the IV to the bed frame and tells us the pad if for spotting. Patches bunches the sheet against her back. He whispers Doc already knows. I nod. I look at my Brothers and ask them to turn around. They do and Patches rolls her to her back. Her legs go up and open, she moans. Doc holds her legs together. I pull the sheet out and Patches moves her back to her side. We pull the sheet off and cover her with the blue bed sheet. "Thank you Brothers." They turn back. She's so small in the big bed but it looks more comfortable.
"If she or you need anything call the front. We have you covered to take the time you need here." Pres tells us. I throw chin and sit on the side of the bed. Patches sits by me.
Everyone walks out but my dad. Dad comes to us; he kisses Patches head then mine. My eyes burn, I blink it away. "I'm so fuckin proud of you both. Everything you're doing feels right. Keep doing it. I love you boys. Call if you need me." I nod but can't look at him. I hear the door close and take a breath.
I get up and walk to the bathroom. Someone put our clothes here. I shower with tears falling until they're done, seven fuckin men raped her. I slide on bed pants and dump my clothes on the chair pulling my phone. Patches goes in to shower. I lay down on the bed looking at Tess. She's still sleeping. I hope Doc has her knocked out for the night. She deserves a fuckin night of peace. I watch her sleep.
Patches dumps his clothes, shuts the overhead light and lays down. He doesn't shut off the small light. "Doc will be in every couple of hours." He says softly. "I love her Rich."
I smile. "Me too Patch. She told Darren she loves us. We need to get through this with her. Show her we're all in. I don't want to lose her."
"I'm all in Brother. She knew what it meant to give up her body for the girls. She can get past this. She's so fuckin strong." He moves close to her and kisses her head. "We'll all get past this."
"Yeah. Together." I kiss her head.
Nine
Three days
Patches
Tess is on my chest. Rich has her hand in his. Even in sleep she holds both of us close. Rich lifts his head. He looks around the room, his eyes finally find mine. He signs 'no nightmare' I smile signing 'no'. He smiles sitting up. Tess stirs. We freeze waiting for the scream. She looks up at me; her left eye is almost all the way open. "Good morning Tess." She smiles then stops. Her face is still tender.
"Good morning." She moves like her body is stiff but she manages to sit without help. She reaches for Rich's hand. "Good morning."
He leans over and kisses her cheek. Smiling at her he says good morning back. I'm happy she's not pulling away from us. The therapist warned us it could happen. "Are you hungry?"
"Always." She says making us smile. "Can we go down to breakfast today? I need to stretch." Rich looks at me. I nod. Everyone already saw her at her worst. She's doing better and I want to give her whatever the fuck she wants. He holds his hand out to her and walks her to the bathroom. She still hurts and walks stiffly holding on to his arm for support. We throw jeans on while she's in there.
I get her a pair of her sweats and my t-shirt, when she comes out I help her dress. We make it down the stairs and into the kitchen. The kids cheer making me smile. Rich laughs. They made her a princess chair. She has tears and thanks them. She slowly lowers herself and sits on the side of Jessie. I sit on her other side and Rich sits across from her. Sam puts a plate of french toast in front of her. I laugh at her expression. "The kids told me what you like best."
She smiles at them. "Thank you guys."
"You’re looking better already Tess. Your eyes are smiling." Jessie tells her.
"That's because we're all safe and happy to be together." She looks at Ally and tries to smile.
Doc says by next week she should be able to smile again. He rushed her tests, she's clean. Thank fuck! She told them she didn't have the results for STDs so they all covered. It was a smart move and made Doc smile but not me. Because the seven wore rubbers as they were raping and beating the fuck out of her just doesn't give me comfort. Good news is her ear drum is not ruptured. She doesn't seem to be concerned with anything during the day. She is just happy to be here.
I look at Rich, he's smiling watching her. I can't help but smile too. We can do this.
Rich
Fuck I love her. I need to talk to Patches; I want to get her a ring to show her we're hers.
Driscoll pushes through the door. "Rich they need you at Security."
