Worth the Wait

by Jamie Beck

  “Don’t lecture me about intentions. Nothing excuses your utter neglect. Maybe I’m not as smart as you, but I got the message loud and clear.”

  He jumped up and flung his arms toward heaven. “There was no message! I needed to be alone to work through something. Don’t the years of being a good brother and friend count for anything? Hasn’t loyal friendship earned me some right to expect you to cut me some slack?” He faced the ocean, gripping the railing while he clipped out, “So what now? I get no sympathy, no understanding?”

  “Be happy, David. You no longer have to tolerate an unwanted shadow following you around.” Vivi hugged her knees to her chest, like a child afraid to face an angry parent.

  Yet some unfamiliar, ugly part of her rejoiced in hurting him.

  “I’m not happy.” He spun around, leaned over, and planted his hands on the arms of her deck chair, encircling her. “I don’t like this distance, Vivi. It feels wrong on every level. Tell me how to fix it. I’ll do anything.” His eyes searched hers, imploring her for mercy. “And I never referred to you by that derogatory nickname. It’s Jackson’s little joke.”

  His proximity dazed her. She caught herself staring at his mouth, wanting. Abruptly, she tore her eyes away before he noticed. She frowned, unsure of what else to say.

  “Tell me,” he repeated, and then knelt down and grabbed her hand. “Please tell me how to make things right between us.”

  The contact heated her entire body. Damn him.

  “What do you want from me?” She relished the feel of his gentle hold on her hand while struggling to comprehend her conflicted feelings of love and anger. “I haven’t been unfriendly.”

  He shook his head. “You’re not treating me the same. With everyone else, you’re the old Vivi—laughing, playful, demonstrative. With me, you’re reserved and cautious. You barely look at or talk to me.” He rubbed his thumb against the soft skin on top of her hand, staring at it intently. “I miss you. I miss the way we were. The comfort of just being us.” He hesitated. “Being with everyone now only makes me more aware of Mom’s absence and the way things used to be. I knew it would be difficult to return, but I didn’t expect everything to be harder. Especially not with you.”

  Vivi felt the pull of his gaze. His eyes had darkened with frustration and desperation. Empathy washed over her, yet she couldn’t relent completely. Not while he withheld the reason behind his disappearance.

  “You’ll always have my friendship. But everything is different now. I’ve got my own life.” She watched puzzling emotions play out in his expression. He loomed so close it grew hard to breathe. “You have Laney. You don’t need me.”

  His features pinched before settling into a slight frown. “I’ll always need you,” he whispered. “Muñequita, no one could ever replace you. Don’t you know that yet? Our friendship is the most important one of my life.”

  Without warning, he pulled her to his chest. Her pounding heart felt like it would slam its way straight through her ribs. Only in her dreams did he ever need her . . . She was awake now. On instinct, she burrowed her face against his collar. Even though he’d arrived fresh from a run, she loved the smell of his skin.

  Those loving words he’d spoken tempted her to comfort him. But if he truly meant all he said, then he wouldn’t keep secrets. “Prove it.”

  “How?” he asked.

  “Tell me why you took off. What happened with your dad?”

  He flinched as if she’d slapped him. His face appeared haunted as he stood and started pacing like a caged animal. After a minute, he stopped and stared at the ocean, hands on his hips. She held her breath, sensing the waves of tension rippling off of him.

  Finally, he turned on her wearing a grim expression. He reached out his hand to her. “Come with me.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  David gripped Vivi’s hand and silently led her partway down the rickety staircase leading to the beach. They stopped at a landing, where he deposited her on the built-in bench before leaning against the railing and staring at the bluffs.

  Standing there on the stairs clinging to the edge of the cliff, he felt as if he were on the precipice of another turning point. If only he could see the outcome before jumping off.

  Vivi had no idea what she’d asked of him, but desperation made him weak. Nothing less could explain why he’d ever consider telling her the truth. He closed his eyes, begging his mother to forgive him for breaking his promise. Technically he wasn’t actually breaking his word. His mom had secured it to protect her family. And while everyone else considered Vivi part of the family, she was not and never had been.

