A Life Well-Hidden

by Emily Nealis

  Haley pursed her lips and rolled her eyes.

  “They’re fine, I guess. Travis is, you know…Travis.”

  “Yeah…” Diana nodded her head, considering her own response. She felt reassured that Haley seemed to have the same attitude about her brother as Diana did, which was why Diana didn’t feel bad about what she said next.

  “He doesn’t treat her very well, does he?”

  Haley exhaled, shaking her head. She extended her arm, one hand resting on the counter top, her other hand resting on her hip.

  “No, he’s ruining everything. Now she thinks he’s running around on her.”

  “What makes her think that?”

  “She’s been noticing things,” Haley turned and opened the refrigerator. She reached in and retrieved a bottle of pinot grigio that was nearly three quarters full. She turned back to the cupboard and removed a wine glass. After she set it on the counter next to the bottle, she motioned to the glass. Diana nodded, accepting her offer. Haley removed a second wine glass and unscrewed the bottle cap, depositing a healthy pour into each glass. Haley slid the glass toward Diana and continued.

  “Like he’s spending more time away from home, saying he’s with friends or at the gym. Now he goes to the gym early in the morning…” Haley trailed off, considering the parallels in her own life, but after a moment she immediately drew herself back, “He’s on his phone a lot, but he’s acting more secretive, not letting her see what’s on it, things like that. I don’t know,” She paused.

  The two women looked across the counter at one another. Diana nodded slowly, sipping her wine. She was realizing that Haley was easy to talk to. Haley had the ability to make anyone comfortable in her home and she could carry a conversation better than most people Diana knew. Diana liked this woman. She felt comfortable sitting in Haley’s kitchen, discussing their lives with one another. In a different life, Diana knew that she and Haley would have been friends. They might have even been close friends. This realization further incensed her and intensified her abhorrence for Adam, who seemed to destroy everything he touched, and Diana’s revulsion at her inability to see it and for allowing it to happen.

  “Do you think he’s running around on her?”

  No one else would have noticed, but there was a flicker in Haley’s eye when Diana asked her this question. Although Haley and Diana were conversing like two friends, Diana was very much aware of the way Haley was looking at her from across the kitchen counter. As Haley spoke of Travis and Carolyn, Diana came to realize she was speaking in broader terms. Diana glanced to the side, considering her thoughts, considering who had the nerve to say what they really meant and who did not.

  “Why would he do that? He asked her to marry him, they have money, they have a great life, they—“ Haley paused, “—they’re planning to start a family. All the evidence would say they’re happy, right?” Haley shook her head in disbelief.

  “Maybe,” Diana shrugged. She could have said a lot of things, but she was unsure whether it was the time to say them, “But maybe not. No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. People only show others what they want them to see. It’s possible they aren’t as happy as they let on.”

  Haley wasn’t a fool, she knew what kind of person her brother was, but it was possible they were no longer talking about Travis. The question was whether Haley thought her husband also had that kind of nerve. Diana knew he did, and he didn’t think twice about it, whether it involved Diana or anyone else.

  “But that’s unfortunate.” Diana paused, sliding her glass back and forth between her hands, “Carolyn is better than that. She deserves better than that.”

  “I don’t know…” Haley gazed over Diana’s shoulder at the wall, trailing off, veering into thought. It was as though Diana no longer sat at the counter across from Haley. She knew Diana was completely unaware of what she knew about both Carolyn and Adam. Carolyn was not the victim Diana thought she was, and Adam was not the man Diana thought he was.

  Diana sat in silence, watching Haley. Haley was in a trance, the wheels turning in her head, working things out and deciding how to say them out loud. Diana should have been afraid. She was sure anyone else would have been, sitting with Haley in her home while she appeared to be connecting the pieces with every passing moment. Diana and Haley spoke in terms of Travis and Carolyn, under the guise of other people not currently present, safe beneath insinuations and blanketed comments.

  A lesser woman would have knocked over that chair and fled from the house, or not even come to the house at all. However, at that point, Diana wanted Haley to arrive at her own conclusions. Diana would not be the one to make the revelation. She decided even before she ended everything with Adam that she would never reveal the nature of their relationship to Haley. If Haley found out, so be it, but Diana would not be the one to destroy Haley’s life more than it already was. Some might disagree with that decision, but Diana made her peace and she was willing to live with it.

  The irony was that after such a whirlwind romance and the rollercoaster of emotions she experienced with Adam, in the end Diana was most disappointed and filled with sadness at the impossibility of having any sort of friendship with Haley. Whether it was a matter of conscience or the unfeasibility of her impending transition to a new chapter of her life, Diana was disheartened that she couldn’t confess to Haley, offer her apologies for getting mixed up with her husband, and express her high opinion of Haley as a person. At that moment, Diana could have, but the possibility of letting Haley live in blissful ignorance —however much anyone can be blissful with Adam—seemed more appealing than turning her entire life upside down.