I stand and look at Patches. He nods. I go around and kiss Tess' still swollen lips telling her I love her. Hitting the stairs I race to the room, pull on my boots and grab my pocket shit. My bike is right in front, Driscoll is waiting by the gate for me. Brothers open it, we fly through and over to Security.
Hitting surveillance I scan the room. Pres is walking toward me with VP. "Surviving Outlaws from Rhode Island called for a meet. I told them they're not welcome and I won’t appreciate if they bring trouble into my yard again. They told me they'd take their chances. They're twenty minutes out."
I look at VP, I'm waiting for his order. "I'm good to waste every fuckin one of them, only twelve left." He says exactly what I want to hear.
"Alive they're a constant threat." I tell them letting them know where I stand.
"Could meet and see what they have to say then waste them." Pres says. I smile, VP's rolling his eyes. "We called you because this is your call."
I pull my phone and hit Patches. "Need a decision quick. Twelve Outlaws left, heading our way for a meet. Hit them or meet and hit them. Ask Tess too." He asks her. She says her dream says their all gone. Patches comes back on and says 'hit.' I slide it off. "Hit them." I say.
VP smiles. "Digs, get your fuckin ass in the fuckin chair!"
Pres looks at me. I know he wants the meet but I can't fuckin do it. "Tess' dream has them all gone. There's not a fuckin scratch on me, you or any other fuckin Brother. If their dead in her dream, I need to make them dead in her reality. She will never again relive the fuckin hell she's been through." He nods running his hands through his hair.
"Ben, why the fuck do you want to meet these fuckers anyway?" VP asks.
He looks at us then away. "Tracy's last call to Jessie was from their club."
"You fuckin kiddin me? You’re fuckin happier than I’ve ever fuckin seen you and you'll fuck that up, for her?"
"Steve it's not even close to that, the call was six months ago. He hasn't gotten a call since."
"Not a fuckin hardship. She didn't call him for months before that. Don't have time to fuckin deal with that piece of shit."
"You're right. Go do what needs to be done." He tells us. Fuck!
"Brothers, you might want to watch this." Digs says from his screen. We all walk over and watch.
"Fuckin hell! I love the fuckin Brotherhood." I say with a smile. Steve laughs.
"Fuckin Tiny! That's fuckin Casper!" Pres is fuckin shocked.
Bob comes up and watches. "Fuckin badass bikers going old school and fuckin rockin it." He says. I laugh as we watch them take down every last fuckin Outlaw. A wrecker pulls up taking the bikes, a pickup the bodies.
"Send that to Patches." I tell Digs. He nods typing away laughing his ass off.
Ten
One week
Tess
The therapist comes to see me every day at ten. I'm so glad. I know I made the decision to give myself to the Outlaws but I still have nightmares and I'm afraid if I see a group of men. This, of course, made living at the club hard. I went to breakfast a couple of times but stayed in the room the rest of the day. The kids would come up and visit for a while every day.
Since we've been home the kids still come once a day. The boys tell me what they did the day before. Each one takes a turn to sit by me. Little Ben tells me they're sharing their strong. Ally sits on my other side holding my hand, they never move her. I wish
I knew what she understood. I'm afraid to say the wrong thing to her, she hasn't spoken to me; she just holds my hand. Patches thinks this is what she needs right now. Kate says she hasn't been speaking much to anyone including the therapist. I hold her hand and try to think of her favorite things while I do.
Rich and Patches have been so loving and attentive. They know what I need before I do. I don't know how going through what I did made me feel closer to them but I do. The last few days they've let me do things on my own. I can dress myself and wash most of me in the tub. I can't get my back and chest and face wet but I do alright. Kate helped me the first two days but I've been able to do it since. Rich helps me wash my hair at night. He likes drying it. Patches puts it up for me in the mornings. Doc comes every day to check and change the bandages. He'll be taking the stitches out next week and I'll be able to take a real shower.
