The doctor sighed, gently taking off her glasses and setting them on the table. “You could say that.”
“My mom wasn’t too big on all this either,” Manuel replied. “Saving the universe, being in danger all the time, hanging out with people that could vaporize me in an instant.” He grinned. “Not paying my rent.”
Dr. Andrews gazed at him thoughtfully. “She wasn’t big on it? Meaning she is now?”
“Oh, no, she’s still not excited about the whole ‘me potentially dying a horrible death’ thing, but I think she realized that I’ll stick with my friends no matter what.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because…I have to, you know? If I have a chance to help save the universe…or even to help my friends with their…” he coughed meaningfully, “issues, I’m going to take it.” He paused, gazing at the sunlight streaming in through the window. “It brings out the best in me, you know? Maybe Mom likes seeing a side of me that’s actually worth something.”
Manuel froze. He hadn’t meant to word it like that. “Anyway,” he muttered, stumbling over his words, “Derek probably isn’t going to stop. If he has the same drive that I do, I mean.” Manuel fidgeted with his Ragnar hat, bending the straw in between his fingers.
Dr. Andrews sighed again, watching him awkwardly mess with strands of straw. “I know. That’s what worries me.”
Manuel let go of his hat, smiling, “Don’t worry, Derek can take care of himself. He’s pretty cool.”
Dr. Andrews returned his smile reluctantly. “I know.”
Suddenly, a loud crash startled the both of them. The door swung open and Derek stumbled into the room, carrying two cups of coffee in his hands. Manuel almost burst out laughing. He hadn’t expected Derek to actually make coffee.
“Hey,” Derek said, setting the cups down on the table. “Did you guys find something to chat about?”
Dr. Andrews and Manuel exchanged a glance.
“Well,” Manuel finally said. “I’m not gonna lie, we were totally talking about you behind your back. All good things, though.”
Derek looked like he was going to faint.
“He’s just being honest,” Dr. Andrews said, unable to hide her grin.
Dungeons and Dragons
“Okay, I have your character sheets ready to go,” Manuel announced as he and Derek passed around several sheets of paper.
I scanned mine quickly with disinterest. “A paladin?”
Manuel tossed some dice onto the table. “Paladins stand against the forces of evil, driven by a sacred oath! You can be acting on the Oath of Vengeance, cause you know, you’re vengeful against people you hate.”
“To these dark knights, their own purity is not as important as delivering justice,” Madness murmured across from me.
Manuel’s face lit up. “Dude, why didn’t you tell me you knew so much about D&D?”
“I don’t,” Madness replied, holding up the Player’s Handbook that he had been reading.
“Ah.” Manuel shrunk back in his seat.
I tried not to fall asleep at the table. Why did I agree to this? Come to think of it, why had any of us agreed to this?
Manuel had all but forced us to participate in some Earth game called Dungeons and Dragons to test out his Dungeon Master skills. Well, at least the title fit- the game itself felt like a dungeon, and Alaura was an actual dragon.
Madness eyed his sheet with visible confusion. “By the way, why am I a druid?”
Manuel shrugged. “I thought you’d like being able to turn into an animal. Besides, druids tend to be more easygoing- kind of hippie like. You know, peaceful.”
Estarria snorted. “His name is literally Madness.”
Manuel met her gaze with a challenging look. “So?’
Madness continued flipping through the Player’s Handbook. “It also says here that druids consider certain plants to be sacred, like various woods. You do understand that I’m made of fire?”
“Just go with it Madness,” I responded. I leaned over to Goldenrod’s seat, trying to force myself to be interested while glancing at her sheet. “A cleric?” I asked.
“I’m a cleric of life. Healing the wounded and driving away the forces of death…or something” Goldenrod responded.
“I like my character!” Alaura chirped next to me. “I’m a sorcerer of the Draconic bloodline, with ancestors in the…gold dragon bloodline?” Her eyes widened. “But Manuel, I’m a purple dragon, remember?”
“I know,” Manuel responded in exasperation, “but there aren’t any purple dragons in D&D, okay?”
“What?” Alaura exclaimed with an affronted look.