  Diana said nothing. She did the only thing she could think of; she sat at the counter in silence with Haley, waiting for her to speak when she was ready. Haley didn’t have to call her—she could have gotten Carolyn to contact Diana, but she didn’t. Diana could at least have the courtesy to sit with Haley, have a glass of wine, and listen to what she had to say. It was about then that Haley’s eyes drifted from the blank wall to Diana, her face a stone hard mask, and then she dropped the hammer.

  “I know Adam is seeing someone else.”

  Diana froze, her mouth still full of pinot grigio. They stared across the kitchen counter at one another. Diana fully expected Haley to call her out, smash her glass against the countertop, spraying wine and shards of glass across her face, screaming at Diana for luring Haley’s stupid husband into a swamp of temptation. Instead, Diana couldn’t decide whether Haley was voicing a suspicion or making a definitive statement.

  Finally, Diana blinked and swallowed her mouthful of wine. Haley was unflinching, having not moved since making her declaration. She waited for Diana’s response, which Diana was having more trouble formulating than she anticipated.

  “What?” Was all she could come up with on such short notice for a statement she had not expected, which came out sounding more like the croak of a toad than a concerned friend. Haley took a deep breath.

  “Adam is seeing someone else.” She repeated.

  “Why do you think that?” This was Diana’s first question. Her second was why Haley chose to tell Diana about it. If Haley knew Adam had been seeing Diana, why didn’t she just say so? Why was she speaking about it in such a cryptic fashion? Haley acted like she was telling Diana a secret rather than confronting her about her husband’s affair. Even though the two of them were alone, Haley lowered her voice slightly.

  “A couple of months ago, Carolyn told me she thought Travis was cheating on her. She came to me and completely fell apart, telling me all the reasons she thought Travis was seeing someone else. I told her he probably wasn’t, and even now I don’t think he was. I even confronted him about it. But soon after Carolyn’s meltdown, I smelled perfume in Adam’s truck that wasn’t mine. I recognized it, but I couldn’t remember where from. And then I realized Adam was doing the very things that made Carolyn suspicious of Travis.”

  Diana listened to Haley rattle off
Adam’s schedule and activities, knowing full well that she was correct. Diana waited for Haley to get to the point and accuse her of being the harlot, the Jezebel attempting to steal her husband away forever. Diana knew it would be absolutely no consolation that she’d broken everything off with Adam just days ago. What did that matter after the fact?

  “A few months ago, Adam started leaving for work earlier, saying he’d started going to the gym before work. He’s been spending more time away from home, hiding things on his work phone, all that. Over the summer, I confronted Adam about my suspicions—I even named names—which he denied. We had a huge fight. It got ugly, hurtful. After that I wondered if I’d made a mistake and I’d let Carolyn’s paranoia get in my head. But that was before I finally found out where the perfume came from and who he’d been seeing. And then I knew, for sure, who it was.”

  “What do you mean, for sure?” Diana questioned, “Do you actually know?”

  Haley turned to her right and reached for her phone, which was sitting on the countertop next to the sink. Diana waited as Haley’s fingers glided over the screen, her heart beating in her throat, her pulse pounding in her ears. After a few moments, Haley rotated the phone in her hand, extending it toward Diana.

  At first, Diana didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or slam her fist down on the countertop. Instead, she continued to sit in calm silence, surveying the portrait before her. Diana expected to see an image of herself, hacked from Adam’s phone, but she knew this was ridiculous. Adam was too careful, calculating, conniving even. He never left evidence of anything, only conversing with Diana from his work phone, even operating on a cash-only basis whenever he took her to lunch. Adam thought ahead and considered his surroundings with robotic calculation. That’s why, when Diana saw the image, she realized Adam clearly underestimated his wife.

  Diana recognized the woman in the photo. It was Carolyn, she was leaning back against another body, her arm extended in front of her to capture the photo. This wouldn’t have been so alarming if not for the fact that she was dressed only in her underwear. Her straight, black hair fell over the bare chest of the man behind her, whose arm was wrapped around the front of her. She flashed a wide, jovial smile at the camera, highlighting her straight, white teeth. Diana knew, without a doubt, that the man in the photo was not Travis.

  Diana would have recognized the arm in the frame anywhere, even though that’s all it was—an arm. The black and red ink of his dragon tattoo swirled over his shoulder, morphing into thick, black, tribal designs stretching from his bicep down to his elbow, culminating in the detailed shading of the eagle that wrapped around his forearm, emblazoned with text reading, United States Army. As if that weren’t enough, Adam’s gold wedding band was still in place and his black watch gave away the time in its familiar neon green digital numbers.