Mary and Brenda came to see me our first day home. She's a mess. Mary has her seeing a therapist. Brenda feels responsible. I don't know how she jumped to that but that's what's in her head. I explained about the dream and my decision to change it without telling Rich and Patches. I think she understood, she left in tears so it's hard to tell. I was kind of relieved when they left. Their visit brought back everything I'm trying to get rid of. Rich and Patches think we both need some time before we see each other again. The therapist agrees.
I'm making dinner tonight. Jess was going to send over something but I asked her not to. I need something to do and dinner sounds like just the thing. The CNA that's here during the day while the guys are working offers her help but I don't want any. I turn the radio on and make dinner for my guys. I'm so glad Nancy showed me how to make a cake; I even put a layer of strawberry in the middle like my grandmother used to do.
Patches
Going back to work has been hell. I want to be with Tess but I need to give her time to heal without my hovering and driving her fuckin crazy. I bought her a phone and she texts me and Rich a couple of times a day. Today she says to bring our appetites home with us. I've been smiling ever since I got it. She's doing more every day. Her back must be fuckin killing her every time she moves but she never says a word about it. Now she's making dinner.
Since she's been home I've seen a change in her. She takes time to figure things out on her own without asking us how she should do things. It's like she made the monumental decision to keep Ally safe so the little things aren't worrying her like they were before. She trusts herself to make the right choices. I'm so proud of her. She decided to get back into her classes too. The therapist and Kate are surprised at how quickly she's moving forward and think it's a good sign that she's coming to terms with her decision to knowingly put herself in danger. She still can't be around too many men at once, I don't imagine that will be easy to overcome but she's working hard to push through it. We've got time.
I love my job but I can't wait to go home today. My girl is making dinner. I'm still fuckin smiling.
Rich
I'm training this week so I'm out early. I don't see Tess until dinner. She was tired the first couple of days we were home. Every day has been a little easier for her. Today she surprised us with spaghetti and meatballs. I'm so happy she's getting bored. The food was good too but she's not sinking into depression and that's so fuckin good to see when I come home from work. She's so fuckin strong, I'm in awe of how she's handled the hell she went through.
I take her for a walk on the beach. She's excited about going back to self-defense class tomorrow. Kate told her the instructor said she'd take it easy on her. She's so animated I'm surprised when she stops and stands behind me. In front of us a group of people are starting a barn fire. They look like they're having fun. When I turn to her she's shaking, tears are rolling down her face. I shield her from their view and start walking back holding her against me.
I stop at my dad's gazebo and sit her on my lap. "Can you tell me what happened?" I ask her softly.
She's still crying. "I don't know. I was so scared and didn't want you to make me talk to them." She puts her head on my chest.
I hold her for a few minutes thinking of how to do this so she has control but pushes her limits. "When we go anywhere and you're uncomfortable I want you to stop and think about what it is you're feeling. If you would rather not do something, it's important for you to try to push through that feeling and interact with people. If it gets uncomfortable you have to say what is uncomfortable so we can understand and move you to where it feels safe. If you get so scared you can't think, sign that you have to leave. We will get you away so you feel safe and know that you're not ready for that. No matter if it's the want or the need you have to tell us so we know what's happening and we can protect you. Yeah?"
"Yeah" she says it but it's an automatic reply, not an answer.
"Can you tell me what you felt over there?" The therapist said to use feel words. This is the first time I've tried it.
She takes a deep breath and sits up looking at me. "On the beach the big man that was near the fire looked scary. His face was half lit up by the fire light. I was scared, the others were laughing like the Outlaws. I was afraid you were going to talk to them and make me say hi. I tried to move away but my feet wouldn't go." She looks so fuckin scared; she's shaking just thinking about it.
"I would put that in the need column. You needed to be taken out of that situation to feel safe enough that your body listens to your brain. Do you think next time you could sign to me or do something that tells me what you need?" I can see her working to get herself under control.
She breathes deep and looks at me. "I can try. Knowing that you're going to protect me helps. It calms me to know I have someone to count on. It's scary too but I don't know why."
