by L. Ann Marie
She looks shocked and nervous. I look at him; he's not going to let her out of it. I take her hand, "this is your decision Tess." Fuckin Patches.
She looks at both of us. "I want to wait. I'm just learning how to deal with the dreams. I want kids but I don't want them now. I finally do what I want all day long. I'm happy with us for a while." Thank fuck!
"I'm ok with when you’re ready. I was just asking. I like where we are too." He tells her taking her other hand. He looks at me.
When she looks at me I finally find my fuckin voice. "I like it just us for a while. You need to live a little before we jump into another whirlwind. You finally have independence; I don't want to make this decision until you've had some time to be comfortable in this new life. I like this; I want to make some memories of us before adding a baby in the mix." She squeezes my hand. I look at Patches. He has a smile on his face but not in his eyes. Fuck! She sees it too. She jumps up taking her plate to the sink. I give him a look. He doesn't say anything.
"Kate is taking me to work. I'm going to head over." She kisses us and runs out the door with Max following. Fuckin Patches.
"Think about this Patch. She doesn't have a handle on the visions. What the fuck happens with her alone here with a baby. Max is only so good. He can't catch a fuckin kid." I'm fuckin pissed. He's got her running out the fuckin door to get away from us.
He wipes his hand over his face. "I know. I don't know what the fuck I'm thinking. I love the way we are. I never imagined feeling what we have. I need to go fix this before I fuck it up." He gets up and walks right out. He better fuckin fix it.
I clear the table and start the dishwasher. I wouldn't mind kids but we've changed Tess' whole fuckin world. I'm good with waiting for her to be a mom. Maybe I'm selfish but I like just us for now. She doesn't need more stress right now. I hope Patches fixes this. I decide to pick her up for lunch. I text her and grab my coat. Fuckin Patches. She sends me a smiley face and a kiss. Love my happy wife.
Tess
Oh boy! Patches doesn't look like he's happy waiting. I can't even control my dreams how am I going to deal with a baby on top of all this? I hope Rich talks to him. He didn't look happy when I left.
Danny opens the door surprised. His arm is still bandaged. "You're early today. Is everything ok?" I nod. "It might be good to talk about it."
"Patches asked when we're going to have a baby." I blurt out. "I can't even get the dreams handled. How am I going to take care of a baby?" I plop down on the chair.
"First, I think you'd make an excellent mother. Second, this is your choice Tess. Nothing can happen until you say so. If you're not ready just tell him."
"I know, I did tell him. Rich wants me to have time to live and make memories of us. Patches said he would wait but he looked so sad, I ran here. I should have stayed. See I'm not ready for a baby. I act like one myself." When I look at him he has a big smile. I can't help but smile too. We crack up and Patches walks in.
"I think I'll take my coffee to the patio. Tell Tiny where I am." He smiles at me and walks out. Traitor!
I look at Patches. "I'm sorry Tess. I don't even think I'm ready to be a dad. You have enough going on that you don't need the stress of a baby. I was watching you and Rich and thought that was deep enough to plant a fuckin seed and my brain just jumped. I didn't really think it through and it's not even something I've been thinking about. It popped into my head then out of my mouth. I'm more than ok to wait." Thank God.
"Thank you. I do that sometimes too. Speak without thinking I mean. I shouldn't say I want to wait. I should be saying I need to wait. The dreams are hard; I need to figure them out before I can add more to my life. Thank you for telling me though. I would have worried over making you wait." I look up at him, he’s smiling, even his eyes.
He kisses me. Ben whistles as he walks in. "As sorry as I am for interrupting I'm not turning around. I need coffee." I laugh.
"Sorry Ben, I had to make up for being an ass." Patches tells him.
"In that case don't mind me." He says pouring a cup.
"I'm done. Thanks though. I need to let Danny know it safe to come back." He says walking to the patio.
"Thank God." I mumble. Ben looks at me over his cup, his eyes are smiling.
