Worth the Wait

by Jamie Beck

  “I think I’m done with the sun today,” she announced to everyone. “Why don’t I go pick up something to cook for dinner? I got inspired by my beachcombing. So I have a surprise in mind.”

  She stood behind Jackson’s chair, leaning down close to his ear.

  “May I please take your car?”

  “Sure.” He remained reclined with his eyes closed. “Keys are on the kitchen counter.”

  “Thanks, Jacks.”

  The chaste kiss she planted on his forehead elicited a playful grin and tug on her hair from him. A spark of envy roiled through David’s veins.

  “Do you remember how to find the grocery store?” David interjected.

  “I think so. And if I’m wrong, I can’t get too lost on Block Island.” She waved. “See you all later!”

  In the past, she’d leaped at any opportunity to drag him off on an errand. Not today.

  As she meandered toward the steps, David noticed Hank staring at her hips. A tiny knot formed in his gut.

  “She’s charming.” Hank exhaled as he took a seat beside Jackson.

  Cat’s expression grew cool. She leaned forward to fasten her warning gaze on Hank. “She’s important to our family, so you’d better treat her with respect.”

  Hank started at Cat’s words and then looked at her as if amused.

  “Catalina.” His inflection seemed to impart a private message to her, which David couldn’t decipher. “Nice to see you again, too.” Grinning to himself, Hank slouched back in his chair.

  David glanced at the top of the steps and watched Vivi disappear behind the shrubs. Unspoken but well-known boundaries would always limit his relationship with her. He’d be the worst kind of hypocrite to begrudge her the attentions of another man, especially when he had Laney here.

  Vivi’s change of heart was for the best, even if it hurt a little.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Two hours later, everyone climbed the stairs to the house to escape the sun. Inside, they encountered Vivi, standing in the middle of the cheerful blue kitchen, surrounded by bags of groceries. David noted her wet hair piled loosely on top of her head. She looked fresh and clean . . . and unexpectedly appealing.

  “Oh! Scoot and go shower or relax for a while.” She waved her arms over the bags to prevent anyone from snooping around the counters. “This is supposed to be a surprise.”

  “No problem-o,” Jackson promised. Everyone obeyed her command and hustled off to other parts of the house, eager to shed the salt and sweat from their bodies.

  When David descended the steps ninety minutes later, he discovered Vivi humming amid a kitchen full of seafood, chicken, and chorizo. Blissfully absorbed in her task, she scurried around the small space while throwing saffron, chicken broth, and rice in a large pot.

  Like his own mother, Vivi jumped headlong into every project, relationship, and activity. Her enthusiasm always charmed him. Watching the scene in the kitchen transported him back to the days when their comfortable friendship felt as natural as breathing. It wasn’t until the first fragrant whiff of the simmering ingredients reached his nose that he recoiled inside.

  The aroma of his mother’s paella recipe penetrated his deeply buried anguish. He steadied himself against the counter.

  “What are you doing?” he asked sharply.

  “I-I’m making your mom’s paella.” Stilled and wide-eyed, she continued, “I thought of it when I caught the crabs in the ocean.”

  Being here with everyone for the first time since his mother’s death unearthed repressed memories of laughter, love, and all the happiness he’d buried with his mother. The conflict between those memories and his current circumstances tore at him. His throat constricted as the spicy scents drew forth an image of his mother smiling at him from that very stove. Never again.

  The crippling reality swept through him, hot and white, scoring him.

  “Why? Why did you choose my mom’s favorite meal? You can’t take her place. You’re not even part of our family!”

  “Hey, David. Shut it!” Jackson yanked him from the kitchen. “She’s been more a part of this family than you have recently.”

  David whirled around, flustered. Jackson stepped between Vivi and him, standing cross-armed.

  “What’s wrong?” Laney entered the room. David noticed her eyes dart from him to Jackson to Vivi.

