Release

by Brenda Rothert

  Fuck. This conversation was going south fast.

  “We are. I just meant the commitment of living together. And I’m sorry for my rude comment. I didn’t mean to be hurtful.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “I’m just pissed off,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. “I miss you.”

  “I miss you too … and guess where I am?”

  I furrowed my brow and considered. “Where you are? Aren’t you at home?”

  “I’m in your bed. At your mom’s. I came over here to have dinner and play cards with her and she invited me to stay the night.”

  “And you wanted to sleep in my bed?” I smiled as I pictured her there.

  “Of course.”

  “I love you, Samara. So much.”

  “I love you too. And I love that your bed smells like you.”

  I hummed a note of laughter. “Reach under it and you can love my porno stash.”

  “What?”

  “I’m teasing, baby. The only woman I fantasize about is you.”

  “That’s nice to hear,” she said, yawning. I glanced at the clock and saw it was after midnight. She had to be up at five-thirty.

  “You better get to sleep,” I said. “But first tell me you love me again.”

  She’d never said the words until a minute ago. Frustrated as I was, I hoped it was a sign that in time, she’d move in with me.

  “I love you, Orion.” I heard a smile in her sleepy voice. “Like Elizabeth loves Mr. Darcy. Like Cleopatra loves Mark Antony.”

  “You’re so damn sweet, baby. I can’t wait to see you Friday.”

  “Mmm, me too,” she said softly. “Goodnight.”

  “’Night. Sweet dreams.”

  Chapter 12

  Samara

  I held my hand out as I walked across the lobby of Orion’s building, admiring my nails. I’d gotten my first manicure at a downtown salon while he did his pre-game skate. The dark purple shade was pretty and sophisticated.

  It was late Saturday afternoon, and I hadn’t seen much of Orion this weekend. When I’d gotten to his apartment last night, his game in Minnesota had been on TV and I’d watched it. He’d crawled into bed with me at some early hour and we’d snuggled up and both dropped off to sleep quickly.

  We’d gotten in some morning lovemaking and then breakfast at a restaurant near his apartment this morning. Then he’d gone in to the arena for work.

  With an entire afternoon to myself, I’d gotten my hair, makeup and nails done. I still felt a little uncomfortable with the credit card Orion had slid into my hand after breakfast this morning. He’d insisted I spend some money on myself.

  I’d bought one thing I was looking forward to him seeing – a jersey with his team logo on the front and his name on the back. Unlike his actual jerseys, this one actually fit me. I put it on with my favorite jeans and boots and headed to the downtown bar I was meeting Sadie and Kate at.

  “Look how cute you are,” Sadie said when I approached them. She and Kate both hugged me and I sat down at their small table.

  “So how are you guys?” I asked.

  “Well, I’m great, actually,” Kate said, smiling. “I’m nineteen weeks pregnant. Ryke’s telling the team before the game.”

  “Nineteen weeks!” Sadie cried. “Congratulations!”

  I got up to hug her again, congratulating her too.

  “I wondered if some people suspected, since I’ve been having water instead of alcohol every time we go out,” Kate said.

  “We’re all too self-absorbed to notice,” Sadie said, waving a hand. “Everything’s good so far?”

  Kate nodded and looked at me. “I lost my first baby almost halfway through the pregnancy.”

  My heart broke for her. “I’m so sorry. How devastating.”

  “It was. But I delivered a healthy baby after that, and so far things are good with this one.”

  “Ryke must be happy,” I said.

  “He’s thrilled. Our daughter Melody is too. Our baby boy, AJ, is too little to understand.”

  A waitress came and took our drink orders. I went with a soda. After she left, Sadie made us laugh with tales of newlywed life with her Russian. Apparently Niko was a bit of a slob who trimmed his beard and left the hair on the bathroom floor and saw the toilet as a rough guide for where he should aim when peeing.