I'm not really sure what to do here; I have to wait for Kate so I sit at the table. Danny comes in smiling. "Patches went to help the kids, said he fixed everything." I smile back nodding. "Good." Ben is watching us like a tennis match. Danny looks at him then me, I nod. "Patches had the baby conversation this morning." Ben looks at me putting his cup down. He looks back at Danny. "Tess isn't quite there yet." Ben lets out a breath and nods. I guess he isn't ready either.
"Would that make you grandpas?" I try to keep my face from smiling. They both freeze. I crack up then they do. Tiny comes in asking what's going on.
I leave them to explain and see if Ally needs any help. Max follows me to her room. He lies by the runway mirror while I get her hair put up. I feel dizzy and tell Ally to get Danny. Max comes to me. I hold his head, I'm proud of myself for controlling it this time.
Patches
"Patches Ally's room." Danny says running by. Shit.
Danny is sitting by Tess. Ben is on her other side. I get the kids to go down for breakfast Jessie signs he'll get cereal with Darren going. I thank him and turn back to the room.
Tess: No tears but she's breathing heavy. "He got a call. He's mad. Swearing at another man."
Danny: "Do you know who it is?"
Tess: "No. He's wearing a vest. He's mad."
Danny: "What's on the back of the vest Tess? Read the name for me."
Tess: "Outlaws, it has a skull and President. He's yelling about a bitch. She lied. He knows, he's so mad his face is red."
Danny: "Is there a calendar or book you can see the date?"
Tess: She turns her head. "No, there's a desk, posters on the wall, chairs a file cabinet. He's still yelling he's going to make her pay." She sucks in a breath.
Danny: "Is there a computer on the desk?" She nods. "Look at the bottom on the right it tells the date."
Tess: She lets out a sob. "Yes. It's the eighth. Seven forty-five." He's calling someone. Swearing it was all lies. He so mad."
Danny: "Can you see anything with an address, an envelope, on his vest anything that says where he is?"
Tess: she's looking around. Her breath is coming faster. "He's waiting for Ben to call. He's not yelling anymore. He needs to talk to Ben himself. There, I got an envelope, Akron, Ohio. 234-836-9191. He’s sitting down waiting. He's not mad. Another man comes in. He knew it was lies. MC runs clean. Ben's helping other clubs. They're not mad. It's going away." She's getting agitated.
Danny: "You got everything Tess. It's ok to let it go. You did perfect. Let it go Tess come on back now."
She opens her eyes and tears fall. "Did I do it? I think I did it!" She smiles.
"You did it Tess. You controlled it all the way through." Danny tells her with a smile. "You even got us a phone number."
Ben laughs, "It was perfect. I recorded it for you." He hands her his phone and shows her how to listen to it.
We all listen. "I have to try and calm down so I can find what you need faster. It was better than the last one right?" She's so fuckin cute. She did perfect.
"You were able to recognize it was coming, stayed calm, controlled it until we got here and gave us all the information plus the phone number. It was fuckin great Tess." Danny tells her with a hug. He helps her stand. "Maybe next time you can get to a chair." He laughs.
"I would have but I get dizzy, I kept pushing it away as long as I could. I was afraid I'd fall so I sat down. I'm going to try for the chair next time though."
I go to her and give her a hug. "You were perfect! I am so fuckin proud of you."
She smiles huge. "I can't wait to tell Janelle." I walk her down to the kitchen with a matching smile. Fuckin perfect.
Thirty Six
Two weeks
Tess
Rich is taking me on a date tonight. I'm so excited. Last week Patches took me to dinner and the movies. It was so nice to get away from everything and everyone for a while. When Rich took me to lunch he asked if I thought going out with each of them separately sounded good. I think it's a great idea and tell him Danny and Ben do that too. He was hooked with that. I think he wants to do what his dad and Ben do so we don't mess us up. I want to tell him not to worry; I had the dream of us older with twins, a boy and girl. We watch them playing soccer. I can't tell him though; I don't want to change the outcome so I keep it to myself.
I know he's taking me to Boston but I don't tell him that either. I'm in a pretty blue dress that's down to my knees. Kate helped me pick it and shoes to match. I have no idea how all these clothes got in the closet but I'm glad they're here.
Rich comes in and stops. "You're so fuckin beautiful, what the hell are you doing with a guy like me babe?"
