‘Yes, yes it did.’ Victoria paused, looking at Alice's unyielding back. ‘Look, Alice, I'm sorry. I know I said some terrible things. It’s important you know I was so happy for you on your wedding day.’ She hesitated, searching for words. ‘You must understand, it was a shock when you turned up on my doorstep with nearly everything I’d pawned. I over-reacted and shouldn't have done. We haven't spoken for weeks now and I don't like it. In fact, I really miss you. Please forgive me.’
Alice slowly turned around. Her shoulders slumped. Her eyes were moist.
‘Has something happened?’ Victoria ran her hand down the silk sleeve of Alice's dress. ‘Are you all right?’
Alice blinked quickly. She reached into her black skirt pocket, pulled out a white handkerchief and dabbed her eyes. ‘Everything is fine. I don't know what's the matter with me today. I don't feel too good.’
Victoria kept her hand on Alice's arm. ‘You do look pale; shall I get you a seat?’
Alice gave a watery smile. ‘I'm fine, honest. I'm sure it’ll pass in a minute.’
‘I don't suppose all this has helped, this morning.’ Victoria's eyes darted over Alice's face. ‘I just want you to forgive me, so we can get back to normal.’
Alice closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as another wave of nausea gripped her. ‘There’s nothing to forgive.’ She opened them and looked at Victoria. ‘I was in the wrong, but I was just trying to help, in my own clumsy way. It's hard watching someone you care about struggling, when you can do something about it, but I accept I shouldn't have stolen the pawn tickets. In my defence though, I know you wouldn't have willingly given them to me.’
Victoria gave a humourless laugh and sighed. ‘It was my pride that got in the way of our friendship.’ She lowered her hand and rested it on her friend's. ‘It must have been hard for you going to the pawn shop. It was hard for me, and I was desperate.’
‘Yes, it was hard, but there's nothing I wouldn't do for you.’
‘It was a good thing that you did for me and my family,’ Victoria whispered. ‘Thank you.’
Alice's lips straightened into a thin line. ‘Don't thank me. You don't know what else I’ve been planning to do, under the guise of helpfulness, but I suppose while we are talking, you may as well know everything.’
Anxiety flicked across Victoria's face. ‘That sounds ominous.’
‘Well I don't think it's a bad thing, but after this conversation, you might see it as pretty bad.’
Victoria frowned, before giving a faint smile. ‘I know you mean well and will always have my interests at heart.’
A sound escaped from Alice. ‘Let's hope you still think so when you’ve heard the rest of it.’ She lowered her eyes, before lifting them again quickly and staring at Victoria. ‘I have been thinking about asking my grandfather if we could buy your house…’ She held up her hand when Victoria opened her mouth to speak. ‘So you can live rent free, at least until Stephen’s back and this dreadful war is over.’
Victoria stood open-mouthed, but said nothing.
‘We are open, Miss Appleton. You should be in the payment booth by now. There’s a queue forming and we don't want that, do we, Miss Appleton?’ Mr Leadbetter scolded from the rows of bookshelves in the middle of the shop.
‘Sorry, sir.’ Victoria looked over her shoulder, before looking back at Alice. ‘You know, Alice, many people live a lot worse than I do.’ She spun around and, without a backward glance, headed towards her workstation.
An old gentleman coughed, jerking Alice back to her work. ‘I'm sorry to keep you waiting, sir.’
‘Don't worry, lass.’ He winked at her. ‘This war is preoccupying everyone these days. I noticed today, posters are appearing everywhere, calling for women to do some of the men's work.’ He shook his head. ‘I don't know if I’ve been slow in noticing them, but isn't it enough we are losing our children hand over fist, without putting our daughters, wives and mothers at risk too?’ He paused for a moment. ‘Whatever next?’
Alice gave him a feeble smile. ‘I suppose, with all the young men fighting at the front, there's a shortage of people to do the work, and we keep hearing how we all have to pull together for the good of the country.’
‘Yes, I know, but my father would turn in his grave if he could.’ The old man laughed. ‘Take care of yourself, young lady. You don't look too good. Have you been overdoing it?’