  She was not his sister. She was his best friend and more. She was . . . she was so many things to him she defied any label.

  Ultimately, he needed her in his life. He’d hurt her by pushing her away, and now she no longer trusted him. This was his only option.

  He didn’t look at her when he started speaking. “Under no circumstances can you ever tell Cat or Jackson this information. I need your word, Vivi. No exceptions.”

  “I promise.” She sat, alert, on the edge of the bench, hands on her knees.

  “I mean it. You can’t let even them know you know anything, either. You’ll have to pretend—to lie—forever.”

  She nodded. Jesus, she had no idea what she was doing. He knew exactly how much keeping this news to herself would wear her down.

  “Vivi, trust me, you’ll regret this ultimatum. You can’t fix what’s broken with my dad. All this will accomplish is saddling you with my burden. I really don’t want that. Is there no other way?”

  Her eyes remained wide open, staring at him while apparently weighing his words.

  “Maybe I can’t change what happened, but I can help you, if only by being someone you can talk to. You say our friendship matters. You say you want me to trust in you again. Then you need to trust in me, too.”

  He hung his head, shoulders slumping. Before sitting beside her on the bench, he inhaled slowly. Once seated, he spoke without looking in her eyes.

  “I went to Hong Kong so I wouldn’t break a promise I made to my mother before she died.” He glanced at her. “You know I visited her as often as possible those last months.

  “One day, on my way to see her, I stopped at Starbucks for coffee. On my way to my car, I noticed my dad’s Maserati across the lot, so I jogged over to surprise him. No one was more surprised than me when I caught him in a compromising position with a woman I recognized from our club named Janet.”

  Vivi’s lips parted. “Janet? You mean, the Janet he’s been dating this year?”

  David nodded, closing his eyes to control the explosion of rage he felt any time he heard Janet’s name. He suspected his dad never stopped seeing her but made it public only after an appropriate mourning period.

  He opened his eyes to find Vivi staring at him, transfixed.

  “I took off before he could stop me. When he came home, my mother overheard us arguing about what I saw. She learned about his affair before she died because of me.”

  David bent over and buried his face in his hands at the memory of that awful day. The only day he could recall having ever allowed emotions to overtake reason. If he had just controlled himself like usual, his mother could’ve died never knowing of her husband’s betrayal.

  “What happened next?” Vivi’s question brought him back to the present.

  “Instead of getting angry with him, she begged me not to tell Cat and Jackson. She was worried the news would tear the family apart after she died. I felt responsible for her learning of his deception, so I promised to honor her wish.” He hoped he’d given her that much peace, at least. “The final weeks of her life were grueling for so many reasons. I was angry with my dad for his disgusting behavior, with myself for not protecting my mom, and with God, for taking her from me.”

  Reciting the events forced h
im to relive the pain anew. It ripped through him with hot, raw force equal to the day his mother died. He swallowed the lump in his throat, his voice rough as he continued.

  “Once she died, I couldn’t stick around and watch my dad play the grieving husband. It was too tempting to call him out as a liar and cheat. So I stayed away until I knew I could keep my promise. I’ve since realized I don’t want Cat and Jackson to become disillusioned about our family, or marriage, like I have. Nothing can change the past, and I won’t disregard my mom’s wishes by tearing the family apart. It’s the way I atone for my role in breaking her heart.”

  David suddenly turned to Vivi and crushed her head against his chest before resting his cheek on her forehead, the way he’d done so often. His hands groped the back of her head and shoulders as he squeezed her tighter than ever before.

  His heart raced as a tremor slid through his body. Then he pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and then her temple. He closed his eyes, savoring the way her hands rubbed his back. The way she whispered soothing words, spilling slivers of light into the darkness.

