A Wayward God

by Natasha Weber

for many weeks, not saying anything to my brother. I was in a deep depression. Nothing could bolster my spirits. The only thing that seemed to lift me up was going among the mortals.

  I introduced myself to them, but not in the way my Father wished. I got up in front of each town I knew of, and I spread my glorious yellow wings. The crowd gasped in wonder and gathered around. This was back when mortals were only one species called the Haloona. They were a winged, bird-like species similar to Katharos’, except they wore no clothes. They were as flawed and innocent and lovable as anything. I lied about my newly granted title.

  “I am the God of Prosperity. But do not worry; I shall not hurt you unless it is time for you to be hurt. I am here to go among you, to help you, to inspire you. Because I love you. I will never hurt you for no good reason.” All the people gathered around me with loving eyes.

  “Decay, can you fix my sight?” One asked.

  “My baby was born with a crooked spine! Can you help?” said another.

  They all gathered about me and it felt good to be loved. I wished to help, and it made me feel better to be doing something good after what happened to me. But it was more than that.

  I knew from the moment I met them, that I loved those mortals. They loved me unconditionally, and they were pure and innocent. That was what I craved. I wanted love by any means, because I could not get it from anyone else.

  These people… They cared for one another, and were so closely knit, I… I liked going among them more than I did Gods. They had my heart on a silver platter.

  I healed all of them who needed healing, and I wrapped my arms around the shoulders of many of them. Eventually, I had to return to The Above, but I did not wish to. I didn’t wish to incur my Father’s wrath either, however.

  I went about like that for a month or so, hoping my Father wouldn’t notice how close I was with the Haloona. If there was anyone I wanted to speak to even less than my Father, it was Chandra. Whenever I saw him coming, I would avoid him. I spent as little time as possible in The Above with the other Gods, and as much time as possible with the mortals who loved me.

  I was particularly close with the village elder, Rosch. He would sometimes notice me looking depressed, or distant, and he seemed to be the only one who thought of me as more than just someone to solve his problems. “Are you okay, Little God?” He would call me.

  I blinked slowly without looking at him. “No.”

  “Why?” He asked. “Don’t Gods have everything?”

  “No. Of course not… I just… I can’t get this sound and image out of my head…” I said with a sigh.

  “I see… what is this image and sound?” He wondered.

  “Something I can’t forget.” I frowned.

  “Then don’t. What happened happened. Make it to your advantage,” he emcouraged without probing too far into the matter.

  I was silent, and then I smiled. “Thank you Rosch.”

  And that night, when my brother approached me while I was sitting on my spot in The Above, watching the sun set, I finally let him speak to me.

  He smiled at me. Do you wish to play, Yeshua?

  I didn’t look at him. I do not wish to play with a killer, or a monster.

  He looked terribly ashamed and clasped his hands behind his back. Yeshua, I’m sorry about what happened, he told me awkwardly. But I know what you’ve been doing—getting close to the mortals—it’s not good for them, and it’s not good for you either. Especially if Father found out.

  I turned on him then. “Are you going to bow to his every will? Going to do whatever he wants no matter how vile? Would you kill me for him, just because he told you to?”

  He was offended. Joshua, I would die for you. You’re the only one I would. That is why you must only come down to The Below when you need to do your job.

  I looked at my feet, and after a moment I murmured, “I hate you.”

  It was only a frog Yeshua! The mountain would have killed you! Please… we can fix this, He shook my shoulders.

  I looked at him with tears in my eyes. We can never fix this. It’s not just my frog. I just—I feel so unhappy. I can’t believe someone I loved would…

  Yeshua, I do everything I do to protect you! You’re the only one I love in this world!

  “If that’s what you call love, I want none of it from you!” I got to my feet and marched away. My body and mind ached alike, and I missed Chandra to death, but I just couldn’t get that horrendous image of him out of my head. I could no longer see him as the kind and caring brother I used to look up to. I could only see my frog…

  There were some things you could never forgive, and never forget.