‘I don't think so.’ Alice gave him a smile. ‘My mother and I have been at Victoria Station every evening, serving tea and biscuits to the wounded soldiers returning from the front. It breaks your heart to see them.’
The old man nodded. ‘Yes, I’ve heard that.’ He sighed. ‘My son won't be coming back.’
Alice's eyes widened. ‘I’m so sorry.’
The man straightened his lips and blinked quickly. ‘I won't be the only parent losing a child in all this mess.’
Alice reached out and rested her hand over his. ‘I know, sir, but that doesn't make it all right.’
The man nodded. ‘Perhaps I should try and do something for those less fortunate. After all, with my wife and now my son gone, I’ve all the time in the world to sit and think. I should be putting it to good use.’
Alice nodded and squeezed his hand. ‘Well, you can always join us at the station every night. Although I understand they welcome people to sit with patients at the hospital, to chat or read to them. Some of them have no one.’
‘Thank you, young lady.’ He paused for a second, before giving her a toothless grin. ‘Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to talk to an old man and making him feel better, because he has something to offer in this dreadful war.’
‘No, sir.’ Alice smiled. ‘It should be me thanking you, and I look forward to seeing you again.’
The old man nodded and gave a wave as he made his way over to the payment booth.
The day passed quickly, with a steady stream of customers. The war hadn’t affected the sale of second hand books; it seemed everyone wanted to lose themselves in a story. The conflict was on everyone's lips and Alice was glad when the shop door was finally closed, for the last time that day. She walked purposefully over to Victoria, in the payment booth. ‘We need to talk,’ she said. ‘I keep messing up, but I’m trying to help you in the only way I know. If that's not right, then you should be explaining it to me, instead of marching off in indignation…’
Victoria looked up from the handful of pound notes she was holding. ‘Breathe, Alice, before you have a heart attack or something.’ Victoria frowned as she looked back at the notes in her hand. ‘You’re right. I keep letting my pride get in the way of everything, but that’s because it's like I’m letting everyone down by not managing.’ Her eyes glistened when she looked across at Alice. ‘I feel a failure and most of it’s caused by money, or the lack of it.’
‘Victoria, you’re far from being a failure. You’ve raised your brother and sister for five years or so. I couldn't have done that, certainly not at your age, and probably not even now.’
‘You don't know what you can do until life throws something at you.’ Victoria sniffed. ‘It feels so unfair.’
Alice nodded. ‘I’ve nothing to offer except money; that is the only way I can help.’
Victoria shook her head. ‘No, it isn't, Alice. No, it isn't.’
Alice shook her head, as Lily’s voice echoed Victoria’s words in her head.
*
Sarah and Alice laughed as Lily stood in the middle of their sitting room, in line with the fireplace. The heavy curtains shut out the dark evening, along with cold and damp.
Lily frowned as she looked from one to the other. ‘What's so funny?’
Sarah gasped, trying to catch her breath, leaning her hands on the soft wool that was resting on her lap, while the end of the knitting needles jabbed into the arms of the chair. ‘Oh, you obviously can't see it.’ Laughter spluttered from her again, as she wiped the tears from her eyes with the side of her hand. ‘Oh dear.’
‘Sorry, Lily, it’s just a little ironic.’ Alice smiled at her sister's bewildered face. ‘You still haven't got it, have you?’
Sarah nodded. ‘I'm sorry, we shouldn't be laughing at your news.’
Lily looked bewildered as she shook her head, glancing from one to the other. ‘Am I being a little bit dense?’
Sarah and Alice spluttered with laughter again.
‘No, you’re not.’ Sarah caught her breath. ‘The irony is that you nearly got arrested demonstrating with the suffragettes, and yet here you are, telling us you’ve joined the police.’
Lily gave a wry smile. ‘Yes, I can see why you think it's funny, but at least it tells you I’ve done the right thing. It's all about right and wrong.’
Sarah pushed aside the socks she was knitting, before pulling herself out of the high-back armchair and walking over to her troublesome young daughter, wrapping her arms around her. She pulled back slightly to look at Lily's face. ‘You do know the police isn't about what's your idea of right and wrong, don't you, darling? It would be terribly embarrassing if we had to bail out a policewoman, don't you think?’