  Regaining his composure, he snatched Laney’s keys from the counter and took her by the hand, desperate to escape the visions of his mother and his memories of the “perfect family” he’d once believed in.

  “We’re going out tonight.”

  Without glancing back, he hauled her from the house and, seconds later, peeled out of the driveway.

  Still brooding at the outdoor restaurant of the National Hotel, David poured himself another glass of Pinot Grigio from the second bottle he’d ordered. A cool breeze swept across the hotel porch, causing him to shiver.

  “David,” Laney began, “what upset you at the house?”

  “Let’s not discuss it.” He swigged more of his wine.

  “Well, I’d like to know what we’re confronting when we return.”

  God, he dreaded facing everyone. He slid his fingers through the condensation on the side of his glass, staring at the rivulets formed by the motion.

  “Vivi cooked my mother’s favorite dish tonight. It reminded me of sitting at the counter and talking with my mom while she’d work in the kitchen. The idea of enjoying it without her felt like a betrayal, especially here,” he said, gesturing toward the island harbor. “I guess I’m still mourning her death. Nothing in Hong Kong reminded me of her, so it was easy to distract myself with the novelty of the region and demands of work. But her absence here, in our family’s home, is forcing me to face the loss. It’s suffocating. I miss her . . .” His throat tightened, choking his words. “I miss her so much.”

  He avoided Laney’s penetrating gaze by staring at his wine glass. He’d spoken the truth, just not all of it. More had provoked him this evening. Vivi. He hadn’t been prepared to see her again or feel her indifference.

  It threw him off balance—way off.

  After a pause, Laney pressed him. “Why do I sense more to Vivi’s relationship with you and your family?”

  Discomforted by her observation, David glanced off into the distance. How could he adequately condense almost thirteen years of knowing Vivi?

  “Cat befriended her when she moved to our town. She’d lost her mother and brother to a fatal car accident when she was very young. She’d lived alone with her alcoholic father until after college. Needless to say, her home life wasn’t nurturing. My mother saw the toll it was taking on Vivi and stepped in as an unofficial surrogate. It’s not an overstatement to say she’s practically an adopted member of our family.”

  While this version of Vivi’s history was accurate, it excluded any mention of her precise relationship with him. When he thought about that, he wasn’t sure how to define what they shared. He only knew he cherished it.

  “Well, she’s lucky she had all of you.” Laney stabbed at her salmon and pushed it around her plate.

  “Lucky” seemed like a perverted view of Vivi’s situation. David had met her father only a handful of times, none of which had been pleasant. Stories Vivi told him, and ones he’d heard when eavesdropping on conversations between his sister and mother, had filled in the rest of the equally bad details.

  He’d often heard pity in Cat’s voice when she spoke of Vivi’s life. In contrast, he’d revered Vivi’s ability to maintain a sunny outlook and find joy in others’ good fortune. Despite the dearth of love in her own home, she maintained utter faith in the promise of love.

  If only he could be more like her.

  “You might want to consider apologizing.” Laney’s voice drifted through his thoughts. “She must’ve thought she was doing somethin
g nice.”

  By the time David finished off the second bottle of wine, contrition weighed on him like a wet wool blanket. He’d totally overreacted. Worse, he’d struck out at someone dear to him. Someone he never wanted to hurt.

  While Laney drove them home, he imagined his sister’s reaction to his earlier outburst. In fewer than twelve hours, he’d lost more control over his emotions than he had since the day of his fight with his father. It didn’t bode well for the remainder of his vacation.

  Laney shut off the ignition and opened her door. He gulped a steadying breath before following her into the house.

  “I’m going straight upstairs. Hopefully this will all blow over by breakfast.” She planted a cool kiss on his cheek and fled to their room, leaving him alone in the silent house.

  Through the windows of the main living area, David saw Jackson and Hank lounging outside on the deck, encircled by cigar smoke. Vivi and Cat were conspicuously absent. Here we go.

  Wrenching open the sliding door he stepped into the night air and shivered.