  “Fortunately he makes up for it in bed,” Sadie said, finishing her glass of wine. “Your turn, Samara. How are things with Orion?”

  “Good. I miss being with him more, but we’re making it work.”

  “Tell me about it,” Kate said. “It’s the life of a hockey wife. Ryke has to be gone for a game on AJ’s birthday.”

  “It has to be harder when you’re married and you have kids,” I said.

  “It’s always hard,” Kate said. “Especially for the women whose men have wandering eyes.”

  Sadie snorted, covering her nose with her hand immediately. “That’s so not Orion, though. He’s completely faithful.”

  “I don’t doubt him at all,” I said. “And that does make it easier.”

  “Niko made a disgusting joke the other day about renaming his asshole Samara so Orion could get some and stop pining for you every minute.”

  I cringed and laughed at the same time. “Please tell him to name his asshole anything but Samara.”

  “It’s really nice to see Orion with a woman who deserves him,” Kate said.

  “You mean someone better than Amy?” I said. They both answered with dirty looks and eye rolls.

  “I disliked her from the first time I met her,” Kate said. “We didn’t see her that much, though. She only came to Chicago maybe once a month.”

  “Really?” I furrowed my brow with surprise. “She’s a teacher with all her weekends free, so that’s funny.”

  Kate met my eyes and gave me a knowing smile. “It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be here. Orion didn’t want her here. He said he needed space.”

  “Oh.” I nodded slowly. “I guess I can see that. Things are still new with us, so that’s probably why he asks me to come every weekend. When they settle down it might be different.”

  “I doubt it,” Kate said. “I knew you were different when he brought you to meet us the first weekend you were here. Ryke met Amy by accident when he ran into her and Orion at a restaurant. Orion always kept her away from his hockey life as much as he could.”

  “She’s not interfering with you guys, is she?” Sadie asked.

  I shrugged. “She was at first, but hopefully she’s over it by now.”

  “She went to school with you guys, didn’t she?” Sadie said. “I bet she was a Mean Girl.”

  “The worst,” I said. “I did everything I could to stay out of her path.”

  “We should get going,” Kate said with a glance at her watch. “You cabbed it here, right Samara?”

  I nodded.

  “Good, you can ride with us. I hope you know we’re here anytime you’re in Chicago. If Orion’s busy with work, you can always call us to hang out. We need to trade phone numbers.”

  “Thanks,” I said. The closest thing I had to a girlfriend in Henley was Liz. And even though Kate and Sadie were rich and sophisticated, they were down to earth. I liked them and hoped to get to know them better.

  The arena was crowded with thousands of hockey fans. My heart pounded with excitement as we took our seats near the ice and waited for the game to start.

  The crowd quieted as the boom of music and flash of lights indicated start time. Kate and Sadie were still talking, but I was mesmerized. Videos and photos were projected onto the ice, and seeing Orion’s face flash by was surreal. The excitement level in the arena was contagious, and it was all I could do not to jump out of my seat.

  When Orion’s name was announced and he skated out, holding his stick in the air in greeting, my heart was in my throat. Pride and excitement swelled within me. It was one thing to see his games on TV, but this was incredible. He turned to head to h
is bench and his eyes flicked up in our direction. I felt like I could melt.

  “Is it normal to be this excited?” I said to Kate, who was next to me.

  She smiled. “Definitely. I still get chills sometimes when Ryke skates out. It’s kind of crazy awesome seeing people cheering like this for my husband. The same guy who wipes our son’s poopy butt and hangs around in boxers at home.”

  I cheered so hard my throat hurt. But the game was so exciting I couldn’t help it. And when Orion scored and pumped his fist in the air, I actually cried a little.

  Kate led me to the spot where she waited for Ryke after games and we stood there together.

  “Mel’s at a slumber party and AJ’s with my mom,” she said. “So we’ll be getting our sexy on tonight with no kid interruptions.”

  “Sounds like fun,” I said. “You still feel like it even though you’re pregnant?”