  Before, Diana might have felt furious, enraged with an ironic sense of betrayal. The symbolism as thick and twisted and complicated as the relationships of the people in the situation before her was so overwhelming, for a moment she was at a complete loss for words. Maybe it was her own guilt, but she was planning to offer an alternative explanation, playing devil’s advocate to diffuse a volatile situation, but she couldn’t. Diana couldn’t argue with Haley’s conclusion because she knew every inch of Adam just like Haley did, and Diana knew it was him. She studied the photo, the indisputable, undeniable memento of Adam’s undoing. Diana took a sip of wine. She glanced at Haley, and then back at the photo.

  “Where did you get this?”

  Haley turned the phone back toward her chest and locked the screen once more, setting it back down on the counter. She felt a wave of relief wash over her, due to nothing more than divulging this secret to Diana—or rather, the beginning of this secret. Saying it out loud made it real, it validated everything that happened, regardless of how Diana responded. The fact that Diana was not, as far as Haley knew, part of the intricate web of relationships in her own life made it easier for her to speak freely about the secrets buried within them.

  “Like I said, Carolyn came to me and said she suspected Travis was cheating on her. But then, when I was in Adam’s truck, I smelled the perfume on the seats that wasn’t mine. It took me a while to remember where I’d smelled it before, but I finally did.”

  Haley paused, a tiny smile creeping across her face.

  “At first, I thought it was you,” She scoffed, looking down sheepishly, “Because I used your perfume at the wedding.”

  Diana pressed her lips together, folding them in on themselves. I focused on the photo, stifling any sort of reaction that might have surfaced unexpectedly. She knew, but then she didn’t, and ultimately discovered something just as terrible. And, yet, it was still not as terrible as what I knew; the omnipotent entity drifting through Haley’s life without her knowledge.

  “But it wasn’t yours, it was the kind Carolyn always wears. Then,” she nodded to the phone resting on the counter, “I found the picture. A few weeks later, suddenly she was happy again. No explanation, no nothing. When I asked her about it, she brushed it off and said things were fine between them. But I knew the truth, I knew why.”

  Diana wanted to grab her by the arm and drag Haley out the door with her. She knew Haley Hunt was a good woman and a good person—so much better than Diana, but she was buried underneath a decade’s worth of being Adam’s wife. I am sorry for what I’ve done to you. I’m sorry for being part of the problem and part of the reason you question yourself. But, more than anything, I’m sorry you don’t have the opportunity that I do. I am so sorry I can’t take you away from this.

  Some women might have told Haley to kick Adam to the curb, to divorce him so fast it would make his head spin. Diana couldn’t do that. Haley had a family, an entire life that also hinged upon Adam. As much as she wanted Adam to suffer, thrusting unsolicited advice at Haley would be irresponsible. She needed to make her own decision, without the input of (one) her husband’s girlfriends, whether she knew it or not. Instead, Diana felt the intense urge to reassure Haley.

  “You know,” Diana reached toward Haley’s phone sitting between them on the countertop and tapped the surface with her index finger, “This will not last.”

  “What do you mean?” Haley was not a shrinking violet, even after years of normalizing Adam’s behavior and the culminating shock and realization, she responded with a level head. Even as she discussed her husband’s philandering ways, she did so with a matter-of-fact way about her.

  “After long enough, any woman, including Carolyn, is going to realize she’s being played for a fool. Men like Adam never leave their wives—they may say they will, but they keep doing what they do as long as their wives put up with it. It’s going to be your choice whether you keep him around. This only matters as long as you can weather the storm.”

  Haley and Diana held one another’s gaze, exchanging silent solidarity. After almost a minute of silence, Haley glanced down at the countertop and took a breath, deciding whether to speak.

  “Husbands and wives should be able to trust each other,” Haley mused, her eyes scanning the empty air. She no longer seemed upset, but pensive. Her gaze moved throughout the room and soon settled back on Diana, “But I lied to him, too.”

  12

  October 4 10:46 PM – THE DEVIL WE KNOW

  He hadn't meant to fall in love with Diana. Casual flings and occasional incidents of indiscretion had been a normal occurrence in Adam’s life. No one expected anything more and he never wanted anything more. Diana was a beautiful woman. She was also intelligent and witty, which is why men were drawn to her—it was why Adam was drawn to her. She had been a challenge at first. She wouldn't divulge details about her life to just anyone. She never wanted to make her emotions known right away. But, with relentless perseverance, Adam infiltrated her iron shell. He knew this was why she wouldn't speak to him now. Before this fight, Adam could always make Diana come back. Talking to him was always the way she came back, just like he could always ma
ke Haley come back.

  Adam didn't dislike his wife. She was a good person and he still enjoyed spending time with her, but a future with Diana seemed so much more appealing. She was a woman with goals and aspirations; she was on a perpetual upward trajectory, never complacent or bored. She took care of herself and presented an image envied by other people. However, there were his children, who he could never compromise. Adam remembered once telling Diana that if he didn’t have children with Haley, then her belongings would have been out on the lawn years ago. A harsh statement, but there was no doubt the two of them wouldn't have stayed together this long without their children.