  Vivi held on to David with every ounce of her strength. They remained on the bench, rocking ever so slightly. Her own thoughts spun wildly, unable to process the fact that Mr. St. James had treated his amazing wife so horribly.

  How could she look him or Janet in the eye whenever she next saw them? Oh, God. Panic began to seize her body. Tears mounted in her eyes as her muscles tensed. How would she keep this secret from Cat and Jackson? Surely they would take one look at her and know.

  David had been right. She didn’t want this burden. No amount of talking would ever make this right for him, and now she would have to live with this secret. Worst of all, she had no idea how to help him.

  He eventually eased away and then wiped her tears with his thumbs. Holding her face in his hands, he stared into her eyes with such intensity it stole her breath. His gaze momentarily dipped to her mouth and something flashed in his eyes. “Vivi.”

  Time stood still. The breeze sweeping along the bluff seemed stronger. The crash of the waves below sounded ten times louder than normal. Her body tingled with heightened awareness. The charged moment—

  “David? Vivi!” The wind carried Cat’s holler down the stairwell before she appeared.

  David abruptly released Vivi and sat back, turning his face away, presumably to regain his composure. Vivi, of course, couldn’t think fast enough and simply looked up at Cat.

  Cat hesitated, as if realizing she’d interrupted something private. Then, instead of leaving, she leaned against the railing. “Laney’s looking for you, David.”

  He faced Cat, nodding. As he stood to leave, he glanced at Vivi, his eyes pleading for her to keep her promise. She tried her best to reassure him without words, but even she wasn’t convinced she could succeed.

  Once David left, Cat took the seat he’d just vacated. “Care to explain?”

  “Explain what?” Vivi feigned ignorance, buying time to think.

  “Well, we could start with what I just witnessed, and then talk about your attempt to play cupid, or vice versa.” Cat arched one brow. “Your choice.”

  “I didn’t play cupid.” Lying had become an unfortunate habit this week, Vivi realized. But she’d rather talk about Hank than David right now. “I didn’t want to go biking and thought Hank might enjoy it. Obviously, I was wrong.”

  “Don’t push us together in some misguided attempt to get me away from Justin.”

  “Fine.” Vivi held her hands up in the air. “I hear you.”

  “Seriously, Vivi. I’m already uncomfortable enough around him without your interference.”

  “Why on earth are you so uncomfortable with him?” Vivi tilted her head. “He’s the sweetest guy.”

  Cat tapped her foot while she looked up toward the large shrubbery that blocked the view of their house from this vantage point. “Because a few months ago, during one of my and Justin’s mini-breaks, I went to a small party at Jackson’s and spent the night flirting with Hank. We fooled around a bit. Then two days later Justin and I reconciled, so when Hank called me, I ignored his calls. It was poorly done, I know. Let’s just say I wasn’t expecting to be face-to-face again here, or anywhere.”

  “Holy crap, Cat. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me all of this sooner!” Vivi ran a hand through her windblown hair. “No wonder you’ve both been acting so weird.”

  “Well, I really don’t want to talk about it, especially here with him and Jackson lurking around,” Cat uttered. “And besides, there’s something more important to discuss.”

  “What?” Vivi snapped, hoping to avoid the inevitable.

  “I think you know what.” Cat wouldn’t be cowed. “My brother.”

  “Jackson?” Vivi smiled sweetly.

  “Ha, ha. Boy, aren’t you a regular Ellen DeGeneres?” Cat affected the bored look she’d long ago perfected. “What’s going on with you and David?”

  Vivi sighed, attempting to match Cat’s blasé attitude. Please, God, help me keep my promise.

  “He’s feeling alienated and assumed I’d be the most sympathetic listener.”

  She hoped her vague explanation would satisfy Cat without subjecting herself to a slew of personal questions. Questions she’d best not consider.

  Because neither David’s confession nor his tender words about their friendship made Laney vanish. No matter how much he cared for Vivi as his friend, he’d never shown any romantic interest. She couldn’t continue reading into his words and actions, no matter how tempting.