  Jackson cast a cold glance at David just before blowing smoke toward him. “How was your dinner?”

  “Not great.” David waited for the punch line.

  “Ours was excellent.” Jackson produced an arrogant smile.

  “Where’s Vivi?” He scanned the lawn below. “I need to apologize.”

  “You think?” Jackson’s sneer emphasized his sarcastic delivery. “Find her in the morning.”

  “Should I expect an eye gouging from Cat?” David crossed his arms in front of his chest to fend off Jackson’s next verbal assault.

  “No. Vivi blamed her mood on a ‘call from her dad.’ ”

  David winced. He hated the fact that Vivi falsely implicated her father to spare him Cat’s tongue-lashing.

  “How’s she feeling now?” he asked.

  “Probably a lot like a helpless kitten who’s been drop-kicked by an asshole.” Jackson shook his head and flicked the ash from his cigar. “Bro, I don’t know what bug crawled up inside you since Mom died, but get rid of it soon.”

  Hank’s eyes widened while he puffed his own cigar.

  David stared out over the ocean, its turbulent black water churning just like the acid in his stomach. “I’ll make it right,” he said without looking at Jackson, wondering exactly how he’d go about keeping that promise.

  “That’ll be a neat trick.”

  He glanced over to see Jackson glaring at him. He didn’t defend himself. He’d earned Jackson’s scorn. David mumbled his good nights and lumbered up the steps to his room.

  By midnight, a wine-induced, guilt-riddled headache prompted him to go downstairs for a glass of water. He wandered outside onto the deck, to stand beneath the starless sky streaked with wide swaths of gray clouds.

  In the expansive darkness, he recalled Vivi’s final letter, which he’d received around the first anniversary of his mom’s death. He couldn’t remember the scented note in its entirety, having memorized only an excerpt.

  I miss you. No one hears from you these days. You’ve disappeared from all of our lives. I know your loss is tremendous, but I sense something more going on. Share it with me, please. Withdrawing from everyone who loves you will only make it worse. Your mother wouldn’t want that for you, or for the rest of us. Honor her by living, loving, and finding joy in your life. It’s all she ever wanted for you.

  She’d included a small charcoal portrait she’d drawn of his mother. The imperfect image had perfectly captured his mother’s spirit and smile. In a weak moment that same day, he’d considered calling and confiding in her.

  He’d refrained to spare her from ending up in a terrible position with his siblings. Her piss-poor poker face would make it impossible for her to keep the secret from them, too.

  David gripped the railing. Despite yearning for vindication, he’d never betray his mother’s wish or be the one to crush his siblings’ beliefs about their father and family, even if it meant he’d continue to suffer alone.

  But if his mother watched over him, she was disappointed tonight. His stomach pinched each time he pictured Vivi’s devastated expression from earlier this evening. He also owed her an apology for taking her friendship for granted while he’d been away.

  He wondered if it mattered now. Hell, she didn’t seem to care about him anymore.

  When his chin fell to his chest in defeat, he noticed something in the grass. Vivi lay in the yard with her hands behind her head, listening to her iPod with her eyes closed.

  Without forethought, he descended the steps to apologize in private. Even in the crisp night air, being near her felt like standing under the sun. Warmth seeped from her body and flowed along the ground, like a river of heat seeking to penetrate the frozen places inside his chest.

  Her abundant, wavy locks fanned out around her head and cascaded over her shoulders. The seductively tangled mess differed from the shorter, asymmetrical styles she’d always favored. Silvery moonlight slipped through the clouds, illuminating her paper-thin, sheer white tank top.

  Abruptly, an erotic vision of climbing on top of her and cupping the heavy weight of her breast as it strained against her shirt aroused him. Startled by his desire, he backed up to steady his racing pulse.

  What the hell?

  They could never be more than friends.

  Not ever.

  As a friend he could manage the highs and lows of her volatile emotions and turbulent lifestyle. As a lover it might be overwhelming.