  The population of Haloona grew by the day and they grew culturally and intelligently as well. I helped them whenever I could, and they prayed to me. I was fulfilled.

  Rosch watched me carefully as I conjured gold out of thin air, mended clothes with a snap of the finger, and corrected health problems, and in return I got their thanks and a welling of power in the pit of my soul.

  Rosch, who was sitting on his porch, motioned me over one day and I sat in front of him on the ground. “Little God, what is it that you feel you need to make up for? That you feel you need to make the lives of others so ideal?”

  “I never want to… I never want to see suffering again.” I said awkwardly.

  The old man was silent for a moment. “I love my people, Little God. But you have only seen their good side. If you spoil them, they will expect too much of you. When you can’t give it to them, they will lose faith in you. You should find what makes you happy, not them.”

  I was offended. “Why should they lose faith? I wish to make them happy, and I will,”

  “I am simply giving you my opinion. Now, I made you some of your favorite cookies,” he handed me a plate of cookies.

  “Thank you!” I took the cookies and stuffed them in my mouth. Back then, I was far more unabashed about eating. In the future, I would associate it too much with mortals and stop almost completely.

  The people noticed me eating cookies with Rosch, and they all rushed over to me.

  “It’s Prosperity!” They sat around me, waiting for me to give them wisdom, as I often tried to instill in them and they crowded among my feet.

  I swallowed my cookie, and with a smile, I put my hands on the backs of the mortals around me. “You might be envious of me… but in truth, I envy you… because you are happy. Not just because of me, but because you have respect and love for one another…” I knew what made me happy, despite what Rosch said. What made me happy was making others happy.

  A woman who I was close with, named Calys, always sat very close to me with her two children. “Is it wrong for me to want, Prosperity? My husband is dead and I have no money for my children…”

  I was moved. “You are mortals. I think mortals will always want, you cannot help it. You have rights, aspirations... wanting can lead to many bad things, but without it, I do not think you would change and evolve. You must have dreams.”

  I threw my hands up in the air, and clenched them together. Gold spilled through my fingers, and Calys received most of it, but others, once they were given my assent, got the rest. Calys thanked me and I hung around with the mortals until it was dark out, and then I went home.

  I saw Chandra on my over to the cloud I slept on. He approached me, but I walked too fast for him to catch up. I lay my head on my cloud, and I could think of nothing but Sahl and that horrible mind scream. I felt my mind going in directions it never would have before. Something was wrong…

  When I beamed down to The Below the next morning, my head was still throbbing. I sat with Rosch and clutched my head in my hands. All I could hear was the screaming!

  Rosch was silent for many minutes, but then he finally said, “you have heard the scream?”

  “What?” I said, looking at him with tired eyes.

  “You’ve been near the mountain? The mountain
has destroyed so many villages…” Rosch moved a little away from me then.

  “The mountain is the God Destruction. He is my Father.” I said honestly.

  He was absolutely horrified for a moment and then it seemed as if a thought made him calmer. Like he remembered or realized something important. “I see. And you? Have you come to torment us? To take care of our problems so we cannot grow as a people? Is that your plan to destroy us?” He gave me a mistrusting look.

  “What are you…? No. I simply wish you to be pain-free. You will grow whether I help you or not. I only wish to make sure you know how to treat one another.”

  He nodded. “Maybe,” he looked away. “What would you do, if you found out we were no good? If we killed one another, stole from one another, hated one another?”

  I gave him a confused look. “But you don’t….”

  “No we do, you just don’t see it.” He said. “Why don’t you leave us, Little God, before you see what we’re really like?”

  “You have been nothing but kind…” I said, confused. “No one would… why would anyone…”

  “You don’t know what I’ve seen… You see, my wife, because we used to be short on money stole an apple once. The man selling them killed her. A life for a copper, I suppose, is the rule down here…”

  My heart went out to him, and without a second thought, I threw my arms about him. “Everything will be okay. I know there’s more to you mortals than that. Life will be good to you again.” It sickened me to think I could ever be