A Wayward God

by Natasha Weber

to stay,” I said easily, “it’s safe here.”

  But something bit at me from the back of my mind. The Fear. Because of my presence, Heidi could get hurt--possibly killed--and I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay after all… I would think it over. My brother was probably watching us.

  I leaned my cheek on my hand. I wished to go home…

  Another week went by, and I began to become used to the ground beneath my feet. It was imperfect and wild, like mortals themselves. The grass was beautiful to look at, but when I took off my shoes, it made my feet itch. The trees, ranging in colors from purples to gold, were skinny little things, bent in ugly fashions, but when the wind rustled the leaves, I felt like there was no where I’d rather be. This was a place where lovely music wrapped me in a sweet harmony.

  Then the day came when the Prince of Ga arrived. A big fuss was made about it, and everyone came to see the prince’s small concession of guards he’d brought with him. They waved his standard in the breeze in their rich, embroidered outfits. Unlike humans, there were no protective jewels in the foreheads of the people of Ga. They were simply born able to breathe the toxic air.

  After a show of flag-twirling, the prince stepped out of the carriage he was in and went straight to meet up with Heidi. Perhaps they knew each other more than Heidi had let on before.

  The prince looked to be about fifteen-years-old. He was also bird-like, as all the people of Ga. The bird people of Ga were built like humans combined with birds. They were as tall as humans, and stood upright like them, but they were covered in feathers like birds and had beaks, beady eyes, and clawed toes like birds. They also had wings, and attached to those wings were theirs hands, also clawed. Most of the people in Ga came in solid-colored feathers: pink, blue, yellow… but the prince came in a multitude of them; blue, purple, red, orange, gold, and green.

  Heidi embraced her young friend, and I watched them from a distance. Heidi said she wasn’t ready to introduce us. It took me a moment, but I realized I had actually watched the prince many times from above.

  I loved him from afar like he was my son.

  Katharos, the prince, was an avid worshipper of me, and based on this fact alone, I loved him and looked after him often. Not many people worshipped me anymore because I didn’t give them what they wanted. But it was always my idea that mortals should have to work to fulfill their own dreams. Katharos understood this. I was always afraid for him, and worried I would someday have to sign his death warrant as God of Justice, and my brother would gleefully get to snuff out a life I loved. Katharos always seemed like he would never be long for the world—like he was made to suffer as Heidi was. His parents had died when he was young and the throne was shoved on him. To make matters worse, he was born sickly and lacked the energy needed to take part in any wars his country might get into. Worse than that, he always did the right thing. All of his councilors wanted him to make trouble where there was none, start fights, get into wars, raise taxes, but Katharos would have none of it. I suspected his councilors might eventually get rid of him. Katharos was a genius for his age, and although he was more than suited for the throne, he hated the responsibility. He had his reasons for dealing with the responsibility, of course. Namely to keep his people safe.

  There was a third party there, looming behind Katharos, who I had also seen from The Above--his body-guard--who was ten-feet-tall like I was--Asher. Asher I knew little of. He wore nothing but a loin cloth, and had the features of a bat, particularly his ears. He had the thin nostrils of a bat as well; his eyes were slanted and far apart and as gold as the crown upon Katharos’ head. His hair was pulled back tightly into a horse-tail, and he had very little hair on his forehead. Like his royal charge, he had clawed feet and hands, and his skin was pitch black.

  I watched Heidi and Katharos smile and laugh for a bit, and I was happy just to watch, as I was never very social with people I didn’t know. Eventually, Heidi grabbed Katharos’ hand and dragged him over to me, and Katharos was speechless. “Heidi, do you know who this is…?”

  “Yes, his name is Joshua, and I--”

  “No,” Katharos interjected. “This is the God of Justice.”

  Heidi was incredulous. “C’mon Katharos, I thought you were smarter than that. He isn’t a God. Why would you even say that?”

  “You know I worship the God of Justice, Heidi,” Katharos straightened and clasped his hand behind his back. He was always calm, but his eyes glinted just looking at me. I wondered why he worshipped me so when nobody else did. “I’ve studied him and thought about what he would be like my whole life. My people have stored paintings of what he looked like when he walked among us. It’s an honor to meet you…” He was a little in awe, I thought, as he looked up at me.

