Worth the Wait

by Jamie Beck

  Tonight, however, he didn’t care what she wanted. He sensed she needed him. He shut off the ignition and headed up the walkway. A bitter wind nipped at his cheeks, filling his nostrils with the metallic smell of a New England winter night.

  When the door opened, David came face-to-face with Mr. LeBrun, who looked pasty and miserable. Mr. LeBrun narrowed his eyes as if finding his way through a haze. “You’re that St. James kid.”

  “David, sir,” David replied. “Merry Christmas.”

  Mr. LeBrun stood in the doorway, letting the cold air rush into the house, when David heard Vivi’s voice call out. “Dad, close the door!”

  She appeared behind her dad, wearing flannel pajamas decorated with moose on skis. “David, what are you doing here?” She turned to her father. “It’s okay, Dad, I’ve got it.” After he wandered away, she looked down at her clothes and sighed. “Obviously we weren’t expecting company. Is everything okay?”

  “That’s what I’m here to find out.” He stepped forward. “Can I come in?”

  Resigned, she shrugged. “Sure.”

  He almost tripped over the broom and dustpan lying in the middle of the living room floor in front of a toppled Christmas tree. Broken ornaments were strewn throughout the room.

  Before he could ask any questions, Vivi’s dad started to unscrew the cap of a bottle of whiskey, sending her into a panic. “No, Dad.” She dashed to his side to wrest the bottle from his grip. “Water. Only water.”

  “Dammit, girl. Let go.” He yanked at the bottle, but her grip was firm, causing him to stumble.

  David caught him before he hit the ground. “Steady.”

  Vivi wouldn’t meet David’s eyes as she took her father by the arm and led him to his bedroom. “You need rest. Please go back to bed.” She glanced over her shoulder at David and whispered, “Thank you.”

  While he waited for Vivi’s return, he spied a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich on the coffee table. Some Christmas dinner. Acid churned in his stomach and he swallowed the lump in his throat. Why was her life so damned hard?

  When she reappeared, her cheeks were red, which only made David angrier about her circumstances.

  “What happened here?” he asked, gesturing toward the tree.

  Without warning, tears sprang from her eyes. She knelt to clean the mess.

  “Last night my dad got so drunk he fell into the tree and started throwing up. When he passed out, I couldn’t wake him, so I called nine-one-one. We spent the night in Norwalk Hospital, where they pumped his stomach and kept him on an IV. He had alcohol poisoning.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes with her arm. “We got home this afternoon and I got him into bed so I could deliver the gifts to your house. He woke up an hour ago, hungry and irritable. Now I need to clean this mess and take the tree outside. But I can’t lift it by myself.” She began crying in earnest. “Some of these ornaments were from when my mom was alive. Now they’re all gone.” Tears streaked down her cheeks as she swept up the shards of glass.

  David crouched beside her and cradled her against his chest. Kissing the top of her head, he murmured, “Don’t cry, Muñequita. I’m here. I’ll help.” He rubbed her back as her shoulders shook. “Shhh, shhh, shhh. Please don’t cry.”

  Forty minutes later, they’d rescued the few unbroken ornaments and untangled the lights strung around the branches. David hefted the tree up and out of the house. When he came back inside, Vivi had thrown away the last of the trash.

  “Thanks, David. I’m sorry to drag you into this mess on the holiday.”

  “Why didn’t you call last night? I hate thinking of you spending Christmas Eve alone at the hospital.” His jaw tightened as he envisioned her being terrified her father might die. Not that the man offered any comfort, but without him she’d be truly alone.

  “I’d never ruin your holiday with my problems.”

  “None of us would have minded. If we’d known what happened, you wouldn’t have been alone.”

  “I’m too tired to argue,” she said on a sigh. “I’m sure you have better things to do, too, like go home and rest.”

  He surveyed the dismal living room with its worn furniture and rugs. Somehow she normally managed to maintain a chipper attitude despite these conditions. Her fragile appearance belied a core of steel.