I tried not to laugh at Alaura’s expression.
“The royal bloodline has been dominated by purple dragons since the beginning of Dragodalow’s known history! I can’t believe that they wouldn’t mention them!” Alaura glared at me as I failed to hide my laughter. “Don’t make fun of me, Cassidy!”
“Why don’t you take it up with the creators of the game?” Manuel suggested. “Maybe they’ll-”
A frustrated sigh cut Manuel’s words short. “A rogue? Really?” Derek complained. “What part of me screamed ‘criminal’ to you? I’m the only one of you that’s not a criminal!”
Manuel shrugged. “Uh, you can teleport, so you’re good at evasion? Plus, I thought it’d be funny.”
Before Derek could say anything, Estarria let out a high-pitched cackle, causing Manuel to drop his dice.
“You made Derek a rogue?” Estarria practically shrieked. “Yeah, that is pretty funny, considering he’s such a goody-two-shoes!”
Derek paused. “Well,” he said, raising an eyebrow as he glanced at her character sheet, “not all us can fit our characters as well as you can, I guess.”
Estarria’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What are you…” Her voice trailed off as she stared down at her paper. She let out a howl of indignation. “A barbarian?!”
“See?” Derek said, suppressing a grin. “It fits perfectly.”
Manuel nodded earnestly while Goldenrod snickered into her palm.
I leaned over to Estarria. “You’re even a half-orc!”
“You son of a-”
“It’ll be great!” Alaura chimed in. “Everyone will be fighting and suddenly-” Alaura made swinging motions with her hands, “Estarria smash with giant axe!”
Estarria picked up her battle-axe from behind her chair. When had she even put that there? “Well, if you insist!” She shouted, brandishing the axe threateningly.
“Six adventurers are walking down a dirt path,” Manuel interrupted quickly, probably hoping to curb the chaos before it got out of hand. “They see each other and realize that they are going down the same road, which leads to a mysterious seaside village. The town has been mostly deserted, with only a handful of brave fishermen and their families choosing to stay in the ghost town. It appears that all the adventurers have come to this town for the same job.”
“What job is that?” Goldenrod asked.
“There have been a series of murders. One fisherman, Aoth Anskuld, has requested assistance, offering to pay them in gold to find the murderer.”
“How much?” Estarria asked, her eyes narrowed.
“300 gold pieces,” Manuel answered.
“Is that a lot?” Madness murmured.
“Who cares,” I replied.
Alaura, immediately jumping into her role, leaped up out of her seat. “Greetings, fellow travelers! I assume you have also been called in to deal with this series of grisly murders! I am Thria Alaura, the dragonborn!”
“Uh…” Goldenrod responded. “I’m…uh…” she glanced down at her sheet. “Jenny the Halfling.”
“Jenny?” I questioned. “That doesn’t sound very medieval.”
“Neither does Carl,” Madness added.
Derek snickered. “Manuel, why did you name Madness’ character Carl?”
Manuel shrugged. “Why not?” Seeing Derek’s blank gaze, Manuel
continued, “It doesn’t really matter anyway. You can pick your own names! I just wrote down some names as placeholders.”
“What about the fact that you made Madness a gnome?” Alaura questioned.
“Uh…” Manuel glanced uneasily at Madness. “That’s part of his stats now, so I wouldn’t try to change that.”
“Carl the gnome druid,” Goldenrod giggled. “Manuel, what the actual f-” with a quick glance at Alaura, she sputtered “-frick. What the actual frick?”
Seeing that this conversation was going nowhere, I jumped in. “Hi fellow-um-travelers, my name is-” I glanced down at my sheet. “Manuel, there is no way I’m saying that.”
“But it would be cool.”
“No, it wouldn’t be. Plus, I still have an ounce of self-respect left.” I looked back at my character sheet. “I’m Cassidy the Paladin. I’ve taken a sacred oath to get vengeance, or something.”
Derek sighed. “Cassidy, you’re not even trying to sound enthusiastic.”
“That’s because I’m not enthusiastic,” I fired back.