Lily laughed. ‘Yes, Mother, but I thought you’d be pleased. From what I hear, some girls have given up being in service and gone to work in the munitions factories in Silvertown and Woolwich, because they pay well.’
Sarah stepped back, looking from Lily to Alice and back again. ‘Well it’s very commendable, but I’d rather you were a policewoman.’
Lily smiled and gave her mother another hug. ‘That's what I thought.’ She stepped back and frowned across at Alice. ‘I hope Victoria feels the same, because Daisy came with me.’
Alice's jaw dropped slightly. ‘What, Daisy joined the police as well?’
‘Yes, do you think Victoria will be angry? It's my fault, I encouraged her.’ Lily looked down at her feet. ‘She was saying how they’re struggling without Stephen's wages, so I thought it would be a way of her earning more money than she does cleaning houses.’
‘I'm sure she’ll be glad of the extra money in the household pot.’ Alice raised her eyebrows. ‘As long as Daisy puts it in, that is.’
Lily nodded. ‘She talked as though she would. We had quite a talk and I think she has begun to realise what Victoria has managed to do for them all since their parents died.’
Alice nodded. ‘I hope you’re right. I do worry about Victoria, because she doesn't seem to be eating. She hasn't said anything, but I'm convinced she can't afford to pay the rent and buy food.’
Sarah stared down at the brown carpet. ‘I wish there was something we could do.’
Alice stared into the crackling fire before a sigh escaped from her. ‘She's very proud, Mother, trust me. I’ve already had her snap at my offers of help.’
Lily clapped her hands together. ‘Well, enough of Victoria. Alice, are you thinking of signing up for anything?’
‘I already have.’
‘Oh no.’ Sarah shook her head. ‘What? Please tell me you won't be putting your life in danger.’
‘Mother, there’s a war on.’ Lily sighed. ‘All our lives are in danger, even here in this sitting room.’
Sarah patted Lily's arm. ‘I know, dear. I just can't stand the thought of all my children putting themselves at risk. It's bad enough the boys are…’
‘Don't worry, Mother, I’ll be quite safe.’ Alice gave her a reassuring smile. ‘I’m the coward of the family, remember.’
Sarah tried to return the smile, but her eyes were full of fear. ‘We should have discussed the options before you both signed up, but I suppose you’re modern girls, with minds of your own.’
‘That's true, Mother, but that's because you and Grandpa brought us up to think for ourselves.’ Lily plumped the cushion and adjusted its position, before sitting down in the nearest armchair.
Sarah followed suit and looked across at Alice. ‘So, what are you going to be doing?’
‘I’m learning to drive an ambulance.’ Alice beamed with excitement.
‘Wow, that's excellent.’ Lily grinned. ‘Wish I’d thought of that.’
‘Well, we already go to Victoria Station most days or evenings, so I may as well drive the injured to a hospital at the same time.’ Alice paused as sadness crept across her face. ‘I know it's exciting for us to have these opportunities, but the soldiers we’ve seen look so broken and lost. I just want to help them in some way.’
Sarah nodded, as images of her sons invaded her thoughts. She squeezed her eyes shut and silently prayed they were safe; she couldn't allow herself to think otherwise.
Alice looked across at her sister. ‘When do you start?’
Lily smiled. ‘Tomorrow. I'm quite excited at doing something worthwhile and earning a little money of my own.’ She paused and looked across at her mother; the colour had drained from her face. ‘Don't worry, Mother, we’re all going to be all right’.
Sarah nodded, before picking up her knitting again.
‘Do you think Father will be angry about me joining the police? I know he wasn't happy with Alice working.’
Sarah sighed. ‘I shouldn't think so, because it helps the war effort and of course, he'll be able to tell everyone that all of his children are doing their bit for king and country.’
‘What helps the war effort?’ Luke stood in the doorway, scanning the room. ‘Certainly not using excess coal to light the fire all the time.’ He strode over to the fireplace. ‘We seemed to have got through more of it while I was at Sandringham.’