  “I’m not in a rush.” He went to his coat and retrieved a shiny red box from the inside pocket. “Besides, I brought you something.”

  Her face lit up for the first time since he’d arrived. Warmth spread through him as he watched her open his gift: two tickets to Broadway’s revival of Les Misérables.

  She squealed and bounced on her toes.

  “I heard you tell my mom you’ve never seen a Broadway show. I got you an extra ticket so you could take Cat or another friend.”

  Her smile consumed her face. In those ridiculous pajamas, she looked like the proverbial kid at Christmas.

  “Super! I know the perfect person to ask.”

  “Oh?” Curiosity spurred him to ask, “Who?”

  “A great guy. Really nice, smart . . . thoughtful.”

  Vivi’d never mentioned other guys in her life before, so he’d simply assumed there weren’t any. He was debating whether to ask a follow-up question when she rose up on her toes, grabbed him around his neck, and buried her face into his collar.

  “Will you come with me?” Her breath brushed against his skin.

  “Absolutely.” He smiled and lifted her off the ground, pleased to have brightened her holiday. “Merry Christmas, Vivi.”

  “Thank you.” She squeezed him a little tighter.

  He placed her back on the ground and kissed her forehead. “My pleasure.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Present Day

  With his knees pulled to his chest, David curled up in the window seat next to the living room fireplace and pressed his head against the cool glass. Wrung dry by the past twenty-four hours, the stillness of the dark house felt comforting.

  When he returned from his unplanned round-trip ferry ride, he’d intentionally skirted questions about Laney, and avoided all discussion about his father’s announcement.

  Earlier that day, he’d stared at the horrifying save-the-date e-mail in disbelief before he vomited on the dock. His stomach muscles contracted every time he thought about his father’s plans to marry Janet. Janet—the most despicable, heartless home wrecker on the planet.

  His father’s announcement ripped open the wounds that had only barely begun to heal. His father loved her? Chose her over his mother? Over him?

  That whore poisoned his father, making him turn his back on everything he’d supposedly valued. His marrying her before resolving things with David came as another gross betrayal.

  The fact that his father knew David wouldn’t expose the secret gnawed at him more rabidly than ever before. A test more fraught with potential disaster than the most difficult law school exam he’d taken. Somehow he’d live by his own code, no matter how this wedding provoked him. He envied Cat’s and Jackson’s ignorance, but he wouldn’t deprive them of it, either.

  Perhaps it should be enough to know his silence shielded them from the painful truth. However, tonight it didn’t suppress his fury.

  He’d hidden in his room this evening seeking solace. Although exhausted by all the recent events, he couldn’t fall asleep. Perpetual fucking limbo. That’s what his life had become.

  Hushed footsteps interrupted his train of thought. Through the shadows, he saw Vivi going into the kitchen. Watching her pad around in the dark to fetch a glass of water reminded him of the many times he’d bumped into her late at night when she’d stay at their house. She hadn’t changed much over the years, in size or personality. Yet everything about her looked different to him now.

  For the past eighteen months, he’d busied himself to block out his anguish. His blind dete
rmination had left him little time to miss Vivi. Then, the instant he saw her again, their entire history rushed to the forefront.

  Like watching a favorite movie, he’d revisited their years of friendship, the way she’d made him feel like a superhero, the silly things she’d done to make him laugh at life. Then he’d gone and badly mishandled his taboo attraction in a fit of drunken idiocy.

  No matter what his feelings for Vivi might be, he knew what they couldn’t become. Nothing had changed in that regard. Cat’s objections were clear, and the other obstacles remained. Thank God Vivi had prevented him from unloading his confused feelings earlier today.

  Spilling his guts would’ve only complicated everything for both of them. And anyway, she’d confessed the change of heart he’d been sensing all week—her desire to lead a life less involved with him. The role reversal might be amusing if it didn’t gut him so much. Another painful truth he’d have to accept. He prayed his longing would pass soon.