  Much more importantly, even if an inevitable breakup didn’t hurt Vivi, it could jeopardize her relationship with others in his family, and that would kill her. He’d never forgive himself if that happened, and besides, he’d miss their friendship if it ended.

  And now he had Laney in his life. Although he’d voiced apprehension over her decision to move to New York, he hadn’t strongly discouraged her, either. He’d made no promises or commitments, but she was sharing his bed.

  Why was he even thinking about this? A romance with Vivi required too much risk. Yet, in this instant, he selfishly wished to share a passionate encounter with the girl who’d long ago claimed an essential place in his life.

  Shaking his head, he returned to reality and leaned over to touch her shoulder.

  Her eyelids flew open. She crawled backward on her hands and feet, like a crab.

  Avoiding eye contact, she stood and removed her earbuds.

  “I’m going to bed. Good night, David.” She dashed toward the door.

  “Vivi, wait. Let me apologize. I’m just . . . struggling with memories. I’m so sorry.” David held his breath.

  “Fine.” She slowed without facing him. “Good night.”

  Unwilling to let her escape, he lunged to grasp her elbow. Her tension jettisoned along his arm.

  “Look at me, please.” His fingers clung to her while he fought against encircling his arms around her. “I also want to thank you for lying to protect me from Cat.”

  “I lied to protect Cat, not you,” she said. “She doesn’t need anyone else upsetting her this week.”

  He grimaced in the face of her pronouncement. “Vivi, I shouldn’t have taken my grief out on you. I’m sorry. Do you forgive me?”

  She refused to answer.

  “Come on. The old Vivi would forgive me for anything,” he teased.

  His joke seemed to enrage her. She met his eyes with her own steely gaze. “The old David was never cruel and thoughtless.”

  Her rebuke sliced through him. When he clasped her hand, she jerked it away.

  “Vivi, please. You know I didn’t mean what I said. I’d never hurt you.” He produced a weak smile. Instead of offering absolution, she stared straight through him.

  “As a lawyer, you choose words carefully for a living. You couldn’t have said that if you hadn’t thought it first.�
�

  Seeing tears pool in her eyes twisted his gut.

  She blinked them back before speaking in strained tones. “I’m fine now. And you don’t have to worry about upsetting me again. I came here to have fun, and that’s exactly what I plan to do. So I’ll be sure to keep out of your way as much as possible this week.”

  Before he could plead his case further, she turned on her heel and strode inside.

  Silently, he stared at the door she’d closed in his face.

  Dammit. Being kept at arm’s length all day had been unpleasant. Now he faced a complete shutout. How’d he get here?

  And how in the hell could he get back to the way things used to be?

  CHAPTER FOUR

  The sound of the ocean had blown through the open window all night, lulling Vivi to sleep. Too bad the luxury carried a steep price, namely the predawn screech of seagulls’ cries. As Cat’s gentle snore filled the room, Vivi marveled at her friend’s ability to sleep through the noise.

  She bit back a whimper as she nearly peeled away her corneas trying to open her dry eyes. After several painful blinks, she tiptoed to the window and slid it shut before collapsing back into bed. Although exhausted, she couldn’t fall back asleep.

  Instead, she reanalyzed David’s uncharacteristic meltdown and subsequent apology. Unfortunately, his remorse didn’t erase the pain etched in her heart.

  As his final letter from Hong Kong had predicted, he had changed, and not for the better. His words drifted through her memory.

  I can’t share the reasons behind my withdrawal other than to say the lens through which I view the world has been shattered. I need to be alone to pick up those pieces and fit them together again.

  Lately I worry my former outlook might never be fully restored. If I return home one day a different man, I hope you’ll still be my friend, as I will always be yours.

  Yesterday she’d seen only traces of the sensitive man he’d always been. Of course, that should make it easier to let go of what his homecoming might have meant for them. Either way, it sucked.