  She scoffed. “More than ever. I can’t get enough.”

  I was smiling at her comment when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. When I turned, Orion was heading toward us, his boyish grin sending my heart into overdrive.

  He wore a gray suit and a light blue dress shirt with a dark blue tie that matched his eyes. His hair was still damp from a shower. The familiar stir he always caused between my legs came on full force.

  My self-consciousness was forgotten. I ran the last few steps between us and launched myself into him. His laugh vibrated against my chest as he picked me up and kissed me.

  “That was amazing,” I said. “I’ve never seen anything like it. And you … you were amazing. You scored!”

  “I heard,” he said, kissing me again. “You look beautiful. I love seeing you wearing my number.”

  “Are you sure it’s yours?” I asked, arching my brows. “You’ve only seen the front.”

  He tightened his hold on my ass. “It better be.”

  “It is. Can we go back to your place now?”

  “Yeah.” He lowered me to the ground and laced his fingers through mine. “Let’s go.”

  “Can we do a quick dinner?” I asked.

  He looked over at me and winked. “Eager?”

  My cheeks warmed. “Yes. Seeing you play got me kind of worked up.”

  “We can order in.”

  “Even better.”

  We talked on the drive home, but the words were just a distraction for my body. I wanted Orion more than I ever had before. His freshly fallen leaves smell and the cut of his arms through his dress shirt were doing things to me.

  When we’d parked and walked into his building, he pulled my hand up to his lips as we strolled across the lobby.

  “I like this,” he said, kissing my fingers. “Your nails.”

  “Really? They aren’t too dark?”

  “It’s pretty. So is your hair. You always look pretty, but tonight you’re just kinda glowing.”

  I smiled. “It’s the hockey effect. I am really in the mood right now.”

  We stepped onto the elevator and he smirked at me. “In the mood for what?”

  “You.” I pressed myself against him, backing him into the wall. He groaned with surprise and arousal and ran his hands into my hair, kissing me with all the passion I was feeling.

  The elevator ride was fast, and once again we groped and kissed our way out the doors and into his apartment. We tugged and pulled at each other’s clothes, leaving a trail from the door to the bedroom.

  I pressed my hands to Orion’s bare chest and nudged him toward the bed.

  “Mmm, you want on top?” he said.

  “Yes.” I grabbed the box of condoms on the nightstand and ripped one off. I rolled it onto him and straddled his hips, my body at a point of aching for him.

  He groaned loudly as I sank onto him, and I felt like I could come right then. But I steadied myself and rode him, loving the feel of his powerful body beneath me. He cupped my breasts and held my hips, letting me set the pace.

  It wasn’t long until I threw my head back and cried out his name, coming so hard I was glad his hands were there to keep me upright.

  “Fuck yeah,” he said, pushing my hips down and burying himself further. Another shockwave hit and I moaned incomprehensively.

  He held my hips and drove himself up into me for a minute, his deep grunts sending fresh waves of arousal through me. He was so strong, his powerful hips and arms helping him pound into me over and over. When he came with a long, guttural groan, I felt a sense of euphoria. My body, imperfect as I’d thought it was, was perfectly made to please him.

  When I moved to curl up next to him, he turned to me, breathing hard. “I want you at my next home game. Please.”

  I laughed. “I think that’s Wednesday night, so I’m not sure if I can do it.”

  “I’ve never had sex like that,” he said. “You were incredible. You are incredible.”

  “So are you. Since we only get one night together this weekend, we have to make tonight extra hot, and I think we’re off to a good start.”

  He sighed deeply and reached over to tuck my hair behind my ear.

  “I don’t know how to do this,” he said. “It’s fucking hard.”

  “Do what?”

  “Only see you on weekends.”

  “But … this isn’t your first long-distance relationship.”

  The corners of his mouth turned down slightly. “What we have is a first for me. I don’t feel as good when you’re not here. I don’t sleep as well. The apartment’s too quiet. I know this sounds crazy because we haven’t been together all that long, but … I’m a lot happier when you’re part of my day. Even if it’s just a small part.”