  He understood little about women, and even less about love, but he’d felt the rush of lust before and it always passed.

  “Don’t you know it’s dangerous to skulk around houses in the dark?” he asked as she gulped down her drink.

  “Oh!” Her hand flew to her chest, then she set her glass on the counter. “Jeez, David. You startled me.” She blew out a breath before finishing her drink. Afterward, she crossed the living room and sat on the end table near his alcove. Her presence filled the air with unpredictability.

  “What are you doing?” She folded her hands in her lap and crossed her ankles. Moonlight streamed in through the window; its beams reflected in her eyes. Her relaxed posture contrasted with the turmoil of the past twenty-four hours.

  He remembered her words from earlier. You have to “feel” David, not “think” him. Is that how she’d always known him so well? Could she feel him, even now? If so, she should be running away.

  “Can’t sleep.”

  “Welcome to my world,” she snickered.

  Silence stretched between them. He glanced back out the window. When she didn’t leave, he looked at her once more. A somber expression replaced her grin.

  “David, I’m sorry for what I said to Laney.” Her face pinched. “It was selfish to speak as if I knew how you felt.”

  “It’s not your fault.” He wished he could’ve scoffed at Laney’s accusations this afternoon, but he couldn’t truthfully deny all of them. He hadn’t made love with Vivi the night before, but he’d wanted to. He winced at the memory. “I’m sorry she’s upset, but the trouble between us existed before you said a word.”

  “If that’s true, then why did she move to New York?” Vivi’s expression proved she had second thoughts about her question.

  “In Hong Kong, things between us had been easy. Exactly what I’d needed, under the circumstances. I’d assumed it would continue in New York along those lines. I was wrong. She wants more from me than I have to give.” On the dock, Laney had thrown down the gauntlet, ordering him to get his shit together before he crawled back to her. Well, hell, that would just be never. “I suppose I should’ve paid more attention to her signals and discouraged her from expecting a bigger commitment.”

  Despite his best intentions, he’d obviously hurt Laney, and that knowledge ate at his gut. Now he’d return to New York in two days and finalize the breakup, which meant he faced the uncomfortable prospect of working alongside a pissed-off ex-lover.

  “She must’ve been pretty upset,” Vivi said. “Did she drive back on her own?”

  “I offered to drive her home out of concern for her safety. She refused.” Laney’s martyrdom, however, annoyed him more than it made him feel guilty. “She texted once she got back, so at least that’s off my mind tonight.”

  “Oh.” When he said nothing, she sighed. “Obviously you’re upset about your dad’s plans to remarry.”

  If Vivi pushed him, he’d end up fighting with her, or worse, crossing the clear lines between them. He had to shut down the conversation.

  “I don’t want to discuss it.” His sharp tone sent a clear warning, which she promptly ignored.

  “It must hurt to see him move on, especially after what he did.” Her eyes filled with compassion. “But I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I think your mom would want this, David.”

  “Oh?” Her naive remark ignited his sarcasm. “Why would you think so?”

  “Because despite his mistakes, she loved him. The fact that she forgave him and made you keep this secret proves that, doesn’t it?” Her bemused expression surprised him. “She wouldn’t have wanted him to spend the rest of his life alone.”

  “As you know, I doubt she expected him to be alone,” he sneered. “Let this go.”

  “Please listen to me. I’ve got some experience dealing with life’s misfortunes, you know,” she said. “Don’t lose another year or two fighting against something you can’t control. You need to find a way to accept what’s happened and what’s coming next.”

  “Accept it?” He snorted. “Accept seeing Janet at every birthday, holiday, wedding, and other family event for the rest of my life? Accept watching Cat and Jackson support this depraved situation? Let them grow close to her while pushing me further out of their circle?”

  “It doesn’t have to be that way. Not if you find a way to forgive your dad.”