I laugh, inside I'm beaming. "You are very handsome. The shelter women call you hottie one. Patches is hottie two. Don't tell Patches, they didn't see him until after they saw you but he'll think it's for another reason."
He laughs, "You are so fuckin cute. I won't say anything that will cause you to have to explain that one. You are gorgeous in your blue dress baby, a fairy without her pixie dust. Here let’s see if we can shine you up a bit." He pulls out a jewelry box. When he opens it I'm stunned.
"They're so beautiful. Thank you." He pulls a necklace with a wand out. It has diamonds shooting off of it. Matching earrings and bracelet follow. He puts them on me taking my necklace off putting it on the dresser. He stands me at the mirror. "It's all so beautiful. Thank you." I lean up to kiss him. My whole body tingles. Holy Cow!
He steps back. "We may never leave if I don't stop now." I nod trying to catch my breath. He grabs my long coat and holds it open for me.
"You're very handsome all dressed up. Thank you for tonight." I tell him.
He laughs, "Baby we haven't even left yet." He throws his long coat on over his dress pants and blue dress shirt.
"I know but I might get so excited I forget to tell you so I wanted to get it over with first. I think I saw it in a movie or something."
He cracks up guiding me to his truck. Lifting me up he kisses my lips. "You're welcome baby. You look beautiful with the sparkles hitting your face. Just like a fairy's pixie dust." I smile big for him. He's so sweet. Max gets in and keeps my feet warm.
We talk all the way to Boston. It's such a good night and all we did is drive so far. At the theater he pulls me out and walks me to the ticket counter telling the woman his name. I look around; this isn't the theater I dreamt about. Walking in he gets me a glass of wine. It's so beautiful here, gold is everywhere. The ceilings are painted murals with gold boxes separating them. Heavy red curtains are separating sections. "It's all so beautiful." I tell him. We check our coats. I ask if we can get them back and he smiles. They just hold them for us, when we give the ticket we get them back. I smile. I don't know so much but learning is always fun and sometimes funny.
He takes us to our seats up high on the side. Max lays down at the front. He's so good. We're in a shell looking thing; I see them on the other side too. "We have our own box. It's a perfect spot to see everything that will happen." When he hands me a book I see its Peter Pan.
I laugh. "I thought we were seeing Stomp." I tell him.
"I thought you might, so Digs got these for me. He's seeing Stomp in Providence." He smiles.
"Nice surprise. Thank you. I tried not to see it. I would rather be surprised but I couldn't control it like I can now." I kiss his lips.
"Good to know baby. It will take all the fun out of Christmas if you always know what the presents are."
"For me too."
He kisses my lips and smiles. "That's what I meant." Oh, he's so sweet.
The lights blink. Everyone goes to their seats. I drink my wine and wait. I've never been to a play. I'm so excited. He's right the fairy looks like me. I laugh. She jumps from our box. I hold my chest and wish her well. When she swings back toward us she throws pixie dust all over me. I squeal and jump clapping. Rich just watches me with a smile. I'm so happy I could pop. I love the play. I think it's funny when the man says he lost his marbles. I stand most of the time. Rich stands with me. Every time I look at him he's watching me. I can't stop smiling. I kiss him when it's time to leave telling him this was the best thing I've ever seen and thank you. I didn't forget even though I was excited. Max follows. We walk to a restaurant a block away. It's Italian; I thank him because I love pasta. They don't have a problem with Max. He sits on the side of me. I pour my water into his travel bowl, he drinks and lies down.
"You have pixie dust all over you. It looks so pretty. This is just how I imagined you when I first saw you in the pink jogging suit." He smiles, raising my hand to his mouth, he kisses my wrist.
"Holy Cow! You send tingles through me. Thank you for taking me." I tell him.
"I want you to see everything and do everything. I can't wait to take you skiing, sightseeing in New York, trips on our bikes, camping, and hiking. I want you to have fun baby. Life isn't just about work and your dreams, it's about the fun and memories too. I decided every time I take you out it will be for a new memory. There's a concert coming up I have tickets to. It's some of your favorites. Is there anything you want to try or see?"