  I reached over to his hair and stroked my fingertips through it. “Me too.”

  “Please tell me what’s holding you back from moving in with me. If it’s honestly the job thing, I’ll help you get a job here. It’s an easy thing. Don’t let that be the reason.”

  “That’s part of it,” I said. “But it’s also … it’s hard to explain.”

  “Try.”

  I took a deep breath and let it out, considering. “I promised when I got away from Matt that I’d never be codependent again. When I moved back to Henley, it was the first time I felt okay being alone. I spent so much time trying to make up for never being adopted and I felt so free when that cycle was broken.”

  “Loving someone and wanting to be with them doesn’t make you codependent.”

  “I know.” I stroked a fingertip across his bearded cheek. “And I know that what we have is healthy. It’s just …”

  “What? Samara, level with me. I don’t like feeling like a fool in love with someone who isn’t sure they feel the same way.”

  I scrunched my face at him. “That’s not fair. You’re questioning my feelings for you because I’m afraid to move here?”

  “But why are you afraid? I told you, whatever your dreams are, you can reach them here. School, work, anything. Become a chef. Or a teacher. Or a dog walker. For fuck’s sake, you can do anything you want. You’ve got a rich boyfriend who’ll do anything to make you happy.”

  I turned onto my back, staring up at the dark ceiling. “That’s the thing, Orion. My dream would probably surprise you. I’m not sure I’m the kind of woman you want.”

  “What’s that mean?” He put his fingertips on my cheek and turned my face toward him. He was leaning on an elbow and staring down into my eyes. “Stop being so fucking cryptic and talk to me.”

  “My dream is to be a wife and mother. That’s it. I don’t particularly care about finishing school. I work because I need the money, although I enjoy what I do.”

  “And you didn’t feel like it was safe to tell me that’s your dream?”

  I tried to look away again, but his fingers were still there, and he held my cheek in place.

  “It’s not something I felt like I should say so early on. I don’t want to move here with expectations, but I don’t want to move here without them. I know that’s crazy.”

 
His fingertip made its way down to my jaw line.

  “It’s not crazy. Are you saying you want to know I’m serious enough for marriage and kids? I am.”

  I felt something inside me that I could have sworn was my womb clenching. It was creepy, so I decided to forget it ever happened.

  “But wanting to get married and have children in an abstract way is different than being there with the person you’re with. It’s too early for you to know if you want it with me.”

  His face crumpled a little. “I don’t know about that. Are you saying you want those things but you don’t know yet if you want them with me?”

  “No, I’m not saying that.”

  His fingertip was on my lips now, tracing softly over one and then the other. “You are really fucking obtuse sometimes, Samara.”

  I smiled. “It’s just that things are really good with us. It’s the first really good thing I’ve ever had.”

  “And you don’t want to jinx it?”

  “Right.”

  “I can see myself marrying you and having kids with you,” he said.

  My heart pounded as his words sank in. “Really? Even though it hasn’t even been four months yet? And I have no idea how to be a good mother? And I have no career ambitions at all?”

  He hummed his amusement. “I’ll take those one at a time. I wouldn’t have asked you to move in with me if I wasn’t very serious about us. I’ve never lived with anyone except teammates. You’re going to be a great mother. And why would career ambitions matter to me?”

  “Because your friends’ wives have great careers. A counselor who helps people, a hockey trainer and a writer? Your mom works, too. And I only want to have babies and take care of them and make them cookies.”

  “Samara, I love you. If you want to work, great. And if not, great. I know why your dream is to have babies and take care of them.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you want what you never had.”

  His words made me swallow hard with realization. I’d never thought of it that way, but he was right.

  “I’m not saying I want it anytime soon,” I said. “I just wanted to be honest with you that going to school or starting a business doesn’t really appeal to me.”