Sarah winced. ‘Sorry, that was my fault. I got carried away, because it has been so cold.’
Luke scowled at her. ‘Well, you need to remember the price of coal is going up, so we need to be more frugal with it.’ He picked up the poker and waved it around in front of him. ‘That goes for all of you. Put some extra clothes on.’
The three women nodded, each wondering how much of their conversation he had overheard, as they watched him thrust the poker into the fire. There was a crackle and hissing as the ashes dropped inside the grate and grey smoke swirled up the chimney.
Luke leant the poker against the hearth. ‘Now what's this about the war effort?’ He stretched his back and turned to face the three of them. ‘What won't I mind?’
‘We were…’ The three of them spoke at the same time.
Luke held up his hands. ‘One at a time.’
‘I’ve joined the police force,’ Lily blurted out, before anyone could say anything. Colour filled her cheeks. ‘With the men going off to war, they need women to do their jobs. That’s only until they return.’ She was rambling, but previous experience told her she only had one shot at getting everything out.
Luke's chest rose. He coughed as he took in the smoky air by the fireplace.
‘I’ve joined up to drive an ambulance,’ Alice exclaimed, hoping to deflect him from Lily.
Luke looked from one to the other, before scowling at Sarah. ‘Did you know about this?’
‘No,’ she whispered.
‘Lily and I didn't discuss it with anyone, not even each other, until tonight.’
Luke nodded, but remained silent for a moment. The girls looked anxiously at each other and then at their mother, who glanced up at him before shrugging her shoulders.
‘Well, it's to be commended that you are doing something for the war effort. Well done.’
The three of them let out a sigh of relief.
Chapter 15
April/May 1915
The only noise to be heard inside the house was the muffled sound of Mrs Headley moving around downstairs. Alice stared blankly out of her bedroom window. The golden rays of the sun filtered through the glass, warming her skin and caressing the floorboards. The green leaves on the tops of the trees in Bedford Square were just visible. The square would be worth a visit later, to see the bright yellow daffodils. In
previous years, she had enjoyed the new beginning that spring brought with it. The flowers and the trees brought a splash of colour that was always missing during the greyness of winter, but this year, all she could think of was the men fighting for their lives somewhere in France or Belgium. The squeals and raised voices of children caught her attention. They no longer appeared to play with a ball or chase each other, but now carried sticks as guns. Each wanted to be the hero, as they played their war games, arguing who were going to be the Germans, and therefore get shot or blown up. Alice shook her head, wondering if this was how it was for Victoria all the time, always alone with her thoughts. Running her hand over her stomach, she sighed. ‘Why does everything have to be so complicated?’ she yelled into the empty room. ‘This should have been a wonderful time for us.’ A tear spilled over her lashes and she swiped it away, angry for feeling sorry for herself. The picture of Molly falling into their home, when she had received news that Tony had died, invaded her thoughts. ‘I am luckier than most,’ Alice mumbled to herself. ‘I know that,’ she argued, stepping back and sitting on the edge of the bed. ‘I know I am’. She sighed. ‘What about those broken men every night, at Victoria Station? The walking wounded.’ Alice blinked rapidly as her vision became blurred. ‘They’ll never be the same again, no matter how much they pretend.’ No, a voice screamed in her head, but they were pleased to see a friendly face, and at least they’re home with their families. She shook her head again. Maybe working at Foyles during the day, as well as driving the ambulance in the evening, was too much for her. ‘No, you've just got to pull yourself together. There are others in a much worse position, so stop feeling sorry for yourself.’
Unable to settle, Alice stood up and paced around the room, oblivious to the many books propped against the wall, threatening to topple over. She eventually stopped to pick up bottles of perfume that had been given as gifts. The reflection of a gaunt woman, staring at her through the mirror, made her stop and stare back. This woman looked ill. Thick dark circles under her eyes emphasised the translucent complexion. Alice didn't recognise the thin face that stared back at her. Shaking her head, she moved away and returned to the window, looking out at the people going about their business. This was probably what millions of people were doing, wondering if their brothers, fathers and husbands were safe.
The Foyles Bookshop Girls Page 17