  “So were you?” Cat asked.

  “Was I what?”

  “Sympathetic.” Cat frowned before twisting her body to face Vivi with a concerned expression. “Please don’t get your hopes up again. Just because he’s using you to mend fences with everyone doesn’t mean he’s going to dump Laney.”

  Vivi recoiled at the remark, unaccustomed to the blunt delivery. Using her? That’s not at all how he’d made her feel. “I didn’t assume he would.”

  She watched her friend’s eyes roll upward before returning to meet Vivi’s with compassion. “Vivi, you know I love you, but you’ve never faced the truth about your relationship with David. I’ve stayed out of it because it’s so awkward for me. Now I have to speak up. Of course he loves you as a dear friend, but you can’t keep hoping for more. Even if he were attracted to you, he’d be too wary of the complications stemming from all of our friendships. David’s never been a risk taker. Surely you see that.”

  If Cat had taken a machete to Vivi’s heart, it would have been kinder and quicker.

  “Wow. I told you I’m not holding on to old fantasies about David.” Vivi glowered to compensate for the tears she felt brimming behind her eyes. The past thirty minutes had blown the fuses on all her emotions. “But thanks for setting me straight.”

  “I believed you until I interrupted you two just now.” Cat grasped Vivi’s hand. “For the past few days it’s been wonderful to be around you two and not feel awkward because he didn’t return your feelings. I only worry what I saw just now might set you back. Please don’t go there again.” As if sensing she’d heaped too much on Vivi at once, she finished with a gentle tone. “I just want you to be happy, V. You know that, right?”

  “I know.” But Vivi had heard relief in Cat’s voice, which hurt. Maybe it should be expected under the circumstances. Vivi rose from the bench. “I need more coffee. Want anything?”

  “Nope. I’m good.” Cat paused, then reached over and squeezed Vivi’s hand. “We’re good, right?”

  Vivi nodded and watched Cat close her eyes and soak up the morning sun as if the whole world hadn’t just been altered.

  She walked away with uneven, halting steps, the ground beneath her suddenly feeling soft and yielding. Cat’s searing observations rattled around in her head, summoning familiar self-doubt. And self-doub
t wouldn’t help her deal with David and what he’d revealed.

  Learning the truth enabled her to forgive him for the way he’d pushed her away last year. He’d proven how much he trusted her, yet she couldn’t let her imagination run wild with hope that his feelings ran deeper than friendship. And while she didn’t want to turn away from him after what he’d shared, she also couldn’t risk Cat and Jackson overhearing her talk to David, or becoming suspicious of her behavior and discovering the truth.

  For the time being, David would have to rely on Laney for support.

  Entering the house, she heard her text message notification ping. Her bedazzled phone stood out amid the pile of sleek smartphones on the counter. Franco’s message confirmed he’d pick her up at one o’clock. Her speedy thumbs replied, B waiting w/ bells on.

  The events of the week had stripped away the cocoon she’d always associated with the St. James family. A chill raced through her limbs at the thought of a life less involved with them, but maybe she’d overstayed her welcome.

  Never before had she wanted to escape them all and regroup. Thankfully, Franco and the rehearsals provided a perfect cover. Once they returned to New York, she’d have time and space to process everything and figure out her next steps. Just four more days. She could manage until then.

  While she poured herself a much-needed second cup of coffee, Jackson appeared in his bathing suit, carrying an empty cooler. He set it by the freezer and began to fill it with water bottles, beer, and ice.

  “What’s going on?” Vivi asked.

  “I’ve decided we should go to Town Beach.”

  “Oh? Hank said you guys were going fishing.”

  “Nah. Changed my mind. I feel like being in a crowd today. I think there may be live music, too.”

  “A crowd, huh?” She grinned, hiding her strained nerves. “Or girls, Jackson?”

  “Girls. Definitely girls.” His dimples made a brief appearance, then Jackson slapped her thigh with the back of his hand. “Go get ready. We can eat lunch there.”