Derek ran his hands down his face with a groan. “If we’re going to play this game, you have to at least try to get into it.”
Alaura spread her wings in excitement, accidentally knocking over Manuel’s DM screen with the tip of her wing. “Greetings, Paladin! I am excited to fight with you!”
I stared at her. “Uh…”
“Let’s see what this adventure has in store for us!” Alaura said proudly, launching her fist in the air. Her other wing accidently swung towards Madness, knocking the Player’s Handbook right out of his fingers.
“Okay,” Derek murmured, “Maybe we shouldn’t get quite that into it.”
Madness looked up at Alaura, completely unfazed. He hadn’t even blinked when the book had been knocked out of his hands.
“I’m Derek the sneak,” Derek said, trying to ignore Manuel as he slid under the table to grab his fallen DM screen.
“I am Carl the gnome druid,” Madness said in a monotone.
“I don’t care who you losers are,” Estarria said gruffly. “Let’s just walk down this stupid path.”
Derek leaned back in his chair. “I may not be a criminal yet, but I have a feeling that I might become one before this night is over…”
Alaura turned to Estarria, this time mercifully staying in her seat. “Ah, a half-orc! Tell me, how do you feel about the blatant discrimination towards your kind in this harsh world?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not how people start a conversation, even in the D&D universe,” I muttered.
“I handle discrimination like I handle all my problems. With my axe,” Estarria responded haughtily.
I caught Derek’s eye. Fits perfectly, he mouthed. I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle my laughter.
“Are you guys ready to continue along the road?” Manuel asked.
I nodded quickly. “Yes.” The sooner this ended, the better.
Manuel readjusted the DM screen in front of him, pulling out a sheet of paper with carefully written notes. “The adventurers continue walking down the beaten path until they come to the seaside village. There is a series of cottages dotting the grassy hills that meet the shoreline. There is also a worn looking tavern and inn, as well as a wooden pier that creaks in the wind. The adventurers, ignoring the curious stares of passing fishermen, walk towards the pier, where Aoth Anskuld is waiting for them. Do you choose to explore the surrounding village, or go immediately towards Aoth?”
“Screw it, let’s get this over with, let’s go to Aoth,” Estarria said.
“I want to explore the town, though,” Alaura protested.
Manuel peered at them from behind his DM screen. “You can do different things, you know. You don’t all have to go to the same place.”
“Okay! I’ll head over to the tavern.” Alaura announced.
Derek sighed. “I guess I’ll go with Uggu the barbarian here.”
“Hey!” Estarria protested.
“I’ll go to the pier too. Someone has to make sure that Uggu and Mr. Criminal here don’t kill the fisherman guy,” I added.
“I think I will go with Alaura,” Madness stated.
Manuel turned to Goldenrod. “Well, that just leaves you, Jenny.”
Goldenrod grimaced. “Um…I’ll go to the pier.”
“Great!” Manuel clapped his hands together. “Now we just need to roll to see whose side of the story we’ll see first.” He handed us each a twenty-sided die. “Okay, now roll!”
I shook my die half-heartedly. It landed on the table with a feeble thud, landing on a pitiful 2.
I glanced at the others’ dice. Goldenrod had landed a 14, Madness a 6, Derek and Estarria both got fives, and Alaura had somehow gotten a 20.
Manuel looked at Alaura’s die incredulously. “Wow. You rolled a natural 20 first throw. Pretty crazy.”
Alaura smiled. “Yep! So now Madness and I get to explore first.”
Estarria groaned. “We’re going to be here all night.”
Manuel grabbed another sheet of notebook paper, reading his notes carefully. “Alaura and Carl enter the tavern and are surprised to see very few people there. In fact, there seems to be two people in the tavern- a human man and a figure in a mysterious red cloak. Do you choose to talk to them, or leave the tavern?”
Alaura turned towards Madness. “We should talk to them.”
Madness nodded.
“Okay,” Manuel continued. “You approach the two figures. They appear to be arguing with each other, before the red cloaked figure storms off to the other side of the bar, leaving only the man. He turns to the adventurers.”
Manuel shifted his voice to sound deeper and more authoritative. “Ah, hello there. What can I do for you?”