"Oh yes. I want to ice skate. I've never been and it looks so beautiful." I’m getting excited thinking about it.
"I'll add it to the list." He smiles and moves his arm so the waiter can put our plates down. Dinner is delicious. I got clam sauce and love it. I fall asleep on the way home. Rich carries me up to bed and undresses me. He leaves my jewelry on saying it matches my pixie dust then kisses me as my eyes close. He's taking Max for a quick walk. I fall asleep thinking of fairies.
Patches
I see Rich's truck. I wonder if I should go in. He scares the shit out of me knocking on the window. "What the fuck are you sitting out here for?" I see Max in the yard.
"I just pulled in. I was wondering if I should go in." Might as well tell him.
"What the fuck? You fuckin live here." He's pissed.
"I wasn't sure if date night meant all night." I tell him.
"If I thought we needed all night I'd tell you, just as you should tell me. I never expect you to be unsure to walk into your own fuckin house. We are together here Patch."
"Got it. I won't hesitate next time. Did she have fun?" I hope so, she was excited.
"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. I want to do things she's never done before. We spend all week doing work and home shit. I got tickets to Luke Bryant in Providence in a couple of weeks, Randy Houser and Dustin Lynch, some of her favorites are playing with him. She wants to go ice skating. I thought you could take her skating next week, unless you have something else planned. I'll find tickets to Disney on ice and we can take her and the kids." He's not sure I'll agree?
"Sounds perfect. I'll take her skating." I tell him. I wonder where they went tonight.
"Good, I'm going to ask for a Friday off so we can go to New York. It's so fuckin cool to watch her face light up. I want to show her everything." He's so fuckin happy. I smile for him. "See if dad can lose you one Friday and I'll get it off, we can plan from there." I nod. Fuck he wants me to go to. "Of course I wanted you to go too. What the fuck is up with you? Why are you so down tonight?"
"I guess the date night affected me. I don't know what the fuck to think. You're not doing anything that I didn't do last week. It's different when you're the one home." He answered what was in my head.
He looks at me for a minute. "Patch, I think this is a good idea. We each need our own time, we can plan what we do together or separate but we need to live and make memories. The bigger stuff should be together. I want you there when she sees the Statue of Liberty. Her fuckin face lights up, it's beautiful. A concert or play is just a night of fun. We need t
o be together for the lasting memories. Don't read more into it than it really is." He's fuckin right.
"You're right. I should have played poker and kept my mind busy."
He smiles, "That's what I did when you went out." He calls Max and goes in. I follow up to the room. Tess is asleep.
When I climb in I see glitter all over the fuckin bed. "What the fuck is up with the glitter?" I ask him.
"Tinker Bell threw it on her as she flew through the air. It was fuckin priceless. We went to see Peter Pan. She loved it." He smiles. I'm definitely taking her ice skating. I kiss her glittery head and shut off the light.
"If we need to talk say so Brother. I'm feeling like we're not quite meeting in the middle here." He says softly.
If he only knew.
Thirty Seven
Six days
Tess
I never heard of a Fireman's Muster. It's packed but I have Rich and Patches and Max. I'm good. We watch the firemen run into the burning building with all the gear on. They must be strong to carry all that hose up stairs. Everyone claps when they get the fire out. They let people in the audience try. It's funny to watch them. One guy makes it out of the thirty that try. It's funny because they were talking trash to each other as they were getting dressed. Patches thinks they're hilarious.
We walk down the center of the drive. It's like a carnival with games, food and booths. Rich takes Max to the bathroom in a field across the road. I look at jewelry on a table; they have the cutest Hello Kitty necklace. I buy it for Ally. When I turn, the man in the next booth ask if I'm Rich and Patches old lady. I nod. "Can you tell Rich Larry needs to talk to him? It's about training." I look at him and say yes. He nods and turns back to his booth. I'm so excited I talked to him and Max isn't even with me. I walk to Patches side and show him the necklace for Ally. I ask him where Rich is. He's not back yet with Max. Patches says he must have got caught in the crowd. We keep going until I see a lemonade stand. I love Del's. I tell him I'll be right in line while he's looking at the table of arrowheads for the boys.