I know why, she's never had it before. Her fuckin parents kept her hidden then she became a slave. "When you love someone you're taking a chance. It's a huge leap of faith that the other person feels the same and will always do what's in your best interest. I was terrified when I realized that I love you. I had to have faith that you would always do what's in my best interest. It's a trust you just don't give to everyone. It's fuckin scary. On top of the normal relationship worries there's Patches. He's like my other half but that just complicates it because we had to have faith that you felt the same for both of us. Love isn't always puppies and roses; sometimes it's scary as fuck. It's all ok though as long as we work together, we have each other to lean on." I feel like such a fuckin pussy. I wouldn't be surprised if Tiny is throwing cases of tampons in his truck for me. My dad and the therapist said these are the conversations we have to have in order for this to work. Maybe they can hold fuckin Tiny back for a little while. I am so fuckin whipped. I smile.
She's quiet for a few minutes. "I'm willing to work for us. I get scared a lot, sometimes I think I'm too much trouble and you'll get sick of me. I'm trying though."
"Babe, when you need us to be strong for you we will. We have no problem waiting for you to feel safe and comfortable all the time every day. It's not a race and we have no deadline. You’re important and we love you enough for us to give you what you need to make this work. Don't ever think we're sick of you. It just can't happen. When you love someone it’s through the good and rough times. Yeah?"
She smiles and kisses my lips, "yeah." I'm in fuckin shock and my dick jumps. Fuck! This is the first time she's kissed me on the lips. I stand her up before I'm not able to and walk her home counting by threes backward.
Eleven
Two days
Patches
What the fuck? Tess is crying in her sleep. She's calling Ally. I hold her but I'm afraid of hurting her back. "Rich."
"Yeah Brother."
"She's not waking up." Fuck, what am I supposed to do here?
Rich turns the light on. Tess' eyes are open but she's not seeing us. "It's a dream. Kate said to hold her until she comes back."
"She was calling Ally. You think Ally's going to get hurt?" I don't ever want to go through that again
.
"I think we need to wait it out and ask. You'll drive yourself crazy guessing. Wait it out Brother. Just keep holding her like Kate said."
Tess starts crying shocking us. She's sobbing making actual noise. I hold her tighter. "Babe, we're here. We're right here." Rich moves closer and hugs her from behind.
"She's so hurt. It's what the Outlaw said. It's like her heart is broken. We have to help her." She's sobbing again. Rich is whispering we'll do whatever it takes. We'll make it better. I have no fuckin clue what the fuck he's talking about. I hold on to her because I don't know what else to do. She calms but her breath hitches every few seconds. Rich is still whispering to her. "He kept calling her a retard. He pushed her down like she was trash. It hurt her. I could feel her heart break. We have to help her." She starts crying again. Fuckin Outlaws!
"Baby, now that we know we can fix this. We can help her. We'll talk to Danny and Kate." I kiss her forehead.
"Can we go over early? Danny is up early."
I look at the clock it's almost seven on a Saturday. Rich sits up and grabs his phone. "We need to talk to you about Ally. Tess knows what's wrong. Yeah. We'll be right over." He hangs up and looks at Tess. "We can go now." He puts his t-shirt on her and brushes her hair. I put a tie in it and we head over.
Danny opens the door before we hit the top step. He looks concerned. "Coffee is on, come sit."
We take seats with Ben and Kate. They all look concerned. "Tess had a dream."
They look at her; it's obvious she's been crying. Tears fall again but she's not sobbing, no fuckin noise. "When we were in the basement one of the Outlaws was checking out the girls. They said something about getting more money for me. Then they took Brenda and looked her over saying they could get more for her." Her breath catches. "When the big guy pulled Alley up he said she's a retard and pushed her down like she was trash. He called her that a couple of times. Then said after he was bored with me the retard at least had a hole he could use." Ben gives her some tissues. "I felt her. I could feel her heart hurt so much, like it's broken. He hurt her anyway. I didn't know, I thought I kept her safe but she still got hurt."