“What were you arguing with that red-cloaked figure about?” Madness asked bluntly.
Manuel shrugged. “Nothing worth discussing. What are strange types like you doing in a place like this?”
Alaura smiled brightly. “We’re adventurers. We’re here to investigate a string of murders.”
“Murders?” Manuel asked in a questioning tone. “There have been no murders here. All is well in the village of Ys. Really, you adventurers should run along and look for work somewhere else.”
Manuel started speaking again in a normal voice. “You notice that the man starts to sweat, and his eyes are darting back and forth. The red cloaked figure has slunk out of view.”
“He’s up to something,” Estarria urged. “Kill him now!”
Alaura put her finger to her chin. “Hm… I think I will tell him that we cannot leave town until we find the culprit.”
“Well, you can stop looking. The man gestures to the figure in the red cloak, who has managed to sneak behind you both, brandishing a sharp dagger. The figure lowers his hood, revealing that he is, in fact, a goblin. Five more goblins in cloaks crash in through the windows, holding clubs and daggers. You had your chance to leave, the man says, as he races from the tavern. The goblins continue to surround you.”
“Oh crap,” Derek exclaims. “You really didn’t wait to send things straight to hell, did you, Dungeon Master?”
Manuel grinned. “I figured you guys would be a pretty impatient bunch.” He pulled out a silver die. “Alright, now it’s time for some combat. You need to decide what you’ll do, and then you’ll roll your dice to see if your actions work out. I’ll roll initiative to see if the enemies attack first, or you do.”
While Alaura, Madness, and Manuel rolled dice, I snuck out of the room to grab a glass of Fire Sprite. As my bare feet slid across the tiles in the kitchens, I heard Manuel’s voice exclaim, “Another natural 20? Alaura, you have to be cheating!”
I quickly threw down about a glass’ worth of Fire Sprite and scampered back to the table before the others could get the same idea.
“Cassidy, you’re back!” Goldenrod exclaimed. “I’ll catch you up on what happened!”
“I was gone for like two seco
nds…?” I said uncertainly.
Goldenrod snickered. “Alaura rolled two more natural 20s and murdered a goblin. Oh, and Madness turned himself into a squirrel.”
“Uh…”
“He went to get back-up from the rest of us,” Goldenrod elaborated.
“What even is this game?” I wondered aloud.
“This seems like a good time to check in with the group at the pier,” Manuel said. He cleared his throat, adjusting his DM screen. “Cassidy, Estarria, Derek, and Goldenrod walk up the creaking stairs and go out onto the pier, where Aoth Anskuld is waiting. Hearing your heavy footsteps, he turns around to face you all.” Manuel once again shifted his voice, this time speaking with some horrendous accent.
“Thank god you’re here,” he said in garbled speech. “At last, my prayers have been answered!”
“It’s a set-up!” Estarria howled. “Look at what happened to Alaura’s group! You know what, I’m not listening to any more of this guy’s bullshit!”
“Wait, Estarria, maybe you should listen to the rest of his dialogue fi-” Manuel tried to say before Estarria roughly cut him off.
“I’m going to use my axe to strike him!” Estarria said.
“But-” Manuel protested.
Alaura prodded Manuel with her finger. “Isn’t this game supposed to about the player’s choices?”
Manuel turned towards her. “Yes, but-”
“Doesn’t that mean that you should let her do what she wants?” Alaura asked innocently.
Manuel glanced at the rest of us with a pleading look. When none of us spoke up, he let out a defeated sigh. “Alright, Estarria, roll for combat.”
Estarria grinned maliciously, throwing her die down on the table with vigor. “18,” she said.
Manuel groaned. “Alright, let’s roll to see if Aoth makes a wisdom save.”
“A what?” Goldenrod questioned.
“Basically, to see if he notices Estarria’s aggression in time to get out of the way.”
Manuel tossed his die half-heartedly. “A three,” he muttered. “Goddamn it. Aoth has taken so much damage that he has died on the spot.”
So We're Not Dead, Now What?: The Lightmare Series Page 4