  His body guard, Asher spoke quietly behind him “…careful, Katharos.”

  He waved his bodyguard away, and he moved away a little reluctantly. “Sorry, he’s a little protective. You’re Justice, are you not?”

  I looked around, making sure no humans in the village would hear me, and then I nodded and said, “I am the God, Justice.”

  “I knew it! I knew you existed because when I was on my deathbed from my weak bones I prayed for your mercy.” He knit his hands together equally, the fingers interlacing except for one digit on his right hand which had been severed.

  Katharos had gotten lucky. He was on Death’s door, incredibly sick. I was judging as myself the day I’d looked upon him, and because Katharos had only done well in his life, he was spared. I saved his life. It was one of the only hard decisions I’d ever made as myself. I couldn’t tell him that his life had been saved based on sheer luck. If it were Vengeance or Justice, they would have bypassed him and let him die.

  His eyes shone with unshed tears, thinking that I’d thought his life was special enough to save. “Thank you for saving my life…”

  I said nothing. Saying ‘you’re welcome’ felt like it would devalue his life.

  After a moment he asked, “but what are you doing here in the mortal realm?”

  I looked at Heidi, who was looking bored and unamused at our conversation and my perceived lies. “I was stripped of my powers, because I rescued Heidi.”

  Katharos was confused. “Why strip you for that?”

  “Because she was meant to die,” I answered truthfully.

  “But I was meant to die, and you weren’t stripped because you saved me…”

  Heidi, fed up, rolled her eyes. “When you two want to stop acting like children, go ahead. You don’t have powers, and you didn’t save me, Joshua! How long are you going to waver under that delusion?”

  “I could tell you that, but it won’t be true.” I told her flatly.

  She looked a little surprised, noting the sarcasm in my normally emotionless voice. She stared for a moment, and then shook her head. “When you want to start acting like an adult Joshua, come find me.” She walked off, irritated.

  I turned my attention back to Katharos. I couldn’t tell him that he was saved by chance when he idolized me so much. I simply couldn’t. “Heidi was meant to die and you weren’t. I bent the rules for Heidi.” I answered him vaguely.

  Katharos wanted to ask more, but he knew better. He changed the subject. “How long will you be in the mortal realm?”

  “A year.”

  Katharos was shocked. “A year among mortals! I hope they won’t corrupt you!” Katharos paused, and then he asked, a little haltingly, “Do you like us…? Mortals, I mean? In general?”

  “No.” I said truthfully. I knew I was supposed to like them, but I simply didn’t.

  He was unhappy. “I see, so there is no hope for us?”

  I shook my head. “The problem lies with me, not you. I like you and Heidi, but others displease me.”

  He nodded, crestfallen. “I see… I shall have to work harder, to prove we aren’t all bad. But for right now, I have to do work on my vacation.”

  I waved goodbye to him, and he gav
e me a four-fingered wave back as he tore himself away from me, the God he worshipped, and marched on over to the tent his people had set up for him. I rubbed the back of my neck. Suddenly, I was feeling very light-headed, and I collapsed.

  Heidi shook me awake. “Are you okay?” She looked a little annoyed, so I assumed she knew I was okay.

  I touched a hand to my forehead. A small frown tugged at my lips. “I feel empty…”

  She smiled. “You’re just hungry, silly! I’ve told you before – you have to eat. You’re not a God.”

  She handed me a bowl of soup as I sat up. Hunger bit at my insides like nothing I’d ever felt before in my life. I’d forgotten to feed my now-mortal body again. I ate a little bit of the food, musing over my time in the mortal realm.

  “I feel strange, Heidi. Like I can’t find comfort in anything.”

  “Maybe reality finally set in for you.”

  I was feeling insecure. As insecure as I did when I was judging as Joshua. “Is this what it’s like to be a mortal…?”

  She gave me a serious look, putting a hand on my back. “You were always a mortal, Joshua. Perhaps you only pretended you weren’t because you couldn’t stand how you were living.”

  I looked at her, a little disconcerted. “I am not a mortal.”

  “What happened to you that you can’t accept your mortality, Joshua?”

  “What happened to you that you can’t believe in gods?” I