  “I can’t. And neither would Jackson or Cat if they knew everything. They’d want nothing to do with him or Janet. Trust me on that point.” He both envied and resented their ignorant bliss, their memories of their “perfect” family. “I know you’re trying to help, but you can’t, Vivi.”

  “I’ve never known you to be a quitter, David. Saying you can’t accept it is a cop-out, and we both know it.”

  He faced her, setting his feet on the cool wood floor.

  “I’m in no mood for a lecture. It’s not what I need or want tonight.”

  “What do you need?” she asked, wide-eyed.

  Her open, direct gaze drew him in, as always. He paused, fighting against the pull of her empathy. Another battle he’d lose.

  “Things I can’t have.” Desire unfurled as he noticed her bare arms and legs extending out from her formfitting sleepwear. Prickles of awareness traveled along his spine. What he needed right now was her beneath him.

  “I don’t believe that for a minute.” She smiled as if he were foolish. “You’ve never thought anything lay beyond your reach.”

  “It’s different now and you know it. I’ve made promises that preclude me from speaking the truth.” His body leaned toward hers. “Satisfying myself would hurt others.” His eyes dipped to drink in her lips as they parted.

  “Oh.” She sat still, but he heard her breath become shallow.

  Their eyes locked. His body tingled. He shoved himself deeper into the alcove to break the spell.

  “Maybe the consequences wouldn’t be as bad as you think.” She stood hesitantly, then sat on the edge of the window seat.

  “If I tell Cat and Jackson the truth now, they’d never accept Janet as their stepmother. My mother’s worst fear would be realized once none of her children wanted to be a part of Dad’s new life.”

  As things stood, David was the only one alienated. He needed to honor the promise that had given his mother peace of mind during her final weeks.

  Besides, what he really wanted right then was to make love with Vivi—and that could yield equally detrimental consequences for both of them.

  “You should go back to bed.” He noticed her dilated pupils. Every part of his body snapped to attention as she closed the distance between them. He cleared his throat. “Stay away from me, Vivi. I can’t be trusted, especially tonight.”

  “Can’t be trusted?” Her confused expression frustrated him.

  “Yes. Hasn’t my behavior this week—last night—proven I’m far from being okay? I don’t
trust myself. I can’t control my fucked-up emotions. Hell, half the time I don’t even understand them.”

  Her eyes widened when he cursed. “I want to help. Please let me help you.”

  He stared at her, warring between grabbing her and pushing her away. “You can’t help me, Vivi. Please walk away from me before I hurt you, too.”

  “I can’t leave you like this”—she bit her lower lip and gestured around the room—“alone and brooding in the dark.”

  They sat mere inches apart. His body burned to touch hers.

  “You should listen to my warning.” Unable to stop himself, he raised his hand and traced her upper lip with his fingers.

  When her tongue flicked against the pad of his thumb, he sucked in his breath. Consent? He didn’t even stop to ask before he captured her lips with his own. She opened up to him and dug her hands into his hair.

  God, she felt good. Amazing.

  He devoured her mouth. Every muscle in his body tightened as he yanked her onto his lap and ran his hands along her back, pressing her closer without stopping to breathe.

  His lips moved along her jaw to the spot just below her ear. He nibbled. She trembled.

  He whispered, “Stop me, Vivi.”

  Before she answered, he kissed her again and growled in response to her touch. A low moan escaped her lips as he kissed her neck and shoulder. His conscience screamed, but he couldn’t let go of her.

  “Tell me to stop,” he pleaded.

  She kissed his temple and cheek before lifting his chin to kiss his mouth with those perfect lips. Mmm. He traced them with his tongue, tasting them once more before plundering the wet heat inside.

  She twisted around in his embrace until she sat astride his lap. His drawstring cotton pants did nothing to conceal his growing erection. When her hips rocked against him, he shuddered. “Upstairs.”